Redemptio Animae

by Sydney Gibson

  I didn't turn around even as I felt her eyes on me, "Duly noted." It came out soft, but with determination. The last thing I wanted to talk about with her was the biggest mistake of my life that I still carried with me and still could threaten to spill over into my life now. I gripped the glass harder and made a beeline to the fridge, pouring another large glass of tea and chugging it down.

  Praying it would work faster as the need for scotch crept further and further in.

  There was something bothering Kit. Something that went past her newest round of withdrawal. I could see the fear of failing in her eyes, showing itself here and there as we interacted. I had definitely caught her off guard when I surprised her at the windows, catching her in a forgotten memory. Her eyes held a moment of love, not a current love or a building new love, but an old one. An old love that was still trapped in her memories and had the tether cut to her deep guarded secrets and let it come to the surface.

  Looking over my shoulder at the noises she was making in the kitchen, I wondered if Kit would ever take my offer to listen. The woman was a walking pressure cooker of secrets waiting to explode.

  I wanted her to trust me and let them out. I wanted more from her and couldn't place why.

  The doorbell rang I called into the kitchen, "Kit, I will get it. It should be the pizza." I dropped my arms, walking towards the front door. The day had been unexpected. Rebecca was truly supposed to be here and train Kit for the rest of the week. Then Dr. Zehren called early in the morning, informing me of a small abnormality that had appeared in Rebecca's latest tissue samples. She needed to leave right away and get properly examined. Rebecca had fought me a little on staying and finishing her job, claiming once again her lack of faith in Kit's ability to learn the job.

  I pushed back. I knew how to use the computer system in the house and in my offices, since I had taken part in creating and installing them when I was elected to my senate seat. I also wanted to gauge Kit's ability to learn and absorb information on my own without the overbearing scrutiny of Rebecca standing over us.

  Jogging down the stairs as the second doorbell echoed, I could see why Rebecca was possibly jealous of Kit. Kit was smart, observant and witty underneath the shell of a broken woman and the days training had gone quickly. She observed and absorbed everything from the first day masterfully and I knew in time Kit would surpass Rebecca. I also knew Rebecca had made that realization as well, making her want to push the redhead to her breaking point.

  When Kit asked the why politics question, I answered her. I really wasn't the stereotypical politician in the sense of poor self-entitled behavior towards my employees, or the consuming power that some thought came with working in the government. I was just a young woman with a mission to help the world.

  But with Kit, she made me want to be kinder, more caring and open. She made me want to be me and not the Senator all the time, forgo the transformation act I had to do every day between my office and my home. She made me feel safe enough to let my guard down and let her in to the last and most personal layer of my onion of a life.

  I accepted the hot white pizza boxes that felt like they weighed ten pounds each, and after tipping the young man heavily, I walked back to the kitchen. My diet also appeared to be on vacation, indulging in tacos, pizza and whatever junk food I craved with gusto.

  I glanced down at the happy drawing on the white lid of an excited pizza maker, tossing a pizza in the air and tweaking his stereotypical mustache, asking me to enjoy the delight the box held. I smiled, absently wondering what Kit's favorite food was. I had been often absently wondering a lot of things about her I knew I shouldn't.

  Truthfully, I was secretly glad Rebecca had to leave for Geneva. It allowed for some time alone with the redhead in the kitchen. I wanted to learn more about her and give her a safe place to let it out her thoughts and opinions without having a pair of over bearing eyes on her.

  Then there was the small fact I had not stopped thinking about Kit the moment I left her house yesterday. Replaying every moment I shared with her in that house, picking apart the little body cues and inflections in her voice. The way it took her more than a few seconds to move away from my touch and how her eyes told me the exact opposite her words did. The way I could see her pulse increase and decrease in the vein on her neck when I was too close or moved away from her.

  I let out a sigh at the top of the stairs to the kitchen; it was obvious there was an attraction building between the two of us. All of the signs were there and I had to explore it further, I needed to explore it, to find out if it was because she saved my life or if it was because she was unlike any woman I had ever met in my life. I needed to know it if was mutual or something I secretly was hoping for after spending a few years alone.

  I threw on a smile when I saw Kit standing at the sink, lost in the view provided by the window over the faucet. She was truly beautiful when she was silent and lost in something like she was now, and it seemed moments like this one was the only time she was at peace with the war in her mind.

  Kit didn't notice me in the kitchen until I slid the white boxes on the counter, the soft whisper of heavy cardboard gliding across a smooth surface, snapping Kit out of her haze and turned to me, our eyes locking together as they often seemed to do lately.

  Her hazel eyes were clear and bright when they met mine, forcing me to tear away from her gaze as it began to make my heart skip a few times, "I got plain cheese, I wasn't sure which toppings you liked." I busied my hands with opening the box, letting the steam puff out. "The plates are in the cabinet to the left of the sink."

  I lifted one thick slice of the Chicago style pizza, "We may need utensils. I always forget how deep dish Al's pizza is." I dropped a thick slice on the white plate Kit had slid towards me. I shoved the filled plate back towards her, "We can sit here or out on the patio?"

  Kit lifted the plate, "The patio is fine. I could use some fresh air."

  The slight undetectable tremor in her voice clued me in that her withdrawal was starting to rear its ugly head, she needed to eat, drink and rest. I pointed through the sitting room, "Past the sitting room and the sliding doors, there is a table to the left. Dig in and I will meet you out there. Did you want more tea?"

  Kit nodded, swallowing hard, "Or water is fine." She held onto her plate and utensils a moment before moving in the direction I had pointed her in.

  I followed shortly, balancing the first pizza box with my plate on top and carrying two glasses of tea in my other hand, thankful Kit had left the sliding door cracked open for me to push open with my leg. She was munching on the pizza one bite at a time, setting the glass down, Kit nodded a silent thank you as I took the seat across from her.

  For a few moments we ate in silence, Kit would take a bite then get lost in the view set before us. I had devoured almost half of my slice in the moments of silence, I felt the blush of embarrassment from eating like a starved animal and looked up at Kit, "Penny for your thoughts?"

  Kit snapped out of her thoughts, turning to me, "What was that?" She raised her eyebrows in hopes she didn't miss anything critical.

  I smiled, sipping at my tea, "I said penny for your thoughts. You are lost in the tree tops, Kit."

  Kit smiled lightly, dropping her eyes to the barely touched pizza on the plate, "This place reminds me of Italy, that's all." She picked up her fork, trimming off a chunk of pizza and slowly dragging it up to her mouth.

  "I am assuming you went there on a detail?" I was trying to start a conversation wanting to distract her from her thoughts and hopefully get her to eat.

  Kit nodded as she chewed, "I went there yes, but not exactly on a detail." She shrugged, pushing her food around. Turning away from me, she let eyes fall back out on the view, "These terra-cotta roofs remind me of the ones I would look out on from a balcony kind of like this one." Her brow furrowed for a minute, signaling a memory was at play.

  "Was it an impromptu vacation?" I kept my tone soft; I didn't want to incite a brash rea
ction from her as she opened up to me.

  Kit shook her head, looking back in my eyes, "It was a dumb mistake. A mistake that I made in what I now understand was made by the blindness of what I thought was love." She shrugged again, taking another small bite of food, "This is really good, Claire. Thank you for suggesting it."

  I could see the hurt in her eyes over Italy and whoever it was she followed there. I wanted to dig deeper, I wanted to know who it was that captured her so completely that it affected her still to this day. I finished my first piece of pizza, grabbing for a second, "When I was eighteen and finishing my senior year of college, I almost threw my entire career and the life I have now, away for my medieval history professor." I set to cutting up the second massive slice of pizza up, glancing up at Kit to see if I had caught her attention. I did, she was looking at me wide-eyed, "She was twenty-four, so this story isn't going to be as salacious as the typical I fell for my ancient professor stories. Professor Victoria Hyde was stunning and had all of her students following her like little lost puppies. Including me."

  I smiled sheepishly and continued, "I was young, living only in books my entire life when Victoria blew in like a windstorm, giving me a new outlook on life outside the written word of books, the chemical structures of atoms and the fine rigidity of medicine. She made my heart beat a little faster when she was around, made me sweat a little more and I craved to be around her any chance I could."

  I took a bite of pizza, "I was head over heels in smitten young love." I had never told this story to anyone other than Davey when he found me in my dorm room, sobbing. I had become too embarrassed to ever tell anyone, until now. Now I wanted to share with Kit that everyone made mistakes in the name of love. Some bigger than others and some equally as life changing.

  Kit was smiling at me, "Did you breach teacher student lines?"

  I laughed, "Only a little bit. One kiss was all I got from the woman. She was taken with me, but wanted her career more than she wanted love. That and I was a gangly, awkward genius with poor fashion sense and little idea of what I wanted from the world. I just knew Victoria made me feel something, something that was so incredible I wanted to bottle it up and have it forever." I paused when the back of my mind suddenly suggested the small things I felt for Victoria then, were similar to what was brewing for Kit now.

  I cleared my throat, "I went to her one day telling her that I had filed my drop out papers and was going to quit school for her. That we could travel across England and live in Scotland like she always dreamed of. I had money, I had my parent’s money and a heart full of young love." I looked at Kit, "Two of the most powerful things to have, love and money." I set my fork down, reaching for my glass of tea, "Honestly looking back now, I have no idea what it was about Victoria that had me in such a twist. She was gorgeous, still is, but when I ran into her last month at a museum benefit, I found her to be very vapid and boring."

  I smirked at Kit, "My intelligence was clouded by my desire for love." I pointed at Kit with my glass of tea, "The best part is, she has not stopped emailing me for a reunion date since then."

  Kit laughed genuinely and it was the first real glimpse of the dimples that had been hiding. "Not surprised. The ugly genius turned into the beautiful swan Senator." She looked at me, still smiling, "Why were you taking medieval history if you were a medical student?"

  I didn't answer right away; I was caught up on the words Kit issued. The beautiful swan Senator. I recovered, smiling to hide the effect her simple words may have had on me, "Sadly, I only went to the class because I ran into Victoria in the hallway. Literally smacked into her while I was rushing to one of my pathology classes. She helped pick up my books and then handed me a flier for her brand new class on King Arthur, fiction vs. reality." I laughed, "I truly have no clue what the class was about. I took it and sat there all googly-eyed for the professor. I think that was the only class I ever got a B in."

  I furrowed my brow, still smiling, "After she shot me down and the extravagant travel plans I had, I dove back into my core studies. So much so I was able to graduate a few months later and head off into the path that led me here. Her breaking my young heart gave me the drive and motivation to find the path I am on now. Victoria was a mistake I was glad I made, it taught me a lot about what I wanted in life and in love."

  I glanced over at Kit, happily noticing that she had finished her slice of pizza while I had rattled on about my first experience of love. "I do often wonder what would have happened if Victoria had accepted my proposal of running off to Europe together." It was my turn to drift away into the terra-cotta rooftops and the trees.

  "I would not have the second chance you are giving me now, Claire." Kit's voice was soft and weight down with emotion. I turned to look at her, seeing her hazel eyes glass over and she had to turn away from me when she saw I was staring.

  Kit stood up quickly, grabbing my empty glass and hers, "I need a refill." She left in a hurry back towards the kitchen. I had to take a deep breath, the job at hand was not going to be difficult at all for Kit, it would be the tension in the air that made its appearance between us at the strangest times. And those times were increasing in frequency. I let the coolness of the evening air clear my mind, returning to devour the second piece of pizza still sitting on my plate.

  When Kit returned, glasses full, the rest of the dinner conversation turned to work and her small questions about the email system and if there were any small details she needed to pay attention too. Signs that there would be no further personal conversation today. I filled Kit in and before we knew it the sun had set.

  I stood up as the night air pushed around us, making my skin chilled. "It's late, we should call it a day." My watch showed the time to be almost ten o'clock. I grabbed the empty plates and the leftover pizza when Kit stood up, offering to take the plates from me, "Let me help, Claire."

  I smiled, letting her take the plates, and after leading her to the kitchen I went to work on putting the leftovers away. Kit finished putting the dishes in the dishwasher and turned to me, "I should get going, the drive home is going to take forever at this hour."

  I paused, surprised at her comment, "Kit, I told you to bring a bag. I have a spare bedroom all set up for you. There is no need for you to make that three-hour drive this late." I looked over at her, she was clearly exhausted and pale even though she ate more than I had ever seen her eat. I was worried that if she left and went home, there would be a slip up since the day had been a bit tense and stressful for her.

  Deep down I also didn't want Kit to leave. I truly enjoyed her company and the way having her around made me feel.

  I kept my tone gentle but firm, "Please, I insist." I smiled, "I have intentions of heading out for the best waffles in town first thing in the morning." I raised my eyebrows hoping that I could barter with food.

  Kit blew out a small laugh, looking down at her folded hands, "If I didn't know any better I would think you were a fat kid trapped in a Senators body." I watched her jaw clench a few times as she mulled over staying at the house or not.

  I didn't give her more opportunity for further debate. I walked over to her, my hand going to her shoulder, "The bedroom is on the other side of the house and has an exquisite view of the ocean free of the roof and tree tops of this side." I squeezed her shoulder, "Don't make me order it of you, Kit."

  She let out a sigh, resigning to my persistence, "Fine. But I didn't bring anything so I hope it's okay that I recycle the same suit two days in a row."

  I smiled, dropping my hand, I waved to the bedrooms, "Follow me."

  We walked to the other side of the house where the spare bedroom was. No one rarely inhabited this side of the house, Rebecca and I kept to the other side where the sitting room and everything else was basically centrally located. The other side of the house was quiet and would be perfect for Kit to feel like she had her privacy and yet I could get to her or she could get to me in case of emergency.

  I pushed the door open, movin
g to the floor to ceiling windows that wrapped around the bed, meeting one solid wall that was the bathroom. The room was bathed in light during the day and then was dark as night when the sun set. I motioned to the bed, "It's a California king, pillow top with 700 thread count sheets. There is an alarm clock if you need it on the table there. There is an extra phone charger in the drawer and anything else you may need." I moved past Kit, towards the closet, pulling open the door revealing a small row of clothing. Clothing all in Kit's size that I had asked Rebecca to search out for when the time came she would have to stay over.

  I turned looking at Kit, still standing in the doorway looking over the room, "And there is some clothing for you. It all should fit you, but if not. I can get anything you may need." I grabbed a pair of linen pajama pants and a sleep top, setting them on top of the comforter, "You are free to wear jeans and a t-shirt, or whatever you would like. Rebecca won't be back until the end of the week, so I am setting you free from the strict dress codes she enforced upon you." I smirked, heading to the bathroom, "Towels are under the sink. Shampoo and other toiletries are in the cabinet over the toilet. Use as much hot water as you want, I have one of those fancy hot water tanks keeps a constant flow of hot water..."

  I placed my hands on my hips, trying to think of anything else I may have left out. "The phone is like the office one. Dial 7 to get an outside line, and all the presets are programmed and labeled." I looked up at Kit, mildly dazed by the bedroom and my small speech of its attributes.

  She looked around the room finally settling on me, "Claire, I can sleep on the couch. I mean this room is twice the size of my living room."

  I nodded, smiling as I covered the space between us, my hands falling to her upper arms, "I want you to be comfortable. I want you to think of this as your home away from home. Because in time it may be your home." I met her eyes and like all the times before, ours locked together with an intense silence following close behind.