"Love at first sight is not exactly something I believed in. How do you fall in love with someone in a matter of moments when your eyes meet and hands connect?" Claire glanced up at the ceiling. "Then I met you, Kit, and when I looked into your eyes I felt safe. Something I have not felt in over five years." Claire's tone changed, the Senator left the building. I was now confused where this conversation was actually heading.
Claire looked away from me, "I knew from that moment on I was in trouble." She took a step back and turned her back to me, "I realized the ache in my chest was because I was heartbroken when you left. Left me so full of anger and hatred that I had given you what you wanted, to be left alone with your memories and unwillingness to see the way out."
My heart was pounding at her words, my breathing was heavy, "Claire, that wasn't why I left. I left because, because I have carried these things, Callum and Montreal with me for so long it was all I knew." I moved closer to her, "The way you make me feel is so powerful that it overwhelms me, makes me afraid." I left it at that, I didn't need to repeat myself and my fears to the woman a thousand times. "It was never you, Claire." I struggled in slowing my words down, I was anxious by the way my heart pounded. I suddenly wanted to fight a little harder for this woman. Redeem myself.
Claire laughed lightly, "Of course, the whole it's not you it's me speech." She suddenly turned to face me, her eyes watery, "It is you, Kit. It's always been you." She clenched her jaw before speaking, "I will not accept you doing this again, Kit. Running when it's too much to bear. You have shed your past to me, you have found your freedom from it and I suggest you run with it. You have held onto so much for far too long. I cannot endure another back and forth with you, even as you tell me that you are Icarus and I am the sun. A love that is dangerous, but oddly freeing." Claire paused, her eyes moving to the table, her voice hard when she spoke, "There will be no more of this, Kit."
Her words hit me in the chest hard, so hard my hand moved to my heart on its own. I swallowed hard, nodding for an unknown reason. The intensity in her eyes told me so much, it also told me why she was such a fiercely respected woman in the capital. I wasn't prepared for this, I had only prepared to tell her everything and wait for her to show me the door as I deserved. I dropped my gaze to the floor, "Claire...I..."
"Kit, for all of the agent training and natural talent you have to read people and you can't see it." I felt Claire move closer to me, her hand settling under my chin to push me to look her in the eyes. When I met her blue green eyes that shone brighter with unshed tears, my heart tightened.
"I am in love with you to, Caitriona." Claire smiled weakly, "I have fought it because it was love at first sight, a romantic idea based not in the reality I have chosen to live in."
The small sentence hit my ears, then sank into my heart. I fought past the strange fearful feeling of hearing Claire tell me she was in love with me as well. I sucked in a breath, "Can you repeat yourself?" it was a shaky request, but I needed to hear it again to make sure.
She nodded, "I love you, Kit. I fell in love with you at first sight." Claire rolled her eyes slightly, "Well maybe love at first sight over a day or so, but regardless. I have never felt anything close to what you make me feel every day I am around you Kit. The way you make me relax and not want to be the Senator or the Doctor, the way you look at me when you don't think I notice."
I held her eyes as she rambled, lost in the new feeling of wholeness her simple words was bringing to my body. I wondered if this is what the rebirth people talk about felt like after a car accident they survived when they shouldn't have. I wondered if this is what true love felt like, either way, all I knew was it felt incredible and healing.
She moved her hand from my chin to settle on my cheek, "The way you will do anything to keep me safe whether it's from the maniacs after me or in your constant need to always drive me places." Claire took a slow breath in, "The way your dimples smile when you are truly happy and how badly I want to be the one to draw that out of you." She smiled, "I cannot tell you how jealous I was of Norbert."
I laughed with her, leaning into her hand, "He's just a little bird."
Claire moved closer, "A little bird that made you happy. I want that, Kit. I want to make you happy." Her hand suddenly fell from my face as she went to take a step back. I caught her hand with mine, pulling it in mine back up to the small space still between us.
I stared at our hands. There was no reason for me to hold back anymore. She knew my secrets and yet she stood in front of me, professing her love for me. "You already do, Claire." I brought her hand up to my lips, kissing the knuckles, I whispered, "I am sorry..."
Claire pulled her hand free from mine, moving it back to the spot on the edge of my chin. She pulled me closer, our mouths meeting slowly. I felt her breath, warm on my lips in the second before we kissed. Her other arm sliding around my midsection to pull me against her. My arms followed suit, holding her tightly as lips meshed and breathes mingled.
The kiss was unlike the last three we shared. The passion and desire was still there, but now there was a sense of completeness and relief. We were whole as long as we were together. My hand slid up to rest between her shoulders, pushing her closer to me. Our hearts synced up, beating furiously against each other. I couldn't resist and nipped her perfect bottom lip as it slid between mine, running the tip of my tongue over the soft flesh.
I felt her smile against my mouth and pull back, looking down at our chests, "It seems they have created their own symbiotic relationship. One cannot beat happily without the other." Claire's hand moved to rest against the white tank top I wore. Her fingertips warm against the bits of bare skin she touched, "I love you, Kit. You never need to run from me." She looked up, "Because I will always be here." She pressed her hand harder against my chest.
I bent forward, kissing the corner of her mouth as my hand covered hers, "Never." When I leaned back I looked into her eyes, there was a shift in her eyes. One that worried me, "What is it Claire?"
"Can you come back to the capital with me tomorrow?" She scanned my eyes, "I need you. The threats are getting worse. The hill people have been identified and their leader is focused on me. There is little information on him, but I have Davidek working on that as well as the Secret Service." Claire stepped out of my arms, folding hers and steadying her jaw, "The CIA too. Fields was right in his silly rumors. The fringe of the CIA's research and development group. A group called Beekeeper, they are after my work at the Criterion and are pushing harder. They are the ones responsible for the recent system hacks at Criterion." Claire sighed, "Things will become dangerous, Kit. I have faced these threats as best as I can, but now they are pushing hard. From what I can tell from the hill people, they will not hold back. I don't know what their motive is other than they want to see me dead." She looked up at me, "Will you, can you still stand by my side and protect me? If you can't because things have change, I will understand."
I knew she was hinting at that I had confessed I was afraid my feelings for her would cloud my judgment as it had with Callum. I stepped closer, removing the distance she put between us. "I told you I couldn't stand seeing anyone else touch you when that grabby monkey Fields was all over you. I couldn't stand to have anyone but me keep you safe." I rested my hand on her forearm, "Paco was right, I am like fire and will spread around those I love to protect them. I only burn for you and I promise you, I will do everything I can to keep you safe Claire." I smiled, looking into her eyes, "I will go back with you, stand by your side and give everything I have to keep you safe." In the back of my head I began to worry how many threats were coming her way. I would have to sneak down to the basement and read over the emails I had ignored for the last few days. There was honestly nothing I would not do to keep her safe, even more now.
Claire smiled, relief washing over her as her hand covered mine on her forearm. She turned, nodding at the phone, "Call Tito and tell him that you don't need that ride." She squeezed my hand before moving away,
"I am going to get ready for bed. It has been a long day." There was nothing but complete and utter exhaustion in the woman's voice. It had been a day full of emotions, good to bad, bad to heart breaking. Anyone would be tired after the day I gave her. As a result, I didn't take her wanting to go to bed as anything more than an exhausted woman wanting to collapse and sleep. Especially since it was exactly what I wanted to do.
I watched Claire walk away and disappear up the stairs before picking up the phone. I didn't need to call Tito, I just had to send him a text message. He quickly replied, "Good. You can still come to the store, but I still won't let you buy any booze from me. I am glad you finally figured it out KT!"
I smiled, tucking the phone in my back pocket and scooping up the other random items. I went to go upstairs to my bedroom when my eyes settled on the bottle of scotch. The temptation was there to drink it, especially since I was emotionally drained. But the temptation of having a life with the incredible woman who had given me a second and a third chance outweighed any sweet taste of scotch. I set my things on the couch, picked up the bottle and tucked it back into the box. I took the box to the kitchen and tucked it up into the top of the cabinet that held Claire's fancy dinner party dishware.
I went back to the sitting room and picked up my things and headed upstairs. I was exhausted, but felt lighter. I stripped off my clothes, replacing them with the pajamas I had tossed into the top drawer of the dresser that was completely empty. I took a deep breath pulling the covers back. It was almost midnight now. The day had felt like it was four years long between the morning at the range, the zoo trip, the Carlton debacle, being kidnapped by Tito and making my confession to Claire.
I looked at the soft bed, eager to allow it to drown me in its white fluff. The only thing that was missing was that I suddenly wanted Claire in the bed with me. Not for anything more than to hold onto her and listen to the way she breathed while she slept. Her warm body and the slow cadence of her sleeping put my restless mind at ease and now that I had nothing left to hide. I wanted to know what it was like to lay next to her with nothing more in my head than how amazing it was to be anywhere near her.
I looked over my shoulder at the open door to the bedroom, I could hear Claire shuffling around in her room. Drawers opening and closing as she changed and did her usual bedtime routine. I sighed, smushing the pillows into the perfect ball. I didn't expect for Claire and I to go running to bed together the second we professed our love for each other. Even though my body wanted more from her, my mind wanted to take it slow and do everything differently. Falling into bed with her was not how it could go. It would take time, time for my heart to meet up with my bodies wants. I was determined now, determined not to make the mistakes and allow my history to repeat itself.
Tomorrow would be a new day. A new day where I now had the control I gave away so many years ago. A new day where I didn't have to hide from the woman I loved.
Plugging in the cell phone I dug in my discarded jeans, pulling out the P99 and setting in on the bedside table. A sterile reminder that loving Claire came with a price. I looked around the room, noting that I would have to figure out what I would have to bring to D.C and if I could get Tito to possibly housesit. Small idle things that helped my mind ease down from the intense emotions of the day.
I shut off the light and crawled into the deep white fluff of the bed. Enjoying how soft the bed was and how the pillows seemed to cave around my head to form the perfect soft cage. I closed my eyes and in a matter of seconds, sleep started to pull me away from the day and into the promise of a deep and lengthy night of sleep.
_____________________
Whether it was fifteen minutes or hours later, I couldn't tell. The room was dark and I was deep asleep. Enjoying a dream where Norbert and I stood next to each other looking out from an iceberg onto the horizon. I felt at peace finally in a dream with penguins. Norbert squeaked at me and I looked down, in his eyes I saw nothing but the happiness I felt when I fed him and his little friends.
When he squeaked again, it pulled me from the dream. It wasn't a cute adorable bird squeak, it was the springs of the bed moving from someone climbing into the bed. I opened heavy eyes when I felt the cool air replacing the warmth of my blankets. I went to roll over, my hand moving to the gun on the bedside table. My senses weren't cluing me if there was threat, but I didn't want to take a chance.
My reach was halted when I felt a slim hand settle on my side, right in the dip where my stomach slid up into my hip. The hand was warm and the air suddenly filled with the smell of her shampoo. I dropped my hand and covered the one on my side, sliding my fingers into hers and pulling her hand and arm across my body. I heard Claire sigh when her chest pressed into my back, her chin finding the perfect spot on my shoulder. I could feel her breath move across the skin on my neck, sending shivers through me.
"My room was cold." Claire whispered close to my ear.
I smirked in the darkness at her using my cheesy excuse to climb into her bed a few days ago. I rolled onto my back to look at the woman in my bed. I still held onto her hand as it rest against my stomach. I brushed some hair away from her face and even in the minimal light of the room, she was still stunning. Her lids were heavy and moving slowly, she was about to pass out, "Sleep Claire, I will be here in the morning."
Claire breathed out and nodded, laying her head on my shoulder right above my heart. She moved her hand from mine, sliding it across my waist to pull me closer to her and kissed the side of my neck gently before whispering, "I love you, Kit."
I swallowed hard, leaning over to kiss her forehead just as gently, "I love you, Claire."
I watched Claire breathe slowly until I was certain she was asleep. I took the few moments of silence to look at the woman snuggled into my arms. She looked different even as she slept heavily, she looked lighter and innocent, as if she was also finally relinquishing the control she always had in her life. I smiled, we were both equal in the loss of control, trusting in each other to guide us through the new territory set before us.
I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. This was what love actually felt like. An utter and complete lack of control and not caring one bit. I fell asleep easily from the warmth of the body in my arms. This is what love and freedom felt like.
I was in such a deep sleep that I did not hear the bedroom door creak open. My head was buried in the deep layers of the multiple soft pillows Kit kept on her bed. I moved when I heard the creak, snuggling deeper into the redhead next to me that was now laying half on top of me.
I had hoped Kit would come to me when we went to bed, but after an hour of waiting, I caved and went to her. I didn't want to be alone and sharing the one night with her, I knew I would never be able to sleep without her next to me. I fell asleep quicker than I had ever in my life and actually fell into a dream state. Something that had escaped me for years. I only slept a few hours a night out of bodily necessity and nothing more.
I heard my name being called softly, but it wasn't enough to stir me fully awake. I was half in a dream and half out. Dreaming about walking down a street in London with Kit on my arm. I shifted when my name came across my ears louder, I opened one eye and looked down at Kit snuggled into my breasts using them as a pillow. She was dead asleep.
I closed my eyes again to return to the dream.
"Claire, I need you to wake up." The voice was all too familiar, but I was still far too sleepy to fully acknowledge it. Habit spoke for me.
I mumbled, "Later Rebecca, I have a few hours until the private jet arrives." As soon as I said it, the familiar voice registered.
My eyes shot open and I sat up just enough to not wake Kit up, but enough to look eye to eye with Rebecca standing in the door way. Her arms folded, jaw clenched and a pained look in her eyes.
She smiled tightly, I watched her eyes move from mine to settle on Kit snoring lightly, her arm wrapped possessively around me. "Good Morning Claire."
Chapter 15
Oh. Sh
it.
I worked my way out of Kit's death grip, trying to whisper so as not to wake the woman up. I knew there was about to be an all-out war if I didn't get Rebecca out of the room to speak to her. Kit and Rebecca were like gasoline and fire, working together only to set the other off. If Kit woke up and saw Rebecca, there would be words spoken. Angry words.
I rolled free from Kit and out of the bed, hustling over to Rebecca, relieved that I had opted to wear my sloppy pajamas pants and the baggy Senate Softball Classic '12 shirt to bed. I didn't need more judging looks from her. I waved at the smaller brunette, "Kitchen."
Rebecca stood off to the side as I brushed past her, not willing to move as quickly as I wanted her to until I almost closed the bedroom door on her. I looked at her as I began to pull the door, "We can talk in the kitchen." I gave her a nonnegotiable look.
Rebecca's jaw was twitching to the point I was afraid it would pop out of joint. She breathed out hard and stepped in front of me, walking down to the kitchen. I glanced at the sleeping Kit, now in the middle of the bed and clutching my pillow close under her head. Kit was passed out, beyond passed out, she looked like she was in a coma. It was understandable since she had not actually slept a full night in days.
I watched Rebecca's back as she walked down the stairs, her posture already rigid and tense, hopefully I could explain to Rebecca before Kit woke up and they started up at each other. I made a quick detour to my bedroom, dragging on a sweatshirt before fully meeting Rebecca in the kitchen. I should have answered the phone the seven times I missed or ignored her phone calls, but the heart can be quite the distraction when it's in a perpetual state of motion.
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