We sit like that for a while. I have no idea how much time has passed, but I finally move back to my chair so that we can both eat. Our food is now cold but neither of us care as we’re starving. Once we’re done and have cleaned up, we head upstairs to get ready for bed.
We are next to each other in bed, both quiet when he rolls to face me. “Can I just hold you tonight? I’ve missed you in my arms.”
“Yes, I’ve missed being wrapped in your arms,” I tell him as I lean in to kiss him tentatively. He deepens the kiss, pulling me flush with his body.
“Ignore it,” he says as my body comes into contact with his erection. “I just need to hold you, and know that I haven’t apologized enough to you to have that contact with you again. But I will show you that I can earn that trust back and be the man you need me to be.”
“Jake, you don’t have to keep apologizing to me. I get it, I really do. I need you to make love to me. I need that connection with you. That is what I need. I need slow, soul-searing love making with you.”
He flips me on my back and removes the tank top I had put on to sleep in, and quickly removes my shorts and panties. He drops his boxers and is on top of me before I’ve even realized it. He grabs both of my hands, lacing our fingers together, takes my lips with his and slowly pushes himself into me. Since we haven’t had sex in a few weeks, his first thrust brings a sting of pain but as he slowly finds our rhythm my body comes alive. He breaks our kiss but never eye contact. The intimacy between us at this moment is healing. I can feel the love between us and all the unsaid things passing through our bodies and our eyes as we make love to each other. This is us forgiving each other and healing each other. This is us finding our way through this painful world and learning to lean on each other the way we need to for us to have a future together.
The next few weeks are a constant rollercoaster of up and down emotions. I've been seeing my therapist a couple times a week and it’s been very helpful. Ty is back to being his normal fun self. I think he was feeding off the negative energy coming off Jake and me and that was causing him to act out. Jake is doing well. He’s down to seeing his doctors a couple times a week as well. The meds they put him on have been helping a lot. His nightmares have tapered off as have the night sweats that accompanied the nightmares. I’m hopeful he’s on the road back to the man I met almost a year ago.
Jake
PTSD is a bitch. I haven’t had a flare-up like I’ve been dealing with these past weeks in years. Usually, the nightmares would come back for a few days and then go away just as fast as they popped up. This time things got bad and I’m still kicking myself in the ass for how I treated Tessa during the worst of it. She didn’t deserve how I pulled away and I thank my luck stars that she didn’t give up on me. The day I had my breakdown and ended up at the VA hospital was a breaking point. It was either fall back into drinking myself away or get help. I knew I needed help, so I got it. I feel so much better, but know that at any moment things could change and something could trigger a relapse. I have promised her and myself that if I notice something is off I will not just brush it off, and I will get help for it ASAP. I can’t lose her and Ty. They are the best things I have going in my life. Yes, I have a successful business, but that doesn’t mean anything if I don’t have the love they give me and their brightness in my life.
Since that day, I have kind of taken a step back in how much I have been helping Tessa with Ty. I need to focus on my treatment and business is picking up again as we have started our large build for the summer. Trying to balance everything has been stressful and being stressed doesn’t help my symptoms. My dad has been coming into the office to help some to help me out as he knows the importance of my getting to my appointments with my therapists. I just need to get back to showing Tessa she can fully trust me and that I’m reliable. I fucked up that day, not letting her know I wasn’t going to be the one to get Ty. But what happened in the past is in the past and I’m ready to move on from that. I’m just trying to figure out how I can prove that to her. With my busy schedule, I can’t go back to picking up Ty from school. My goal is to start small and work my way up. So that starts tonight. I’m going to head home and let Teresa head home and I will get dinner done and spend time with Ty.
I get home and find Teresa outside with Ty. We have had an amazing spring and the weather is perfect for being outside.
“Hey, guys, I made it home early,” I call out to them as I walk out onto the deck.
“Jake!” Ty yells as he runs over to me, wrapping my legs in a hug.
“Hey, buddy, did you have a good day at school? And were you good for Grams?”
“Yes! We had our special guest come from the zoo! I got to touch a spider, a snake and a salamander.”
“Wow, that sounds like a fun day!” I tell him as we walk over to Teresa. “Hey, Teresa, how are you today?”
“I’m doing great. Ty’s been bouncing off the walls from his excitement from the zoo people coming to his class so we’ve been outside for the past hour or so letting him burn off his energy.”
“Sounds like we might need to plan a trip to the zoo for him soon.”
“I’m sure he would love that.”
“I was able to get off early and head home. I wanted to make dinner for Tessa and Ty. You haven’t started anything yet, have you? I figured this was a good starting point for me to prove to her I can be relied upon again. I know I messed up when I had my breakdown and I need to restore that.”
“I’m proud of you for getting the help you need, Jake. We’re all here for you and rooting for you to overcome everything that happened to you,” she tells me. “And you’re in luck, I hadn’t started anything. I noticed some defrosted burgers and stuff for grilling in the fridge but I didn’t start it.”
“Thank you for all your support. It really means a lot to me to have everyone behind me.”
“We see how much you and Tessa love each other and how much you love Ty. Seeing her love again, happy again, smiling again, is a real joy for us. She was so broken for so long after losing Matt that we were worried she would never allow herself to love again. She’s a strong, beautiful woman who deserves to live her life being loved by a man who will worship her the way you do. And as a mother, that is all I can ask of you. You make her happy and I think the two of you are meant to be together. I think she was right last year when she said it felt like Matt brought you to her when you guys found out about the kidney donation.”
“I love her so much, it hurts sometimes. I wish I could take all her pain away. She’s made me a better man and for that I will forever be grateful to her. You have my word that I will continue to love her in any and every way I can.”
We fall into a comfortable silence as we both watch Ty playing in his sandbox. Tessa will be off work soon, so I need to get the grill fired up.
“I think I’m going to head home if you have things here under control.”
“Yes, I do. I was just about to go turn on the grill and grab the food from the kitchen. Do you mind sticking around for 5 more minutes while I run inside to grab everything and use the bathroom?”
“Yep, not a problem.”
“Thanks, Teresa.”
I head inside to use the restroom and grab the food to grill. Grilling is one of our favorite meals for all of us, so we do it often. I get back outside and Teresa heads home. I watch Ty as I man the grill. He ends up bringing a football over for us to toss back and forth while we are waiting on the food to cook and for Tessa to get home. I haven’t heard from her all day, so I’m going to assume she was busy with lots of patients and new babies.
I am just pulling all the food off the grill when Tessa comes out the back door.
“Hey, beautiful,” I say to her as I wrap her in a hug and kiss her on the lips. “How was your day? Busy?”
“Hey, yourself! This is a nice surprise. When did you get home? And yes, we were slammed. It must have been a full moon last night or tonight. Every room was full and as soon a
s we could get one patient transferred to the mother baby unit, we would have another one filling the empty room. I think we had 10 babies born today alone on my shift. It hasn’t been that busy in a very long time!”
“So, what you are saying is you’re ready for a glass of wine and a foot rub later?” I ask her as I place another kiss on her lips.
“That sounds like heaven, add in a shower and I’ll be a puddle on the floor,” she tells me.
“Well, dinner is ready, let’s eat while it’s still hot.” I grab the plate with the food and place it on the table.
We sit outside since it’s still so nice out. After we all eat, Ty goes back out to play for a little bit, and Tessa and I just relax talking about our days. She tells me all about the babies she helped deliver. The excitement in her eyes as she talks about all the new babies is amazing to see. She’s such an amazing mom and it’s moments like these that I hope that one day I’ll be able to see that look come from us having a baby. I know she wants more kids and she has made that dream come back into my life.
Over the next few weeks, I continue to make an effort to take on more to help Tessa and prove to her that she can depend on me. Thankfully, it seems to be working and we are making our way back to how things were before my breakdown.
Tessa
I’m so glad things are returning to our normal. With dealing with both my issues around the anniversary of Matt’s death and Jake’s PTSD, things were very stressful. He’s been doing a lot to try and prove to me how dependable he is, and I love him so much for it. He’s an amazing man, and I thank God every day that he realized he was in need of help and he got it. If he wouldn’t have made that realization on his own, I’m not sure what would have happened between us and I don’t want to even think about that.
My birthday is coming up soon and I would love to spend the weekend before it up at the cabin. We had such a fantastic time when we went there last fall. Hopefully Jake can get away for a long weekend and we can get away. I think it will be a blast if we invite Luke and Caroline to come with us like we had wanted to do last time, but never got to. Even if we bring the kids along, it would still be an amazing weekend away.
Tessa: Hey babe, how’s your day going?
Jake: Good, been steadily busy, but I’ll be done at 5 and home shortly after. How is your day?
Tessa: It’s been good, went grocery shopping and did a few other errands. Will be leaving soon to pick up Ty from school.
Tessa: Hey, do you think you would be able to take a long weekend for my birthday? I was thinking we could head to the cabin if you can take the time away?
Jake: I like that idea, let me look at the calendar and see where we should be on the build around then. I’ll let you know when I get home tonight.
Tessa: Sounds good, babe. I was thinking of inviting Luke and Caroline.
Jake: Sounds good, beautiful. I’ll talk to you when I’m home, about to meet with my foreman for a bit. Love you.
I’m excited that he thinks it might be possible, so I call Caroline to talk about it as well.
“Hey, Tessa,” she says after answering.
“Hey, what are you doing?”
“I’m trapped in my car in the Target parking lot. I was out running errands and Oliver fell asleep in his car seat. He’s needed a nap all day, so I’m not going to interrupt him sleeping. If he doesn’t wake up soon, I might just abandon my Target trip until after bedtime when I can come with no kids.”
“I think that sounds like the best option. Think about it, then you can lazily walk up and down the aisles looking at everything you don’t need,” I tell her on a laugh.
“Ya, that’s just what my wallet needs,” she replies sarcastically. “What are you up to?”
“About to head out to get Ty from school but I was calling to see if you guys have plans for the weekend before my birthday? I thought it would be fun to head to the cabin for a long weekend. Either with kids or without. Jake is going to check his schedule before coming home to see if he will be able to get away. I was thinking about leaving mid-day Friday and coming back either Sunday evening or Monday if we can swing the extra time.”
“That sounds like a great idea! I’ll check with Luke and my parents to see if they can keep the boys.”
“Sounds great. Jake said he would know tonight when he gets home if he’ll be able to get away, so I’ll text you if it is a go or not. Once I know from him, I’ll talk to my parents and see if they can keep Ty for the weekend.”
“Ok. Hey, Oliver is waking up so we are going to run into the store before Jack gets out of school. I’ll talk to you later.”
Once off the phone, I head to Ty’s school to wait for him to get out. Once he is out of school, we stop at the park for a while to kill time until we need to get home for dinner. Jake gets home just as I’m putting dinner on the table. We all discuss our days while we eat. Ty is looking forward to our planned trip to the zoo this weekend. He has been begging to go since the zoo came to his class a few weeks ago with some creepy crawlers. We finish dinner and Ty goes to play until it’s bedtime, while Jake and I clean up from dinner together.
“So, did you get a chance to check your schedule?” I ask him.
“Yes and I’m pretty sure we can pull it off. I need to see if I can move an inspection or see if my dad can be there for it if we can’t. Did you talk to Caroline about it?”
“Yes, I called her to mention it. She was going to have Luke check his schedule. She said she would wait to see if it was a go on your end before she talks to her mom about keeping the boys. I was doing the same with my parents. No sense in bothering them with it if we can’t go.”
“Well, I would say we are a go, so start making all the plans you want, beautiful,” he tells me as he wraps me in a hug, pulling me tight against him. I tuck my face in his neck and just relax into him. I love how he is all hard and ripped muscles, yet a big teddy bear when I am in his arms.
I text Caroline that things are on and to let me know what her mom says. I take the time to call my mom to see if they can keep Ty. She, of course, says they can and things are already coming together for the weekend away.
The next 10 days pass by pretty quickly. Jake has been swamped at work but his dad is going to come and help out so that he can go away. I’m so thankful for that as I’ve been looking forward to it since I came up with the idea. We leave tomorrow so I have been packing everything up today. Having been there last fall, I know what to expect and don’t feel as stressed about packing. We plan to just take Jake’s truck since we all fit comfortably in it and there is no sense in wasting the gas in two cars.
Our weekend at the cabin is amazing and so refreshing. I hope we can come up here more often over the summer. We both love it here and come home so refreshed. Amazing what a little time away from the city will do for you. I also love how smooth life is going these days. Jake is doing really well and has been able to decrease some of his meds. His therapists are really happy with his response to the therapy and medications. He will not stop either for a while, as they don’t want everything to start again.
With our anniversary coming up in a few days, I have been trying to plan something special for Jake. He has been such an amazing addition to my life the past year. I can’t imagine my life without him and can’t believe how much life has changed since I met him a little over a year ago.
Jake
One year, 365 days. That’s how long Tessa and I have been together. She has been such an amazing ray of sunshine in my life. I couldn’t have asked for a better partner. She is fucking beautiful both on the inside and outside. She is the most caring, compassionate, loving woman I have ever met. Her presence in a room makes it feel better. She is my home and most definitely makes me a better man.
Since our anniversary also coincides with her birthday, I want to make sure she feels like both are being celebrated. We went to the cabin last weekend for her birthday and had an amazing time. I have flowers being sent to her at work. Tonigh
t, I’m taking her out to celebrate and I plan on asking her if we can officially move in together. I can’t tell you the last time I actually slept at my house. I’m at her house every night as it is. Once I move all my shit out of my house I’m not sure if I want to rent it or sell it, but that’s something we can figure out later.
Tessa: Thank you for the flowers, they’re beautiful. I love you.
Jake: You’re welcome, beautiful. I love you! Hope you have a great day at work. I’ll see you when you get off work. Be ready to be swept off your feet tonight. ;)
I go about my day, finishing around 5 and heading home to shower and get changed. After I’m done getting ready and once she is changed we can head to dinner. Her mom is keeping Ty for us tonight. He finished school last week and is enjoying his summer vacation. Dinner was fantastic. We went to her favorite restaurant where we had her birthday at last year. We always enjoy it there. Since she had to work today, I know she’s going to be tired, so we head home after dinner. We make it home and head inside.
“Want a glass of wine?” I ask her.
“Yes, please,” she answers as I lean down to give her a kiss.
I go into the kitchen to grab her one and a beer for me and meet her back out in the living room.
“Thanks,” she says as I hand her the glass. “I so need this tonight after the long day at work.”
“Sorry work has been so stressful lately. Do you think they will hire any new nurses to help out with how busy you guys have been lately?” I sink down onto the couch next to her, pulling her closer to me.
“Probably not, this is kind of normal. Baby booms are pretty normal. Ten months after any major holiday, storm, professional sports team winning a championship etc. we see a baby boom. It’s kind of funny with some of them but otherwise is pretty normal for my department.”
“That’s pretty funny that you can trace booms back to things like that.” I chuckle and think of all the random shit that makes people celebrate and thus leads to the baby booms.
Tempting Tessa Page 14