Lee whirled around. “How? I lost three years of my life because of a lie. Abby’s father took that away from me. And the lawsuit...the lawsuit Abby admitted to pushing her father to file...that took another five to pay you back. It set the ranch back for a number of years.” He spoke the words through gritted teeth, his hands clenched at his sides. “How am I supposed to get around that? My reputation was ruined for a crime I didn’t commit. I wasted all that time and money trying to make up for what I’d done. All those years. Gone. Lost.”
Monty gave him a sympathetic smile, then leaned back against the desk, looking contemplative. “Maybe. But I remember hearing a sermon once on that very topic. The fact that nothing in our life is wasted. That God uses everything that comes our way.”
“Well, at least you got most of your money back,” Lee said with a harsh laugh. “I’m thankful for that.”
“You know I never asked for you to repay me,” Monty said quietly, his arms folded over his barrel chest.
“I know, but I owed you for what I’d put you through. You had to sell all those cows, borrow money against the ranch even though it was paid off. Now, turns out, I didn’t put you through anything. Cornell and Abby did.”
“Don’t blame Abby,” Monty chided. “At the time she was only trying to find a way to make up for what happened to her father.”
“I know that on one level, but it’s hard not to feel humiliated at how I practically begged for her forgiveness when it turns out I didn’t do anything to merit it.” He could still feel the sting of it all. Especially given the frosty welcome he’d received when he first came back to Saddlebank.
His father pursed his lips, tapping his fingers on his arm as if considering something.
“You’ve got your thinking face on,” Lee said, dropping his hands on his hips. “What’s on your mind, Dad?”
Monty was quiet for another moment, and then he gave Lee a pensive look. “I’m thinking of Mitch and David. They were bad men. Evil, you could say, given what they did to your sisters.”
“Not hard to agree with that,” Lee said, wondering where his father was going with this dark history when they were talking about what Cornell had done.
“But you were friends with them.”
“In high school,” Lee protested. “And for a few months afterward.” Surely his father didn’t hold him accountable for Mitch and David’s actions?
“The accident happened after a party you attended with those friends,” Monty continued. “You were drinking with those friends.”
“But I wasn’t driving.”
“I know—I understand that—but let’s work this through.” Monty paused, then gave Lee a melancholy smile. “I can’t begin to tell you how sad I am that you were falsely charged. And I’m also very sorry that this has caused a rift between you and Abby.”
Lee narrowed his eyes, puzzled that his father wasn’t angrier himself at the injustice of what had happened.
“But the other reality is,” his father continued, “and it pains me to say this, but I wonder where you would have ended up had you not been in that accident.”
“Not in prison.”
“Yet.”
That single word hung between them, heavy with unspoken meaning.
“What do you mean—yet?”
“First off, you need to know that I love you and I’m very proud of you. Proud of the man you’ve become and humbly thankful for your return to your faith. But the fact of the matter is, you were headed down a dark path. You ended up in prison because it was your third offense. And we both know that you weren’t living a good life.” He inhaled heavily, let it out slowly. “So when I see how Mitch and David’s lives ended up, I’m wondering if you weren’t spared a worse ending to yours.”
Lee wanted to refute his father’s assumption, but even as his words of defense sprang to his lips, another part of him knew Monty was right.
“But it was wrong,” Lee protested, unable to leave that alone.
“It was. But your mother and I spent many hours in prayer over you. Seeing you go off to jail was not what we had hoped, but at the same time, maybe it was an answer to those prayers. You returned to your faith. You became a responsible young man. And yes, you may feel like you wasted your time and a lot of money, but I believe, firmly in my heart, that when we put our lives in God’s hands, nothing is wasted.”
The last three words hung between them, echoing in the silence.
“And what about the money? Surely you can’t just dismiss that?”
“It’s only money. And we’re doing better now than we have in years. We don’t miss the money.”
Lee scrubbed his hands over his face, the reality of what his father was saying wearing at his anger and sense of injustice. He thought of Mitch and David, where they had ended up. David, dead after driving drunk. Mitch, now in prison, as well. He thought of the lies they had told Abby about him. They were the reason she didn’t come with him to the party. They were the ones who had come between him and Abby.
How different would his life have been had he ditched them as his parents had repeatedly begged him to do?
“I know this is difficult to face, son. And, as I said, I’m sorrier than you can know that you were unjustly treated. But be assured, you are in good company. So was Jesus, the one who died for your sins. The one you returned to in jail, a result of injustice that brought you back to him.”
Lee closed his eyes, his father’s words finding root in his weary and wounded soul.
“Can I pray with you?” Monty asked.
Lee nodded slowly, then sat down in the chair across from his father’s desk. A chair he had spent many hours in, listening to his father plead with him to turn his life around. Now here he was. Changed, broken and so different. Was Monty right? Had he needed to go through what he did to get to where he was now?
His father sat down across from him, took his hands in his and together they bowed their heads.
“Lord, we come before you now, praying that you will heal the hurt in our lives. That you will show us where you want us to be. We want to thank you for your faithfulness to us. For your love that sacrificed so much so that we could live. Be with Lee now as he deals with this blow. Give him strength and courage to trust that you will use everything that happened in his life. Amen.”
A simple prayer but it settled into Lee’s soul. He waited a moment, then lifted his head, giving his father a wan smile.
“Thanks, Dad,” he said.
His father gave his hands an extra squeeze then pulled away. “I love you, son. And I’m praying that you’ll give Abby another chance. She’s a good person. You’ve always cared for her, I think.”
Lee held that thought. He knew his father was right. And he knew he couldn’t blame her for what had happened. “I think so too, but for now, I just need some time.”
“Of course. This is a huge downshift for you.”
Lee nodded, then pushed to his feet. “I’m going out for a ride. I need to clear my head and think.”
He gave his father another hug, then walked out of Monty’s study.
Half an hour later he was riding along the valley he had taken Abby to, what seemed like months instead of mere days ago. He let his horse amble along the ridge as he took it all in.
Maybe it’s a good thing you ended up in jail.
Abby’s words returned to him. At the time they had hurt and made him angry, and by all rights, he should be even angrier now.
But he couldn’t get his father’s words out of his mind either. How nothing is wasted.
He stopped his horse and dismounted, crouching down in the grass, looking over the cattle grazing in the pasture. In spite of the turmoil of the past few hours, he felt a gentle peace wash over him. He was home.
Would he have appreciated it as much had he stayed? Would he have had this same sense of fulfillment had his life gone on the trajectory it was headed, hanging around with David and Mitch, repeatedly getting into trouble? Would he
even be here now?
He eased out a long sigh, thinking again of Abby. How she had forgiven him. Given what he knew now it seemed pointless. Yet...
She had granted him the pardon with the information that he had harmed her father.
His hands clenched momentarily as he thought again of the injustice of it all.
Yet...
Could he do any less? He had lived with anger long enough, and he didn’t want to go back to that. Didn’t want to let it consume him as it had done those first two years in prison. He didn’t want it to determine his actions.
He knew he cared for Abby. Always had. They had a chance to be together. The shadow that hung over their relationship, from his point of view, had now been taken away.
However, that now meant that the onus of carrying forward lay on his shoulders, and he wasn’t sure he could do it.
But what was the alternative? Holding on to his pride and sense of injustice? And what comfort would that be?
His father was right. Abby was right. His life had been going in a bad direction. Maybe, just maybe, this ironic twist had saved him from something worse?
He pulled in a long, slow breath. “Help me, Lord,” he whispered. “Help me to accept that all the twists and turns of my life brought me here. Help me to forgive.”
Chapter Fourteen
Lee stepped inside the café, trying not to let the conflicted feelings that had trailed him all the way to town take over. He needed to keep his mind clear.
“Hey, Lee, be with you in a minute,” Allison called out as she wiped a table, bussing the mugs.
Lee’s phone buzzed and he glanced at the display. Abby again.
He knew he should talk to her, but he wasn’t ready. Not until he spoke with her father. He needed to sort things out in his own mind before they could have any kind of discussion. It was as if he had to move back before he could move ahead.
He glanced around the half-empty café, the scent of coffee blending with the smell of burgers frying.
An older man close to the door looked up and gave him a tight nod, the table in front of him strewn with papers.
“Hey, Uncle Keith,” Lee said, hoping the former sheriff wouldn’t try to set him on the straight and narrow as he usually did the few times Lee had come home to Saddlebank.
But thankfully Uncle Keith just gave him a vague smile, then turned back to the papers he was scribbling on, leaving Lee to deal with a few other locals who said hello.
He returned the greetings, then spotted Cornell sitting in a booth in the back. Ironically it was the same booth where Abby had given him the fateful news.
Lee assumed it was Cornell. The man wore a ball cap, his glasses glinting in the overhead lights. Lee hadn’t seen the man since he was taken away to jail.
Lee willed his heart to slow down as he strode between the tables toward the booth, his attention fixed on the man still staring down at the table.
“Good morning, Cornell,” Lee said, slipping into the booth. Nerves and anger blended with the remnants of guilt washing over him as he looked at the man across from him. Lee set his hat beside him, unbuttoned his denim jacket, shifted his weight, as he sorted out his feelings. The guilt he could discard, but the anger he was having a harder time dealing with.
“Good morning yourself,” Cornell mumbled, still not looking at him.
Lee rested his clenched fists on his knees below the table, trying to compose himself. He had gone over what he wanted to say to Cornell dozens of times.
But it was easier to do in the abstract.
Now, faced with the man who had done so much to him, he wasn’t sure he could go through with it. The only thing that kept him going was the picture his father had taken of him and Abby dancing. The photo was surprisingly in focus, given his father’s lack of photography experience.
Lee had discovered it last night when he was trying to find someone, other than Abby, who could put him in touch with Cornell. He had looked at that photograph numerous times since then.
It was a stark and telling reminder of what was at stake with this meeting. Cornell was Abby’s father. Would always be her father. This needed to be dealt with before he and Abby could have any semblance of a relationship.
“I’m glad you agreed to this meeting,” Lee said quietly.
Cornell nodded, his hands fiddling with the napkin in front of him, his head still lowered. “I’m guessing you want to talk to me about the accident. I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I did that to you. You must be so angry.”
Lee pulled in a long breath, his mind ticking back to that night and his hazy memories, stifling the very anger Cornell alluded to. Last night his feelings had veered from sorrow to anger to regret back to anger. He had gone over and over the accusations he had wanted to hurl at the man, and each time he had to catch himself. Stop himself from getting pulled into the vortex of rage he had spent so much time in when he was in jail.
“I’m so sorry,” Cornell muttered. “I wish I could redo that night. I was so wrong.”
“When did you decide that?”
The question burst out of him before he could stop it.
Cornell lifted his eyes and in their depths Lee caught a haunted look. He also saw the deep lines bracketing his mouth, the dullness of his skin. He looked shrunken down. Diminished.
Life had not been kind to Abby’s father.
“It had been bothering me ever since I started the process,” Cornell admitted.
“So why did you carry on?”
“I saw it as a chance to get something. To make something out of my life. Things hadn’t been going well for me. I had lost my job and didn’t dare tell my wife and kids, so when I heard that I could sue the driver...” His voice drifted off and Lee fought down his own memories. “I—I want you to forgive me,” he said.
Lee settled back in the booth, old emotions battling with new. The easiest thing to do would be to cling to the injustice of what had happened.
What will you gain if you do that?
The voice of reason settled in his mind. And, once again, he heard his father’s voice.
Sure, he hadn’t been the one to hurt Cornell after all, but as his father had said, it wasn’t a matter of if he would have caused another accident, it was a matter of when. And maybe it would have been worse? Maybe he would have killed somebody?
Clinging to his anger or retribution would not only be a return to that place of bleak, dark despair that he never wanted to be again, but it would also create an immovable barrier between him and Abby. And that was the last thing he wanted. Staying with Abby meant accepting what her father had done to him.
And the thought of not having Abby in his life created a heavy ache in his chest.
“I forgive you,” he said in a low voice. The words were, initially automatic, but as they resonated in the quiet, as he saw a brief flicker of hope in Cornell’s eyes, he spoke them again knowing they needed to be said as much for Cornell’s sake as his own. “I forgive you, Cornell.”
As he spoke the words, he felt them settle in his own soul and take root. He knew it would take time before he could forgive completely. He was only human, but he also knew that with God’s guidance and strength that forgiveness would become truly sincere in time.
“And now we’ll need to talk about bringing the truth out,” Cornell said, tapping his fingers nervously on the table. “I need to go to the police. Tell them the truth.”
Lee thought of the direction his life had been taking before the accident. His innate pride wanted his name cleared, but he also knew that this would change nothing in his present. Like his father said, he had been heading toward destruction before the accident.
“I’m willing to leave things as they stand,” Lee said. “No one will be helped by going back and digging up the old stories.”
Cornell caught Lee’s hands and squeezed them. Hard. “Thank you,” he whispered. “You have no idea what that means.”
Cornell was wrong. Lee knew exactl
y what forgiveness meant and how it felt to be on the receiving end of it. He knew how free he had felt when Abby had told him that she forgave him.
Lee gently withdrew his hands. There was something else he needed to discuss with Cornell.
“I’d like you to know that I care for your daughter. A lot,” he said. “But I need to talk to her. She’s been trying to call me, but I need to see her face-to-face. Do you know where she is?”
Cornell looked up at him, then slowly shook his head. “She left early this morning.”
His heart thudded in his chest. Was that why Abby had been calling? To say goodbye? Lee pulled his phone out and quickly dialed her number, but he was sent to voice mail. He tried again. Same result. He punched in a text. Maybe she was ignoring his calls the way he had ignored hers. He waited after it was sent, but nothing. No sign that it was even read.
He glanced up at Cornell. “Did she say where she was going?”
“She told me she was headed back to Seattle, but that she had to make one stop on her way. Something about life coming full circle.”
Lee frowned at that but then realized what she meant. If he hurried, he might catch her.
Otherwise he would have a long ride ahead of him. He knew he wasn’t going to stop until he caught up to her, and he would do so one way or the other.
* * *
“So he wasn’t answering your calls,” Louisa was saying.
Abby swapped her phone to her other ear as she got out of her car, tugging her backpack with her, the sun glancing off the heated pavement. “No. Not that I blame him. I can’t expect him to simply forget everything my family did to him and come running to me with open arms. We ruined his life.” She had been on the other side of that anger and knew all too well how it could consume and how hard it was to forgive.
Louisa’s silence was like a stark affirmation of what Abby said.
“Anyhow, it’s over and I have to move on,” she said, stepping off the pavement and onto the trail leading toward the trees.
“To where? I thought you said you were quitting the magazine.”
“I haven’t talked to Maddie yet.”
Love Inspired June 2015 - Box Set 1 of 2: The Cowboy's HomecomingThe Amish Widow's SecretSafe in the Fireman's Arms Page 17