“I think it’s time for us to make our way home,” my dad pipes up, dragging me from my thoughts. “It’s getting late and my bed is calling my name.”
“I think we need to head out as well,” Tessa’s dad says.
“Thank you all for coming over today. We had a fantastic time,” Tessa tells our parents.
“Of course, sweetheart. We wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else,” Teresa says.
“Hopefully next year Brian and Sara, David and Kate and Jessica will be able to join us. It sucks the years they are with their in-laws and not here with us, and poor Jessica is working today in the ER.”
“That would be nice,” Teresa and my mom both agree.
“Maybe we can all get together for Christmas even if it isn’t on the actual day,” Teresa adds. “You know we always have our Christmas Eve supper. Your brothers and family will be there, and I figured you three would be as well. Amanda, you Blake, and Jessica are all welcome to join us as well if that works for everyone.”
“Blake and I can attend for sure. I’ll check with Jessica and see what her work schedule is for then.”
“Ok, let me go kiss my grandson goodbye and get out of your hair. Thanks again for the great day, honey,” Teresa says to Tessa as she gives us both a hug and kiss goodbye before going to do the same to Ty.
My parents follow suit and a few minutes later it’s just the three of us. Ty is hardly keeping himself awake, as it is now an hour past his bedtime.
“Let’s go get you ready for bed, buddy. Want me to read to you tonight?” I say to Ty. “Your momma looks like she isn’t going to make it long enough to read tonight, so let’s go have a boys' bedtime story.”
Ty yawns. “I’m too sleepy. Can you carry me?”
“I guess, are you even going to make it to a book?” I ask him as I scoop him up to carry him upstairs. He lays his head on my shoulder and is out before I even make it to the top of the stairs. Since he’s out cold, I just put him to bed and go get Tessa to do the same to her. She’s exhausted after cooking all day for us.
When I come back downstairs, she’s already sleeping on the couch. “Hey, beautiful,” I say quietly as I rub her cheek with my fingers. “Let’s get you upstairs and to bed.”
“Ok,” she mumbles back to me as she curls up even more on the couch.
I reach down and scoop her up in my arms and carry her upstairs and to bed. She wakes up and we both get changed for bed. As much as I had looked forward to having a repeat performance of last night, I know she’s exhausted and it isn’t going to happen. I just want to hold her in my arms and fall asleep with her and that is exactly what I do.
The next few weeks blow by with normal holiday busyness. Christmas is upon us and it’s amazing to me to experience the magic of Christmas through Ty’s eyes. Having never been around kids, and especially that I’m close with Ty, has brought the magic back into my life. I might be just as excited as Tessa to play Santa for him. All our siblings and their significant others, as well as my parents, will be at Tessa’s parents’ house for Christmas Eve tomorrow night. This will be the first time we are all together at one time. It will be a large group, but I’m actually looking forward to it.
Christmas Eve at Teresa and Jim’s was amazing. Teresa is an amazing cook and didn’t disappoint at all with the spread she made. We had a great time getting to spend time with everyone and Ty left having been spoiled by everyone. We still need to set out all his presents now that we’re home, but I’m waiting on Tessa to get done putting him to bed to do so.
“Hey, sorry that took longer than normal to get him down. He was still all excited from everything he got at my parents’ house and excited for Santa to come tonight. I have a feeling we are going to have an early morning wake up tomorrow.”
“I figured so, and we will just roll with it in the morning. I think I’m just as excited as he is for tomorrow morning,” I tell her as she sits down next to me, leaning on me.
“This is my first time experiencing Christmas through the eyes of a small child. I can’t even explain to you how magical it is for me.” We sit in a comfortable silence, just relaxed, and holding each other for a few minutes. “Ready to get all the presents set out?”
“Yep, we might as well get it done.”
We pull out everything and Tessa arranges it just perfect. I sneak a few things in when she isn’t paying attention. She doesn’t know this, but I took Ty out shopping after school one day and helped him pick some stuff for her from him. I know her family has done a great job making sure she is never forgotten with Matt being gone, but I want to fill that place now and am excited for tomorrow when she opens her gifts. I considered for a while if I should buy her a ring for Christmas, but I still don’t think she’s ready for that. I just need to continue to be patient and the right time will come.
We have all the presents under the tree, I’ve eaten the cookies and drank the milk Ty left for Santa, and we are cuddled back on the couch. I can tell Tessa is ready to fall asleep and is fighting it.
“Hey, babe, why don’t we call it a night? You’re exhausted and like you said earlier, we’ll probably have a very early morning.”
“Ok, let’s head up to bed.”
We go upstairs and it’s a good thing we did as Ty is up bright and early at 5:30am. Tessa is able to convince him to cuddle with us until 6, but he’s too excited to get downstairs and see what Santa has brought him.
The next few hours are a whirlwind of wrapping paper, assembling toys, finding batteries and even a few tears from Tessa. She’s shocked by the presents that Ty and I bought for her. Ty picked out a beautiful mother’s necklace (with my help, of course) and some new fun scrubs for her. I got her a gift certificate for the same spa that Caroline took her to for her birthday for another day of pampering. I also wrapped up the plans that I drew up to renovate her master bathroom as she talked about so much after her birthday trip to the spa. I have a crew ready to start the remodel just after the new year as long as she approves what I have designed for her and she can pick out what colors and material she wants used. She loved both of these and I can’t wait to see how her bathroom turns out.
Tessa
3 Months Later
The past 3 months have flown by. Ty is doing fantastic in school, he turned 7 and is just growing like crazy! Jake and I fall more in love every day. I’m almost scared to admit it, but life is pretty much perfect. I love working only 2 days a week, it’s enough for me to feel like I’m doing something productive, yet not sacrificing my time from Ty and Jake. The bathroom remodel that Jake surprised me with for Christmas was amazing. I picked out all the material and colors I wanted and his crew came in and worked their magic and I now have an amazing sanctuary in my master bathroom.
I’ve been feeling a little anxious the past few days as this Friday is the anniversary of Matt’s death. This has happened every year and I wish I knew how to change things. No matter how much I miss him, I can’t bring him back. I’ve noticed that Ty is also having a hard couple of days. He, of course, was too young when Matt died to actually remember him. He just knows him from the pictures and all the stories I make sure to tell him about his dad. I’m also a little worried about Jake. The anniversary of his accident was a few weeks ago and I’ve noticed he’s been waking up from nightmares lately. He hasn’t really wanted to talk about it and I’m sure he had dealt with this before, but I still worry about him and that his PTSD is bothering him. I remember him telling me months ago that he doesn’t usually get the nightmares anymore, but they will sometimes start popping up around the time of his accident anniversary. Maybe when Ty has his sleepover with my parents this weekend we can have time to have a serious discussion about everything that is going on. If he needs help, I want him to address it now and not once it’s so bad that he has fallen into a hole.
I realize I’ve been spacing out thinking about everything when the call button goes off from one of my patients, so I head into her room to check on her. I h
ope she’s almost ready to push that baby out! I just love helping women bring their babies into the world. It never gets old. Getting to hold brand new babies is one of the perks of my job.
My shift ends and I head home. Jake has completely taken over picking up Ty from school as his schedule allows it due to it being the slow season. That will change in the next few weeks once they start their new project. So I am a little shocked when I get home and my mom is the one there with Ty.
“Hey, I’m home,” I call as I come in from the garage. “Where’s Jake?” I ask my mom.
“He called me this afternoon and asked if I could pick up Ty. He said he had an appointment that came up. He didn’t call or text you?” she asks, seeing the look of concern on my face.
“No, he didn’t.”
“Well, I’m sure he’ll be home soon. I made supper and Ty has already eaten. He’s playing up in the playroom and will be ready for his shower soon,” Mom says as she pulls me in for a hug.
“Thank you so much, Mom. I just wish he would have let me know,” I tell her as I hug her back.
“It’s no big deal, Tessa, you know we’re here to help you whenever you need it.”
“I know, Mom. It just bothers me a little that he didn’t let me know.”
“I’m sure he just figured you wouldn’t have an issue with me or your dad getting Ty and having him for the afternoon. He did sound pretty stressed, so maybe something was stressing him at work.”
“Maybe, I will try and call him once you leave. I’ve worried about him lately. He’s been having symptoms of his PTSD the past few weeks and I was going to try and talk to him more about it this weekend when Ty is with you and Dad. When I have tried to bring it up, he just shuts me down right away and says he’s fine and that the symptoms will pass.”
“I’m sorry he’s having difficulties. I didn’t know and I hope that if he needs to go back to get more help, he does. We love him and I know he makes you and Ty so happy. We only want what’s best for all of you.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“I’m going to head home. You call if you need anything. I love you, Tessa,” she tells me as she wraps me in another hug.
Once my mom is gone and I peek in on Ty, I try calling Jake. I get his voicemail, so I leave a message and then text him. I’m worried about him. He has never disappeared like this on me. I call Caroline as I’m starting to freak out.
“Hey, T, how are you?” she asks me when she answers.
“Not great,” I tell her. “Have you guys heard from Jake today? He called my mom this afternoon asking her if she could pick up Ty from school. Said he had a last minute appointment that he needed to go to. He didn’t try and contact me at all and now he isn’t answering his phone or texts.”
“I haven’t, but let me ask Luke,” she says as she asks Luke. “He hasn’t heard from him either. He’s going to try and call him now.”
“Thanks, I’m just so worried about him.”
“Why, what’s going on?”
“He’s been having some symptoms of his PTSD for the last couple of weeks. He shuts me down anytime I try to bring it up. I think he might need to go back to his doctors and get help. I’m getting scared and worried.”
“I’m so sorry, Tessa, we had no idea.”
“I know,” I say as I sigh. “I’ve been trying to just let him deal with it and not nag him. I just don’t know what to do. I had planned to have a come to Jesus talk with him this weekend when Ty is at my parents’ house, and if this disappearing act has anything to do with all of this then that is definitely something that needs to happen.”
“I think that sounds like a good idea.”
“Hey, he just pulled in, so I’m going to get off the phone.”
“Ok, text me to let me know if he’s ok.”
“Will do. Thanks for letting me vent, Caroline.”
“Anytime, you know that.”
I head into the kitchen to grab a drink and head back out to the couch to wait for him to come into the house. When he finally comes in, he looks stressed and tired and like he’s broken. My heart just drops seeing him like this. I know I need to tread carefully but I also want to know what’s going on.
“Hey,” I say to him.
“Hey, babe, sorry I didn’t answer when you called. I’ve had a pretty shitty day.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“Not really, but I know that isn’t fair to you. Can we talk after Ty is in bed?”
“Yes, I need to head up now anyways to get him in the shower. Have you eaten yet? My mom made dinner, but I haven’t eaten yet.”
“No, I haven’t. I can go warm it up for us while you’re dealing with Ty.”
“Thanks,” I tell him as I get up to go upstairs. As I pass by him, he snakes his arm around my waist, pulling me in for a hug.
“I’m so sorry if I worried you, babe. I’ll explain everything when you come back down,” he tells me as he kisses my cheek.
My mind is going 100 miles a minute thinking about all that could have happened today. I’m just glad that he’s going to actually talk to me and not shut me out like he has been the past few weeks. I get Ty through his shower and into bed. When I come back downstairs, Jake has heated up the food my mom made for us and is waiting for me at the table.
“Ty ok?” he asks me as I sit down next to him.
“Yes, he asked me if you were home yet. He said he missed spending time with you today.” I don’t think I will be able to eat until after we talk. I need to know that Jake is okay and that we are going to be okay.
“I missed him too,” he says on a sigh. “I’m so sorry for having to call your mom today but Tessa, I’m broken. I know you’ve tried to talk to me over the past few weeks about the nightmares and my attitude and other symptoms. And I’m so sorry for trying to push you out. I called this morning and made an appointment at the VA hospital for an emergency meeting with my counselors. My PTSD is rearing its ugly face and I realized this morning that I need to deal with it now before I lose the most important things in my life, you and Ty. I’ve not had anyone in my life while I have dealt with the PTSD in the past and at first I thought that I could just let it ride and it would stop. Unfortunately, it’s only getting worse and I’m not really sure why. Just another fucked up thing about PTSD and the shit I’ve been through in my life. But I did what needed to be done and I went to get help. I will be seeing the counselors daily for the next few weeks. They are going to put me back on some meds to hopefully get me over this episode sooner rather than later. I need you on my side and your help to get through this, baby.”
“I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all of that. Of course, I’ll help you and do whatever I can to help you through it. I also have an appointment with my counselor this week to talk with her about my nightmares that have returned with it being the anniversary. Maybe she’ll have some suggestions on how I can help you as well. I love you, Jake, and will be here however you need me to be.”
“I love you, Tessa. More than anything in this world and I’ll do everything I can to prove that to you. I wish I could make all this pain go away for all of us, but I can’t. I can only do what I know helped in the past to get past it and move forward. I promise you that I will keep you in the loop as to what is going on with my treatment and where I’m at mentally.”
“That’s all I can ask you to do. And if you have to call my parents again, please also just let me know. I was so worried when I got home and hadn’t heard from you.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you. And I didn’t think it would be so late before I got home tonight. I’ve been at the VA since right after lunch. But since they were squeezing me in as an emergency appointment, I had to be flexible and wait a lot between tests and appointments.”
“So, your daily appointments will just be with the counselor or therapists?” I ask him as I reach out to grab his hand and lace our fingers together.
“Yes, unless they need me to have any tests done.
But since they did all that today, I shouldn’t have to have any more tests for a few months.”
“How long will you go daily?”
“For the next few weeks, unless we see an improvement sooner. Then I will drop down to a few times a week and gradually go down until I’m going once or twice a month.”
“That sounds like a good treatment plan. I really hope they can get you back to feeling normal. You have to promise me that you’ll tell me if something isn’t right,” I say as I squeeze his hand. I need him to know how serious I am about keeping the lines of communication open between the two of us when it comes to his mental health.
“I will, I promise. My therapist kind of got on my case today when I told her I was dating someone and had been pushing you out. She told me that doing that is one of the worst things I can do and that I need to learn to lean on you when I need help. She also told me I probably needed to come home groveling on my knees asking for your forgiveness.” He chuckles a little, and this warms me so much. Not having heard him laugh much in the past few weeks was bothersome and seeing him find the humor in his therapist telling him he needed to grovel is already a small improvement and gives me hope.
“Smart woman,” I reply back to him with a smile. “Just don’t forget that I love you and will do whatever I can to help you. You are important to Ty and me and we would be devastated without you in our lives.”
“I know, babe,” he tells me and then leans over to kiss me. It feels so good to have his lips on mine. Since he’s been pushing me away the past few weeks, he also hasn’t been very affectionate with me. I miss the intimacy between the two of us.
“I’ve missed you,” I tell him. “Missed this.” I stand up to move so I can sit on his lap. “I need this contact between the two of us.”
He hugs me tight and kisses my neck. “I’m so sorry,” he says into my neck.
Tempting Tessa Page 13