The Girl's Guide to the Apocalypse

by Daphne Lamb

  “They put us over here,” I said, playing dumb. “Probably pretty confusing when all the buses are the same color.”

  He gave the worst fake laugh I had ever heard. “Right,” he said. “I get it. I switched to green, but thought I was yellow. It’s a joke on me.”

  “Not really,” I said. “It’s a made-up system. None of this will matter tomorrow.”

  “Of course you did.”

  Debra came out walking in tiny steps, purse clutched close to her body. “Jessica!” she yelled. “Is Robert on that bus?”

  “Tell her I’m in a meeting!” I heard Robert call out.

  “Of course he is,” I said to her. “You know Robert. Has to get the best seat he can find. Also it’s Verdell.”

  “Well, I’ll fix that,” she said.

  Chapter 3

  East is Where the Sun Sets

  BEHIND HER, MORE PEOPLE headed toward us and the parked buses in waves. A loud alarm rang, and I immediately covered my ears. Bruce just calmly looked up at the sky as rain started to fall. It hit the ground with a hissing sound, followed by steam.

  “What is that?” he asked as a drop hit his arm. “Ouch!”

  “I think it’s time to go!” I shouted. I grabbed his hand and tried to lead him toward the bus before he jerked away like a manic Golden Retriever, running after the yellow group again.

  A guard soon returned Bruce back to the bus. “This guy belong to you?” he asked.

  Bruce looked surly and on the verge of an outburst.

  “In a matter of speaking,” I said. “Yes.”

  The guard let go of him and shook a finger in Bruce’s face.

  “Why do we have any rules at all?” Bruce snapped. “Just because you’re wearing a yellow suit doesn’t mean you can treat us like children.”

  “Get on the bus or you won’t get a grilled cheese at the quarantine.”

  Bruce turned around and quickly boarded the bus.

  “We’re getting grilled cheese?” I asked. “What if I’m lactose intolerant?”

  He shrugged and turned away to join the other group of buses.

  It was a bumpy ride, and we sat in one of the middle rows. Bruce mostly stared outside, not so much to take in the urban decay going on around us, but probably daydreaming about lunches and moonlight walks on the beach with Steve the actor. Deep down I understood. I wouldn’t have minded sitting next to him either. Good Lord, he was hot in that movie where he played a cowboy with no shirt.

  When I came back to reality, I heard rain drops and sizzling as it hit the roof of the bus.

  “What is that from?” someone shouted. “Are we going to be all right?”

  Someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around to see a middle aged Hispanic woman. She smiled.

  “Yes?”

  She shoved a folded piece of paper at me. “Can you pass that to the man in the blue shirt up there?”

  I took the paper and gestured to the man up ahead. “Him?”

  “It’s my husband,” she said. “I can’t get his attention otherwise.”

  I smiled and nodded. I leaned forward and tapped the man on the shoulder. He turned around.

  “Your wife,” I said.

  “Who?” He seemed confused.

  “Your wife?” I handed him the note. He unfolded it, then promptly rolled his eyes and turned back around. I turned and mouthed the word “sorry” to the woman. She waved me away.

  At that moment, before I could say a word there was an explosion from outside that rocked us out of our seats and we collided with one another. Screams went up. Terror was at an all-time high as there was the crunch of metal and human bodies. I was huddled in a fetal position too paralyzed to move, even if I really wanted to, but at this point in time, I wanted to disappear into those bus floorboards. I tried to take several deep breaths as opposed to hyperventilating, which was my natural response. When I squeezed my eyes shut I imagined my parents. Mom, petite and full of worry, Dad shaking a finger, saying, “I told you so…”

  When the rolling stopped, there was a sharp ringing in my ears and I lay still under a bulk of something that I hoped wasn’t a dead body. I wasn’t going to move. I knew I was hurt, I knew I was bleeding somewhere, but I was afraid of coming apart entirely if I were to stand. Secondly, I could see in my very limited view through the broken window that there was a rogue force getting on board the bus and they had a walk that said they were not to be messed with.

  They were masked with what looked like old dish rags and had makeshift weapons—guns with pipes and sharp objects attached with what looked like silly putty. They were dressed in dirty jeans and distressed army pants, but the look was somewhat lessened by one of them wearing a Bugs Bunny shirt.

  A dirty boot came down dangerously close to where I hid and its owner pulled out someone who had been in the seat ahead of me, possibly the Hispanic woman’s husband. My hearing was slowly starting to come back and I could now make out indiscernible shouting. Someone fired a gun, which made me jump again.

  I can honestly say I’ve never been more terrified than that moment right then and there. I didn’t know how much longer I was going to make it.

  “Dear God,” I whispered. “If you save me, I promise I will take a more definite direction in life and listen to wisdom when it’s offered.”

  There were plenty of people hiding, pretending to be dead, and I wanted to know if Bruce and Robert were amongst them or actually gone. The thought of being alone was too much and I had to stop thinking or the fear would surely kill me faster than these attackers surrounding me.

  People were being grabbed, there were new screams, new struggles going on around me. I should have been actively fighting for the safety of our group, but in all honesty I didn’t know what to do. So I lay still like a coward.

  Someone fired their gunshot and then laughed. That was the first sound I registered with my hearing gradually coming back. The ironic thing was I hadn’t heard anyone laugh in weeks. And now there it was in the wake of people’s suffering.

  “Listen up, people!” shouted a gruff voice. “If you want to live, you’ll hand over any of the following…” He paused, clearing his throat. “Water, Doritos, Skittles, cookies, battery packs, lotion, aspirin, those wipey things that get stains out or anything along those lines.”

  I felt a finger on my exposed wrist. It startled me and I jerked it away.

  “Shhhh!” I heard.

  I couldn’t tell who touched me or who shushed me. I just didn’t want to be rudely pulled away or laughed at or shot.

  Someone jerked my sleeve. I ignored it, mostly because I couldn’t turn my head in the right angle without a sharp pain that had been forming for the last few minutes or attract any unwanted attention. That’s when more stomping came in and the renegades started going through the lost luggage left on the bus.

  My heart tightened, and I refused to move. I heard more noises, more shouting and then they marched out. I shivered and felt blood in my mouth.

  “Come on!” someone whispered.

  I ignored the voice until the person kicked me. “Hey!”

  “Stop that!” I said.

  “Don’t say that,” whispered the voice.

  “Shh!” I hissed.

  “That’s you?” Bruce’s voice was far more recognizable now as he crawled over to me and whispered. “Verdell?”

  I rolled my eyes. “You’re going to get us caught. And why would you kick me?”

  “That guy who sat in front of you,” he said. “Was that the guy from Battlestar Galactica?”

  “Bruce,” I said.

  “Oh,” he said. “Right. Forget it. But I’m glad you’re okay.”

  He crawled to me, reached out and took my hand.

  I smiled, confused. If we were to be stuck together, I guess I could do much worse. He leaned
over and kissed me hard on the mouth.

  “Everything’s going to be okay,” he said.

  “Are you sure?” I asked. “Kind of bleak right now.”

  “We’re alive.”

  “I think there’s some renegades outside. Pretty sure they’ve got weapons, and didn’t see you in The Happiest Millionaire.”

  “Well—”

  “Wait,” I said. I reached for my bag, which was lodged under my knees. I opened it and pulled out that bag of Funyuns.

  “Okay.” Bruce raised an eyebrow.

  “I’m going to get us out of here,” I said. “Plus, Funyuns are disgusting.”

  “Look, I was trying to be optimistic.”

  “Sorry.”

  Another voice came out of the shadows. “Is it safe?” he asked.

  “Who’s there?” I asked.

  “I was very important,” he said with an extremely serious face. “I’m head of my division. I’ve held many meetings.”

  “Robert?”

  “Please be a hot girl,” he said.

  I could hear him coming toward me on tiny footsteps. He was ducked low, but looked down and saw me. The disappointment on his face was painful and obvious.

  “Oh,” he said. “It’s just you.”

  “Yeah, glad you’re alive too,” I said.

  “It’s not that. I loaned out my Chapstick to someone on the bus. Don’t know if I’m getting it back.”

  I sighed. “Is the coast clear?”

  “What do you mean?” he asked.

  “Can you see out the windows? Are we still surrounded?”

  “I didn’t look.”

  “Could you look now?” asked Bruce, who did nothing to hide his annoyance.

  He looked up. “Yeah, it’s fine.” He looked around. “Where’s Debra?”

  “Weren’t you sitting together?”

  “We were,” he said slowly. “Just before the accident she thought someone in the front row had one of those gluten-free snack packs she wanted.”

  “Did they?” I asked.

  “Accident happened,” he said. “I don’t know.”

  “Let’s get out of here,” Bruce said.

  “Wait,” Robert said. “Someone has to go out first and make sure the coast is clear.”

  “What?”

  A voice came out of nowhere.

  “Who’s there?” Bruce asked.

  “Frank.”

  Bruce poked his head up. “Do we know a Frank?”

  I poked my head up and saw a man standing in the back. “Hi, Frank,” I said.

  “Hi.”

  “Is there anyone else alive?”

  “I am.”

  A weak voice came from the other direction. I looked over to see the Hispanic woman from earlier. She had a little bit of blood coming down above her eye.

  “Are you okay?” I asked.

  “My husband,” she said. “I think they took him. He’s not here.”

  She was on the verge of tears. Her shoulders shook as she fought for composure. “He was here a second ago,” she said. “He was reading a note from me. And then he was gone.”

  Bruce and Robert were silent. It was horribly awkward.

  “I’m sure it’s okay,” I said. “He’s probably fine.”

  She wiped her nose with her sleeve. “He was just here and now he’s not. He had a cold. He won’t know what to do.”

  Debra stuck her head out. “Does anyone have any gum? Preferably the sugar free kind?”

  She also had a large gash above her eye, but seemed unaware of it. The five of us were silent, until Frank cleared his throat.

  “I have breath mints,” he said.

  Debra rolled her eyes. “This is when the survivors envy the dead.”

  Frank moved forward. “We have to get out of here,” he said. “I was an Army man. I’ll check it out.”

  He marched past us and then stomped out of the overturned bus. He slammed his hand into the door, which now was sideways and stuck. We watched in silence as he kicked and kicked and kicked until it gave way with a shattering of glass.

  Bruce leaned over. “Didn’t someone just open that door on their own?”

  I shrugged. Frank just seemed to be enjoying things.

  Once it was open, Frank jumped out. We huddled in silence as we waited.

  “It’s real quiet!” he shouted.

  “Frank, shut up,” I muttered.

  “I don’t think there’s anyone around,” he yelled.

  “Frank, please,” I said.

  “I think it’s a shame that you’re so intolerant of someone else’s happiness,” Debra said. “He’s just expressing being himself in the solitude of a new world.”

  “That doesn’t make sense,” I said.

  “You are really negative,” Bruce said.

  Suddenly, gun shots rang out. I jumped, startled and hit the floor again. Frank yelped in pain for a moment, then his body hit the ground.

  I gasped. The rest of the group just stared. The Hispanic woman slowly sank into her seat and held the sleeve to her sweatshirt to her mouth.

  “Geez,” Robert said. “What do we do now?”

  “Clearly,” Debra said. “The last thing we do is announce to the world that we’re by ourselves and unarmed like Frank did. Idiot.”

  “What about this,” I said as I lowered my hands for a moment to let my thoughts out. “Maybe if we get out a different way. I’d like to find my family, so we could head east. Bruce’s family is that way.”

  Debra looked down at me. “That is literally the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” she said.

  “I’m with Debra,” Robert said. “We’d be heading toward the ocean. It’s not as populated, and maybe we can find some better help than hanging out in a school bus.”

  An older woman approached us, small and stocky, dark hair and dark eyes. She wore baggy shorts and a t-shirt with a patchwork teddy bear on it, offering flowers.

  “My aunt lives out that way,” the woman said. “She could help.”

  “I’m sold,” Bruce said, looking at me.

  “I’m sorry,” I said to the woman. “Who are you?”

  “Does it matter?” Robert said. “She wants to give us free room and board.”

  “It does matter,” I said. “I shouldn’t have to explain why.”

  The woman smiled again. “My name is Priscilla,” she said. “My husband didn’t make it and I don’t want to be alone.”

  “There,” Robert gestured to her. “Are you happy? Lets just follow this stranger.”

  I briefly thought about parting ways to look for my family, but the fear of being alone was stronger. So I nodded.

  Reluctantly, Debra and Bruce agreed, and we followed Robert out, trying not to look at the bodies along the way, crouched low to the ground so no one would see us.

  We followed a wide road that at one time was heavily trafficked and now was completely desolate now. Priscilla pointed out things from time to time, but we were mostly silent.

  “If we can get to my aunt’s house,” she said. “We’ll be safe.”

  In all this time, I still hadn’t gotten to go to the bathroom. My bladder was in pain, and I just couldn’t take it anymore.

  “Guys, I’ve got a thing to do,” I said. With that I dashed behind someone’s Dumpster and crouched down. I unbuckled my pants and relaxed, closing my eyes.

  “Verdell, I was thinking,” Robert said.

  I opened my eyes to see Robert standing over me.

  “Do you mind?” I asked, startled, trying to cover myself. “I’m taking care of some private business here.”

  “I can’t talk to Debra about everything, so I thought I’d ask you,” he said. “Do you think I’m filling out around here?” he said, touching h
is gut. “I try to keep in shape, but lately, I’m not doing the same schedule I’m used to.”

  I tried to stand while maintaining all modesty. “Sir,” I said. “You look great, but please pick better timing.” He looked slightly hurt. “Seriously, you look great,” I said. “Don’t sweat it.”

  That seemed to make him happy, so I went in the same direction as the rest of the group, Robert trailing behind. We followed them up into what used to be busy neighborhoods, but now were abandoned and broken down. We turned up one street where the entire row of houses had been burned down and left in ashes.

  “Where is this place?” I asked.

  Priscilla’s face had turned white. “I don’t know,” she said. “It should be here. They were all supposed to be here.”

  Her hand went to her mouth and tears welled up in her eyes. I put my arm around her and had no idea what to do next as her shoulders shook. Even then I felt like the human contact I could offer was the bare minimum at most.

  She nodded. “Where would everyone be now?”

  There was a rustling of the bushes, and both of us tensed at the same time. Her hand squeezed mine painfully tight.

  Bruce jumped out of the bushes into sight.

  “Oh,” he said. “It’s just you.”

  “What are you doing?” I asked, rushing for him. “I don’t know what you think is back there.”

  Bruce rolled his eyes. “Maybe there’s hidden supplies or keys to a car. I don’t know. That’s what they would have done on Burning Rubber.”

  I threw my arms around him. “That’s the name of the show Steve Harks was on! Could not remember for the life of me.”

  He rolled his eyes and stepped away. “There you go again,” he said. “Taking things I care about and making them into a joke.”

  His mood had an instant effect on me. I smiled sardonically at him and put my hands up in surrender. “You’re right,” I said. “I should have just followed your mind path to this abandoned neighborhood.”

  “Really?” He sighed heavily. “Can’t you just stop with the sarcasm? It’s always made you really unlikeable.”

  A stab to the heart for sure, but for some reason it didn’t hurt as much as it had in the past.

  I put my hands down. “Where are Robert and Debra?”