Let Her Go

by Briana Pacheco

  Once I passed my third time I never drove a car either. I only have my license in case of an emergency.

  Freddie knocks on the wall to my left before he leans against the entryway to the bathroom, crossing his ankles. “A little birdy told me that Zoë can’t sit still so you might want to leave a little earlier.”

  I clean up the mess I have around the sink then turn toward him. “Did Echo pester you for information?”

  “First, you look fucking weird with blue eyes. What’s with the whole colored contacts thing? I thought it was a sex thing but I see those are a prescription. Second, she asked but I said I didn’t know shit. Third, why is Zoë nervous? Haven’t you two been on a date before?”

  I walk past him, heading to my room. “Looking at myself with these in is weird, but my mom and siblings have blue eyes so I’ll get used to it.” I grab my t-shirt off my bed and pull it on. I know Freddie is standing by my door, he’s too curious to leave. He’s seen the pictures of my father but I ask, “You know how my dad and I kinda look alike?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Well, uh, remember when I said he died in a car accident?” He nods. “Zoë was in the car with him.”

  He stands up straighter, eyes wide. “No fucking way.”

  “She still has nightmares of the crash. I sometimes hear her whispering in her sleep. Last week she told me that looking at me reminded her of my dad.” I look down at the floor and scratch the back of my head. “I didn’t know I was hurting her. So, that’s why I got the contacts.”

  “Jesus, man. I’m sorry. I didn’t know…did she…almost die? I’ve seen some of her scars. I just figured she was a wild child and broke a few bones.”

  “Yeah, it was bad. I watched the accident happen. I saw…” I squeeze my eyes shut, not wanting to replay the way I saw my father’s body eject from the windshield. I didn’t know it was him at first. I never thought he would be driving so fast. “I don’t recall running toward the car. I stood at the end of my street completely frozen until the neighbors starting running out to see what happened.”

  I look up, locking my eyes on the picture of Zoë and me sitting on the top of a fence, seconds before we jumped down it to avoid getting caught by the police. I wanted a reminder of how badass we could be so we snapped a quick picture, running solely on adrenaline. It’s a duplicate of the picture I couldn’t stop staring at when I finally made it toward the car. The first copy was covered in blood, but I recognized it. That was when I saw Zoë trapped inside. And I thought I lost her.

  I died that day on my fifteenth birthday. I was brought back to life when the doctors told us Zoë might make it; she was a fighter.

  I couldn’t stop thinking about that picture while I waited in the waiting room for hours, hoping Zoë survived her surgeries.

  We were thirteen and trespassed onto some rich guy’s property to egg his house because his son pushed Zoë into a wall at school a few days prior. She split her eyebrow open and I swear I saw red when she told me this. That little fucker needed to know that he couldn’t touch my girl. Well, that fucker caught us and called the police after we threw two eggs, that fucking pansy. Zoë threw one more egg before she turned to run. I watched the egg hit the kid right between the eyes and I couldn’t stop laughing. She pulled me by the t-shirt and we helped each other climb up the fence, but she wouldn’t jump down. She couldn’t. So I told her to let go, that I had her. She was scared but she closed her eyes and jumped into my arms. We made it back to her house and waited for the police to show up but they never did.

  “You almost got in trouble for me,” she whispered while we hid in her dark closet, only inches apart. She had just turned off the flashlight between us when I finished reading the last chapter of the newest book she was reading.

  “No one will ever hurt you and get away with it,” I answered back, hoping she understood how serious I was.

  It was too dark to see her face, but she reached for my hand and squeezed it once. She didn’t say anything after that.

  “Owen?”

  I blink a few times, thinking of the moment in the photo not of the moment I saw it.

  “We’ve never gone on a date. Today is our first. That’s probably why she’s nervous.”

  After this date, we’re labeling us.

  We will no longer be just friends.

  I will finally be with the girl of my dreams.

  Freddie whistles. “Well, took you both long enough!”

  I feel my lips turn up as I pocket my phone. “She’s the girl you wait forever for.”

  I make sure I have everything before I leave my room, grabbing my jacket as I go.

  Go figure the night we’re supposed to go on a date, it starts pouring rain. It’s like Mother Nature wants to make this day perfect for Zoë. It completely fucked my plans because we were supposed to be outside the majority of the time. But I’ve got this handled.

  “Hey, O,” Freddie calls out from the hallway, “Are you treating this as a real date? Drop her off at her front door, goodbye kiss and all that?”

  I shrug because I really didn’t think that far. We might come back here, but she might want to go home and read. Especially after I take her to the bookstore. “Maybe, why?”

  “Kiss the shit out of Zoë so she can do nothing but think about it all night, losing sleep. The nightmares can go fuck themselves for what will be one of the best nights of her life.” He winks before turning into his room.

  And that is why Freddie is one of my closest friends.

  I surround myself with people who care about my best friend.

  Stepping out of my Uber driver’s car, I race up the steps to Zoë and Echo’s townhouse and ring the doorbell. I shake off as much rain as I can, almost soaking Echo when she opens the door.

  “Damn. No fancy restaurant, I take it,” she states, looking over my outfit. T-shirt and jeans doesn’t scream fancy restaurant but where we’re going we don’t need to dress up. Looking fancy in the rain is ridiculous. Zoë would agree with me.

  “Hey,” I say, running my hand through my soaked hair to get it out of my eyes.

  “She finally stopped moving to stare out of the wind–” Echo shoots her hand out, hitting me in the chest. “Holy fuck. What the hell is this? Why do you have blue eyes?”

  Do I really need to explain myself? Can’t a man wear color contacts just because?

  “Ask Freddie. Where’s Zoë? And can I come in. It’s raining.”

  She drops her hand and pulls me inside, shutting the front door. “Sorry about that. I’m just a little shocked.” She whips out her phone from her jeans back pocket and starts thumbing away, turning her back to me. “Zoë’s taking a quick bathroom break. Wait here. She’ll be down in a second.”

  Echo leaves me alone in the living room. Scratch that, she left me alone with Mowgli. I spot him lying on the couch so I walk that way and take the empty seat. “Warming up to Echo yet? She can be a handful.” Yes, I know I’m talking to a cat. He looks over at me before getting up and walking onto my lap. Ever since I got him off the streets, he’s been close to me, always rubbing his cheeks on my arms and legs. He warmed up to Zoë within two days. He runs away from Echo whenever she’s within five feet. It’s hilarious.

  I pet him for a minute until he runs off because Echo walks into the living room, making a beeline for me. Her eyebrows are furrowed, her mouth set in a pout, and her blonde hair is now sitting on top of her head in a messy bun. She’s a pain in my ass but I’d be lying if I didn’t say she was a beautiful woman. Every man and some females who set their eyes on her never stray. Mine always sift to the left or right, finding the girl who always had my attention.

  “I don’t understand something,” she comments, before sitting beside me. “You’re wearing the contacts because you remind Zoë of your father.”

  Of course she texted Freddie. I didn’t think he’d answer so fast. “Yeah.”

  “Why not change your face if it’s a problem too?” she adds, eyebrows raised,
and a ghost of a smile on her lips.

  I know she’s joking but I rub my hand down my thigh and say, “She said it was my eyes. Reminds her of him. She has nightmares of the accident, you know.”

  When Echo was suspicious of me and how “close” I was to Zoë, she checked up on me and ultimately found the article of the car accident. Once she realized I wasn’t a serial killer out to get her friend she apologized for thinking I was a creep. She also knew the pain of losing a father so if I ever wanted to talk about it, I could. We don’t have sit downs where we end up crying and eating ice cream, which Zoë says she and Echo have when someone dies in a book, but when we’re in class and Dad comes to mind, I say a few things.

  Echo nods, the knot on top of her head bobbing up and down. “Who do think holds her when she’s screaming in her sleep?” She has this faraway look in her eyes when she says that that I don’t even think she’s talking to me until her eyes land on mine again. “What I don’t understand is that she’s fine around you. I’ve never seen her look…hurt, staring at you.” That’s what I thought too. “I know this is none of my business, but she’s my best friend so I get to do this.” Echo lowers her voice to ask, “Does she make eye contact when you two are alone? You know, intimate?”

  Thinking about it, I blurt, “Sometimes she looks at me like I disgust her. She freezes when I touch her.”

  What the fuck?

  Why did those words slip?

  Damn Echo and her power to get me to speak. She’s like my mother. Always caring. Always finding a way to make things better.

  I feel like I somehow betrayed Zoë’s trust telling her friend this. What we do behind closed doors shouldn’t be dissected by others.

  I start to stand when she pulls me back down. “She said your eyes remind her of the accident? Were those her exact words?”

  I shake my head, my eyes drifting up to the ceiling when I hear someone walking around up there.

  She’s coming.

  “No, she said they remind her of him. I just connected the two.” I wish I could ask her questions, but how can I now that she told me I’m the cause for triggering her nightmares?

  Echo doesn’t say anything, but I feel her eyes on me.

  Why is she staring at me like that?

  I can’t seem to form words, let alone think any thoughts when I see Zoë coming down the stairs from the corner of my eyes. I turn my head. Her eyes find mine and it’s like looking into the lightest, richly saturated emerald.

  She is goddamn gorgeous. My dick agrees, but I mentally tell him to calm the fuck down because there is no way in hell I’m taking Zoë on a date while I have a boner. I jerked off in the shower to avoid this problem.

  Zoë stops at the bottom of the stairs, grabbing an umbrella resting against the wall. She rolls her eyes and says, “Echo put a bunch of shit on my face and I can’t get it wet or else I’ll look like a panda after a one-night stand.”

  My eyes travel past the red sweater she’s wearing, down to the ripped skinny jeans and the black rubber rain boots. She makes cute look fucking sexy.

  I’m standing here like a fucking idiot not saying anything. I clear my throat and make my feet move. “How do you make about-to-walk-in-the-rain look this good?”

  Zoë chuckles and grabs her raincoat. I take it from her hands and help her into it. She turns around and we’re just looking at each other, smiling like fools.

  “You look like your mom,” she whispers.

  And Beckett and Ari. I wonder what they’d say if I went back to Oregon with these eyes. Beckett was always jealous that I looked like Dad. I’m six years older than him so he felt like he had a lot to make up for throughout his childhood. He was a daddy’s boy to the T and made sure I knew Dad loved him more than he did me. Yeah, right. I’m the first born. Ari found it fascinating. Being nine years older than her made her much closer to Beck, but she surprised us all when she was only seven and asked Beck if he would be jealous and hate her if she had Dad’s eyes. He made Mom cry when he said, “I could never hate you, but I wouldn’t be able to look at you. Because now he’s gone, and I’d feel like Mom when she looks at Owen.”

  I felt like shit that day.

  Mom reassured me that she doesn’t feel anything but love when she looks at me.

  Beckett changed when Dad died.

  We all did.

  “Ready?” I ask, looking for any doubt in her eyes.

  “Yes.” Her eyes drift past me, the smile in them replaced with concern. “Coco?”

  I look over my shoulder at Echo. She’s on the couch with her head bent, eyes on the floor. Her head snaps up and she parts her lips into a wide smile. For some reason it looks forced. “Sorry. Just thinking.” She jumps off the couch, straightening her tank top and then she glides over to us. “Have fun.” She squeezes my bicep as she leans into Zoë and kisses her cheek. “You look fabulous, sweets. I want to hear all about it when you get home.” Her blue eyes collide with mine. “You better add puddle jumping to this date at some point.”

  I laugh when I see how serious she is. “Of course. Do you think I don’t know Zoë at all?”

  Her smile falters, just a bit, like she actually thinks I don’t know my best friend. Before I can question it, she’s heading up the stairs, and Zoë and I head out into the rain.

  “Is Echo okay?” Zoë asks before shutting the door. “She looked a little…off.”

  “She was asking about the contacts.”

  She looks at me quickly, like I just told her that ghosts exist. Her eyes shift toward the front door, her eyes narrowed in thought, and then she nods like nothing just happened. “I forgot to mention that to her.”

  Turning away from me she looks out at the pouring rain. Her eyes flutter closed and she inhales.

  She’s incredibly beautiful in this moment, her eyelids colored with different shades of green making her eyes pop even more when she opens them. Her lips look like light pink cotton candy. Her cheeks have a slight tinge of red and I can’t tell if it’s makeup or she’s blushing.

  Zoë cracks her eyes open slowly. She huffs when she opens the umbrella and stands underneath it.

  “Don’t worry, you’ll get to feel the rain once we get to our destination,” I add, smirking.

  “Still not telling me where?”

  “I’ve waited years for this moment. Fifteen more minutes of suspense won’t kill you,” I tease, adding a wink as we walk down the steps toward Zoë’s car.

  I’m driving today.

  Zoë hesitated when I asked if it was all right the other day.

  I almost broke out into hives just thinking about it.

  But she said yes.

  And this is an emergency.

  My heart is about to give out.

  Something happened tonight. Something beautiful. After being taken to the Space Needle–a place I’ve never visited because I was terrified of being stuck up there–the rain slowed to a stop, and a rainbow appeared right before sunset. I know that one end of that rainbow wasn’t on the Space Needle but when I closed my eyes for a brief second it felt like it was on me. My heart was calm. My mind was quiet. I was overwhelmed with happiness. I found my pot of gold. My luck. I felt like the girl I once was when I was with the boy who held my hand while I had my feet in the creek.

  With Owen’s arms wrapped around me, my back to his chest as we stared out at Emerald City, I soared.

  I turn in his arms and kiss him soft and slow. I don’t think of how high up we are. Being in his arms is the safest place to be. I never want to leave.

  “Ready for dinner?” he asks, kissing the spot below my ear. I close my eyes and nod, breathing in the air from up here before we head inside toward the restaurant.

  We have dinner five hundred feet up in the air, and I don’t end up sick. My knees get a little wobbly when we take the elevator down and I step on solid ground though. Owen wraps his arm around me and lets me lean my weight on him for a few minutes.

  He then drives us to Capital
Hill and we spend an hour and a half in a bookstore that I frequent. With a new pile of books to keep my other ones company, Owen takes me back home. And as promised, we go puddle jumping, bringing me back to a childhood I loved before it was taken from me.

  Dropping off my new books inside the house I run back to the front door where Owen is still waiting with his hands in his front pockets, sporting the boyish grin I grew to love over the years. His eyes, those magnificent blue eyes, they look foreign to me, but they feel like home.

  One simple change and I can breathe again.

  I feel alive.

  “Do you want to come in?” I ask, holding the door open. I know he’s going to say no. He wants to do this right. He wants to give me the feelings every girl gets after a first date. He wants to show me that he can wait.

  Doesn’t he know he’s waited long enough? I wanted a date and I got it. Now I want my best friend.

  Owen shakes his head, taking a step forward. “I can’t. I want to but I can’t.” He cups the side of my face, bringing his mouth closer to mine. “I love seeing this look in your eyes. It’s like you’re reading one of your favorite books.” I watch his eyes lower to my lips. “You’re so damn beautiful, and smart, and witty.” His voice gets softer as he leans in even more, pressing his lips against mine.

  He kisses me soft and slow; a goodbye kiss.

  Then he kisses me hard and fast, our hands fumbling to touch more skin, become one. Because that’s who we are.

  We’re Zowen.

  Our mouths devour the other like this is the last time we’re going to taste each other. I feel dizzy. My body is buzzing, wound up with so much need, I need to release it. Owen sucks my tongue, bites my lip and then tilts my head back to kiss the hollow of my throat. He bites me and groans, sighing against my skin. “So fucking sweet.” He brings his mouth back to mine, kissing me hard like I’m his last breath. Everything about this kiss is carnal. The way his fingers dig into my skin, disappearing under my clothes is almost sinful. If anyone passing by the house looks up at us, they might call the cops for indecent exposure.