The Less Lonely Planet
Page 25
A: Yep.
Q: I note that Happenstance has been mapped many times over the centuries but that each subsequent mapping has produced a less accurate outline of the continents, an opposite process to what occurred on Earth. In fact, the latest cartographical survey conducted by your finest surveyors has created a map that seems designed only to mildly amuse armchair explorers with a few bad puns rather than genuinely assist travellers or sailors to reach their destination. Is cartography the only discipline on Happenstance that degrades over time?
A: Nope.
Q: Talking about armchairs has reminded me of the theory that weird and impossible events occur just as often on Earth as on Happenstance, but that on Earth they are simply less conspicuous. For instance, I recently walked down a street on Earth and came across a stool balanced on a chair that in turn was balanced on a bed, and so I assumed that the owner had discarded these items of furniture and that they would be cleared away by council workers eventually. Had I encountered the same scene in Happenstance I would have assumed that the stool was tired and was resting on the chair and that the chair was sleepy and was enjoying a nap on the bed. Does this theory have any merit at all?
A: Aye.
Q: I am aware that your time is precious and that you must soon return your finger to your lips. I wish to thank you on behalf of the citizens of the two fused worlds for your priceless insights. I have two final questions I dearly want to ask you, also on behalf of the teeming millions of Earth and Happenstance, but I am aware that the interview is about to end, so I will refrain from asking you to reveal the secret of never ending happiness and ask my other question instead. How does it feel to be the wisest person in the history of the cosmos?
A: Dunno.
The Less Lonely Planet
charted by Rommel Cobra on his day off
(very inaccurate)
Chronology of Contents
The stories in this book were written in strict chronological order. The date for each story is as follows:
1992
Thinner Air; On the Deck
1993
Troubleroot; Goblin Sunrise
1994
The Two Kingdoms; The Taming of the Old Woman who Lived in a Shrew
1995
Thief Among Thieves; The Golden Fleas
1997
Below the Carnival
1999
The Muse Ouroboros
2001
Accordion Beach; The Mice Will Play; The Desiccated Sage
2002
Two Fat Men in a Very Thin Country
2004
Niddala
2005
Sending Freedom Far Away; The Impregnable Fortress; The Bathing Bells
2006
Doom Laden Haven; The Six Sentinels; In Moonville; But it Pours; The City that was Itself; The Man who Gargled with Gargoyle Juice; The Tallest Midget in Christendom; The Kissable Climes; The Non-Existent Viscount in the Trees; When the Microscopic Giants Took Over Happenstance; Venus and Stupid; Von Ryan’s Daughter’s Express; In Sunsetville; Fable with Turkish Coffee; Sir Cheapskate; Playing Impossible Instruments
2007
The Juice of Days
2009
The Path of Garden Forks