Allegiance

by K. A. Tucker

  Hang in there, Veronique, I silently pleaded, biting down on my lip before the truth exploded out of my mouth.

  “A nightmare?” Sofie pressed.

  My head bobbed up and down, numbly, wishing for the safety of Caden’s arms. He didn’t move, though, instead studying me with a worried expression.

  Sofie leaned down, her hand smoothing my hair in a motherly gesture. “About what?”

  I bit down harder, madly searching for a lie that would justify my traumatic awakening. What if I revealed too many clues for the shrewd vampiress and she figured it out? Finally, I just shrugged.

  She offered me a compassionate smile as her cool hand cupped my chin. “I told you not to worry. Everything will be fine. We’ll figure this Tribe magic out.”

  I nodded again, dropping my gaze to my hands folded in my lap, hiding my face so she couldn’t see the tears welling. No, it won’t, Sofie … So much is not fine.

  “I’m such a rotten friend. I’m sorry I haven’t been around more for you,” Amelie spoke out from her place beside Julian. “Especially with what you’ve been going through. We’ll do something tomorrow, I promise. Just the two of us. Okay?”

  “Okay,” I mumbled, more to appease her. Her blond corkscrew curls bounced as she nodded with satisfaction, a rascally twinkle battling with worry in those emerald jewels. So happy. So oblivious, wrapped in Julian’s arms.

  Rage flared within me. Stop it! That voice screamed. Every day that this charade between Julian and Amelie continued, the harder the truth would be. Julian needed to walk away, to break up with her, to tell her he’d lost interest. Something. Anything. I shut my eyes, hoping to reset my emotions before I accidently endangered Julian.

  The bottom corner of my bed sank as a weight settled on it. Caden was perched stiffly on the edge of the bed, glaring at Julian, the muscles in his strong jaw rigid with tension. Instantly, I realized my mistake. He hadn’t missed my reaction to Julian and Amelie and he was reading it as something different. Jealousy, on my part. I need to get better at guarding my reactions around Julian, I scolded myself. I covered my face with my hand, trying to block out all the ways I could lose my mind.

  Sofie’s heels clicked as she slowly backed away. “Okay, well; let me know if you need anything.” She turned to walk toward the door, her fingers gripping Amelie’s elbow as she passed, a signal for them to leave. At the door, she stopped and turned. “Max?”

  No, the stubborn beast growled.

  “Max, can you give me a moment alone?” I scratched the back of his ear affectionately. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d done that …

  With a heavy exhale, Max leapt off my bed and strolled past Sofie. I’ll be right outside the door if you need me.

  A soft click, and I was alone with Caden. Our eyes grazed each other for a moment and then he looked away. I immediately sensed the shift in the air between us. Something was definitely different now. Before, I could touch him, I could hold him, I could be with him. Now, there was an unspoken boundary. An invisible divide—a barbed wire fence that kept us sitting side by side but growing distinctly apart. The barbs had hooked onto my heart, choking it, tearing it apart with each passing hour.

  As I stared at him, at his mess of tawny brown hair, at the way he focused out the window on something unseen in the night sky, the ball of anxiety in the pit of my belly flourished. I couldn’t tell him what was happening! Worse, what was happening to Veronique, that I was witnessing and saying nothing about. What would happen if he knew? Either he’d tell Sofie, which I knew was a tragedy for the greater good of all, or he’d make me promise to keep quiet because of the greater good of all. Just like binding Bishop was for the best. As rational as that side of him was, I couldn’t bear the callousness of it.

  And so I remained quiet, allowing a wall to grow between us—the invisible wall of lies and pain that grew in size and density and stabbed my heart with its severity. A wall that, I was afraid, would soon be impenetrable. Tell him everything! That voice pleaded within me. Oh, the euphoria of pouring my heart out to him, of divulging every last secret that burned my soul. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t form the words that would end Julian, that would either force Caden to betray me or forever taint my view of him.

  And so I bit my bottom lip to keep quiet, so hard I thought I might draw blood. Blood that would spark an uncontrollable urge for Caden, and would then kill him. I could feel the fissure in my sanity widening, threatening to break into a million pieces, never to be reassembled. I am a liar. A betraying, lying, fragile human …

  I had to fight the overwhelming urge to lunge at him, to expunge all my anxiety, my agony, my everything with him. If only for a night, an hour, a minute … While I still could. While my touch wasn’t instant death. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t even speak. So I just sat there, staring at him, accepting that I had lied to him before, and that I’d lie again. I stared at the moonlight shining in through the windows, dancing along the dazzling curves of his profile. I stared as awkward silence suffocated me.

  Caden was the first to speak. “How’s your arm?” He slid closer to me, his long fingers stretching out, closer and closer, almost to me …

  A vision of his lifeless corpse on my bed, dull green eyes staring into nothingness pulled my arm back involuntarily.

  “No.” With a scowl, Caden closed the distance, intentionally grabbing onto my knee, his thumb and forefinger squeezing around it tightly. He raised a knowing eyebrow.

  I exhaled softly, soaking up the relief. I hadn’t killed him. Yet.

  With that test out of the way, he gently lifted my injured arm beneath the elbow, appraising the fresh wound, still red and swollen. “Does it hurt?”

  “It’s sore, but I’ll live.” I thought I heard his teeth grind against each other as he glowered at it. What if … I swallowed the swirl of rising panic. Spidery red veins seared my mind. “It’s not still bothering you, is it? My blood?”

  He shook his head fiercely. His eyes flickered to my face, a hint of shame in them. “I was right there and she still got to you. I’m just so angry.”

  “It’s not your fault.” I hesitantly reached forward, my own fingertips running along his index finger. He didn’t react at first. I was afraid I had overstepped this new unspoken boundary. But then his long fingers laced between mine. My pulse quickened as those intoxicating jade jewels seized me, demolishing me with their intensity, lifting me up, up into the clouds, into heaven, into oblivion …

  “What was your nightmare about?”

  And I was tumbling downwards, anxiety slamming me against the hard, cold, uncaring ground of reality. My voice caught as I whispered one name, a name that left a bitter taste on my tongue. “Veronique.” It was the truth and yet a blatant lie. Another lie …

  Caden slid his arm around to my opposite hip and pulled me close to him, welcoming my forehead against the ridges of his chest. He rested his cheek affectionately against the top of my head. “I’m sure she’s fine. There’s no reason they’re doing anything to hurt her. She’s too valuable,” Caden promised in a low whisper, his hand running through the length of my hair, stroking it gently.

  You’re so wrong, Caden. Tears seared my eyes. I swallowed a sob. “I hope not.” Another lie to Caden. Two major lies in one night and I had sworn I could never tell him one.

  I want to forget everything. Make me forget everything, for just a little while. My hand expanded, fingers stretched out across his chest, raking his muscles, skimming down along the ripples, wandering over his chest, his biceps, his stomach, his belt …

  “I should go,” Caden whispered, grabbing my hand, his body growing rigid. A snake of tension constricted inside me. Reluctantly, I pulled away, rubbing residual tears away with the back of my hand. He moved to stand up.

  “Wait!” My hand flew to his leg, grasping his outer thigh. I tempered my voice, asking more tentatively, “Can’t you stay a little while longer? Please?”

  “Bishop’s all alone.” As if that expl
ained everything, he was on his feet.

  I swallowed my fear, forcing the next question out. “Is that why? Does it have anything to do with … before?” With Julian?

  He towered over me like an angel, his tall, muscular body more appealing to me than ever before. I didn’t know why. Maybe because I was losing him … “Yeah. A little bit,” he admitted. The snake squeezed tighter, threatening to crush my vital organs, to end me. A single tear escaped, rolling down my cheek. I smeared it away with the back of my hand, not wanting him to see me cry.

  Too late. The muscles in his neck tensed as he swallowed. He looked away, focused on the window. “It’s not right or fair that it bothers me, but it does. I can’t help feeling like you’ve betrayed me, even though I have no right. I’ll get over it but … it will take some time.”

  “How long?” I asked. Inside, I was dissolving in misery.

  “Evangeline.” His voice cracked, full of desperation. After a long pause, he shrugged. His voice turned hard and cold. “We have bigger issues to deal with right now.”

  Bowing my head, I sank into the bed, clenching until my nails dug into my palms. I recognized practical Caden, the guy who’d kept me at arm’s length back on Ratheus. I thought I’d chased him away for good, but he was back again. He was assembling his own wall. A brick wall, not as agonizing as my barbed wire fence of lies, but still substantial. I wanted to scream at it, to tear it down, throw the pieces away, smash them, burn them. Instead, I nodded.

  “Everything will be fine with us. I just need some time.” Time. Something we didn’t have. Leaning down, his cool lips first grazed my forehead and then planted a lingering kiss on it. “Get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.” With that, he vanished into the night, leaving me alone with my crumbling sanity.

  When Max ventured in, the tears were still falling.

  ***

  I woke up empty, drained. Luckily, I hadn’t endured another round of Veronique’s physical torture. Now, it was only my own mental torment that loitered. I wondered which was worse. Max was gone again. Likely out hunting. He had spent hours silently mopping up my tears with his snout. As much as I appreciated him, I appreciated the time alone.

  Heaving myself out of bed, I showered and dressed at a sluggish pace, preparing myself for another day of Tribal magic surprises, of watching a good friend imprisoned and suffering, perhaps another injury, but most of all, another round of gut-wrenching distance between Caden and me.

  Springy blond curls and a brilliant smile ambushed me the second I stepped out into the silent, empty hallway. “Ah!” I yelled, stumbling, my head banging against the doorframe.

  “Come on!” Amelie chirped, oblivious to my shock. She grabbed hold of my good arm.

  I let her drag me, my heart hammering against my rib cage. “Where?”

  She shrugged vaguely. “Doesn’t matter. We’re spending the day together, remember? First, you probably need to eat.”

  We found the two French cooks in the kitchen, this time with rolling pins in their hand and a round, flat pastry dough stretched out on the marble countertop. Smiling in unison, they dove back into their work.

  “What do you feel like?” Amelie asked, already neck-deep into the open fridge. Before I could tell her I’d rather eat glass than food, a plate of fresh fruit and pastries materialized in front of me. Amelie’s long silver-painted fingernail tapped against the countertop. “Eat up!”

  “You sound like Sofie,” I grumbled. I wasn’t hungry. The thought of food made me want to vomit, my insides twisted into so many intricate knots even Houdini couldn’t unravel. But, I knew arguing with Amelie would take too much strength. She’d pin me down and force-feed me. So I relented, picking up a slice of melon. Its sweet juices had barely touched my lips when Sofie entered. It’s like they had Evangeline radar …

  Minty eyes narrowed slightly, as they had the previous morning, when she was sensing me magically. It set off a volcano of panic inside me. The melon dropped from my grasp onto my plate.

  “What? What is it now?” What had changed overnight? Was my touch finally lethal? No … Amelie had held my hand. She was still alive and perky. Which meant I wasn’t a full-on leper yet …

  Sofie shook her head, reading my mind without being able to read my mind. “Nothing. How was the rest of your night?”

  Lonely … I pushed my bitterness away and grumbled, “Fine,” as I slid the plate away. It may as well have been crawling with maggots, as unappetizing as it was.

  My answer earned a heavy sigh of relief from her. “Good. I’m going to be busy for a while. Testing something out on Bishop.”

  I jumped out of my seat. “Are you serious?” Finally, a spark of hope, a ray of something positive. “Have you figured out how to fix him?”

  “I have an idea or two. Nothing I’m sure of yet…” Striding forward, she stopped before me to push a strand of hair from my face. “I’ll take care of everything. Don’t worry. I’ll fix it.”

  I want to believe you Sofie, I do. I just couldn’t help but feel fate was spiraling out of control. Swallowing a painful lump of despair, I nodded and changed the subject. “Any news from Lilly?”

  The responding scowl gave me my answer. “I expect we will hear something soon.” Sofie looked down to my injured arm, her deepening scowl creating unpleasant clefts in her forehead. “You can keep Evangeline occupied, right, Amelie?”

  Amelie hopped off her stool, saluting in a military fashion. “I’m on it! I’ve got Operation Entertain Evie covered!”

  Despite everything, that earned a genuine smile. Oh, how I missed Amelie’s levity!

  Cool fingers traced my chin. “I haven’t seen that beautiful smile in so long,” Sofie whispered. I turned to see sadness flash across her face. Then it was gone, replaced by a mask of composure as she leveled Amelie with a sobering stare. “Help me keep it there, will you, Amelie?” With that, Sofie vanished.

  “So …” Amelie leaned on her elbows, cradling her chin. “What do you wanna do?”

  I shrugged with disinterest, squashing a blueberry between my fingers. “What’s there to do?” Wander around the halls of this giant chateau and pretend that everything was fine? That Veronique wasn’t being tortured to death, that Caden and I weren’t one second from over, that Amelie wouldn’t be crushed and Julian dead once they discovered his secret? That I wasn’t slowly turning into a Tribe demon? That the world wasn’t going to end …

  Hands clapped sharply, catching the tip of my nose. “Earth to Evie! What is going on in that pretty little head of yours?”

  “I’m … wallowing,” I admitted. Heat crept up my neck. I wasn’t a wallower. That wasn’t me. From my mother’s death, to my solitary teenaged years, to learning of the curse, I had never spent more than a minute dwelling on the negatives. Now, I was bathing in L’Eau de Wallow.

  “Bad idea, Evangeline. You need a good distraction.” Her hand rested on my shoulder. “So let’s find one, okay?”

  “Okay … What do you have in mind?”

  “I’m not sure … I usually hunt bears and jump off cliffs when I need a distraction.”

  I snorted as my gaze roamed the four walls of the kitchen, imagining the long halls outside, the stairs, the rooms … Nothing there was distracting enough. Well, except Caden. But then that’d just bring me back to my inevitable worry. I needed to get away. Far away, just for a little while.

  “Let’s get out of here,” I whispered, already anticipating Amelie’s negative answer.

  An impish curve touched her lips. “We could,” she mouthed. She looked over to ensure the cooks weren’t listening.

  My heart started pounding against my ribs. “Seriously? Do you think Sofie’ll be mad?”

  Her mouth twisted. “If she found out … yeah, probably. But I’ve been out once or twice. Caden’s been out a couple of times … Viggo’s out twice a day. Nothing has happened! There are no signs of any Sentinels watching. We should go!” Bright white teeth glistened as she struggled to conta
in her excited smile. “We could do it, Evie! We could …” Her words trailed off as the eagerness deflated like a popped balloon, crushing my already weak spirit.

  “Those wolves. They’d tell Sofie right away. We can’t get past their stupid mutt noses.”

  I smiled. Finally, an advantage.

  ***

  Rounding the corner into the foyer, I almost smacked into Viggo striding through the front door. He cringed and jumped backward a foot to avoid my hand grazing his leg. He was afraid of me and my Tribal magic. I smirked with satisfaction. I was a natural Viggo repellant. A silver lining.

  “What are you two up to, so giggly and … annoying?”

  “Girl stuff!” Amelie spat back haughtily, hooking her arm through mine.

  With an exaggerated eye roll, Viggo sidestepped around us—giving me an extra wide berth—and continued on, not in the least bit interested in a couple of tittering young women. Not unless they were tittering over him. I released the lungs’ worth of air I didn’t realize I was holding. I may repel him but he still terrified me.

  “Okay. Stay right here,” Amelie ordered, pointing to the tile where I stood, as if I were a dog who might wander away. She vanished, only to reappear ten seconds later with coats and boots for both of us. “Come on!”

  I had one boot on and was tugging the second on when Amelie grabbed my arm and began dragging me out the door, my coat hanging off one arm. “Quick!” She pointed to a navy jeep sat parked outside. Opening the passenger door, she bowed. “After you, mademoiselle!”

  I took a deep breath. This was crazy. We were crazy! Before I could chicken out, I hopped in. “Sofie’s going to kill me,” I muttered to myself. Amelie was in the driver’s side an instant.

  “And you’re sure you want to do this?” she asked slowly.

  I sighed. “Amelie? We’ve got both our hands in the cookie jar and now you’re the voice of reason?”