“Somebody’s taking a shower,” Dandy said.
Malcolm creaked the door open.
“I don’t think we should go in,” Dandy told him. “What if he’s on the toilet?”
Malcolm ignored Dandy and opened the door. He motioned Dandy to follow him.
The shower curtain was drawn, and the room was covered in a hazy mist. “Look!” Dandy said, pointing to the mirror. Scrawled in the fogged up mirror were the words, I’m gonna get you!
Malcolm whipped around and pulled back the shower curtain. Nothing.
“One more room left to check,” Malcolm said. But they never got the chance. As soon as the boys turned into hall, the ghost jumped down behind them and yelled, “Got you!”
CHAPTER TEN
GOT YOU!
Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!
Dandy screamed like a banshee while Malcolm shook the zapper. But before he pressed the trigger, the ghost huffed a horrendous breath at them. It knocked them down with hurricane force winds and sent the zapper flying out of Malcolm’s hand.
“Ew!” Dandy said, waving his hand in front of his nose. “That smells like onions and feet!”
Malcolm couldn’t argue. That ghost did have stinky breath. But he was more concerned with getting the zapper so he could finish this ghost off.
The ghost dived at them. The boys scrambled and ran. Malcolm saw the zapper had landed near the fireplace. He hurried toward it, but the ghost popped down, blocking his way. He reached his long bogeyman arms toward Malcolm.
“Do something!” Malcolm yelled.
Dandy grabbed his goggles by the strap and swung them at the ghost. “Take that!”
The ghost grabbed the goggles and pulled. Dandy pulled too. The strap stretched and stretched.
“Let go!” Malcolm cried.
Too late. The ghost let go first. The goggles snapped back, hitting Dandy in the head and knocking him flat . . . again.
“Ouch,” he said groggily.
Malcolm needed to get that zapper! Or maybe he just needed to get away. The ghost tilted his head, looking at him this way and that. When he grinned again, he showed a full set of razor-like teeth. He started toward them.
Malcolm tried to get Dandy to his feet. The ghost moved closer . . . and closer . . . and . . . stopped.
The ghost’s sneer turned to surprise. Malcolm heard snarling and looked down. The little white dog had come in through the open kitchen door and was biting the ghost’s leg. He was even dragging him backward.
The ghost tried shaking him off. He jumped and kicked and twisted his leg. The fierce little dog held on tight. The distraction was exactly what Malcolm needed. He grabbed the ghost zapper and shook.
When the ghost turned back it was Malcolm’s turn to grin and yell, “I’m gonna get you!”
The little dog let go as Malcolm pulled the trigger. The zapper sprayed the specter with a thick spatter of purple ooze. The ooze looked a lot like whipped cream, but it smelled like cotton candy.
The ghost stood frozen in goo. Then he and the goo slowly melted into nothing more than a large wet stain on the carpet.
The little dog sniffed it. Yip! Yip!
“Yes!” Malcolm cheered.
Dandy sat up, rubbing his forehead. “Is it over?”
“Yeah,” Malcolm answered. “Thanks to this little fellow—” But when he turned back, the little dog had already run off.
Dandy looked at the large wet spot on the carpet. “Did the dog do that?”
Malcolm smiled. “Not exactly. Come on, let’s go.” He pointed to the big purple lump now forming just above Dandy’s eyes. “You need to put some ice on that.”
Malcolm helped his friend up and they hurried out. Then, he locked the back door and put the key back in its place under the plastic container. Brom and Bowser had joined them on the porch. Bowser held the rubber ball in his jowls.
“Not now,” Malcolm said. He looked out at the doghouse. Was the brave little white dog curled up in the corner? He didn’t have time to check. It was dark now, and he needed to get home.
When they reached the front yard, Malcolm turned to Dandy. “Thanks,” he said.
Dandy looked puzzled. “For what?”
“For helping me out. I would’ve been too scared to do this alone.”
“Yeah, me too. It’s too bad we’ll never know who that ghost was,” Dandy said.
They left the Millers’ house, ghost-free, and headed home.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
SPOOKY
Malcolm walked Dandy to his house and made sure he put an ice pack on his forehead. It was late by the time he got home.
He was met with a surprise as he reached his front porch.
Bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep!
The specter detector was going off like crazy. Malcolm had forgotten to turn it off. As he reached to get it out of his pocket, he had a second surprise.
Yip! Yip! Yip!
The little dog from the Millers’ house sat on his porch, excitedly wagging his tail.
“Hey, fella,” Malcolm said, bending down. “How’d you find my house?”
The dog answered with Yip!
The dog didn’t have a collar like Bowser and Brom. And Malcolm hadn’t seen an extra bowl or bed back at the Millers’. There was really no sign that the dog belonged to them.
The mutt sat, looking up at Malcolm with large pleading eyes. Malcolm had never owned a dog, thanks to Cocoa and her sneezing fits. But maybe he could sneak this one in and keep it in his lab. At least for a while.
“Okay, you win,” Malcolm said. He reached down to pick up the dog. To his amazement, his hand passed right through it.
Malcolm jumped back. “Whoa! That’s spooky.”
Yip! Yip! The ghostly dog excitedly wagged his tail.
“Spooky,” Malcolm repeated. “Come on, Spooky. Come on, boy.” He opened his front door, and his new dog, Spooky, ran in.
The house was dark and quiet. Exhausted, Malcolm decided to go straight to bed. There’d been way too much excitement tonight.
As they trudged through the kitchen, Spooky began to bark and the ghost detector started bleeping up a storm. Malcolm looked around. To his amazement, a transparent man stood in the doorway!
Startled, Malcolm jumped. The man was wearing a powder-blue ’70s leisure suit and was smiling at him. Malcolm thought about grabbing his ghost zapper, but this apparition didn’t appear menacing at all. In fact, he looked kind and proud. Malcolm then saw a bit of family resemblance.
“Grandpa Bertram, is that you?”
Grandpa Bertram nodded. Without a word, he pointed to the kitchen table, then disappeared.
Malcolm looked down to see a small bag filled with jellybeans. He picked them up, careful not to mess up the lovely blue ribbon attached. He quietly crept to Grandma Eunice’s room and placed them on her night table.
Then Malcolm happily went off to bed. When he turned off the specter detector, Spooky disappeared. He quickly turned it back on and could see his new pooch. He smiled, knowing for certain that Cocoa wouldn’t be having sneezing fits with this pet!
Malcolm said good night to Spooky, shut off his ghost detector, and fell into a dead sleep.
BOOK 3
TELL NO ONE!
CHAPTER ONE
THE DAY BEFORE
Malcolm and his best friend, Dandy, sat quietly in Malcolm’s basement lab. It was one of those late afternoons, right before dinner, when you wish there were more hours left to hang out. Malcolm was perched on an old desk, while Dandy slumped lazily in a beanbag chair.
“I can’t believe it went by so fast,” Malcolm complained. He flipped on his Ecto-Handheld-Automatic-Heat-Sensitive- Laser-Enhanced Specter Detector. It was the gadget he used for hunting ghosts.
With the specter detector on, he could play with his new dog, Spooky. Spooky was a phantom canine that had recently followed Malcolm home. He eagerly wagged his tail at Malcolm.
“I can’t believe summer is already over,” Mal
colm said, as he put his chin in his hand. “It seems like we just started ghost hunting yesterday.”
“Summer always goes fast,” Dandy reminded him.
“Yeah, but this one went too fast.” His hangdog expression practically touched the floor.
“Look at the bright side,” Dandy said. “We’re fifth graders this year.”
That was true. Malcolm did like the idea of being in the highest grade at Waxberry Elementary.
Dandy chewed a fingernail. “I bet fifth grade will be a lot harder than fourth.”
“Yeah,” Malcolm agreed.
“But we’ll get to ride in the very back of the bus,” Dandy continued.
“That’s the bumpiest part!” Malcolm said.
Dandy suddenly sat forward. “Oh no, I just remembered—fifth graders have the last lunch of the day!”
Malcolm shook his head. “Let’s hope there’s enough food left.”
Dandy looked like he’d just dropped his last piece of gum on the floor. The only lively creature in the basement was Malcolm’s ghostly pet. Yip! Yip! Spooky hopped and bounced, jumping at Malcolm to play.
Malcolm scooted off the desk, onto the floor. Spooky tried to grab Malcolm’s shirt for tug-of-war, but his teeth went right through the shirt.
Once Spooky learned he couldn’t hang on, he decided a game of run-through-Malcolm would be more fun. He dashed in and out, one side then the other.
“Stop, Spooky. That tickles! Sit!”
Spooky sat eagerly, tail wagging.
Malcolm looked at Dandy and sighed. “You know the worst part of going back to school?”
Dandy slid another finger in his mouth and chewed on that nail. “There’s something worse than 12:45 lunch?”
“We can only ghost hunt on weekends.”
Malcolm and Dandy had already had two exciting ghost adventures this summer. First, they’d gone into the Freaky McBleaky house and been chased out by the ghost Herbert McBleaky. Malcolm still cringed at the thought of the major wedgie the jokester had given him.
Then, Malcolm waited weeks for his Ecto-Handheld-Automatic-Heat-Sensitive- Laser-Enhanced Ghost Zapper to arrive. When it finally did, he went ghost hunting again. He zapped a ghost at the Millers’ house—and met his late great-grandfather and Spooky!
“And we were just getting started,” Dandy said.
Malcolm fidgeted with his specter detector, flipping it off and on. Spooky flicked off and on, too. He faded then returned, over and over, as the specter detector detected him.
“We won’t let it end. Ghost hunting is what we do,” Malcolm said, trying to sound encouraging. “We’ll devote every weekend to searching out ghosts.”
“Right,” Dandy agreed.
“Nothing will stand in our way.”
Dandy straightened, chin high. “Yep. Nothing.”
Malcolm was starting to cheer up. “On weekends, ghost hunting comes first!”
“Right,” Dandy said. “Ghost hunting comes first. Right after I do my homework . . . mow the lawn . . . clean my room . . . and bathe the dog.” He counted out each item on his fingers.
Malcolm’s cheerful mood quickly drooped. “We’ll find time.”
It was then that the basement door burst open. A voice much like a bullhorn blared, “Mom says it’s time for dinner, snothead!”
Malcolm’s sister, Cocoa, stood at the top of the stairs. She wore Irish green eye shadow and clown red lip gloss. Malcolm thought she looked like a traffic light.
Spooky was scared by Cocoa’s demanding presence. He dashed straight through Malcolm and hid behind him.
“Tell Mom I’ll be there in a minute,” Malcolm said.
Cocoa glared, hands on hips. “I’m not your messenger. Now come eat. And tell your goofy friend he has to go home.” Her lips curled into a devilish grin. “It’s a school night.”
He couldn’t think of anything clever to say, so Malcolm simply stuck out his tongue.
“Nerd!” Cocoa yelled, stomping away.
Malcolm turned to Dandy. “There is one good thing about going back to school tomorrow.”
“What’s that?” Dandy wondered.
“Seven full hours away from her!”
CHAPTER TWO
UP AND AT ’EM
Eeg . . . eeg . . . eeg . . .
The only sound worse than Cocoa’s annoying screech was that of the alarm clock. The sound made Malcolm want to shed his skin. He slapped the off button and tumbled out of bed.
His plan to visit the bathroom failed when he discovered his sister had made camp in there.
“You’re not the only person in this house, you know!” Malcolm loudly reminded her.
“It’s the first day of school!” she called back through the closed door. “I have to look perfect!”
“If that’s what you’re waiting for, you’ll be in there for eternity,” Malcolm muttered as he walked away.
He tried his parents’ bathroom, but Grandma Eunice occupied it. She’d obviously finished her morning prunes.
Malcolm gave up and headed to the kitchen for breakfast. He dropped two pieces of bread into the toaster. While he waited, he remembered the time he’d tried converting that very toaster into an alien heat ray.
When the toast was ready, he poured a glass of orange juice. His mom had already put the peanut butter and bananas on the table.
Malcolm plopped into his chair. It scraped as he scooted closer. His parents were still eating, and they glanced up at all the noise he was making.
“I can’t believe my babies are growing up so fast,” Malcolm’s mom said. Her voice was as sweet as the apple-mint jelly she smeared on her muffin.
His dad just grunted. Malcolm guessed he hadn’t had a chance at the bathroom either.
“And it’s already the first day of school,” Mom continued.
“Please, don’t remind me,” Malcolm said, sipping some juice.
Mom sniffed the air. “It even smells like the first day. I can smell the newly sharpened pencils, chalk dust, and Big Chief tablets.”
“What are Big Chief tablets?”
“That’s what we used when your dad and I were little. Right, dear?” she said to Dad.
Dad grunted again. He never looked up from staring at his coffee.
The bathroom door flew open, rattling the entire house. “MOM!” Cocoa shrieked.
She stood in the doorway, wearing a violet shirt, purple skirt, plum-colored hoop earrings, and lavender tie-dyed sneakers. The indigo tint of her nail polish, eye shadow, and lip gloss looked like something from the “undead” cosmetic line.
Cocoa reminded Malcolm of an enormous grape. If she stood there for about 40 years, she could pass for a California raisin.
“Mom!” she whined this time. “Look!” She held out her shirt and pointed near the hem.
“What is it, sweetie?” Mom asked.
“Look!” Cocoa said again.
Mom squinted. “Look at what?”
Cocoa moved closer. “This!”
Mom squinted more. “I don’t see anything.”
“Of course not! The rhinestone heart fell off!” Cocoa drooped and sobbed like she just flunked history or something. Tears gushed down her cheeks. Malcolm didn’t see what the big deal was, but that was a girl for you.
“No one will notice,” Mom assured her soothingly.
“That’s what I’m afraid of!” Cocoa stomped her foot. “No one will notice this awesome outfit.”
Malcolm didn’t know about awesome. But now that Cocoa was no longer blocking the doorway, he saw his chance at the bathroom. Before he could move a muscle, Cocoa whipped around.
“Now I have to rethink the whole thing. I must look perfect for the first day!” she yelled. She clomped back to the bathroom, slamming the door.
“Hey!” Malcolm called. “Your clothes are in your bedroom!”
“But crying smeared my makeup, dufus. I have to redo it!”
For once Malcolm looked forward to his first day of school—ju
st so he could use the boys’ room!
CHAPTER THREE
SLOW RIDE
The back of the school bus was indeed the bumpiest part. Malcolm wondered if the bus driver, Mr. Mullins, actually aimed for every pothole in the road. The boys were trapped in the far corner amid a crowd of chattering students.
Dandy yawned. “It’s bumpy and hot back here. It’s not as great as I thought it would be.”
“No kidding,” Malcolm said. He tried pulling down a window, but no amount of tugging would free it.
Malcolm gave up and slumped down in his seat. But then he remembered something important. He reached into his backpack and pulled out his digital camera.
“What’s that for?” Dandy asked. Sweat beads had formed on his nose like teeny raindrops.
“Pictures,” Malcolm answered. “This year we’re part of the yearbook staff, remember?”
Malcolm hadn’t really wanted to be on the yearbook staff, but he was talked into it because they needed a photographer.
At first he’d resisted, but then he imagined all the cool things he could do with the photos. There was no limit to the fancy photo effects he could dream up.
He was already planning to swap the principal’s head with the school mascot, a hornet. And he may even add bubbles to the noses of the student council. Malcolm was set to make this year’s Waxberry Elementary yearbook the best ever.
Dandy scratched his nose, smearing the dirty sweat. “I don’t know how to put together a yearbook.”
“It’s not hard. Remember when we were in kindergarten, and we made those placemats for Thanksgiving?” Malcolm asked.
Dandy nodded, looking confused. His finger slipped around to the other side of his nose. “Yeah. We glued old photos to a piece of construction paper.”
“Well, it’s sort of the same thing,” Malcolm explained, playing with the strap of the camera.
Dandy’s finger slid from his nose to his lip. He kept scratching. “But I ended up with more paste on the top than on the bottom. Everyone on my placemat had a milk mustache.”
Ghost Detectors Volume 1 Page 6