by Hannah Ellis
“I was busy having fun with the girls,” I said. “We’re on holiday.”
“You’re going to have no clean clothes to wear soon,” Ruth said irritably. “Shall I walk the girls down this morning so you can get on with some jobs?”
“Yeah, okay.”
Hailey shot me a disapproving look, which I ignored, getting up to put the washing machine on. I spent the morning ironing and cleaning and then had half an hour to relax with a cup of tea before I went to pick the girls up. Again, they were chatty and full of excitement when they gave me a rundown of their morning over lunch.
“Did Uncle Adam get the kites out?” Hailey asked as I loaded plates into the dishwasher.
“No, I think he forgot.”.
“Can you get them?” she asked.
“I guess so,” I told her. “Let me put a movie on for Emily and then I can go up and have a look.”
Luckily, I managed to avoid knocking myself out with the attic ladder when I pulled it down through the trapdoor. That had been my main worry. I groped in the dark until I found the light switch. Blinking, I took in the mess of boxes and random objects in the attic. Unsure where to start, I randomly pulled up the lids of boxes to look for the kites. The creak of the ladder alerted me to Hailey’s presence a short while later.
“Wow, what a mess!”
“I know,” I said. “We should’ve left it to Adam.”
“They must be around here somewhere.” She copied me and checked some more boxes.
“Bingo!” I said eventually, opening a huge cardboard box and discovering an array of outdoor toys. “There’s all sorts of things in here.”
I looked at Hailey, who was crouching over a smaller box.
“Is this my mum?” She held a photo up to show me and I moved to take it from her.
“Yeah,” I said, taking in the image of Becky and Adam sitting on their bikes, grinning into the camera.
“How old do you think she is there?” she asked, biting her lip and fighting off tears.
I flicked the photo over. A date was written on the back, in Ruth’s handwriting. “About your age,” I told her after a quick calculation. “Maybe a bit younger.”
She sniffed and nodded, taking the photo back and replacing it in the box. “It’s full of photos,” she told me, delving into the box and pulling out an album. “They’re all of Mum and Uncle Adam. Where’s this?” she asked, pointing to a photo of Becky on a beach as a teenager.
“I don’t know. Why don’t you take them down? You can ask Adam about them later.”
“Thanks,” she said, flashing me a shy smile. “Did you find the kites?”
“Yeah. You go down the ladder and I’ll pass things down to you.”
We managed to cart the boxes downstairs and then played in the garden for a while with our newfound treasures: bats and balls, stilts and roller-skates, and skipping ropes. I was surprised Ruth hadn’t suggested getting them out before.
We drove over to Angela’s place with the kites late in the afternoon. We flew them on the hill with Zac and Imogen before heading into Angela’s house to eat and warm up.
Hailey was laughing when we finally arrived home, but stopped abruptly when she walked into the hallway. She turned to look at me, panic in her eyes. I glanced into the living room. Adam sat on the floor, his childhood photos spread out around him, tears streaming down his face. Quickly, I directed Emily into the kitchen and ushered Hailey in after her.
“Why don’t you make milkshakes?” I said to her. She stared at me and swallowed hard. “It’s fine,” I said, rubbing her arm. “Just watch Emily for a few minutes, okay?” She nodded. I pulled the living room door shut behind me and knelt beside Adam, hugging him. There was a time when it felt like whenever I entered a room, I would find someone crying. I don’t know when that had stopped, but Adam’s tears took me by surprise.
“I still can’t believe she’s gone,” he said when he finally managed to speak.
“I know,” I said, stroking his hair and kissing his damp cheek. “I’m so sorry.”
When I looked up, Hailey was in front of me, tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I should’ve left them up in the attic.”
“Come here.” I took her hand and pulled her in for a hug. “It’s fine.”
Adam straightened up and took a deep breath, attempting a smile for Hailey. “I just miss her, that’s all.”
She wiped her tears with a sleeve. “Me too.”
“See this one…” Adam picked up a photo from the floor. “That’s my T-shirt. She was always stealing my T-shirts. I used to get so annoyed at her. It’s not like I could wear her clothes.”
Hailey picked up another photo. “This is the tennis set we found in the attic today, isn’t it?”
Adam took it from her. It was a photo of himself when he was about Hailey’s age, holding a tennis racket and grinning into the camera. “Your gran never throws anything out.”
I left them reminiscing over the photos and got Emily ready for bed. After reading her several stories I went back downstairs. Hailey and Adam were laughing and I decided to leave them alone. I made myself a cup of tea and went upstairs to read in bed.
Chapter 11
The next day, I was disappointed to wake and find Adam had already left. I hated his long hours and wished he was home more. I was happy about the long weekend: he’d be home for four days and – for once – I was looking forward to us all being together. Hailey had been like a different person the past week. She was actually fun to be around. I’d stopped having to watch what I said around her, and she was kinder to Emily too. It made the house a much happier place.
The kids were so eager to get to holiday club on the final day that they were ready to go when Ruth arrived. I felt a bit sorry for her. We didn’t need her in the school holidays and she could surely see that – although she clearly thought I was terrible at housework and took every opportunity to point out the mess I made of it! I was probably doing her a favour by letting the house get into a state. It gave her something to do – and something to complain about.
“You going jogging again?” Ruth asked, taking in my outfit.
“Yeah. Angela invited me along with her.”
“That’s nice,” she said. “Do you need anything doing around here?”
“I’m not sure.” There was obviously plenty she could do, but I wished she would just leave me to do things as and when I wanted to.
“I could cook you a nice lunch if you want?”
“That would be good,” I said.
Hailey glared at me when we walked out of the front door. “I hope it’s not fish pie. I hate her fish pie.”
I secretly agreed.
“I can’t believe you’ve got me doing this again,” I told Angela outside the community centre. Exercise had never been high on my list of things to do, but I was glad Angela had talked me into jogging. I enjoyed the fresh air, and being able to jog for half an hour on my first attempt had left me with a small sense of achievement.
The kids wandered off, chatting away to each other in their little groups, and Angela and I set off at a slow pace down the road.
“What will we do next week when there’s no kids’ club?” I asked once we were out of the village, jogging along a footpath that ran along the fields in the valley.
“Zac and Imogen are signed up for sports club over in Brinkwell. They did it last year and loved it. Why don’t you see if you can sign Hailey up?”
“Sounds great,” I said, my breathing ragged. “I’m sure she’ll be keen if Zac and Imogen are going. She’ll get bored if she’s stuck at home all week.”
“Yep, they’re at an awkward age. I try and sign them up to as many clubs as possible over the school holidays. It works out better for everyone.”
“I’ve still got a lot to learn,” I said. “It’s good to get some tips.”
“You’re amazing with them, though,” she said kindly. “And they adore you.”
“It’
s only recently that things seem to be getting easier. I feel like Hailey and I are finally managing to get along. She was awful before.”
“That’s understandable, isn’t it?”
“Of course. Just tough to live with sometimes.”
“I still can’t believe it,” she said. “Life is so unfair sometimes.”
I nodded, my lungs burning.
My second attempt at jogging actually felt worse than the first. Every part of me screamed at me to stop. I had a stitch, then cramp. My muscles hated me, my lungs were refusing to do their job, and I collapsed on a bench near the playground after half an hour.
“I’m sorry,” I panted. “I’m pathetic!”
“You’re not,” Angela assured me. “It gets easier.”
“I might just decide that jogging isn’t my thing.”
“You can’t ditch me now! I like having a running partner. It makes it much easier.”
“I’m done for today,” I told her. “I might need to call a taxi to get me home.”
“I’ve got to go shopping anyway. I need stuff for the Easter picnic tomorrow and it’s easier to do it without the kids.”
“Ruth’s doing the food for us. She insisted. She’s also making us lunch today. She likes to keep busy, I guess.”
“She always did – and now more than ever, I suppose.”
We walked together back to Angela’s car and then I walked slowly up the hill, shouting hello to Ruth when I walked in the house. I headed straight upstairs for a shower. The place smelled delicious – and, thankfully, there was no whiff of fish.
“I did a sausage casserole,” she said when I came back down. “I know the girls always enjoy that.”
“Me too. And I’ve earned it today!”
“I think you could eat what you want anyway. You’re so skinny these days. You should eat more.”
She was always trying to feed people. She thought everyone was too thin.
“I was thinking of signing Hailey up for the sports club next week in Brinkwell,” I told her. “Imogen and Zac are going and she’s had a great time with them this week.”
“That’s probably a good idea,” she agreed.
Hailey asked me if she could go to sport camp as soon as I picked her up. She was delighted when I told her I’d already called and signed her up. We had lunch with Ruth, and then the girls showed her the box of toys we’d found in the attic. Ruth sat outside to watch the girls play. Later that afternoon, she took them to the playground, leaving me at home.
I was sitting on the couch with a cup of tea, enjoying the peace, when the phone rang. It was Adam.
“Hi, babe.” He sounded distracted and busy.
“Hi – everything okay?” I asked.
“Yeah. It’s all crazy down here, though. I’m going to have to work tomorrow and probably Saturday.”
My heart plummeted.
“We’re not going to get finished until late tonight, so Carl said I could stay at his place. Do you mind?” He worked with Carl and they’d been friends for years. I’d also met Carl when I was on the reality TV show. I liked him and his wife a lot, though I hadn’t seen them for a while. Before we lived together, Adam used to stay in the city with Carl a lot.
“I suppose not.”
“Sorry. I think I’ll be too tired to drive.”
“Yeah, okay.” What else could I say? “What about the family picnic tomorrow?”
“Sorry.”
“It’s a public holiday,” I complained.
“I know but TV doesn’t really stop, does it? I’ll get double pay.”
“Okay.” I sighed, irritably. “Just call me tomorrow and let me know if you’ll make it home tomorrow night.”
“Lu—”
I hung up, furious with him. Why couldn’t he see that we needed him at home more? He used money as an excuse to work long hours, but I had the feeling he preferred to be at work than at home with us. It hurt.
Chapter 12
The weather had been unseasonably mild and thankfully it stayed that way for the Good Friday picnic, which took place in the field at the back of the community centre, with the community centre as the backup location in case of bad weather. I was happy about being outside.
I’d been asked about Adam’s whereabouts roughly seven thousand times in the space of half an hour. Or so it felt. I’d smiled politely, saying he had to work. It was a shame, yes, but unavoidable. People asked me about the girls with a sympathetic tilt of the head. They were doing great, I’d reply. Yes, kids are resilient. Yes, it was an awful tragedy. I think their hushed tones annoyed me more than the questions themselves.
We’d come last year too, at Ruth’s insistence, but hadn’t stayed long. I’d had Adam by my side the whole time and the girls clung to us. They hadn’t made local friends then, and were still in a state of shock. I remember thinking the picnic had been awful last year, but it seemed worse this year, as I was by myself and the girls were off playing with their friends, not needing me at all. Ruth was busy circulating, and I felt awkward and alone. I waved a greeting at Angela, who was chatting to an old couple, and tried to catch the eye of Imogen’s mum, Karen, but she seemed to be bickering with her husband.
I smiled at an old woman who walked past, and quickly buried my head into our picnic hamper in the hope she wouldn’t stop to chat.
“If you find Narnia through that hamper, you’ll let me come with you, won’t you?” I turned to find Mike crouching beside me. “It looked like you were trying to get in there.”
“I wish! How can I escape this?”
“It’s awful, isn’t it?” He handed me a plastic cup of what appeared to be Coke. “This stuff helps.”
I took a sip and coughed, not expecting it to contain vodka. “Alcohol is frowned upon at the picnic,” he told me. “Since it’s a family day. It’s ironic, because it’s the only day I really feel the need to drink.”
I took another sip. “Is there more where this came from?”
“Yes,” he said, smiling.
I offered the cup back.
“Keep it. Just don’t drink it too quickly. We don’t want to get into trouble with Ruth.”
“Aren’t you going to ask where Adam is? It seems to be the question on everyone’s lips today.”
He sat on the picnic blanket next to me. “I don’t need to ask. I know everything about everyone around here.”
I raised my eyebrows at him.
“I overheard Ruth telling her knitting crew that Adam is working himself to death. A martyr to his family, apparently.”
“Is it only me who thinks he’s got it easy today?”
“That would definitely be my opinion.” He took the vodka-laced Coke from me and took a swig. “But I guess we’re the minority.”
“Do you ever think about living somewhere else?” I asked.
He scanned the field, looking thoughtful “No. It’s my home. I wouldn’t want to go back to city life. Would you?”
“You lived in the city?”
“Yes.” He grinned. “I grew up in Manchester. I’m like you; I only ended up here by accident.”
“Adam said you took over the pub from your uncle…”
“Yeah, I did.”
I poked him in the ribs when he didn’t elaborate, and he laughed at me. “Fine. It was eight, nearly nine, years ago. I may have been slightly heartbroken and my uncle asked me to come out here for a while and help him with the pub.”
“Oh God, he died and left you the pub, didn’t he? Is this village cursed or what?”
“No,” he said, chuckling. “Worse than that! He moved to the coast, bought some ramshackle old cottage to do up, and he goes surfing every day. I’m not even kidding – he’s sixty-five years old and he surfs every day while I slave away in his pub for a pittance. He’s promised the pub will be mine when he pops his clogs, but I’m fairly sure he’ll outlive me.”
“Well, I’m glad he’s not dead.”
We looked up at the sound of someone callin
g for Mike. “We’re out of orange juice,” the man shouted. “Can you run and grab some more?”
Mike waved and stood up.
“I never bring enough drinks over,” he told me, quietly. “Gives me an excuse to keep going back to the pub for more.”
“You’re a pro! Don’t suppose you need any help?”
“That would be a brave move. Don’t people gossip about you enough?”
“People gossip about me?” I asked with a grin. “What on earth would they have to say about my boring life?”
“I’ll find you later,” he said. “I need your advice on something.”
He left me alone – and intrigued. I finished the drink in one long gulp and looked around for the girls. They were playing happily, so I dragged myself up and walked purposefully over to Angela and her husband.
“You have to let me sit with you,” I said. “I’m so bored!”
They shuffled around to make room for me.
“I was going to come and save you earlier, but Mike beat me to it,” Angela said.
“I can’t believe Adam isn’t here,” I complained.
“I know,” Angela’s husband Ben said. “It doesn’t seem fair, working on a public holiday. He’ll be on double pay, though. I’d work for free if it got me out of this!”
“Ben,” Angela hissed, slapping his arm. “It’s a nice family day together!”
“We could have a nice family day in front of the TV,” Ben said. “I could have a beer then as well. I don’t understand why we’re not allowed a drink. Can’t we get Mike to spike the punch again?”
“No!” Angela laughed. “He got into trouble over that. And he didn’t spike it; he just didn’t know that alcohol wasn’t allowed.”
“I got a vodka and Coke from him,” I confessed.
Ben shook his head. “I hate you!”
The rest of the afternoon was bearable. I stayed close to Angela and Ben for most of the time, rounding up the kids with Ruth to eat a late lunch together. A barbecue was fired up, manned by a couple of locals, offering hot dogs and burgers to go with the drinks, which were included in the ticket price. Ruth had brought salad to go with it, and crisps and biscuits which the girls feasted on before running off to find their friends again.