Junk

by Komal Kant

  Desire overcame me—desire that I thought I had lost years ago.

  The walls inside me came crashing down. Here, in this moment, it was Wade and me, and I wanted him more than I could ever convey with words.

  Casting all thoughts aside, I reached for him, and he reached for me, his fingers digging into my thighs, cupping the soft skin of my ass, pulling me close.

  “Tell me how much you want me, Blair,” Wade murmured, his breath warm against my neck as he buried his neck into my flesh.

  “I-I want you,” I gasped, my nails digging into his back as I clung onto him, the desire between my legs growing.

  Wade was sucking on my neck with a wild urgency. The lust and hate and rage was gone. Now, we were just two people from two different worlds finding each other.

  His strumming fingers brought me to my peak, and I let out an unearthly moan that normally would have mortified me, but that I didn’t care about right now.

  Released. Escaping. Whole. Torn. Together, again.

  I was breathless, tingling, elated as my body tingled from his touch. I couldn’t deny it. When Wade touched me, a fire burned in his eyes.

  When he touched me, I came alive.

  Blair was like silk sliding through my fingers.

  As though her body was made for me.

  As though we had waited years to experience this feeling.

  Maybe it was fate, or maybe it was just my drunk thoughts making me believe that somehow this was destined.

  Fate. Destiny. I didn’t believe in that shit. But this—this was more than just coincidence. This was one of those moments in life that felt too deliberate to be random.

  I gazed down at Blair; her raven hair was spread across the bed, fanning her gorgeous face as she caught her breath.

  God, she was so fucking beautiful.

  Those tits.

  Those amazing curves.

  The way her face seemed to glow as my fingers touched her in all the rights places.

  My eyes dropped to her neck, where the skin was red and blotchy. Shit.

  “Did I hurt you?” I asked, leaning over to take a closer look. I’d been so consumed with having her body against mine that I’d lost myself for a second. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think.”

  Blair shook her head, brushing her fingers against her neck. “No, I’m fine. I just-” A smile crept onto her face, intoxication dancing in her eyes as she reached out and grazed her fingers against my cheek. “Don’t stop, Wade. Please.”

  Satisfied, I lowered my head and placed a soft kiss on her lips.

  “You have no idea what I’m about to do to you, Blair Fonseka.”

  Blair let out a gasp as I spread her legs apart. The ache had been growing inside of me, and now it was my turn for some relief.

  A surge of lightning roared through me. In a split second, my mouth covered Blair’s as her fingers grasped a hold of my beard and then twisted into my hair.

  When I pushed deep into her, her eyes widened, her delicate fingers digging deep into my back. I groaned into her chest, pulling a nipple into my mouth again and sucking on it.

  Blair pushed against me, wrapping her legs around me and pulling me closer. My heart pounded as I pounded into her. She writhed and shuddered beneath me with each thrust, clinging onto any part of me that she could reach.

  “You feel so fucking amazing, Blair,” I groaned against her skin, pushing deeper until she released a moan so primal that I was worried I was hurting her.

  “Don’t stop, don’t stop!” she gasped against me, clutching at my hair.

  A tremor ran through me. It’d been so long since I’d done this, it was hard to control myself, but I needed to make this last. I wanted to make it last, to savor the feeling of this beautiful woman against me.

  Blair lifted her head, her dark eyes burning into mine. She kissed the scruff of my jaw, sending shivers skating through my core.

  In that moment, we connected. We connected more than just two randoms banging in a crappy motel room. We connected because we were both just as lonely as the other.

  Tomorrow, maybe, each breath would be filled with regret, but for now, it was everything we both needed.

  Not able to contain myself further, I pushed deep into Blair with a final, hard thrust. Warmth and liquid gold burst inside of me, and I pulled out of her just in time. My heart was clamoring in my throat as I stared over at Blair, whose chest heaved as she caught her breath.

  “That. Was. Incredible,” was all she said before her tired eyes fell shut and didn’t open again.

  Damn. That had taken everything out of me, and clearly her, too.

  A smile was on Blair’s face as her chest rose and fell. I reached for the sheets and covered her with them, grazing the dark locks of hair off her face. She looked content, peaceful, happy. The woman who’d brought the opposite into my life was now making me see her in a different light.

  What was happening?

  As I collapsed beside her, exhausted, letting my body settle after the energy I had expended, it was starting to dawn on me what had happened between the two of us.

  It shouldn’t have happened, but it had. There was no turning back. I had to admit, it had been every bit as good as I remembered sex being.

  Even if it had been with Blair. Maybe it being with Blair was what made it just that little bit good. Because as hard as I’d tried to keep my distance from her, to ward her from me, she’d managed to end up being right by my side.

  And just as my lids couldn’t hold themselves open any longer, a liberating thought wormed itself into my dreams.

  Anything could be forgiven.

  I HAD ROYALLY FUCKED UP.

  There was no other way to describe the anxiety that beat at my chest when I woke up naked next to Blair the next morning. Underneath the sheets, I could feel she was naked too, her body smooth silk against mine.

  Lust stirred inside me.

  It took every ounce of my self-restraint not to pull her on top of me and take her first thing in the morning. Or maybe this time, she’d be on top…

  Stop it, you stupid fuck. That’s what got you in this position in the first place.

  What had made me lose control like that? Too many beers? Or was it as simple as my desire to sleep with her? There was no blaming it on the alcohol; it had been all me.

  I had literally slept with the enemy and I couldn’t wait to do it again.

  Sliding out of bed, I grabbed my strewn clothes off the stained motel floor and got dressed at an unparalleled speed. Blair’s clothes were entangled with mine, and I took the few extra seconds to gather them all and fold each item and set them on the bedside table for her.

  Once I made it into the bathroom, I studied myself in the mirror. A stranger stared back. Bearded, longish brown hair a mess, lines on my face that had been neglected for years.

  I had sacrificed everything to live a reclusive life, but Blair had been one of the reasons why I’d had to make these sacrifices in the first place, and she didn’t even know it.

  In a moment of weakness, I had thrown away my self-respect and been charmed by a few sweet words and confessions from Blair, just to feel a woman’s touch again. It was incredible how years of being miserable hadn’t changed my moronic decision-making skills.

  And yet—I caught the gleam of blue in my gaze. A hope was burning in them. Blair was not the woman I expected her to be. Underneath her prissy, uptight cover was a woman who was hurting just as much as I was. A woman who had brought me relief after all these years. Who both excited and aggravated me. Who made me want to push her away and pull her close all in the same breath.

  Mixed messages, much?

  It was too much to process this early in the morning. I needed to put distance between us until I cleared my head. I would pick up the parts we had come all this way for and let Blair sleep until then.

  Pushing open the bathroom door, I walked back into the room and found her deep asleep. Grabbing my wallet, phone, and keys, I studied Blair
’s peaceful face before tiptoeing to the front door.

  Blair stirred as I pulled the door open, but when I glanced back, she was still heavy with sleep.

  The same heaviness that was sinking into my chest as I left her.

  When I woke up, Wade was nowhere to be found.

  Waking up naked with no one beside me was pretty humiliating for many reasons, but mostly because it was hitting me as clearly as the pounding in my head that I had slept with Bearded Jerk.

  Bearded Jerk and I had had sex.

  Sexual intercourse. With him. Had I lost all my freaking mind?

  The events of the previous night came rushing back to me. Wade on top of me, his mouth on mine, his tongue doing unspeakable things, quenching the feelings of desire that had grown for him in the week since I’d met him.

  Finally giving in to those urges had been satisfying, but waking up with him gone was like a cold shower of reality.

  Maybe it had meant nothing to him. That would explain his absence.

  My wounded pride wouldn’t let me text or call him. Instead, I climbed out of bed and located my missing items of clothing. Strangely enough, they were folded neatly, sitting on the bedside table.

  Wade had done that, I knew he had.

  A flicker of warmth ignited inside me. He cared at least to do that. Maybe he’d run out for coffee or breakfast. I was overreacting for no reason.

  My thoughts surged through my head at a rapid pace as I headed into the bathroom to get dressed and clean up. That’s when my eyes connected with the dark mark on my neck in the mirror.

  Oh, my crap.

  A hickey! I had a hickey! What the frick?

  Grabbing my hair, I swept it to the side of my neck in an attempt to cover it up. Now, I just looked plain stupid with my hairy scarf.

  Great. Without any makeup, I didn’t have any other option than to look like a budding Sasquatch.

  Groaning, I threw on my gross, two-day clothes and headed out of the bathroom to retrieve my phone.

  There was a message from Wade on the screen. My heart sped up a beat at the sight of his name.

  Ugh, get it together, Blair. This wasn’t some fairytale story. I had literally just hooked up with my mortal enemy in a motel room. Not my finest decision to date.

  I got the parts. Come outside.

  Finally! Something had gone right! Now we could head back to Pine Bluffs, I could take a shower and change, and Wade could fix my car.

  Be out in a sec

  Once the message sent, I slipped into the lime green crocs and headed out the door, making my way down the eerily lit hallway and past the front desk where the shady owner gave me a rotting grin.

  Yikes. I couldn’t power walk fast enough out of there.

  Music leaked out of Wade’s truck as I approached it, but it wasn’t until I pulled open the door that I realized what was playing.

  “Are you listening to Wiz Khalifa?” I asked incredulously, getting into the seat and pulling the door closed.

  Wade glanced my way, his eyes landing on my neck, and a heat wave rushed through me. He was so gorgeous, and I was hopelessly lusting after him, even more now that he’d, well, rocked my world last night.

  Get it together, woman!

  “Do you have a problem with the Wiz?” he asked, fixing me with a steady gaze that made my skin swelter.

  It was just this weather, nothing else. Not him.

  “No…” I stared around, trying to suppress a laugh. “I just thought you’d be listening to something about banjoes and pick-up trucks.”

  “You think we all listen to songs about banjoes and pick-up trucks?” He cocked a brow at me, appearing amused.

  I fought a smile, shrugging a shoulder. “Or maybe about huntin’.”

  “You’re doing a lot of stereotyping there, Goochee,” he said, that smile still on his face. He opened his mouth to say more, but as his eyes swam over my face, that smile changed into a frown. “Anyway, I got the parts I needed, so let’s get out of here.”

  Wade’s abruptness shook me out of my flirtatious mood. Apparently, any semblance of affection that had taken place between us last night was gone.

  “Uh, okay, good,” I returned, my mood plummeting at his behavior.

  “I picked up a bagel for you,” he said, turning his eyes on the road and pulling away from the motel parking lot. “Back seat.”

  “Thanks,” I said, realizing how hungry I was. “You can deduct it from my bill.”

  Wade didn’t say anything. In fact, he didn’t say anything the entire time I sat there, trying not to stuff the carbylicious goodness with cream cheese in my mouth in one breath.

  Actually, make it more like two hours of him not saying anything. Nothing. Not a single thing about, oh, I don’t know, freaking having sex with me the night before.

  It took me a couple of hours into the drive before I mustered up the courage to speak. I had seen Wade pissed off before, but nothing came close to rivaling the anger that lined his face at this moment.

  Had my comment been that terrible?

  “Are we going to act like last night didn’t happen?” I finally asked, when I couldn’t take it anymore.

  I wasn’t exactly known for holding my tongue, especially when it came to Wade.

  “Which part?” He didn’t even bother to glance my way, which infuriated me even more.

  Sure, he was driving, but a single glance wouldn’t have killed him.

  “Um, the part where we slept together.” I said it like he was an idiot, which he was. A major fricken’ idiot.

  There was silence that was way too drawn out for my liking. In that silence, a vein twitched in Wade’s neck, like he was doing his best to keep his emotions under control. His handsome face was always inscrutable under his beard, but today, agitation hung over him like a dark smog.

  “We fucked, Blair.” This time, he turned his head just enough to fix me with an icy expression. “It didn’t mean anything.”

  The air was knocked right out of my lungs.

  He hadn’t just said that, had he? Not after what we’d shared last night. How could he feel that way?

  I almost wanted to protest. To call him out on his lie. But I didn’t.

  Wade’s words had hurt too much. His coldness hurt. I didn’t expect us to become a couple that did lovey-dovey things and go on picnics and moonlit strolls, but I had expected more than this. A lot more.

  Whatever his reasons, I deserved better.

  The silence was stretching on.

  Say something, say something. Don’t let him think he got to you.

  “I’m glad it didn’t.” I turned away, gritting my teeth as I stared out the window at my forlorn reflection. “Because I’ll be out of this damn town soon and you’ll be nothing but a vague figure in my rearview mirror.”

  For a second, I thought I glimpsed a flash of emotion on Wade’s face, but when I blinked, it was gone, just like the connection we’d made last night.

  I was an asshole.

  I knew it. Blair knew it. The world knew it.

  But the truth was, I was scared. I was scared we were starting to like each other too much. That I was starting to like her too much.

  She made me smile when I didn’t think I was capable of smiling anymore. She made me laugh when that sound had been buried long ago inside me.

  And because it was her, it made it even worse than if I had just given in to Krystle in a moment of weakness.

  The woman who haunted me from my past was real. It was a matter of time before the truth came out and everything between us, all the feelings from last night, went to hell.

  It was better I didn’t admit to her that last night had been everything my battered soul needed. That being with her had made the broken pieces of my being start to mend together.

  It was better she hated me.

  It was better she left.

  The second we pulled up outside my house, Blair got out, slammed the door, and stormed over to her mom’s SUV, silent
ly fuming. She got in without a backward glance, her curtain of dark hair conveniently covering the emotions on her face.

  Letting her go was agony, but it was for the best.

  Every fiber of my being wanted to stop her, so it was for the best that I was quickly distracted by my phone vibrating in my pocket.

  When I pulled it out, it was someone I couldn’t ignore.

  Iris. She was calling sooner than I expected and I had a sinking feeling I knew exactly why.

  “Hey, Riss.” I got out of the truck and leaned against the door, trying to calm my thoughts.

  The midday sun was beating down on me, causing an uncomfortable prickling sensation on my skin. I should’ve been used to it by now, but that didn’t mean I liked it. The towering metal scraps in the junk yard glinted as the sun caught them, casting strange shapes across the ground.

  Somehow, all this weird was my safe place.

  “Hi.” Iris’ voice was cool, detached.

  “What’s goin’ on?” I asked, sensing tension in that single greeting.

  “I got the divorce papers today.” There was a rustling sound in the background, and I imagined she was leafing through them. “So, you’re trying to keep everything?”

  Obviously, she wasn’t happy with me. What else was new?

  The fact that she expected me to give even more up was fucking ridiculous.

  “Well, fuck. I’m not the one to blame and you damn well know that.” I kicked at the ground, stirring up some dirt, before storming off in the direction of the garage.

  I was in a “break everything” sorta mood. I hadn’t returned to this dark place in a long time and I didn’t want to revisit it again.

  Unfurling my fist, I stopped walking and took a slow, deep breath, mentally transporting myself to my happy place. It had taken several expensive therapy sessions with Dr. Langtry for me to get to that place.

  “I am shit, crap, junk,” I’d told her on during our first session, my tone flat as I stared around at her office that was the kind of “clean” that lacked any personal touches. No pictures. No mess. No scrunched-up burger wrappers.