As she sat in the desk in the first aisle, he turned another to face her and lowered himself into it. The kid gloves were off and he wanted answers.
“What did you and Arthur Standish discuss?”
“Is this going to be an interrogation?” she asked with a raised brow. “Because if it is, I’m out of here.”
“Do you know how frustrating you can be?” Dylan muttered.
“Because I won’t back down or listen to your every word as if it’s gospel?”
His voice took on a firm tone. “I never said I had answers, Shaye. I understand full well that Julia made you legal guardian of Timmy and you want to be a mother. But I think Julia did that out of what she saw as necessity. If she’d known I was willing to take Timmy, I don’t think there’d be any question of who would have custody of him now.”
There was a flicker in Shaye’s eyes that told him he’d hit a nerve. “So what did Standish tell you?”
Still she remained silent.
“Maybe I can fill in the details. My guess is, as Walter told me, Standish probably told you that you have about a sixty-forty chance of retaining custody. After all, you’re legal guardian in the will and you’re a woman. However, on the forty percent side, I’m the baby’s uncle and his family—flesh and blood. The bottom line is, a judge will decide who gets the benefit of the doubt. If we get embroiled in a legal battle over this, we’re putting our fate in the hands of a third person—the judge. Is that about right?”
Shaye looked down at her punch cup on the desk, turned it slightly with both hands and didn’t look up. “That about covers it.”
“So my question to you is, what are you going to do? Do you want to spend time and money in a war? Or do you want to figure out what’s best for Timmy if we’re both in his life?”
Her chin came up and her eyes sparked. “Now let me ask you a question. What kind of life can Timmy have if you travel the world? Children need stability. How can we share joint custody when you’ll be gone for months at a time? Your work is your life and you’re not afraid to take risks for it. What does that mean for Timmy?”
“More than anyone, I know a child needs stability. I gave that to Julia and I can give it to Timmy.”
“But do you want to? If you build a life in Wild Horse Junction, aren’t you going to resent it?”
“I never resented a minute I took care of Julia.”
“That’s because you knew you could eventually escape.”
Running his hand through his hair, he knew he had to consider her reasoning. “All right, that’s true. But if I become a father, I’ll have a reason to make changes. In spite of my traveling, I spend a lot of time in London in between. Instead of London, I could make Wild Horse Junction my base. I might be in the field two months and then home three, putting everything together. We’d have to be flexible.”
“In other words, every time you come to town, you want me to put Timmy in your arms and say, ‘Goodbye for now, honey. I’ll pick you up when Dylan leaves again.’”
“It wouldn’t be like that. We’d both be in his life. I wouldn’t cut you out, even when I’m caring for him. He needs two parents and that’s what we can give him. You’ve got to admit, you’re going to need a male role model in his life, and when he gets old enough, I could take him along on some of my shoots.”
“No!” The word came out of her mouth like a cannon shot.
Immediately he deflected it. “You’re not going to over-protect him. That’s no way to prepare him for the world.”
“I’m going to keep him safe.”
“Oh, Shaye,” Dylan said with a sigh, sitting back in the desk chair. “Safety is an illusion. You know it and I know it. Of course we’ll keep him away from pill bottles and disinfectants and sharp corners as much as we can. But at some point, we won’t have control of his world and you know that.”
“I won’t let him go with you and get anywhere near a lion!”
In spite of himself, Dylan had to smile. “I photograph animals other than lions and you know that, too. I’d never intentionally put him in any danger. Besides, this discussion’s a little premature. I wouldn’t take him anywhere exotic until he’s twelve or thirteen.”
“Exotic?”
“Yes, exotic. When I was shooting kangaroos in Tasmania, I have never before seen scenery like I saw there. It’s too magnificent to even describe.”
Searching his face, she looked for true intent. He knew she didn’t trust him to do what was best for Timmy.
“If we did have joint custody, you’d have to get my approval on any trip,” she maintained.
He frowned. “Put another way, we’d consult on all decisions.”
“You don’t give an inch, do you?” she muttered.
“Not when I’m negotiating on something that is very important to me.”
He knew he hadn’t won her over and her expression was begrudging as she thought about the things he’d said.
“Shaye, you said you don’t know me. I understand trust plays a big part in this. So let’s rectify that. Let’s spend some time together—with and without Timmy. That way you can see I want only what’s best for him.”
“You have been spending some time with him.”
“I’ve been dabbling at it. I was trying to ease in, but that hasn’t worked, so maybe a plunge is what we need.”
“I go back to work part-time soon,” she said. “Barb will be taking care of him in the mornings.”
Even without the telepathy he sometimes wished for when dealing with Shaye, he knew she wasn’t ready yet for him to take Timmy and care for him steadily. “Fine. Until you go back to work, we’ll spend time together. When Barb begins babysitting, we can pick him up there and take him back to your place. Then we can talk about his day, maybe get some dinner together. It would be a start.”
After she thought about his suggestion for a few moments, she agreed. “We could start there. There’s something I have to ask you, though.”
“What?”
“I know Julia wanted to have Timmy christened. I postponed it because of his health and the upside-down nature of everything. But now I’d like to do it. How do you feel about that?”
Although Julia had gone to church almost every Sunday, Dylan hadn’t. Ever since their parents had been killed, his faith had been tested. He believed in what he could see, touch and feel.
However, he would do anything for Julia, even now. “We’d have to choose godparents.”
“I thought about that. Do you have anyone in mind?”
“I think Walter would be honored to be godfather.”
“I’d like to ask Gwen to be godmother.”
“That works for me,” Dylan said with a shrug. “How soon do you want to do it?”
“I can probably make an appointment with the minister tomorrow. Do you want to come along?”
Actually, he really didn’t. But if parenthood was going to be about doing things he’d never done before, or didn’t like to do, he might as well get used to it. “Sure, I’ll come along. Just let me know what time.”
Without another moment of thought, Shaye slid out of the desk and stood. When she picked up her denim jacket, Dylan took it from her and held it.
She slid into one sleeve and then the other. Reluctantly, he resisted the urge to touch her and move her hair away from her neck and kiss her nape.
As she faced him and they stood very close, he knew she was as aware of him as he was of her.
Suddenly her eyes met his. “I don’t like what you’re doing, Dylan, but I respect it.”
Then she left the classroom and he heard the sound of her heels clicking as she walked down the hall. If he gained custody of Timmy, would he lose whatever bond he had with Shaye?
Chapter Eight
Last night Dylan had tossed and turned, thinking about his conversation—or confrontation—with Shaye the day before yesterday. He wanted custody of Timmy. The sad thing was, he also wanted Shaye in Timmy’s life as his mother.<
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How could he have both?
If she could become reconciled to the idea of joint custody, she wouldn’t be the only parent in Timmy’s life.
They’d seen the minister yesterday and the christening was set for Sunday afternoon. Today he had plans to get his place ready for Timmy.
After he showered and dressed, Dylan looked around his apartment, trying to see it through a social worker’s eyes. It was adequate, but it needed more. He had to have plenty of space for Timmy. Throughout the morning, he shifted, sorted and moved things around. Two file cabinets ended up in the living room. Somehow he fit the others, as well as his photographic equipment, into the computer room. Space was tight there, but it would have to do.
Finished with rearranging, he went shopping to buy a crib, changing table and bathtub like the one Shaye had used. All the while he considered what Julia and Will might have picked out. His heart ached as he chose the necessities, wishing he could converse one last time with Julia to understand her thoughts on raising a son. Finally, he realized all the wishing in the world wouldn’t bring back his sister.
His last purchase was a four-foot kangaroo he thought any kid would love. Decorating definitely wasn’t his forte. Along with the pictures for the show, he’d have some photographs framed of lions and elephants to hang on the walls.
Throughout the afternoon, he put the changing table and unassembled crib together. When he stuffed the mattress into the fitted sheet and settled it into the new crib, he looked at the baby’s room with satisfaction.
He’d just hung up his phone after a conversation with Walter when his doorbell rang. Figuring maybe Lily had stopped by to discuss his show, he went to the door and opened it.
Shaye stood there, looking not at all comfortable, carrying a large shirt box.
“Hi! This is a surprise,” he said.
“Are you busy?” she asked, looking ready to turn around and run.
“Not right now. Come on in.”
When Shaye passed by him, he caught that scent of rose musk, so like the scent that came from the red rosebush in the yard. She was wearing a pretty sweater and slacks set in pink. With her hair pulled back and clasped with a wooden barrette, he realized it was getting longer. He liked it that way. As he remembered running his fingers through it, his gut clenched. They were alone here, and that was dangerous.
Playing host, he asked, “Can I get you something to drink?”
“No, I’m fine.” She was looking around, taking in everything about his apartment, and he wondered why she was really here.
“I made some changes today. I turned my storage room into a nursery. This setup will work okay for now while Timmy’s small, but I definitely need to look at some real estate. We’ll need more room.”
As he sent her clear signals now that he wasn’t going to change his mind about custody, she paled a bit.
“See if you approve,” he added casually, and motioned toward the new nursery.
Putting the box she’d brought on the sofa, she followed him. After she peeked inside the nursery, she mused quietly, “This looks ready for a baby.”
“I have a bit more sprucing up to do. At least now Timmy can come over and I have a bed for him and anything else he might need. I’d like the name of the brand of formula you’re using so I can stock up on that.”
When she nodded and quickly turned away, he caught her arm. “Shaye, I know what this is doing to you. But give us a chance to work together for Timmy’s sake.”
Her eyes had filled with tears and he couldn’t help but pull her close and hold her. At first she tried to push away, but he held on, finally feeling her relax against him. Moments later, with his hand on the back of her head, he tipped her face up to his.
“Don’t,” she protested softly, but she didn’t push away.
He gave her a wry smile. “Don’t kiss you? Don’t make love to you? Don’t push you out of Timmy’s life?”
“All of the above,” she murmured.
Hugging her again, he rested his jaw on top of her head. His heart was practically pounding out of his chest and he suspected hers might be, too. If he pushed the chemistry between them, if he took advantage of her when she was vulnerable, she’d never forgive him.
As he leaned away, he dropped his arms. “Come on. Show me what you brought.”
Noticing that Shaye looked a little more relaxed when she sat on the sofa with the box on her lap, he realized with her, everything had to be out in the open. There were no games, no manipulation on her part, no “guess what I’m feeling” vibes. He liked that about her. He liked a whole lot of things about her.
Ignoring the fact that his bedroom wasn’t that far away, he sat beside her on the sofa. “I just spoke with Walter and he said he’d love to be godfather to Timmy. He’s free on Sunday.”
“Do you have a list of the people you’d like to invite?”
When Dylan thought about it, he shook his head. “No. Walter’s the only one.”
“How about Lily?”
“I hadn’t thought about asking her. Yes, she might like to come.”
“How close are you?” Shaye asked.
She’d questioned him about Lily before and now he could see these questions weren’t casual ones. That day they’d had lunch at the Silver Dollar, she apparently hadn’t finished finding out what she wanted to know.
“We have a friendly business association.”
When Shaye frowned, he knew the answer hadn’t given her much information. “Ask me what you really want to know.” For some reason, he had to make her put it into words.
Color came into her cheeks. “I thought maybe you had an ongoing relationship with her.”
“That I slept with her when I returned to Wild Horse Junction?”
“Yes.”
“No, I don’t sleep with her when I come to town. You’d be surprised to learn my life is more celibate than you think. I told you before—I’m choosy and I’m careful.”
“We weren’t careful.”
He ran his hand up and down the back of his neck. “No, we weren’t. You just have to believe me when I say that never happened before, not like that.”
Since she looked doubtful, he joked, “Do you want a list of the women I’ve slept with in the past five years?”
“No, of course not!”
“It’s a short list. I have no reason to lie to you, Shaye, and I think by now, you’d realize I’m a straightforward guy.”
After she seemed to think about that, she said with a small sigh, “Yes, you are.”
Although he was trying mightily hard not to kiss her, he couldn’t resist running his hand down her cheek. “Lily and I have never been intimate.”
As she ducked her head, Shaye moved away from his hand. Dropping the subject, she opened the lid of the box on her lap. “I wanted to show you what I bought for Timmy for the christening.”
The little white suit she held up made Dylan smile. “He’s going to look spiffy.”
“I’ll show you spiffy.” She grinned and took a small white hat with a little brim from beneath more tissue paper.
Dylan laughed out loud. “And you think he’s going to keep that on?”
“For about two seconds, but it will make a great picture if we can snap one.”
“I just happen to have a few cameras—”
Now she laughed, too, and the awkwardness between them seemed to dissipate entirely. The attraction was still there, though, the chemistry pulsing between them. Yet there was camaraderie now and he found himself pleased they’d established that.
After putting down the hat, she lifted out little white shoes and socks from the box.
Dylan took them into his hand. They were so very small. “It’s hard to believe someday he’ll be a strapping teenager with size eleven feet.”
“Is that the size you wear?” she asked.
“You bet.”
As they let the image of Timmy as a teenager settle in, he asked, “Did you invite Gwen to
be godmother?”
“Yes, she was thrilled. I hope you don’t mind, but I asked Kylie, too.”
“Two godmothers?”
“I couldn’t choose one over the other. Kylie has her plate full right now and I thought she might not want any part of it, but I brought it up and she said she’d love to be godmother, too. If need be, she and Gwen can take on the world.”
“And Walter can whip it into shape. We’ll have three fine people watching over Timmy.”
“Yes, we will.”
For a moment Dylan realized he liked thinking in terms of “we” with Shaye, but then he brushed the thought aside. “Are we going to have a reception after the christening? I can have it catered.”
“Barb offered to let everyone come to her place. The church has a social hall, too.”
“Why don’t we have it in the social hall and I’ll call a caterer. I’ll feel as if I’m doing my part that way.” He also wanted to make a statement. Shaye’s family was large and enveloping and he didn’t want them to swallow Timmy up. He intended to make a place for himself, starting now.
“The social hall it is,” Shaye agreed, and he wondered if she’d finally learned he didn’t give up easily and he always fought for what he wanted.
If she didn’t know that about him yet, she soon would.
The church, which had been built in the late eighteen hundreds, held a quiet atmosphere of holiness and history. The antique pews shone with a time-honored patina. The floor was worn with the footsteps of churchgoers. As Shaye held Timmy at the altar after the christening, Dylan snapped a few pictures, recording all of it. Then he zoomed in on Shaye’s face, her Madonna smile, and snapped one of that, too.
“Intending to make copies of those?” Randall asked him as everyone else gathered around Timmy, including Walter. Lily had already made plans for the day and couldn’t accept his invitation.
“I can.” Earlier Shaye had introduced him to John. Now the younger brother, too, approached him unsmilingly. At six feet, he was broad-shouldered and fit.
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