Ruth (An Insensate Novella) (The Dissolute Trilogy Book 2)

by Michelle Horst

  The next morning I meet with Sam and Chance, and we head outside. I don’t waste any time and turn to face them. “Chance you have Jai now to train, so you’re gonna do your thing. I think Aaron is a lost cause. He can go back to the main ward with us and stay there.”

  “You sure about that?” Sam asks.

  “Pretty much. He left Ethan behind. You just don’t do that. Jai even tried to help him the other day. He wouldn’t have done the same for her. He has no spirit.”

  “Okay, and the other two?” Sam kicks at something only he can see.

  “I haven’t met them yet. Have you?” I ask, really not in the mood for two more newbies.

  “Only seen ‘em,” Sam says. “They don’t look strong. The girl looks like the wind can blow her over and the guy, damn, I just don’t know, he’s not much better than her.”

  I glance at Chance who’s being very quiet. “What do you think?”

  “I have Jai and Skater. I’m happy with my team. As for the others, I can’t form an opinion on them. I don’t know them.”

  “We’ll just have to see how things go then,” I say. “Let’s go eat.”

  “You think we should head back to the main ward in the next few days?” Sam asks as we walk into the commons.

  “We’ll see how it goes with the newbies. Give or take a few days, but definitely no longer than a week.”

  Jai is sitting with the new girl and guy, and it’s the first decent look I get of them. The guy doesn’t look like much, just another Aaron, small and weak. My eyes come to rest on the girl. She’s a tiny thing. I don’t know if she’s naturally so white, or if she’s just pale with fear. I’m staring and the others are going to notice. The new girl is easily the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on. Her black hair shimmers blue as she looks down.

  She doesn’t look up again while we eat, not until Jai gets up, then she moves sticking to Jai like glue. As soon as they reach our bench I glance at Jai.

  “Jai.” She freezes and the girl stops behind her. She’s not going to make it. She’s just too small. “Congratulations on being chosen by Chance.”

  Jai looks directly at me, and then her eyes drop to my arms. I watch the emotions flash over her face, but she controls them well.

  “Would you have had someone else choose you?” I ask when she keeps staring at my arms. She looks at each of us and even Sam gets a glare from her. The girl has spirit.

  “I’m very honored Chance chose me,” she snaps, and then she storms off.

  I smile and watch Chance get up following her out, and it’s only then I realize the girl is still frozen where Jai left her. The new guy is sitting at the bench. I’m really not in the mood for this. I get up slowly and the girl flinches. I walk to her but she doesn’t look at me, instead she starts to shake. It looks like she’s about to rattle apart.

  Now, I might be a bastard, but I’m not into scaring the crap out of people, especially tiny things like the one in front of me. I’m fighting this war so that people can be free and not live in fear.

  “What’s your name?” She flinches at my voice and I frown.

  The new guy gets up. “Her name is Ruth.”

  I glare at him. “Did I ask you?” I snap, and she jumps in front of me. “What is your name?” I bark at the new guy. I don’t like the idea that he’s talking for her. She has a voice and she should use it.

  “Jasper,” he says, with a tone of entitlement in his voice.

  “You’re kidding,” I say and I look at Sam, who’s grinning like a damn idiot. “Is this a damn joke?”

  “Apparently not,” Sam says, laughing. He gets up and walks out, leaving me with them.

  “I gave Jai her name,” the idiot says, as if it’s some achievement.

  “And?” I take a breath to try and calm down but it doesn’t work. He’s just rubbing me up the wrong way. “You walk into my ward and that’s the best you can come up with?”

  He stares blankly at me. I do blank stares like I do crying - I just don’t.

  “Can you shoot a gun, Jasper who gave Jai her name?” I snap.

  “No,” he sputters and his face pales.

  Ruth makes a strangled noise and I look down. I take hold of her face and tilt it up to make sure she’s still breathing. Her lips part and her breaths rush in quick puffs over my hand. Her eyes are the color of the sky on a sunny day, clear blue, but right now they are filled with terror.

  “You better breathe slower before you pass out,” I say to her. She takes a gulp of air and holds her breath. I frown at her. “Breathe woman,” I snap, and she shrieks. I yank my hand away from her. I glance at Jasper. “Is she always like this?”

  “No, she’s just really scared,” he says and he walks toward us. I watch him put his arm around her and I don’t like it one bit. “She’s been through a lot.”

  “So she doesn’t need you hanging on her then. I’m sure you can stand by yourself.” I start toward the Drill Zone, but when I get to the archway there’s no Ruth or Jasper. This is going to be a very long day. “If I turn around and either one of you are not behind me, someone is going to die,” I snap.

  Finally, they both move. You swear we have the whole day to sit around and chat!

  ~*~

  There’s a knock on my door and I know what it means. Initiation time. I open it and Sam smiles at me.

  “Who’s it gonna be? The girl or the wimp?” he asks and I can hear the laughter in his voice. He loves it when someone disrupts the order here. Sam is the joker around here, he lives for days like today.

  I slam my door closed and start up the tunnel. I stop at the blue door and weigh my options. I’m gonna kill the guy, I just know it.

  “The girl,” I snap and I push the door open.

  When we walk into the sleeping quarters my heart starts to beat faster. It’s not like the previous ones. I knew they could handle it. She’s different. She’s going to break. I can’t bring myself to say the words to her and I slip my arms around her. She shrieks and I place my hand over her mouth. I can’t cover it with the cloth. I can’t tie her up. She scratches the shit out of me as we carry her away and by the blue door Sam lets go and she falls against me.

  I lock eyes with Sam. This is the part I hate most and I look away as I lift her against my chest. I slip my arm around her neck and she screams. I feel it echo through my body as I start to choke her, but it’s better this way. I don’t want her awake while Sam undresses her.

  “Dammit, why do they always scratch? From now on we should get them to cut their nails.” I snap to get rid of the anger in me, as Sam tugs at her pants.

  It’s better that he does it. He has a way of respecting them while undressing them. Sam is a good man. I trust him. I get up and walk away. I can never watch as he undresses them and ties them down. I can’t be a part of that.

  “She’s gonna break. This one won’t make it,” Sam says and he brings her out. “The other two have some will to live. This one needs to be dragged through life. I’m not taking her down.”

  I keep quiet, because he is right. But I know Chance is also not going to take her down, so that only leaves me.

  “Chance, pass me the rope.” Sam says.

  I watch the crowsnest shudder and rise into the night. Sam will place the remote on the rock in the park for whoever chooses take her down.

  “I really don’t have time for this. I’m going to bed,” I say, still not sure what I’m going to do.

  I left Chance up there for three days. But with this girl I don’t even last a full twenty four hours!

  It’s early morning when I’m on my way to the remote. I notice Chance and Jai coming into the ward. “What do we have here?” I ask as they get closer.

  Jai stops dead in her tracks behind Chance, but he keeps coming and stops right in front of me.

  “Did you need something?” Chance’s voice is calm, almost void of emotion.

  “I wanted to know if you wanted the newbie. Imagine my surprise when I couldn�
��t find you,” I raise my one eyebrow in mock surprise. He doesn’t have to know the truth - that I was on my way to the newbie.

  “I’m happy with the team I have.”

  “You sure?” I walk past him toward Jai, looking her over. She looks scared, but she doesn’t take her eyes off mine. She has spirit. She won’t break. “This one has more guts. I’m going to break the other one within ten minutes. Are you sure you don’t want to take the other one and rather let me have this one?” I look at Jai as I ask the question. She has a bond with Ruth, let’s see how tight that bond is.

  “I said I’m happy with my team!” Chance snaps behind me. Jai’s eyes jump wildly between us, as if she’s fighting to make a decision. He shouts behind me. “The Drill Room! Now!” She stares at him, stunned. It seems I’ve underestimated Chance, he cares more for her than I thought. “Are you deaf?” he hisses, “Move it, Jasper!”

  Jai runs into the tunnels and as I turn around Chance glares at me.

  “I said I’m happy with my team. I don’t like repeating myself. Jai is mine, stay away from her,” he hisses, before he goes after her, leaving me with Ruth.

  I grab the damn remote and stalk toward the crowsnest. I lower it and jump up.

  She’s quiet as I walk closer, no shrieking. I crouch down and it’s taking everything I have to keep my eyes on her face and not to let them wander to her body. She doesn’t look at me. I lean over her, until I’m in her line of sight.

  Her eyes focus on me and she whimpers. She was scared, now she’s downright terrified. I terrify her. That doesn’t sit to well with me. I untie her, but still she doesn’t move. Well, unless you count her trembling as moving, then she’s doing plenty of moving.

  I take hold of her shoulders and pull her up onto her feet. I’m in a catch twenty two situation. If I take her down I’m going to look all soft, but I can’t leave her sitting like this.

  My eyes drop and my breath slams into my throat. She has the body of an angel. My blood rushes through my veins and for both our sakes I tear my eyes away from her body and focus on her face.

  She glances up at me, and a strangled whimper escapes her lips, as she sucks in a breath. It looks as if she’s seeing me for the first time, and I don’t like the look in her eyes. She’s shaking so hard.

  Only when she grabs hold of my wrists do I realize I’m holding her up, she weighs nothing. I lift her higher and her fingers dig into my skin.

  “I haven’t introduced myself yet,” I whisper, so I won’t scare the hell out of her. “I’m Roland and head of this ward. Here my word is law. Here you work to earn your keep and learn to fight for the cause,” I say the usual thing, but then I stop and tilt my head. I can’t tell her she has the option of leaving, because I know she won’t survive. I’m fighting this war to protect my people, women and children. She should not be fighting. “You don’t get the option of leaving, Ruth, not like the others.”

  I set her down on her feet and turn my back to her. I need a moment to think. She’s not a fighter. I hear the gate slam open. I turn around in time to see her jump. She hits the floor and crumbles like a house of cards.

  I jump down next to her and watch her push herself into a sitting position. Crouching down in front of her, I can only shake my head. “You can’t even jump?” I ask, feeling worried for the first time. Is there really nothing she can do?

  She shakes her head.

  I take a breath. “Well, I suppose Sam got Rachel, Chance got Jai and me-,” I stop and reach my hand out to her face. I take hold of her chin and lift her face to mine. “Chin up, Ruth. I’m not going to kill you. You might wish you were dead, but I won’t kill you. Now get up and run.”

  ~*~

  Chapter Four

  Roland~

  Ruth is a quivering mess on the floor. I take a step towards her and she darts up, remarkably fast for her size. She runs toward the tunnels and I watch her go.

  When I walk into the tunnel I see her standing opposite the park. Her breaths look like they are being torn from her in short hurried gasps, as she slowly turns around.

  “Where are my clothes?” she chokes the question out.

  “You’ll have to ask Sam. He’s the one that does the undressing and tying downs. I do the choking. By the way, I want your nails cut. You, especially, have long nails,” I say, immediately regretting my words as her eyes drop to my arms.

  She spins around and runs, but the blue door blocks her way and I go after her. I have to somehow make this right. I hate seeing the terror in her eyes.

  I move in close so she can’t get past me. I’m not in the mood to run around. Maybe if I can get her to the showers and into some clothes she’ll calm down. I open the door, but it looks like she’s about to make a run for it and I grab hold of her, holding her back.

  “The first lesson I taught Chance was to survive, the second was that there is always good in every bad situation, and the third is that you always have a choice,” I whisper. She needs to start seeing the good around her. She’s just focusing on the bad. I take my arm away, really slow and she darts forward like a mad person.

  “Ruth!” I yell, to make her stop, but it’s obviously the wrong thing to do, because it’s like I’ve pressed a damn turbo button on her.

  My temper flares, because so help me, I really don’t have the patience for this. “I said run, Newbie!” I stalk after her. If she wants to see me as a monster, then I’ll show her a monster. “Run, run, run!” I yell as I follow her into the Drill Zone.

  I glance at Chance where he’s doing something with Jai. They better stay out of my way.

  Ruth stops on the other side of the track, pressing into the wall. As I get closer she closes her eyes, turning her head away, as if she can make me disappear. I mean seriously! I’ve done nothing to her. I haven’t thrown her over the damn scaffoldings.

  I press against her and my chest brushes against hers. I’ve had enough. “Right in front of you are scaffoldings. You are going to run. You are going to jump them, or so help me, Ruth, I will throw you across them,” I say, but then I add, “Don’t make me throw you.”

  “I don’t know how,” She whispers.

  “You haven’t tried.”

  I step out of her way and she looks at the platforms. She takes a tiny step forward.

  “You need to run,” I encourage her, keeping my voice calm.

  Maybe I should show her first. She’s not making me think clearly. She can’t do something she’s never seen being done before. I move to show her, but she launches forward. Like I said, she’s damn fast for such a tiny thing, because I reach to grab her, but it’s too late.

  She also packs quite a scream for her size, and I can already see the outcome. She’s going to go right over. At first I walk down, but when she hits the floor I run. She fell hard, and she’s not moving.

  “Up, up, up!” I yell, as panic spread through my chest. Relief washes over me as she stumbles to her feet.

  She runs away from me and I hate that she’s scared of me. I glance behind me and catch both Chance and Jai looking my way. It makes things harder than they should be. I have a reputation to uphold as the resident bad-ass.

  When Ruth reaches the top again, I call out, “Jump!” hoping she’ll make it this time.

  She freezes and her terrified eyes dart between me and the scaffoldings.

  “I said jump!” I say harsher than I mean to. I’m so tired and it’s only early afternoon. I’ve never felt so torn up over someone before.

  She darts forward and then at the last minute she stops, and then tumbles over the edge. My hands fly into my hair as I watch the scaffolding pin her tiny body. That’s going to hurt so bad!

  I run down and again panic fills me when she doesn’t move. “Up, Ruth!” I yell, hoping she’ll get up again and show me that she’s tougher than she looks.

  I crouch down beside her. It’s seldom I feel fear, but there’s blood on the side of her mouth. I don’t know if she just busted her lip or if it’s worse.
She needs to talk to me.

  “Are you planning on lying there the whole day?” I whisper, panic is making it hard to talk right now.

  She tries to push herself up, but her arm gives out and she hits the floor again. “Enough,” she whispers on a pain filled gasp. I can see she wants me to disappear, but that’s not happening today.

  “No, I’m afraid you’re stuck with me,” I whisper, slipping my arms under her. I lift her to me and she whimpers. I glance over at Chance. He looks pissed, but I could care less what he thinks. “Enough training for today,” I whisper against her ear.

  I take her back to my room. Don’t ask me why. I’m all about routine and discipline, but she’s just not built for it. I try to ignore the fact that she fits perfectly against me as I close the door behind us.

  ~*~

  I leave her to sleep and go take a bath myself. I go check on the ward, do some scowling at everyone so they get on with their work. I’m about to head back into the room when Chance comes out of his.

  “I’m heading out to the main ward,” he says.

  “Just you?”

  “Jai and Skater as well,” he says, walking towards me. “We’ll catch up with you there.” He stops next to me. “Ruth,” he sighs, and the hair on my body rises.

  “What about her,” I snap. I hate it when people interfere. I really do.

  “Remember what I told you about how we are raised differently to you, Roland. That girl is innocent. She has no idea of what’s happening around her, and that is why she’s scared. Jai didn’t get a chance to talk to her yet. You’ll have to.”

  “Have a safe trip,” I say, considering the conversation done. I go in and stop myself from slamming the door shut. After pacing for a few minutes, I lean against the window.

  I know Chance is right, but I really don’t have time for this right now. I’m not the patient kind.

  I crawl into bed next to her and close my eyes. I’m too tired to deal with any of this right now. Maybe if I get some rest things will be easier to handle.