Gravity: A Country Romance

by Shayne McClendon

  “Jo…”

  “After this, I don’t ever want to talk about it again. Not ever.” There was a long pause as she looked out over the yard and the fields beyond. She took time to gather her thoughts. “Donna used to get blackouts from the alcohol. Sometimes things would just disappear…or come back at random.”

  She looked at Holden and the skin around his mouth and eyes was tight with tension.

  “A few days ago, she remembered you. The memory was suddenly there and she cried because she realized I knew. She felt ashamed and it was something she normally didn’t show.” Breathing deeply, she stared down at her lap.

  “She said you weren’t like the others…the m-men she was usually with.” Jo reached out and wrapped her fingers around Holden’s and he gripped her hand hard. “She said you were careful, that you held her after, and you treated her like a person.”

  There were tears in his voice when he whispered, “She told me no one ever hugged her, no one was ever kind to her except her little girl. I explained that I wouldn’t be back and apologized for using her while I imagined someone else.”

  She nodded. “Mama said that if a man treated a common whore so gently and with so much respect that he was worthy of my love.”

  Holden stroked his palm over her hair. “I can never take back what happened but I don’t want you to think that’s a regular thing for me. It’s a sorry excuse but…I’d been alone for a long time.”

  “I haven’t met many good men, Holden. I judged you harshly, without knowing you as a person, and I had no right.”

  “You gave me the chance to be your friend. Most women wouldn’t have, Jo.”

  They sat quietly, simply soaking up the silence for a long time.

  She voiced her biggest fear. “I don’t want to give in because I’m alone now. I don’t want to use you to fill the void.” Meeting his eyes, she added quietly, “Now that I know about the twins, I want to be sure you’re not doing that either.”

  “I do understand. You want to be sure I’m not thinking of you as a replacement mom.”

  “We’ve known each other for a long while now. We’ve talked about so much. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about them.” She tilted her head. “You should have been proud to tell me about your daughters.”

  He shook his head. “I come with baggage. Maybe more than you want or need in your life. My reasons for wanting you are completely selfish. I won’t lie, watching you with Abby and Andy added another dimension to how bad I want you.”

  She reached out and brushed his hair off his forehead. “I’m not immune to you, Holden. I’m just afraid and a little confused. So much has happened.”

  He turned his face and kissed her palm. “I never want you to be afraid again, especially not of me. That would kill me, Jo.” His voice lowered. “I want you on so many levels. I want to wake up with you, go to sleep with you, and make love to you. I think about making you happier than you’ve ever been, hearing you laugh, and having long conversations about everything and nothing.”

  The green of his eyes on her face was like a physical touch. “I want to give you lots and lots of windows – so you can see all the beauty you’ve been denied, JoEllen.”

  Chapter Nine

  Holden cupped the back of her neck and tugged Jo toward him.

  His lips curved in a small smile an instant before he kissed her. He sucked gently at her full lower lip and she gasped at the sensation, opening for him as his tongue licked inside to tangle with hers.

  He made love to her mouth until she was breathless. When he pulled back, the look on her face made him want to lock them in his bedroom for a week.

  “I knew your kiss would lay be open.” She closed her eyes and sighed. “I’ve been fighting you hard, done everything in my power to resist the draw I feel to you.”

  “Don’t fight me anymore, Jo. You’ll always be safe with me.”

  “In the last twelve hours, you took care of me in ways no one ever did before.” She glanced off in the distance. “Finding out about your girls…it broke another piece of my wall down. I love children.”

  Raising her face, she met his eyes despite how hard it was. “I was…hurt when I was little, younger than your girls. It caused a lot of damage inside me. I can never have kids of my own, Holden.”

  He lifted her up and into his lap, startling a gasp from her lips. He positioned her back to the house. “Jo, someone hurt you sexually when you were little?”

  “I walked in on my mama when she had company. The guy was really big and loud. He scared me so bad that I wet myself. For some reason, it made him furious. He went nuts and held me down on the kitchen floor while my mother was screaming and beating at him. He shoved a wooden spoon…inside me. I woke up in the hospital.”

  She shook violently in Holden’s arms. “There were times I hated her and others that I loved her more than myself. I’m ashamed of the relief I feel that the chaos is over.”

  Jo cried painfully hard for a long time and he held her tight, rocking her gently.

  “We’re going to get through the next few days or weeks or months together. When you feel better, when you’re strong again, maybe you’ll let me love you. I won’t hurt you, Jo. I’ll always keep you safe.”

  When her tears ran their course, they sat quietly as he stroked her back. After a long time, he murmured, “I know it’s too soon to ask you to move in but what about staying in the apartment over the garage?”

  “What?” She sat up to look at him and he wiped her face with his fingers.

  “Cook three nights a week and we’ll call it even. I need to know you’re in a safe place. I want to show you that there are no expectations or pressure, Jo.”

  “You want me to live here on your property?”

  He nodded. “Your own space. Safe…and close. I won’t push you or make you feel weird.” Holden tilted her chin up and kissed her again as her hand dropped over his forearm and petted him gently.

  After a while, he pulled back and rubbed their noses together. “Jo, I need to ask you a very personal question. Please don’t be embarrassed…”

  “No, I never have.”

  Every muscle in his body tensed as his eyes bored into hers. “I knew it.” One hand moved to the back of her head and tightened as he positioned his body to block her from view of the others. “I want you to be mine, Jo.”

  * * * * *

  The kiss Holden delivered marked her…claimed her.

  Jo clutched his shoulder as her insides threatened to vibrate out of her body. He slowed it down, gently thrusting his tongue in and out of her mouth until she felt dizzy.

  Holden rested his head against hers, breathing in the scent of her hair. “You always smell like apples and vanilla. I love that.”

  He stroked one fingertip down the center of her torso from the hollow at the base of her throat to the waist of her jeans. Back and forth, he traced above the denim over her low abdomen. The way it felt as he touched her, being so close to him, took her control.

  Jo whimpered, squeezed her thighs together, and Holden lifted his face to stare down at her. Her eyes felt too heavy and she pulled her lower lip between her teeth, her entire body trembling.

  “Jo…did you just come for me?” The hoarseness of his voice broadcasted his need.

  Her face went hot and she nodded.

  “Did it feel good?” She nodded again slowly. He kissed her thoroughly and lifted her into a sitting position on his thighs. “I will never push you, never rush you. When and if you’re ready, you let me know. Alright?”

  Jo wrapped her arms around his shoulders and buried her face at his neck. They sat like that, quietly, until Sadie touched his back to get his attention. Her lids lifted as she realized she’d almost fallen asleep in his arms.

  His mother smiled. “I have the kids down for a nap. You need to go to the hospital and the funeral home before it gets too late. I’ll make dinner and have it ready when you get back.” Looking at Jo, she added, “You’ve ha
d it real rough, honey but Holden is man enough to help you fix whatever needs fixing. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need.”

  She nodded and he carefully scooted to the edge of the trampoline. Dropping lightly to the grass, he waited for her to get her shoes on while he did the same.

  “I need to grab my wallet,” she told him quietly. Nodding, he led her inside and she sat on the edge of his bed to brush her hair and quickly braid it again.

  Sitting beside her, he whispered, “We’ll get our errands done while the twins are asleep.” He watched her tap her toes against the carpet several times. “What are you doing?” She heard the humor in his voice.

  With a grin, she replied, “It’s so high. Off the floor, I mean.” A pained expression crossed his face and she tilted her head. “I bet you’re wondering what else you take for granted, huh?”

  He nodded and she stroked the side of his face with the back of her knuckles. “My life made me who I am, Holden. Your life made you into the man you are. We took totally different paths to the same place. Isn’t that interesting?”

  “You never cease to amaze me, Jo. I like the woman you are very much.” He leaned close and kissed her temple. “We’ll go whenever you’re ready.”

  She stood with a shrug. “I’m pretty low maintenance. Ready when you are.”

  He blinked. “Wow. You aren’t kidding.” Then he took her hand and they walked down the hall. At the last door, he paused and pushed it open.

  Her breath caught at the bedroom his daughters shared. It was filled with light and color, flowers and dolls, photos and drawings tacked up on the wall. The curtains on the windows were sheer stripes in pink, purple, blue, and green. It made the entire room look like the inside of a jewelry box.

  Abigail and Andrea slept soundly on matching twin beds made of delicate white metal. “They’re jumped out.” He looked down with a grin. “No one ever really plays with them like you did today. Thank goodness they’ve had each other.” Gesturing to the room, he asked, “Do you like it?” She nodded. “Mom designed it for them.”

  “I’ve never seen so much stuff. I might go in and never come out.”

  He chuckled and closed the door quietly. “Don’t worry…I’d definitely bring you out.” Then he kissed the top of her head.

  They found Sadie and Keith in the bright kitchen. She was cutting fruit and gave Jo a big smile when she saw her.

  “I love that you’re talking to the girls about eating healthier, Jo. All of us have tried and failed miserably. Carrie used to feed them fast food or anything she didn’t have to cook. It’s been hard to wean them off.”

  “Kids like to eat what tastes good. You can make burgers and cut the fat by replacing some of the beef with turkey. I make shakes and use yogurt instead of ice cream. French fries that are baked not fried. Little changes they might notice but won’t mind.”

  Sadie paused in her cutting. “You like to cook?” She nodded. “Go get your errands done and we’ll get the apartment all cleaned out for you.”

  Jo’s eyes widened in surprise.

  “You just lost your mother and your home is a crime scene. You are not staying in any motel and you have too much data flying at you right now to make relationship choices. I figure the apartment over the garage is a safe bet until you get your feet under you.”

  “I…okay.”

  “Good answer. We’ll see you two when you get back.”

  Holden took her hand and grabbed his keys off a hook. In the garage, he opened her door for her and closed it when she was inside.

  As he started the engine and backed onto the driveway, Jo asked in a whisper, “I have to identify her body for the coroner, don’t I?”

  He nodded and picked up her hand. “It’s going to be okay. I’ll be with you, Jo.”

  She said nothing during the drive but appreciated that he held her hand. At the hospital, he found a space to park and led her to the main entrance where they were directed to the morgue. Jo walked woodenly; following the directions Holden gave her.

  The attendant in the basement space greeted her gently. “I’m sorry for your loss, miss. If you’ll follow me, I’ll try to make this as painless as possible for you.”

  She managed to murmur her thanks and walked behind him to a chilly room where her mother was clearly outlined beneath a white sheet. Holding her breath, she watched the middle-aged man carefully pull back the covering to expose Donna’s face.

  A whimper of pain escaped and Holden wrapped his arm around her shoulder. “Jo, it’s alright. All her troubles are over and she’s at peace now.”

  Stepping forward, she ran the back of her fingers over the same blonde hair that was a shade darker than her own. She took a moment to remember every feature. Despite the alcohol, her mother had always been lovely.

  Unlike most of the world, she didn’t have a cell phone and Donna had never owned a camera. One of Jo’s teachers had taken the long-ago photo of them at the fair and it truly was one of a small handful that existed.

  “May I…I have a lock of her hair please? From the back? She wouldn’t want anyone to be able to see it.” The man nodded solemnly and went to get scissors. Jo bent to whisper at her ear, “Mama, I hope you made the trip okay. That you weren’t afraid. You look peaceful, like you’re sleeping.”

  Leaning closer, she ignored the tears that slipped over her cheeks. “I love you and I’m sorry this life was so hard for you. I hope you’re happier in your next one. That you’re treated gently and kindly by everyone you meet. That you laugh all the time and find someone who loves you just right. You deserve to be loved, Mama.” She kissed Donna’s forehead and her legs gave way as she stepped back.

  Holden caught and held her close. “It’s alright. I’ve got you.”

  The technician returned, tied a small piece of string around a long lock of Donna’s hair, then cut the section and placed it in an envelope.

  Holden took it with a nod before guiding Jo out of the morgue, through the hospital, and back to his truck. Inside, she bent in half and cried hard. Her tears were more for Donna than herself.

  A warm palm settled on her back, rubbing back and forth in comfort.

  “She was so young. When she had me, when so many things went wrong for her, when she died. I tried to be strong for her, tried to help her, but I failed.”

  “You didn’t fail, Jo. You loved her unconditionally and took care of her. The last words she heard were from her daughter – her only family – telling her that she was loved and forgiven for her mistakes.” Reaching into the glove compartment, he removed napkins and handed them to her with a smile. “I’d say you were a complete success as a human being and as a daughter.”

  He wiped her face and she gave him a half-smile. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome, pretty girl. Two more errands and then the worst is over.”

  At the funeral home, Holden outlined her wishes to the owner exactly as she’d stated them. When she was given an overall price, she pulled the cash from her pocket and counted out a bit more than half of it.

  The funeral director was a lovely older woman. “I’ll have her ready in three days, Miss Astor. We’re deeply sorry for your loss.”

  “Thank you for your help.”

  Holden took her to lunch before driving her over to her mother’s place in the trailer park. He nearly lost it when he realized neighbors were already laying claim to the stuff in their front yard.

  “It happens all the time. I’m not surprised,” she told him sadly. “I have to get the last few personal things out of the house before they start taking appliances. I need to list it for sale once the police clear it.”

  Removing his cell phone, he called the officer from the night before. He explained the situation and told him what Jo wanted to do. After less than a minute, he hung up.

  “He’s on his way. They want to do one more series of photos then they’ll release it.”

  Next, he called a specialty cleaning service and a moving company. The
y would come in, box up everything, and put it in storage until she was ready to go through it.

  Jo listened as Holden took care of things she hadn’t thought about, like mail and the utility companies.

  The police arrived, took the photos they needed, and removed the crime scene tape. She took the card of the lead officer so she could get updates on the search for her mother’s killer. Then they were gone and it was time for her to go inside.

  Standing on the porch, she hesitated.

  “A couple of my guys will come in once the place is empty to replace the carpeting and any other damaged areas before painting it to sell.” JoEllen nodded but didn’t know what to say. “Let’s get this done, honey. Then you can rest.”

  * * * * *

  By the time Holden helped her pack two boxes of things she wanted from the entire house, Jo was swaying on her feet. He loaded them in his truck and returned to get her. She settled against the back of the seat and he watched as she fell into an exhausted slumber within seconds.

  The towing company pulled in beside them. Holden wanted her truck towed to his house so she had access to it and to make sure it wasn’t stripped.

  When he was certain all the doors and windows of the little house were locked, he opened the door to Jo’s little closet. He stood there for a long moment before taking out his phone. He took several photos to remind himself what Jo came from and how she’d survived.

  With a deep breath, he locked the front door and returned to his truck. A few minutes later, the tow truck driver gave the all clear and Holden led the way to his house.

  Every cell in his body hoped Jo would never leave once he got her there.

  Chapter Ten

  Jo would never forget how Holden and his family – including the twins – helped her through the loss of her mom.

  A week after picking up Donna’s ashes from the funeral home, she took it to the church the Mayes family belonged to and the preacher gave a small memorial service.