Love Inspired June 2015 - Box Set 1 of 2: The Cowboy's HomecomingThe Amish Widow's SecretSafe in the Fireman's Arms

by Carolyne Aarsen

“What I did to her family can’t be forgiven,” he bit out.

  “That’s your opinion,” John said, dropping an assuring hand on his shoulder. “But at the risk of sounding like a walking cliché, with God all things are possible. I know you are genuinely sorry. That you’ve asked forgiveness from God, from her family.” He cleared his throat. “You paid for that mistake. I think, in some ways, you’re still paying for it. I know you truly regret what happened. Let her know that.”

  “I have,” Lee replied.

  “Then trust that if she understands she’ll see you for the man you’ve become, not the man you were.”

  Lee thought of the moments, the kiss he and Abby had shared. Though she had expressed her difficulty with him and with forgiving him, at the same time she hadn’t spurned him.

  “You look like you don’t believe me,” John said.

  Lee leaned back against the fence, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’d like to, but I feel like I need time to process everything. My life has been chaos for too many years. I guess I’m just worn out.”

  “I’m not surprised. You’re working a job you don’t like, keeping yourself away from your family and your community with some mistaken notion that you have to punish yourself for what you did.”

  “I’m not punishing myself.”

  “Then why don’t you come back?” John asked, a note of challenge in his voice. “Why don’t you take your place as a co-owner of the ranch?”

  Lee shot him a puzzled frown. “But you’re partners with Dad now. You don’t need me.”

  “Monty isn’t getting any younger and we’ve been increasing the herd every year, holding calves back, calving out more heifers every year. In fact, we’ve been looking at hiring a couple more hands this fall when we bring the calves in.” John dropped his hands on his hips, holding Lee’s gaze, his own steady. “You know you belong here. Even in the few days you’ve been here, I’ve seen you drop that reserve you wrap around yourself. You look happy and content.”

  John grew silent for a few moments, as if to let it all sink in. Finally he said, “Think about it, Lee. I think the ranch fills a space in you that’s been empty since you left.”

  Then, after throwing all that at him, John turned and walked back to the ranch house.

  Lee slowly looked around the ranch, letting thoughts tease him as his future brother-in-law’s words took root in his soul.

  Coming back? Was it even possible? Did he deserve it?

  He pushed himself away from the fence, stifling those thoughts for now. He could only look to the next few days and his obligations.

  Yet, as he neared the house, his heart lifted in anticipation. The door opened and Abby stepped outside, calling out her goodbyes to his parents. She looked so beautiful, standing there, the sun glinting off her red hair, burnishing her complexion. She shut the door, then paused, as if her thoughts were elsewhere. Then she gave her head a shake, turned and jumped when she saw Lee approach.

  “Hey there,” he said quietly, stopping in front of her. Close enough to see the flush that reddened her cheeks.

  “Hey yourself.”

  Lee swallowed, fighting the impulse to touch her. Stroke her cheek. Try to steal another kiss. He couldn’t be sure his parents weren’t watching.

  “So, you done with the interview?”

  She nodded, looking down at the notebook she was clutching. “Got lots of information. I just need to clean it all up and input it on the computer.”

  Was it his imagination or did she sound as breathless as he felt?

  Then she looked up at him and he caught a look of yearning that called to his own.

  “Hey,” he whispered. Then he gave in to his impulse, reached out and cupped her cheek. “I think we need to talk.”

  “Probably,” she returned. Then, to his pleasant surprise, she caught his hand in her own, holding it against her face. She gave him a gentle smile, then stepped away. “But for now, I need space. Some thinking time.”

  Lee didn’t like the sound of that, but nonetheless, he didn’t blame her. He knew he had to do the same.

  She brushed her hand over his arm, then walked away to her car.

  As Lee watched her drive off, he wondered what would happen next between them.

  Could he and Abby do this? Could they overcome all the odds stacked against them?

  Chapter Nine

  “Forgiveness, one of the more misunderstood words in the Bible, is what the Bible is all about,” Pastor Dykstra said, looking over the congregation of the Saddlebank Community Church. “Our forgiveness from God does not depend on what we do, but on who God is.” He paused and Abby caught herself glancing over at Lee Bannister, sitting across the aisle and a couple of pews ahead of her.

  “Forgiveness does not mean forgetting,” the pastor continued, pulling her attention back to him. “Scars will always remain. But true forgiveness, the kind that God grants us, swallows pride and is willing to see the other person as God does. Flawed, but free. To quote Frederich Buechner, ‘When you forgive somebody who has wronged you, you’re spared the dismal corrosion of bitterness and wounded pride.’ These are words we need to take to heart.”

  Abby let his words seep into her soul, and, in spite of her mother’s feelings toward the Bannisters, felt the bonds holding her heart captive loosening.

  She knew her mother had to find her own way through this situation. Like the quote the pastor had just recited, her mother was feeling that same corrosion of bitterness. But Abby couldn’t carry the burden of her mother’s feelings any longer.

  You’re only thinking that because you’re starting to care for Lee.

  The insidious voice intruded, creating hesitation. But as Abby looked down at the Bible again, rereading the passage Pastor Dykstra had based his sermon on—the man who owed the king thousands, unable to forgive the debt of his servant who, in turn, owed him pennies—she realized she had her own unpayable debts. The fact was, she couldn’t stand before God with a pure heart either. She needed to be forgiven much and could do no less.

  Emotion swept through her as she finally faced the undeniable truth. She was tired of bitterness and anger and she didn’t want it taking up her life a second longer. It had held her captive for far too long. Then, as she opened her eyes, it was as if a weight slipped off her shoulders. She was allowed to forgive Lee. And although it might have seemed unthinkable before, she finally understood that she didn’t need to drag her mother’s condemnation along with her.

  Abby returned her attention back to Pastor Dykstra. When he gave them the benediction after the final song, she felt a peace pervade her life she hadn’t felt in years.

  She couldn’t help the smile wreathing her lips and as she stepped into the aisle, that smile grew wider when Lee found his way to her.

  “So you decided to join us after all?” he asked, tucking his worn Bible under one arm, his other hand brushing her arm as he walked alongside her.

  “I did,” she said, darting a quick glance up at him, then away, his featherlight touch sending a shiver dancing down her spine. “And I’m glad I did. The sermon...well...it seemed appropriate.”

  Lee slanted her a crooked smile. “I think when you’re seeking, God will find a way to speak to you.”

  He sounded earnest and she realized that, for Lee, his faith had become the bedrock of his existence. Which made him, suddenly, even more appealing.

  Then, to her surprise, Lee gently took her arm, leading her to one side of the foyer, away from the people exiting the sanctuary.

  “My parents and I were wondering if you and your mother wanted to join us for lunch,” he said. “I know you’ve spent a lot of your extra time at the ranch, but we’d love to have you for a social visit. You can leave the camera and notebook at home.”

  Abby felt a flutter of excitement at the thought of spending more time with Lee. But superimposed over that was the picture of her mother coming to Refuge Ranch. Having lunch with the Bannisters. She shook her head. “I’d
love to come, but I don’t think my mom is ready for a visit to the ranch.” Especially not if Lee would be there.

  Lee’s hopeful expression faltered with her comment. “Of course. I understand.”

  Anticipation and reality hummed between them, neither of them willing to leave as the last of the congregation walked past them. She knew it wasn’t simply her overactive imagination that stirred these feelings.

  You’ve always been a beautiful person, inside and out.

  Oh, how closely she had held these words. Taken them out like a secret treasure to savor. And now she wanted nothing more than to move closer and let him put his arms around her.

  “Will you be coming to the ranch tomorrow?” he asked, eking the conversation out.

  “No. I need to work on some of the pictures and edit them. I want to have everything ready to go when the article is done.”

  “Which will be after the anniversary celebration.”

  Abby nodded, feeling a sudden flutter of concern. What would happen after that? She wasn’t asking and it seemed Lee was as unsure as she was.

  She looked up at him, his dark eyes fixed on hers, his mouth tipped up at one corner in a rueful smile.

  “Lee, you two coming?” Keira called out from below.

  “Sorry,” Lee said, with an apologetic smile. “She seems to assume you’ll be coming, as well.”

  “Give her my regrets.”

  Lee nodded, touched her arm lightly as if to say goodbye, then turned and left. Abby watched him go, confusion and yearning knotted around each other. She wanted to put them aside, but all the way to the Grill and Chill, all she could think about was Lee. And how she wished she was going to the ranch instead of meeting Louisa and her mother for lunch.

  A short time later, Abby pulled up in front of the café and dialed her mother’s number. Ivy hadn’t come to church, pleading a headache. Abby suspected it had much to do with Lee’s presence there.

  “Hey, Mom, how are you doing?” she asked with a forced cheer when her mother answered the phone. “How is the headache?”

  “It’s getting worse,” Ivy said, sounding strained. “Your father called while you were in church.”

  “Oh no.” Abby sighed. “Does he still say he wants to talk to you? What did you tell him?”

  “I said I wasn’t sure.”

  Abby wanted to tell her mother to tell him no. But at the same time she could hear the faintest tremor of hope in her mother’s voice.

  “So you won’t be meeting me and Louisa?” she asked.

  “Sorry, honey. No.”

  “I’ll come home, then,” Abby said, pulling her keys out of her purse.

  “Don’t do that. I just want to sleep.” Ivy was quiet a moment. “How was church?”

  “Good. I was glad I went.”

  “Was Lee there?” her mom asked.

  “Yes. He was.”

  “Doesn’t seem right, does it? He’s the one that did wrong, yet he comes back to his intact family, his ranch and beautiful home. You come back to a mother who has to work and who fights headaches.”

  The faint bitterness in her mother’s voice reawakened a swarm of contradictory emotions. The usual guilt over her attraction to Lee and behind that a sense that she had to choose what to take on and what to leave behind.

  When you forgive somebody...you’re spared the dismal corrosion of bitterness.

  As the pastor’s words sifted back into her mind, Abby felt a gentle release. A separation from her mother’s pain and sorrow. She had forgiven Lee for what had happened to her. Her mother had to find her own way through all this.

  “Make sure you get some rest.” She ended the call, then dropped her phone into her purse, pressing her fingers to her temples as if to anchor her thoughts. “Help me to reconcile all this on my own,” she prayed. “Help me to know that forgiveness is not giving in. I want to be free of this burden. I want to let go. Help my mother to be free as well and help me not to take on her pain.”

  That being said, she felt sorry for her mother. Which made her think about her father calling her mom. It wasn’t fair. Why would he do that to her after all this time?

  Suddenly her phone rang, startling her out of her thoughts, and her heart sank when she saw who it was who was calling.

  Her father.

  She hesitated to answer it, struggling to find her way through the mine field of other people’s expectations. Then, swallowing a lump in her throat, she finally hit the phone button to accept the call and sent up another prayer. “Hello, Abby,” Cornell said quietly. “I haven’t heard from you in a while. How you been doing?”

  “Been doing good,” Abby said, wrapping one arm around her middle, her reactions fighting with each other.

  She missed him.

  She was angry with him.

  She felt sorry for him.

  What he had become was a direct result of the accident, but he had a choice and he had made some wrong ones.

  “Good. Good. I hear you’re working for the Bannisters.”

  “Not working for them. I’m doing a piece about them for the magazine I write for. That’s all.” She wasn’t sure why she felt she had to qualify that statement. Especially after the epiphany she’d had at church this morning. “It’s the ranch’s hundred and fiftieth anniversary.”

  “How is the ranch doing?”

  Abby frowned, wondering why he asked this. “Good, as far as I know.”

  “So they’re not broke, then.”

  “Far from it,” Abby said.

  “Glad to hear that.”

  Goodness, he wasn’t going to go ask them for more money, was he? Abby stifled a quell of panic at the thought.

  “And I hear Lee is back? He okay?” Cornell asked.

  More than okay, Abby thought, a faint smile curling her lips. “He’s fine, Dad. Why do you want to know?”

  “Well, I always felt bad for him, that’s all.”

  Her father’s comment baffled her, considering the bitterness that had consumed him after the accident. “And your mom...she’s not doing so well?”

  “No. She says that when you call it bothers her. She gets headaches.”

  Her father sighed. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “Why do you keep calling her?”

  “I want to talk to her and I want to talk to you. That’s why I finally called. You need to know I’ve changed, honey. I’m not drinking anymore. I know what I did was wrong. I mean, to your mother.”

  Abby breathed a small sigh of relief at her father’s confession. It helped ease some of the strain she always felt—torn between the sympathy she felt for her father and yet knowing that his actions had caused the divorce that ripped her life apart.

  “I’m glad you see that, Dad. Look, I gotta go. I’m meeting Louisa.”

  “Of course. I’d like to talk to you sometime. Soon.” And then her father said goodbye and hung up.

  That was a bewildering phone call, Abby thought, biting her lip. But she put it behind her and walked over to the diner, looking forward to her visit with her friend. Once inside, she scanned the upper portion of the café and saw Louisa at the very back, in one of the booths, waving at her.

  “Hey, you, where’s your mom?” Louisa asked as Abby slipped into the bench across from her.

  “Headache. Dad’s been phoning.”

  “That’s tough. Does he say what he wants?”

  “To talk to her. I just spoke to him too, but I don’t want to talk about that now, okay?”

  “Have it your way,” Louisa replied, a frown knitting her brow.

  Hoping her friend would leave it at that, Abby grabbed the laminated menu lying on the worn, wooden table. Marks and gouges from previous customers were etched into its finish. The Grill and Chill had been part of Saddlebank for decades, and although the current owner had modernized and fixed it up, he had kept parts of the old restaurant intact to maintain a comfortable ambience.

  Abby looked over the menu, surprised. “Wow. George ha
s really expanded his culinary horizons. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this many salads on the menu.”

  “Apparently he started when Brooke stopped eating here and started going to Pat’s Place. I think he was hoping to lure her back.”

  “Are those two dating?”

  “Apparently, no. But who knows? I think the people of Saddlebank live in hope.”

  Brooke Dillon and George Bamford’s on-again, off-again relationship was a never-ending source of Saddlebank gossip.

  Their waitress, Allison Bamford, came by and poured them each a coffee. Then Louisa ordered her usual Cobb salad and Abby ordered a burger and fries.

  “Really?” Louisa scoffed. “With all these lovely salad choices, you order a burger? You’re such a carnivore.”

  “I didn’t claw my way up the food chain to eat roughage,” Abby said. “Besides, I didn’t have breakfast. My stomach was rumbling so loud during church I thought the usher was going to escort me out.”

  “So, how was church?” Louisa asked, resting her elbows on the table and taking a sip of her coffee.

  “I enjoyed going again. They have a good pastor here.” She smiled, thinking of what she had learned this morning.

  “So I need to ask,” Louisa said with a smirk. “What was the bigger draw for church? A deep need to reconnect with the faith of your childhood, or Lee Bannister?”

  Abby shot her friend an annoyed look as she dumped a sugar packet in her coffee. “I wanted to go for myself. And like you said, I wanted to reconnect with the faith of my childhood.”

  “But Lee was there.”

  “Yes.”

  “Looks like he’s reconnecting with the faith of his childhood too,” Louisa said, flashing her a knowing smile.

  “Probably. He told me that he found his faith again in prison.”

  Louisa could see that her friend was weighing this information. “Do you think he’s sincere?”

  “I think he is. If it was simply the foxhole Christian effect, I’m sure it would have worn off. But he seems to have hung on to it.” It hadn’t been hard to see that sincerity in how he listened to the pastor. How he sang the songs and followed along in the Bible when the pastor read.

  “At least he cut loose from Mitch and David. ’Course David’s dead, so that wasn’t hard.” Louisa winced. “Sorry. That sounded a bit insensitive.”