Blessed Tragedy

by HB Heinzer

  “I should go,” he said, the anger seeping out of his pores.

  I reached for his hand. Whether or not I wanted him here, there was no way I was going to let him drive back this late. “Come on. Have a beer with us. Who knows, you might even realize he's not a threat to you.” I put my hands on Colton's shoulders so I could look into his eyes. “You need to realize the only threat to us right now is you. You've known me long enough to know I don't do jealousy.”

  His shoulders slumped forward. “You're right. But you've known me long enough to know I don't do girlfriends. You need to cut me a little slack here.”

  I shook my head, “No, I can't do that. But let's not talk about that tonight. It'd be an understatement to say I've had too much to drink for heavy discussions.”

  Colton made his way to the patio while I detoured to the restroom. Garrett was coming out of the room as I made my way through the dim hallway.

  “Everything okay out there?” He asked, sincerely concerned.

  “It might be some day.” I shrugged. “But do me a favor?”

  “Anything, you know that.”

  I gave Garrett the abbreviated version of everything that had happened the night we'd talked on the phone, leaving out a few of the worst comments. Once he'd calmed down a bit, I asked him to give me some space so the night wouldn't be any more strained than it was already going to be.

  “This isn't like you,” he said almost imperceptibly shaking his head. “But if it's what you need, I'll do it.”

  Although he said he didn't have a problem with my request, it took all of twenty minutes before Garrett was excusing himself with mumblings about work to do in the morning. Soon after, Matt stood to leave, promising to stop by after work. Mike sat, glassy eyed, in the chair across from us apparently deep in thought.

  “Why did I drive six hours today if he was going to come out here?”

  “Because she's pissed at me,” Colton blurted without pause. I could have killed him. Nothing like sticking my brother directly in the crossfire of our issues.

  Mike laughed. “What did you do?” I wanted to stop the train wreck before my eyes, knowing there was little that could turn the night around at this point.

  “Well...” Colton paused taking a long draw off his beer. “Don't get me wrong, she has every right to be upset, but damn Mike, your sister holds a grudge better than just about anyone I know.”

  As if I wasn't sitting there, my brother and my ex-boyfriend were bonding over my less than admirable personality traits. After they had time to dissect my need to hold onto my anger, I'd had enough, “Hey, remember me?” I bellowed. “I'm right fucking here. And Mike, you don't want to know why I'm pissed at him.”

  Both of their heads turned in my direction, eager to hear what I had to say next. “He seems to think I'm screwing Dietrich. He thought that tonight, too. Oh, but not just Garrett, he accused me of fucking Jon too.”

  Colton grabbed my arm, pulling me back to the couch as I tried to flee. “I was fucking drunk, Rain. How many times do I have to apologize? I was a jealous, miserable prick. I was wrong. I'm sorry.” He looked to Mike, silently pleading for him to intervene and tell me I was being unreasonable.

  “Yeah, and most drunks I know are their most honest with a little bit of liquid courage.”

  Mike sat back in his chair, savoring his beer with live entertainment. His eyes flitted back and forth as though he was watching a tennis match as Colton and I went over the same bullet points we'd covered every time we fought since that fateful night.

  “Okay, you two,” Mike finally interrupted. “Colton, my sister is drunk now. So, given the fact that your problems all started because one of you shot off while under the influence, I think it's time to table this conversation. Why don't you come to my place for the night and you two can talk tomorrow. If I have to, I'll sit here and mediate because you're both in the wrong.”

  I stared at Mike, my eyes ready to bulge out of my head. I was wrong? How in the hell was I wrong?

  “No, he can stay here,” I said. It was totally the wrong thing to want, but I missed sleeping wrapped in his warmth.

  My brother hugged me tight against his chest. “You'll thank me for this tomorrow,” he whispered to me before letting me go.

  I blew out a sharp breath. “Whatever. I'm going to bed.” I turned to Colton, “I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow. Leave the bike here.” In the short time since he'd arrived, he sucked back four beers, just enough that I wasn't about to let him leave on his bike. No matter what signals my conflicted mind sent me, I didn't want to see him hurt by delayed reaction times or bad judgment.

  “I'm fine,” he argued.

  “Should I call Jon?” Yes, it sounded like I was getting ready to tattle on him but I knew Jon would talk some sense into him. Jon's brother had dumped his motorcycle before I was even in the band and had never recovered his short term memory. No way would he think Colt was in any shape to drive.

  “Whatever.” As he stepped through the door, he turned back to me, “Might want to be careful, people might start to think you care.”

  “Goodnight, Colton.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Over the next two days, Colton and I spent some time together trying to repair our friendship. No matter how many times he pleaded, I was still unwilling to consider anything more with him. At least I wouldn't let him know there was a part of my heart crashing in on itself, begging to give him another chance. There'd been too many hurtful words for me to let him back in.

  Colt even suggested that we get together with Garrett so he could get to know the man at the epicenter of our turmoil. To ease the tension, I invited my brothers over to the house for another barbecue, knowing, or at least hoping, they were both mature enough to not start anything in front of my family.

  I ducked out relatively early in the night, knowing it would be easier for two of my closest friends to speak freely if I wasn't around.

  A sliver of light broke the darkness in my bedroom as I drifted to sleep. I turned to see Colton and Garrett both standing at my door.

  “Can we come in?” Colton asked softly. I chuckled at the thought of my dad walking out of his bedroom to see not one, but two grown men asking to come into my bedroom in the middle of the night. Even though it'd never happen, there was something intensely hot about the image brewing in my mind.

  “Yeah,” I sighed, my throat and mouth as dry as the Sahara.

  I sat up as the mattress bowed under the weight of my two best friends. “I just wanted to say goodnight and see if you still wanted me to come tomorrow,” Garrett said, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear.

  “Yeah, as long as that asshole isn't going to do something that'll get him arrested if you're there.” I narrowed my eyes at Colton, not that he could see them.

  “We're cool. I'd like him to be there, he's obviously a good friend to put up with your shit as long as he has.” Colton slid further back on the mattress, his hand softly rubbing my calf. It was an intimate move; one that I wasn't fully comfortable with but didn't want to stop.

  “Okay, well I think we're leaving here by about seven. If you're riding with my brothers, be here then.” I shifted so I was kneeling next to Garrett, “Thanks for setting him straight.” I pecked his cheek, watching for any sign of jealousy from Colton. There was none.

  We sat in silence until the front door closed behind Garrett. “You want me to crash in the rec room?” Colton asked, not waiting for an answer before getting off the bed.

  “Depends.”

  He turned on his heel to look at me. “On?”

  “Can you keep your hands to yourself?” I wanted to feel him next to me. Eventually, if one of us met someone, we'd have to learn to sleep alone. Luckily, we were both painfully single.

  “I'll give you a ninety-two percent guarantee.”

  I stifled a laugh at the random percentage. “Not good enough. If I remind you that my dad is two doors down what percentage do I get?”

  �
�Three hundred and fifty percent. I like my balls too much.”

  Colton flopped onto the bed and I leaned against his chest. “I miss you,” I whispered. There was no scent in the world better than fresh water cologne and Colton – unless you added in leather. That was the true trifecta.

  “I miss you too.” He softly kissed the crown of my head. I didn't pull away this time. “I miss you so much. I meant it when I said you're killing me.”

  My hand grazed Colton's side, my mind flooded with memories of our nights spent together before everything went to shit. “We might be okay. Someday.”

  “I'll take someday.” He gently lifted me, shifting our heads to the pillows. “I'll take whatever I can get with you.” After brushing his lips against mine, he pushed my shoulder urging me onto my side.

  When the sun started peeking through my bedroom window, we were still curled into each other, our fingers interlaced across my stomach. I couldn't deny how good it felt to be in his arms and that scared the hell out of me.

  “Come on, Moo, you guys are going to be late if we don't go,” Mike yelled up the stairs. A pit grew in my stomach, remembering back to the last time he had hollered up the stairs for me to hurry. The first time they'd seen me perform, the first family outing without my mom.

  “You okay?” Colton asked, dropping a chaste kiss on my shoulder.

  “Yep, let's get outta here. You bring my gear?” It had been more than three weeks since I'd been on the back of Colton's motorcycle and I needed the serenity that came from feeling the horsepower beneath me.

  “It's all in there, right where it belongs.” Colton picked up my duffle bag and motioned for me to lead the way outside. I smiled once I passed him. There was something comforting in his statement that my things belonged with him. It wasn't said in a possessive or domineering way. It was a simple testament to our fucked up relationship.

  The day was perfect for a long ride on the bike. The sun was shining without any stifling heat; the winds were calm and traffic light. I quickly found myself hypnotized by the rumble of the engine and gentle vibrations.

  By the time we pulled down the gravel drive at Comstock, I had myself convinced that everything would work out one way or the other. Jon and Travis stopped in their tracks to see if their eyes were deceiving them as we pulled to a stop behind the bus.

  “So, I'm assuming you kissed and made up?” Jon asked, shaking his head. I could only imagine what our issues were doing to everyone around us and had to imagine he felt a measure of relief seeing us together. At least I hoped he did.

  “Well, she's not threatening to castrate me, so I guess that's a start,” Colton laughed.

  “Good. I think we'll all breathe a little easier now that your balls are safe.” Travis still seemed guarded when he looked at me. His was the one friendship I doubted would ever be the same as it had once been.

  It didn't take long before the tension in the air became palpable. Colton was giving Garrett the grand tour of our home away from home while Jon and Travis introduced my brothers to some of the other bands.

  “Well, looks like you really can have your cake and eat it too.” I turned to see Tanya's coffee brown eyes narrow as she watched Colton and Garrett walk off the bus.

  “What in the hell is that supposed to mean, Tanya?” I snarled. I knew exactly what she was implying and I wanted to make her say it out loud. Jon had been abundantly clear that she was skating on thin ice and I, for one, couldn't wait to be the one to watch her fall through.

  “Not many people are slick enough to get the boyfriends to be best friends. Kudos.” She nodded to the two men who were in a heated debate over whether Gibson or Fender guitars were superior. “Look at them, it's almost like they're not competing for a place in your pants.”

  “You know what, Tanya, screw you.” I didn't care that I was yelling loud enough to draw the attention of people walking by. “Garrett is one of my oldest, dearest friends and Colton is head over heels in love with me. I'm sorry you're a pretentious, bitter bitch who can't find anyone to love you, but that doesn't give you the right to rip me to shreds. You know shit about me; you know shit about my life. If you value your job, I highly suggest you back the fuck up and think about what you're doing. You have zero say in what I do in my personal life.”

  I'd spent much of my life angry. That was nothing compared to the pure rage I felt coursing through my veins at the woman who had deemed it her job to crush every aspect of my life. The fact that she had no reason to do so only made my blood come to a full boil.

  “Sweetheart, you're delusional if you think anything you have is real. You're nothing more than eye candy out there and I know for a fact that Colton isn't nearly as smitten as he claims to be. Just you watch, soon enough you'll understand what I'm saying and you'll be the one on your ass wondering what all went wrong.”

  “Enough!” Jon roared. My head snapped at the sound and I saw Mike and Matt holding Colton back as Jon stormed over to where we were standing. “Rain, go spend some time with the fam. Be back in an hour.” It wasn't a suggestion. As much as I wanted to be part of whatever was about to go down, I knew he was doing it this way for a reason. I was far too pissed off and wrapped up in the issue to keep a level head while he talked to the vile bitch.

  Garrett grabbed my upper arm hard as I spun to take care of her myself when I heard her parting shot. “Look at her Colton. I can't believe you're stupid enough to believe she's not sleeping with him. Just look at the two of them walking away from you.”

  “Stop,” Colton commanded. That was the last word I heard as Colton and Jon escorted her onto the bus with Trav and Jared close behind.

  Once we were out of sight from the buses, I collapsed onto the ground. The roller coaster of my life was out of control and I'd hit my breaking point. Matt scooped me up in his arms holding me as I sobbed. “Hey, none of that. Let the guys take care of her. Now, let's go grab a beer.”

  It wasn't even noon and I had a show to prepare for but, in that moment, nothing sounded better to me than losing myself in the beer tent until the last possible minute. I nodded against Matt's shoulder and he shifted me to his back. I laughed like a schoolgirl as he gave me an excessively bumpy piggy back ride through the concessions area.

  Colton texted me as I started on my third beer in an hour to let me know the situation was taken care of. That would have made a normal person feel better but I'm far from normal. Instead of feeling at ease knowing I wouldn't have to deal with Tanya anymore, I started running through all the trouble she could create as payback.

  “Stop.” Mike stood in front of me, his hands on my shoulders. “I know what you're doing. You're going to drive yourself insane. You need to learn to trust them.”

  “I do trust them, Mike. It's her I have no faith in. Look at what she's already done.”

  Garrett placed a hand on the small of my back, joining in Operation Mental Maddie. “He's right. You say you trust them, but you're not showing that right now. You just go out there and do what you do best and let Jon handle it. From what I've seen, he'll do the right thing. Now, don't you have work to do?” They walked with me until we reached the edge of the bus corral before turning back. “We'll come and find you after the show. Knock 'em dead out there. And drink some water.”

  “Yes, Mister Dietrich,” I teased. It was cute to see him go into band director mode. He knew better than any of us just how quickly things could go wrong when performing in the heat.

  Three hours later, the sun was high in the sky and beating down on the stage. We hadn't even started our set and I felt sweat dripping down my back. Jon squeezed my shoulder before taking his place behind the drum kit, reassuring me everything would get back to normal soon. I took the stage sixteen beats after Jon and Trav started Animal, feeling the energy of the crowd seeping into my pores.

  “What's up, Comstock!” I shouted into my microphone. The crowd grew louder and I looked to Colton as he ran to join us on stage.

  We ran through our standa
rd set before introducing the fans to some of our new sound. “Alright, now you might have heard noise on the Internet that we're changing things up this year. Unlike some of the crap that's been out there about us,” I looked to Colton briefly, “This is no joke. Let's show some love for Jared Sorenson!”

  Again, the volume ramped up as Jared joined me at the center of the stage. “Now, this little punk thought he'd get a job as a roadie and he was damn good at it. But then, he shocked the hell out of all of us when we found out the boy has some serious talent!” Jared blushed as I continued. “Do you guys wanna see what he can do?” I shouted, raising my hands high in the air to get the crowd going again. “Alright, kid. Get your ass back behind the keyboard where you belong.”

  Colton, Travis and I cleared the stage to give Jon and Jared their moment. It was the first time we'd tried this classically inspired solo and we were all nervous to see how it would be received. Travis tossed each of us a bottle of water as we watched Jon break into a heavy hitting drum solo. When Jared joined in with a classical piece, there was a moment of near silence as the crowd tried to figure out what they were hearing. I squeezed Colton's hand, nervous that we'd made the wrong decision. He looked at me, concern on his face as well. Just as quickly as it had gone quiet, the noise grew as loud as it had been all day. They loved it. They loved Jared. And in a twisted way, that filled me with pride. The kid was damn good and he deserved to be up there.

  Colton and I spent much of the afternoon with my family, knowing it would likely be months before we had time to see them again. There were a few tense moments when I heard Matt reminding Colton that I was the baby of the family and they weren't going to stand by and watch me get hurt. It didn't make me feel uncomfortable because it wasn't the truth, I simply didn't see Matt as the protective big brother. Mike, maybe – but I hadn't seen it coming from the eldest child in our family.

  Tanya's fate was the elephant in the room for much of the day. No one would talk about the outcome of their meeting before we went on stage and there was no time after we were done with our set. It wasn't until we were on the bus, rolling down the highway to the next stop, that Jon called everyone to the front of the bus for a meeting.