Let Her Go

by Briana Pacheco

  I miss them.

  Gripping my diploma, safety nestled inside the purple leather cover, I dodge the large groups of people blocking me from the exit and make my way over to our meeting spot. My mother and father are proudly smiling and waving at me, ushering me to hurry up. My father hands me a bouquet of lilies, wiping away tears as he congratulates me. My mother tries to hold back tears but the moment she sees other parents wiping their eyes she lets go.

  “I’m so proud of you, sweetheart.” She wraps her arms around me and cries softly into my hair. “So proud.”

  I spot Freddie and his family a few feet away so once my mother lets me go, I head over and introduce myself. Echo runs over and does the same. Her mom and sister find my parents and keep them company while we search for Owen.

  I see his sister first. She’s looking side to side, eyes wide as she gets trapped in a large group stopping at a moments notice so they don’t photobomb the smiling family taking a picture. Once the photo is taken, she pops out of the moving group and she finds me. Ari waves frantically at me, turning her head back once to shout something. And then my boyfriend, his brother, and his mother come into view.

  Owen’s family stops beside our group of parents, but he keeps walking. He smiles at everyone he passes, shaking hands and congratulating people. Then he’s doing the same to Freddie and Echo.

  And when his eyes land on mine and he steps into my personal bubble, the noise around us fades away.

  “Hey.”

  I die every time he says that.

  “Hi,” I whisper.

  He takes one step forward, his hand sliding around the side of my neck, and he gently runs his thumb over my lips. “God, I love everything about you.” And then his mouth is on mine, slowly parting my lips until our tongues meet.

  I hold back his orange tassel so it doesn’t accidently end up in my mouth and then I kiss my boyfriend like we haven’t seen each other in weeks. I have to remember that our parents are standing twenty feet away though so we end the kiss with a promise for more later tonight.

  Now that the four of us have met up, we walk back to our families and make plans for what we’re doing once we leave.

  I notice Owen’s mother doesn’t make a lot of eye contact with me. Beckett isn’t rude at all, he hugged me and actually smiled the entire time. Ari is attached to my side, hugging the life out of me as she jumps up and down with excitement. “I can’t wait to come here in a few years,” she tells me. “It’s so freaking pretty.”

  I chuckle as I softly pinch her cheek. “You’re too cute.”

  Now that the Stevensons know the truth they’ve been a little reserved around me, not knowing what to say, but Hilary has called me a few times and we’re slowly getting back to the relationship we once had. It’s hard trying to convince a mother that it wasn’t her fault her husband liked playing with little kids. Beckett knows what caused the accident. I drove up to Portland after my finals were done and told him the truth. He’s wanted to know for years so I felt like I owed him that. I thought he’d hate me but he simply nodded and said he understood. I was protecting Ari. He would have done the same.

  Owen keeps our parents busy by talking about Freddie and Echo so I use that time to lure Hilary away so we can have some privacy for a few minutes.

  The second we are alone, I pull her into my arms and I hold on tightly. “Thank you for coming.” Owen mentioned she was a little wary of seeing me face to face but I begged her to come. She needed to see her son graduate. She needed to see that she raised this amazing guy.

  “I’m so proud of you guys. You did it!” There’s something in her voice that makes me feel like she might start crying, and it’s not because of the graduation.

  I try to steer the thoughts of my past away. “Owen’s too smart not to graduate. You raised him right.” Her eyes quickly fill with tears. “Thank you, Hilary. Thank you for giving me Owen.”

  Thank you for giving me something extraordinary in this life.

  “You make him so happy,” she murmurs, trying to keep from crying. “I’ve never seen a love like yours.” She grabs onto my arms and blinks back a few tears. “He was smitten with you ever since kindergarten. I loved watching his love for you blossom.” A tear rolls down her cheek as she cups the side of my face. “You are so beautiful and special, Zoë. I wouldn’t want anyone else for my son. You are perfect.”

  I wipe away a few tears of my own.

  A hand slips around my waist, and my body ignites.

  “Mom, you’re killing me. I don’t like seeing my girl cry.” Owen rests his head on my shoulder and kisses my neck.

  I turn my head slightly, our gazes colliding. “These are happy tears, I swear.”

  “Good.” He squeezes my hip softly as he talks to his mother. “Just for future reference, you want Zoë to be a part of the family, right? Like officially. Last name and all?”

  My eyes widen as his smile grows.

  Hilary laughs, taking a step toward us so we’re almost touching. She cups both of our faces, love evident in her eyes. “You are already part of the family, Zoë.” Her eyes slide over to Owen. “Every time I look at you, I see the little boy clinging to my leg, not wanting to let go. But you are not little anymore. You’ve grown up so much, Owen. I’m proud of the man you’ve become. You take care of this sweet girl, okay?”

  “With my life.” He stands up straight to kiss his mother on the cheek and then I’m back in his arms, never too far from him anymore.

  We walk back to our large group, smiling and laughing.

  When I glance over at Owen, I mouth, “I love you.”

  He nods, mouthing, “I know.”

  And I’m so glad he knows because I’ve spent years hiding it, regretting the time apart. I thought we couldn’t be together. Now look at us. We’re happy. We’re in love.

  We’re starting a new chapter.

  Our story isn’t over yet.

  This is just the beginning.

  One year later…

  Inhaling the smell of paperbacks never gets old. Feeling the pages where these precious words are typed on is euphoric. Gently running my fingers over the spines of every book on the bookshelf has become my favorite thing to do these last few weeks.

  I bring my left hand up, resting it against my protruding stomach as I find the book I’ve been looking for. Goodnight Moon was recommended by a friend. Since it’s my turn to pick out the book, I pull it off the shelf and then give my swollen belly a little rub.

  Are you ready for this one? I mentally ask my future bookworm. We have so many more books to read together.

  Owen and I have this thing we do now. We pick up books from my bookstore, Whitmore Books, and he’ll read them to me every Friday night. He records them so we can use the recording when our baby is home in a few months. Since it’s known that parents lose sleep or take random naps when given the opportunity because of screaming babies, we’re planning ahead. I’d be heartbroken if I was telling him or her a bedtime story and I accidently fell asleep.

  It’s been hard to focus on reading this last month so Owen does it for me. And the summer heat doesn’t help either. Pregnancy brain is a real thing in case you didn’t already know that. I can never remember where I left off in a book. My TBR list isn’t getting any smaller and because I adore my child already, I’m not upset over that fact. Books will always be there. And Owen can read them to me at any time.

  I start walking down the aisle with Goodnight Moon in my hands when something catches my eye, causing me to stop. My eyes sweep over the books on the shelf one more time before finding the culprit of my confusion.

  A book with a pink spine and no letters written on it forces me to look around quickly because Owen might be playing tricks on me. Or I’m going delusional. But no one is here. It’s just me. And this book is here. In the children’s section.

  Pulling the book off the shelf, I see the cover, and I stop breathing. My lips curl up slowly as I flip through the pages quickly.
<
br />   Owen’s book is currently in my hands. The same book he made for me and had me falling deeper in love with him. The same book I filled out over the last year, writing down our story, even the heartbreaking moments where I pushed him away and thought we’d never be together because of the truths that were said. I wrote down everything. And it helped me so much.

  Thinking of our story and how much we’ve changed over the years, I flip to the last page I wrote in. It was our college graduation day and the last words I wrote in it were “this is just the beginning” before I ran out of pages.

  Running my fingers over the ink, I close my eyes and I chuckle to myself. “You’re going to be so lucky to call him Dad,” I say, tipping my head down, rubbing my belly again. Picturing Owen holding our child brings a smile to my lips. Thinking about our house filled with little chubby babies makes my heart beat faster.

  I start swooning over a perfect man all over again.

  When I start to shut the book, the last page flutters onto the one before it, revealing the inside of the back cover. The last time I checked it six months ago, it was bare. Today, it’s not.

  I flip open the back cover, staring at the words written in ink. Written in Owen’s handwriting.

  When did he…

  I read what he wrote, tears pooling in my eyes as I get closer and closer to the last line.

  My heart beats wildly as I sob and laugh to myself.

  He really is perfect.

  I look around me once again and then I walk down the aisle and search for anyone walking around. It’s empty. The bookstore doesn’t open for another thirty minutes so I have the place to myself.

  But Owen is here too…

  I walk over to the café that is tucked away in the back of the bookstore, separated by only a glass door so I don’t have to smell the coffee while I’m here.

  Because of you, my little angel, I can’t get enough of the smell now. What are you doing to me?

  Standing behind the door, I smooth out the bottom of my red dress, watching Owen bring a box over to the front counter. He flips through the invoice, nodding as he mentally checks off what arrived and how much of it.

  When he doesn’t look over his shoulder at me, I look back down at the book and re-read what he wrote.

  You Are My Life, My Soulmate, My Entire World

  Watching you sleep has become one of many things I live for. As I run my fingers softly down your spine, watching goose bumps pebble your skin, something occurs to me. You’re still my girlfriend. And that’s not acceptable. I’m getting frustrated calling you that because you are so much more. You are my life, my soulmate, my entire world. Mother of my children, my fiancée, and my wife have a better ring to it. What do you think? Be mine forever? Make it official?

  Because he ran out of space he added a post-it note.

  I have more to say and I want to see your beautiful smile when I tell you. Come here. I’m waiting.

  I close the book and bring it up to my chest, wrapping my arms around Owen’s book and our child’s next read. When I look up, he’s staring at me with a sexy smirk on his lips as he walks toward me.

  He pushes open the glass door and I fall in love all over again when he murmurs, “Hey.”

  “Let’s get married,” I breathe, my wide smile hurting my cheeks.

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa. I had a speech planned. You can’t derail them now,” he states, stopping in front of me with eyes shinning so bright I already know what he’s going to say. His hands find my hips and then one of them moves slightly over to cradle my stomach.

  “Okay, I’m sorry. What were you going to say?”

  He leans in to kiss my forehead then my lips and then he dips his head down to look at my stomach. “I wrote it before I knew we were going to have a baby. I thought you’d see it sooner but when we found out about this little peanut you haven’t touched your bookshelf. You’re always in the nursery.” He licks his lips, grinning. “I knew you’d find it today. Call it intuition.”

  “Why did you wait until this moment, Wen?” I question, wrapping my arm around his neck, pulling him closer to me as I thread my fingers through his hair. “You could’ve done this at home.” He had this book idea planned for over four months. He could have left it in the nursery. I’m constantly in there fixing up things, adding baby clothes and diapers. I want us to be ready. We still need to put up the crib.

  “Because I was nervous,” he confesses. When his eyes meet mine, I melt. “What if you said no?”

  I smack his stomach. “Take that back!” I would never say no. I love him so much and I want to be his wife. I want him to be my husband.

  I want our children (because we will have more) to know that we’ve been together since we were five years old. There were a few bumps but we made it. I want my happy ending with the man who lets me read for hours and doesn’t interrupt me.

  “I would never say no,” I whisper. “Never.”

  He smiles and I die. “You actually like the smell of coffee now.” He chuckles and kisses the tip of my nose. “Man, I love this kid already. He or she is going to take after both of us.” He closes his eyes briefly. “We’re surrounded by books and the smell of coffee. There was no better time than right now.” He looks up at me through his lashes, shaking his head playfully when tears start to gather in his eyes. “Zoë, ever since we were kids I knew I was going to marry you. When we were six and I kissed your cheek for the first time I knew I would spend the rest of my life kissing you.

  “I know what it feels like to lose you and I never want to feel that again. I want you here with me right now, tomorrow, always. Forever. I want to spend the rest of my life making you laugh until you pee–”

  “That was only one time,” I add, rolling my eyes playfully. He should try carrying a child. I bet he’d pee himself more than once.

  Owen rubs my belly with one hand and cups the side of my face with the other. “I hope it happens again because it’s fucking hilarious.” He winks at me and then continues, the love in his eyes never fading. “I want to wake up before you every morning and watch the cute faces you make when you dream. I want to hold you in my arms every night where I know you’ll be safe forever. I want to have a family with you, and I pray to God that those kids turn out like you because you are my definition of perfect. I never want to stop thinking about you. I never want to let you go. I want to love you completely and passionately. You own me, Zoë. Heart, body, and soul. It’s all yours. I love you.”

  To infinity and beyond.

  A tear rolls down his cheek as he stares down at my stomach. “My whole life I wished for you to be mine.” When he looks up again he steals my breath away. “And now there’s going to be more to love.”

  He slowly drops down to one knee and digs into the front pocket of his black shorts.

  It’s truly happening.

  He’s going to propose.

  “I think I should’ve read a few of your favorite proposals from books to get me ready for this.” He blows out a breath and pulls on the collar of his navy blue t-shirt. His eyes flick up to mine before dropping quickly, a light chuckle following suit.

  He’s nervous.

  “Don’t be nervous. I love you,” I add softly.

  “I need this to be perfect. You deserve something swoon worthy. Something better than what you read in books.”

  Oh. My. God.

  Fangirl down. I repeat FANGIRL DOWN!

  “Zoë–”

  “Yes!”

  “I didn’t even ask.”

  “It’s going to be a yes and you know it.”

  He smirks as he pulls the ring out. I hold out my left hand for him to take. Before he slips the ring onto my finger he brings my hand up to his mouth and kisses my knuckles.

  “Zoë,” he starts again, waiting to see if I’ll interrupt.

  I promise I’ll be good.

  On the outside I’m all “okay, ask me whenever you’re ready” but in the inside I’m all “gimme, gimme, gimme! I wa
nt it. I want you! YESSS!!!”

  “Zoë Elizabeth Whitmore, will you marry me?”

  “Yes!” I breathe, blinking back tears as he slides the ring on. The light green emerald twinkles at me when I look down at it, but the man still down on his knee is needed right now so I have no time to admire this beautiful piece of jewelry.

  I pull Owen up and kiss him as hard as I can. He stumbles back a bit, taken off guard. It makes me laugh, and I can’t stop so we’re kissing and laughing and enjoying life until I stop laughing abruptly. Because my underwear is now wet.

  Owen brushes back wayward strands of my hair and eyes me quizzically. “Are you okay?”

  I nod and smile, pretending I’m fine.

  But he knows me.

  God, I wish he didn’t in this moment because it’s so embarrassing.

  “Did you–”

  I shake my head hard. “Nope.” I palm my stomach and take a step back. “Are you almost done in there? We have the appointment in an hour.”

  “Zo, did you just pee?”

  I shake my head again but he starts to smile and step closer and I can’t lie for shit right now so I exhale loudly and nod. “I’m sorry. I ruined the moment. I need to change.”

  “You didn’t ruin anything.”

  His eyes start to drop and I can’t have him see the mess. “Stop. Don’t look. Please. Just…just go into the café and I’ll clean up.”

  “You are not cleaning anything up. It’s my job to take care of you and our little one.” He finds my hand and kisses it. “Come on. I’ll grab the extra set of clothes you have in the back.”