The Doctor's Redemption (Shadow Creek, Montana)

by Victoria James

  He leaned forward to kiss the top of her head. Her index finger was now making little circles on his chest so he grabbed it and flattened it on his chest. “Stop. No physical exertion, remember? You can’t get all sweaty.”

  “Sorry…oh…oh. I’d get sweaty?” Her voice was all breathy and she clutched a fistful of his shirt.

  His teeth were clenched so hard he had to mentally concentrate on unclenching them. They needed to change the conversation topic. “You should sleep.”

  “Yes.”

  “Gwen.”

  “Yeah?”

  “For the record, this is torture. A very hot form of torture, but still torture.”

  “Good to know,” she said, and he smiled at the curl of her lips against his body. “Speaking of hot, you’re like a furnace. I might need to take my sweater off.”

  “No.”

  “Yes, really, I think I’m overheating.”

  “That’s not me. You’re keeping your sweater on.”

  She moved and the sound of the zipper was like pure hell as he stared at the ceiling remembering everything he’d done, all the reasons this couldn’t happen. She tossed it on the corner of the bed. “There,” she said, and snuggled back into him like she’d been doing this for years.

  “Fine. Just stop moving for God’s sake.”

  “I’m going to sleep.”

  How the hell could she sleep? “I’m…never going to sleep again.”

  She patted his chest and he caught her hand and kissed it. He ignored her soft gasp and then placed her hand back on his chest and covered it with his. “Don’t make noises like that either.”

  “Can I ask you something?”

  He stopped smiling when he heard the hesitation in her voice. “I thought you were going to sleep.”

  “Thoughts. Lots of thoughts. Also, I haven’t spoken in days, it’s like I have all these bottled up questions and things that need to be said.”

  He laughed even though he knew she was going to ask him something about his past.

  She poked his chest. “Do you want to talk…about what your life was like before you came to Shadow Creek. Speaking of, why did you come to Shadow Creek?”

  He stiffened. He couldn’t answer that last part. Not now. And he didn’t want to talk about the rest of it. It involved thinking about his failure. About the most important role he was ever given in life and failed badly. It involved feelings. All things he hated talking about. He also knew that when he told her everything, she would never look at him the same way. At that point there was no going back and he’d lose her. He didn’t want to lose her yet. She made him feel more alive than he had in five years. “Nothing much to say, Gwen.”

  “Do you want to tell me about your life before?”

  He stared up at the ceiling. “It was busy. We worked. A lot. We both liked work.”

  “Oh.”

  He laughed, even though there was nothing funny about any of this. “Seriously.”

  “Does your wife have any family?”

  Yeah. Her parents had never forgiven him, not that he blamed them. After the accident they had been devastated that their only daughter and future grandchild were dead. No one understood how he could have withstood that accident without a scratch on him. He didn’t think about the accident when he was awake. He would push the thoughts away, but they’d sneak up on him while he was sleeping, a gentle, quiet noose that would slip around his neck until he woke up choking for air.

  “You don’t have to talk about it. I know it’s hard,” she whispered.

  “It’s…I’m not good at talking about stuff like that.”

  “Oh, or maybe you don’t want to talk about it because it’s too personal and who am I in the grand scheme of things? Just this poor muffin maker.”

  He started laughing again and she stopped speaking. So wrong on so many levels. “Yes, the poor muffin maker, that’s how I think of you.” He craned his neck to see her expression and sure enough it was a frown. He sighed. She was important to him now. “Okay, fine. We were both focused on our careers. We met at a time in our lives where we were lonely I think. For a while it worked. It was nice having someone to come home to, but after a while that’s all it was. We barely even spoke some days and that started bothering her before me. The night she died we were fighting.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. How long were you married?”

  “Five years.”

  “Did you guys want kids?”

  He shook his head and his gut churned at the truthful answer he gave. “Neither of us did.”

  “So…you never want kids.”

  He ran a hand over his jaw. “No.”

  She didn’t say anything for a while. “Are you scared to have kids?”

  He swallowed hard. “I hadn’t actually thought of that.”

  “Because sometimes I think I wouldn’t ever want kids. I can see how much parents love their kids. I see it in my parents, in Julia and Chase. I felt the smallest piece of that with my nephew too. And then when he died, I witnessed Julia destroyed. My parents too. I mean, it hurt to be around them. I was hurt, but they…it was awful. It makes you wonder why put yourself through the possibility of that kind of pain, you know?”

  He had stopped breathing. The emotion he had spent so many years running from crept back in, through Gwen’s words, through the sadness he heard in her voice. She had clutched his shirt a little tighter as she spoke, instinctively needing something to hold onto. He needed the same. There had been so many nights he’d needed someone to hold, faith to hold onto. There were so many nights he’d wished he wouldn’t wake up the next morning. He didn’t know how to answer her question, to tell her that he didn’t deserve children; he had no right to be a father.

  “Maybe you’re right,” he said, clearing his throat. He cleared his head of the secret he was keeping from her. “I see a lot in the ER. I’ve witnessed loss so many times and it guts you every time. That’s one thing that doesn’t get easier. It never hurts less. You just try and get better, to do more, to save more lives. That’s all there is to do.”

  “You’re one of the good guys.”

  He didn’t say anything, just stared up at the ceiling, wishing he had made different choices.

  “Sometimes it feels like I’ve spent the last five years trying to keep my entire family alive. I’ve turned into this control freak who thinks everyone’s survival is dependent on me. I’m realizing that I haven’t been living. I’ve been fearful.”

  He craned his neck to look at her. “Of what?”

  “That they’re all going to go too. My brother and nephew went without warning. Everything in our lives was so perfect, we were all so happy and then they were gone. It makes you think of so many things. Like, I don’t know how much longer I have with my parents, but I want to make sure I’m doing everything I can to keep them healthy.”

  “You can’t put that kind of burden on yourself.”

  “I know, it’s just easier said than done. I feel bad for them, for everything they went through. I lost a brother and a nephew. They lost a son and grandson and at their age, it’s just harder to come back from. Michael was their rock. He was gone. Jack took off. I needed to be there for them.”

  “Not many people could do what you did, Gwen.”

  She put her face in her hands and didn’t look like the spunky, free-spirited woman he’d come to know. She looked tired and vulnerable. “I did what I could. I’m not trying to make myself sound like a saint or a martyr. I tried to be there for them. The only thing is that along the way, I think I forgot to have my own life and I think I might be…controlling theirs.”

  He smiled. He wanted to say that this was the beginning of a new life, the two of them but that would mislead her. He had no idea what they’d think of him when he told them the truth.

  “Luke?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Will you be here tomorrow morning?”

  He wanted Gwen so badly. He knew it was physical attraction,
but he knew there was so much more here too. That’s what scared him. He wasn’t supposed to have feelings for her. Feelings were going to complicate everything. He was already in too deep. How the hell were they all going to come out of this unhurt? “I have to work, but I’ll be here in the morning.”

  She nodded against his chest. “I think I’m going to miss you.”

  His chest constricted at her words. She was roping him in. She was sweet and funny and she wasn’t afraid of telling him off. She was perfect. “Yeah, I think I’m going to miss you too.”

  They didn’t say anything and he concentrated on the television and not the woman curled so sweetly against him and all the things he’d rather be doing with her tonight. But if all he could do was hold her, then that was more than enough tonight. After a few minutes, he heard her breath deepen and he knew she’d fallen asleep. What the hell was he going to do? How was he going to leave her? He stayed like that for another half hour, until his heart rate finally slowed and he fell asleep.

  It was still dark out, Gwen was still attached to him, when the vibration of his phone woke him. It wasn’t even six o’clock in the morning. He frowned at the display. Careful not to disturb Gwen, he slowly untangled himself from her and grabbed his phone, worrying as his sister’s picture lit his screen. He closed the bedroom door softly before answering.

  “Haley, you okay?”

  There was a long pause and his gut clenched when he heard the break in her voice. If there was one person in the world who knew the real him, it was his little sister. “Haley talk to me. You’re scaring the crap out of me.”

  “Luke, I’m leaving him.”

  He fisted his hand and stared out the window of Gwen’s living room window. He’d always hated Haley’s husband. Right from day one he could tell he was a misogynistic prick. “Okay, do you need me to get you? I’ll come and get you.” He didn’t know how, but he would. He’d go to hell and back for his little sister.

  “No,” she said in a small voice. “He’s at work. I’m grabbing my things and leaving.”

  “Haley, did he hurt you? Are you safe to leave?” He could barely ask the question without wanting to smash his fist through the window. He didn’t know what he’d do if her husband had touched her in anger. He waited, not breathing, for her answer.

  “No, he didn’t hurt me,” she said in a small voice that made him doubt her answer. He squeezed his eyes shut and leaned his forehead against the cold window. He never should have let her marry him. He should have been more vocal about his concerns, but that all went down when he was dealing with his own hell, his own divorce. Fine big brother he turned out to be.

  “I will come and get you. Where are you?”

  “No, no. I’m okay. I’m coming to you. Are you still in Montana?”

  “Yeah, I’m here. I’ve got a place, you can stay with me. Just be safe. If you need help, if you need anything, tell me. How about money?”

  “I have a stash of money,” she whispered. “I’ll get to you. I’m driving though. I’m taking my time. Don’t worry about me. I’ll text you details.”

  Like he could ever not worry about her. “Be safe, Haley.”

  “I will. I love you, Luke.”

  “Love you, Haley.”

  Dammit. He didn’t want her to be going through this. She’d been through enough in her life. He had no idea what condition he’d find her in. He had no idea what she’d been through. Whatever it was, he’d get her through it. It had been just the two of them for so long. Their six year age gap didn’t seem like much now that they were adults.

  He took a deep breath and hoped to hell that ass hadn’t hurt her because if he had, there was no way he’d let him off the hook. He’d hunt him down and make him pay.

  He glanced over his shoulder as he heard a noise. Gwen was standing in the doorway, her hair falling around her shoulders, her T-shirt clinging to her.

  “Who’s Haley?”

  Chapter Six

  Gwen’s heart was racing as she waited for Luke’s answer. It might have also been racing because Luke, standing in her apartment in only jeans, scruffy hair, and extra stubble was a little too much to handle. Also the fact that he’d slept in her bed last night and she’d clung to him for dear life.

  It registered that he was looking at her strangely. Had he spoken?

  “Well?”

  “Well…what?”

  “I said, Haley is my sister.”

  “Oh.” Relief plummeted through her. Then she remembered that he’d sounded concerned for her. “Is she okay?”

  He walked across the room to the kitchen, placing his phone down on the counter, and took the coffee canister out of the cupboard. He looked completely at home in her kitchen as he started a pot. “I don’t know. I think she will be okay once she leaves her husband.”

  She walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him. He looked so worried for her. A second later his strong arms wrapped around her. “She’ll be fine. Is she coming here?”

  He cleared his throat and nodded against her head. “Yeah. She’s tough, even though she shouldn’t have to be anymore.”

  When he didn’t elaborate and neither of them spoke, she became very aware of their bodies. And the fact that his chest was naked and very, very delicious. She was also aware of how hard he felt. Everywhere.

  “Gwen?”

  “Yes,” she squeaked.

  “You’re going to move away from me and get dressed.”

  She turned her head so that it rested on his chest now. He smelled so good. “I’m all recovered now.”

  The pounding on the door caused them both to jump apart. They both looked at each other. Neither were in any condition to answer the door.

  “Gwen! It’s your mother and father! Open this door.”

  “Well, that’s one way to kill the mood!” she said, running to her bedroom to grab her sweater. He followed her, pulling his own shirt on. What a shame, she thought as she looked at him all covered up.

  “I swear to God, you’ve got the most expressive eyes on the planet,” he grumbled.

  “This is all your fault,” she said as she ran out of the room. “Your ‘don’t fool around with the flu patient rules’ have ruined everything!”

  “Gwen!”

  Gwen whipped open the front door and her parents barrelled through. “I cannot believe you had the flu and didn’t call us! We would have come home early from our trip!”

  “Seriously? That’s exactly why I didn’t call you! As if I’d want you to cut your vacation short to come home and take care of me,” she said. “Don’t hug me,” she said as they attempted to get close. “I don’t want you to catch it.”

  Her father was looking around her kitchen, clearly putting his life on the line in search of food.

  “Dad, there’s no pie. I was sick, remember?”

  His face fell. “Right. Of course, sweetheart.”

  She watched as their eyes widened. Luke. “Oh, and see I wasn’t alone. Luke took great care of me. Mom and Dad, this is Luke Thomson. Luke, these are my parents, Cassy and Edward.”

  Luke came forward and smiled, shaking their hands. “Nice to meet you.”

  “He’s a doctor,” Gwen said. “Actually, he’s the doctor who treated Lily and Jack the night of the storm.”

  Gwen’s mother did the sign of the cross and Gwen resisted the urge to smile at the theatrics. “My goodness, you just keep saving my children!”

  Luke coughed, an odd look on his face. He was probably mortified. “No, it was nothing really.”

  His mother made a tsking sound. “No, no. This must have been a horrible week. Our Gwen is a delight, but she’s very stubborn. That can’t make for a good patient.”

  Gwen rolled her eyes. “Thanks, Mom.”

  Luke chuckled. “She didn’t protest once. She got a pretty nasty flu, so I don’t think she had it in her to argue.”

  Gwen’s mother marched over to the kitchen and started taking coffee mugs out of the cupboard. She
was taking over like she was ready to host brunch. “Well, it’s still kind of you. Why don’t you come over for Sunday dinner? It’s the least we can do.”

  His face got that strange look again. Maybe he didn’t want to be around all of them. Too much family. They were rather overbearing. Maybe it was too soon. The man had shut down all her advances. The last thing he wanted to do was spend Sunday night with them too.

  “Thank you very much, I, uh, will let you know. I’m expecting my sister in town this week and I don’t know the exact day she’ll be arriving.”

  Her mother busied herself pouring coffees. “Oh, how wonderful. Then next Sunday. She’s welcome too, of course! The more the merrier.”

  Wow, she didn’t miss a beat at all.

  “Thanks, I’ll, uh, let Gwen know. You know I’m sorry to just run out of here, but I need to get back home and get to work later, so I’m going to have to skip the coffee.”

  Her mother looked heartbroken. “Oh, well that’s a shame. But that’s okay, we’ll get to know each other on Sunday. Thank you again for taking care of our daughter. My goodness how nice of you.”

  Luke was slowly backing away to her bedroom.

  “I’ll be right back,” she said and followed him.

  He was throwing his things in a duffle bag. “I better head out of here.”

  “They scared you off, didn’t they?”

  He stood and turned to her and again he had that closed-off expression on his face. “They are great people. It’s why you are too.”

  “Well, there’s more of us. You’ll meet everyone next Sunday.”

  She could have sworn she saw a flash of panic across his eyes. “I’ll let you know.”

  She wasn’t going to be disappointed. She also wasn’t going to analyze this crazy relationship she was now in. So they were both attracted to each other. He obviously cared enough to nurse her back to health, without even being asked to. Yet, she knew he was conflicted about being in a relationship again.