Rebecca stood rigid at the island in the kitchen, her hands folded neatly on top of a file. I peered down and saw the angular handwriting of Dr. Zehren along the edge, "Dr. Zehren cleared you?" I busied myself with the coffee maker on the opposite counter and hoped the immediate change of subject to her health would dominate the conversation and take the steam out of what was going to come.
"How drunk is she this time? Or should I ask how drunk are both of you, Claire?" The biting accusation surprised me. I mashed the start button on the coffee maker, "We are not drunk. Kit has not had a drop of alcohol in almost two weeks." I kept my tone calm and steady. For as calm and reserved as the woman could be, Rebecca could be equally as emotional when it came to personal things about me, about us.
She huffed, "Could have fooled me." Rebecca was angry, I saw it when I caught her reflection in the glass of the cabinet holding my expansive collection of bland coffee mugs, "The sitting room reeks of scotch, your eyes are bloodshot and puffy, and there is no worldly explanation why Ms. Witmer would be draped all over you in her bed snoring like a drunken hobo." Rebecca laughed, "Some highly trained agent she is, couldn't hear me come into the house or the spare bedroom where the door creaks at the right angle." The claws were out in full force and slashed at me with every cutting word she spoke.
I took in a slow breath, swallowing down my own vicious retort percolating in me every other word she lashed out about Kit. "Let me repeat myself, Kit has not had a drink the entire time you have been gone. Why she is snoring like a drunken hobo," I cocked my head and raised an eyebrow repeating the creative metaphor for Kit, "is because she hasn't slept much in the last few days due to the incident and a last minute event on top of her training." I pointed at Rebecca with an empty slate grey mug, "I should also point out that you have the access codes and cards to gain entry to this house. It would be expected that neither her nor I would be highly aware of you coming home."
My hands went to the file under her hands, tugging at the edge, "What did Dr. Zehren say?" I was firmer than I had ever been with her. I wanted Rebecca to get the hint, I was not going to continue discussing what she walked in on.
Rebecca held the file down with an open palm, "Are you sleeping with her?" The question was blurted out, catching me very off guard. I shot a hard look up at her, landing on pale blue eyes failing to hide the hurt and jealousy. I shook my head slowly, "No. Nothing has happened between us in that room other than sleeping in the true definition of the word."
"But something has happened, hasn't it?" The interrogator Rebecca was trained to be, was in full effect, even as her eyes began to gloss over, forcing her to look away from me, "Is she, has she become my replacement in every aspect?" The last few words were spoken slowly and carefully.
I took a long breath in through my nose, trying to find the tact to tell my former lover and closest friend the truth. This was something I didn't want to deal with just yet, especially a few short hours after the tornado of emotions I fought through and out of with Kit.
My fingers ran along the stiff edges of the file, lifting it up so I could slowly slide my hand under and try to pry it away from Rebecca. "No, she isn't your replacement like you think." I flicked my eyes around the kitchen until I found the pale blue eyes now staring harder at me, tears fully rimming them, I sighed, "Something has happened between Kit and I, yes, but it's not physical and it's." I struggled to find the words, more so that I also had no idea what Kit and I had become overnight. We just were. "I can't explain it, Rebecca. The only word that comes to mind is amorphous."
Rebecca frowned at the science term making its way into a heartfelt conversation. It had happened many a time with her and she truly hated it. It wasn't purposeful that I used the term, but it was the best fitting word for the constantly shifting thing that was Kit and I over the last handful of days. "Why her, Claire? She is a failed drunk. A selfish, angry woman who cares very little about much outside of where the next bottle will come from."
Rebecca choked out a strained laugh, "Is that why you sent me to Geneva early and want me there permanently? So you can be free to start another quiet affair?" Rebecca's face began to grow red as her voice raised, "Was I not enough for you? Was I too boring, and too concerned about you and not at all cared about myself?" She stared at me so hard I could feel it reach the back of my head. "I loved you Claire, still do even though I cannot understand why, since somewhere along the way you stopped caring. What happened? Was it because of this?" She tapped two fingers over her heart. "Was it because you couldn't handle being with me knowing that I could die any minute my body decided it didn't like the new organ you built me?" her words were hard, ringing with partial truths.
Rebecca waved at the ceiling angrily, "Now you have moved onto the next broken woman who you can take into your bed and not worry about fixing her. As long as you have a solid lock on the liquor cabinet, you two will be perfect."
I stood my ground, the words were biting deep and leaving marks, but I let her continue to yell at me. Rebecca had swallowed her emotions down for long enough, and I needed to hear some of the things she was telling me. I slid the file closer to me, "It was nothing like that, Rebecca."
Rebecca huffed, shaking her head, "You are being evasive, I don't know what you expected from me when I walked in to find you two cuddled up in bed like newlyweds."
I shook my head slightly, still maintaining a calm tone, "I don't expect anything, Rebecca. It is what it is." I knew I was not giving her the answers she wanted or the reaction she wanted. She wanted me to dig back and bicker with her like I had in the past.
Something about my tone set her off and she came around the corner in a breeze, stopping inches away from me, "Then what was it?! What made you grow so cold and distant with me? I accepted your lonely workaholic ways, took it all in stride when you seemed to shut down and crawl into the impenetrable bubble of your work. All of it I accepted and stood by you, so I want to know, what the fuck are you doing with Kit? She is nothing but a useless drunk that will get you killed like the Ambassador!"
I finally snapped, her words echoed Carlton in that moment. I stood up straighter, keeping my voice low, making sure I had her full attention before I spoke. "You want to know why I ended our relationship?" I pointed at her chest, "Because of that yes, but not how you think. I couldn't love you like you loved me. I let you go because when I gave you the new heart I wanted to give you a new chance to love someone who could love you like it deserved, like you deserve. Not go through a relationship on auto pilot and hope one day I would give you everything you thought you saw in me. You wanted marriage, kids, and a full life any normal person would want. I wanted a Senate seat and to fulfill the impossible when I started the Criterion project." I scanned her eyes, "Remember it was you who told me that you were going to end things that day, but I beat you to it."
Rebecca cringed painfully, taking a step back. Silence sunk into the room quickly, Rebecca's eyes wavered from mine. The memory of her telling me with a kind smile that she was going to end the relationship, was visibly replaying in her thoughts.
"I know. It was because I thought that was what you wanted. I knew you felt guilty for making the last second decision to replace my heart. You tried to wait for my parents, but I was dying. You changed after that and I began to see there was no future for us." She leaned on the counter of the island behind her, the anger and jealousy falling into a realization that she had gotten jealous, letting it guide her emotions and words.
"And you have carried the guilt of not being there when the break-in happened. That's why you have never left my side and feared losing me. Our relationship had run its course before Paris, but we both were holding in hopes of not hurting each other." I laid a hand on hers as it sat on the edge of the counter, "I love you Rebecca, you are one of my closest friends, but I am far from in love with you."
I dropped my hand away, "As for Geneva, no, I was not sending you there to get you out of the way. Dr. Zehren and I both wanted to m
ake sure your heart was taken care of." I picked up the file, "You know that long before Kit was even a thought in my head, you were going to Geneva to help find who the mole is at the Criterion Centre."
Rebecca took a shaky calming breath, "I know." She looked up at me, calmer now that she had said everything she needed, "I am sorry, Claire, I guess I still have feelings for you and I have a hard time letting go, even though I had an idea the second day we were together we were not meant to be, I held onto some hope." She smiled weakly, "You are a pretty incredible woman, anyone would have a hard time giving you up so easily." Rebecca cleared her throat, stepping away from the counter, slipping back into her professional shell, smoothing out the light green button down she wore, "Dr. Zehren cleared me completely. The second regrowth was successful, and my heart is working better than ever."
I smiled genuinely, opening the file and looking over the test results on the first page. Her heart was working as if it was the day she was born, pumping at full capacity and mirroring the strength of an athlete at peak physical condition. Her heart had improved tenfold from the first transplant Dr. Zehren and I had done two years ago.
The pages of my coding layered the file. Showing me that I had finally successfully identified Rebecca's faulty heart, removed the bad genetic coding and replaced it with a better stronger code. She would now live up to a hundred years or more with her new heart, as long as Rebecca kept the rest of herself healthy and active, the heart would continue to support her. I pushed pages around, "The stress test came out well, you’re healing quickly." I glossed over a few of Erich's handwritten notes, congratulating me and pointing out what we could do better next time.
"I am, Dr. Zehren told me that I could run around the world non-stop and not skip a beat." Rebecca's tone was softer now, almost nostalgic. She had a rough two years with her health and fighting for me to be something more than we both knew I could be. She finally had a new page of life to live and I wanted nothing more than to see her live it fully. It was the reason why I did what I did for her, I wanted her to see the marriage and the kids she always wanted with someone.
I smiled, buried in DNA coding and surgery transcripts. The ultimate success of my work all in black and white was strange, it all still felt incomplete to me. I was so engrossed in the file I didn't notice Rebecca moved closer until I felt her hand on mine as it rest flat of the marble counter top. "Thank you Claire." Her voice was soft with resignation in the strained tones, "I don't think I ever said that to you." She pressed against my hand, silently asking for me to look at her and not the endless reams of scientific breakthrough I held.
I slowly raised my eyes to her, "I will always care...I will always love you Claire." Rebecca took a deep breath when I held her blue eyes. We said nothing, eye to eye, we spoke silently. She was silently resigning to the fact my heart was lost to her and that the redhead upstairs had found it. Her hand moved from mine and fell to smoothing out her shirt for a second time, it was her weird tick of collecting herself back to the trusted assistant who stood by me for many years. "If everything is set, I will begin phase two. I will meet you and Kit at the townhouse in the capital, ensure everything is set for your arrival and then I will take the next flight back to Geneva." She took a step back, removing herself completely from my personal space, "I have the back channels set up for communication and laid some of the foundation to start vetting and rooting out a few employees I am suspicious of at the Centre."
Rebecca turned to make her way to the basement, one step away I gently grabbed her elbow, "Rebecca, if you don't want to continue with this, I won't force you."
She looked at my hand on her elbow, sighing lightly, "Your safety is more important than silly matters of the heart." She nodded, moving out of my grasp, "I will be downstairs if you need anything, Claire."
Rebecca left me quietly and I continued looking at the doorway she exited from, file in my hand while my empty one seemed to drift aimlessly where it once held onto her elbow.
Rebirths came in many forms, painful, beautiful, unexpected and expected. Painful and beautiful were two I faced today, both on opposite ends of the spectrum, but completely necessary. I blinked a few times, shaking away the haze, focusing back on the file. I flipped to the back page, slowly deciphering Erich's own little code we had developed years ago for transmitting cryptic messages. He was telling me the key points of the outcome of Rebecca's heart, the regenerative properties I had added at the last minute when I finally broke through a stable formula, had worked. Rebecca's heart could now continuously heal itself when Erich put it through multiple stress tests. Electric shock, aortic tears, ruptures, over pressurizing and extreme temperature shifts, all of them resulting in the heart regenerating the damaged tissue in seconds to a few minutes, depending on the extent of the damage incurred.
I was in step one of completing the overall project I had begun years ago, organs that could regenerate and live longer, eliminating the need for multiple transplants or full regrowth procedures.
I slid the file under my arm, I was just under a year away from perfecting the process in extending human life and basically ridding the world of the need for a health care system. This was why I was creating new enemies every step of the way as more information leaked out. I had the religious people, the government people and the people who made their living off of the money generated by an outdated and ineffectual health care system. They all had bulls-eyes painted on my back and they all wanted my head on a platter.
Walking to the granite sink basin, I thought about the threats and how much worse they were going to get if this last bit of groundbreaking information leaked out. I dropped the file into the bottom of the sink and stared at it for a second before opening the side drawer and plucking out the silly translucent pink cigarette lighter I had jammed in there from last Fourth of July. I flicked the little wheel a few times, bringing the lighter to life, watching the tiny flame wiggle erratically with the slight movement of air in the room. I slowly pushed the lighter down into the sink and caught the edge of the file on fire. The flames moved slowly, chewing away at the thick paper of the folder before it lit up quickly, sinking its teeth into the thin sheets of paper and spreading.
Watching the paper burn, I wondered if my quest to help others was now going too far. I was getting too close to truly playing god and giving the world the gift of immortality when it was certainly not earned or deserved by many of us. I was at fault for being fueled by my constant need to improve and excel at everything I took on. It helped that I found a strange romance in the idea of immortality, but then reality of mortality was to live one life to the fullest and accept it one day at a time.
I leaned over the sink, opening the window to let some of the smoke to drift out, looking up at the ceiling, hearing Kit move around in the bedroom. Humanity and mortality were painful and beautiful, like a rebirth, both only meant to last for a short period of time. Kit had given me both of those when she came into my life and now I wanted to live one life to the fullest, find my humanity to love like all humans craved to.
Maybe I was playing god and maybe I should stop and enjoy the new life I could have, actually live in the chance of living one life. I closed my eyes, breathing in the slight smoke lingering from the few smoldering embers, for the first time in my life, my heart and my mind were on the same page. Both wanting to live a life where love was a possibility, where a life outside of the sterile cocoon of science and politics could be had.
I pressed my hand over my heart, marveling at the different way it seemed to beat now.
Love was a mysterious science with no concrete scientific answers.
I lay in the bed, covers tucked up to my chin. I was motionless listening to Rebecca's raised voice as she demanded answers from Claire, asking if we were drunk and throwing in other harsh comments about my sobriety. Comments that even muted, dug at me.
When the voice became too muted to clearly hear anything, I sat up, pushing my hand under the pillow, I wrapped my
fingers around the butt of the P99 I had tucked under it. I held it in both of my hands, looking at the matte black firearm, sighing at the ominous weight of the thing.
I had heard Rebecca come into the house and then into the room. That's when I grabbed the P99 in the time she hit the stairs and the bedroom door, tucking it under the pillow in my left hand without moving much to wake Claire. I was unsure who was in the house, and I had a slight fear it was another bold break in and moved my body over Claire to shield her just enough and still be able to get the first shot off when the door opened and I identified the attacker.
Then my nose picked up the faint traces of Rebecca's unique perfume, and as I cracked an eye open, I saw the smaller brunette staring at us with a grimace on her face. Standing at the foot of the bed and obviously trying to contain an outburst of what I sure would have been a “what the fuck is going on here?” I played dead after recognizing it was her, adding in a gentle fake snore. I knew facing Rebecca in the unique position Claire and I were "caught" in, it would be best to leave it to Claire to handle. Rebecca and I would just feed off the overall apparent distaste we shared for one another and it would become a cat fight. In this situation, cooler heads would truly prevail.
I sat up on the edge of the bed, sliding the P99 back into the holster on the bedside table. Running my hands over my hair, I knew I had made the best decision the second I heard Rebecca lose her shit. I strained to hear if Claire was yelling back, but I only heard the former NSA agent lash out like a jealous ex, until it finally dissipated to nothing. Even if she did make jagged digs at my apparent coma like state, that I didn't notice there was someone in the room, Claire was always calm and collected when Rebecca was in the room. It would not take long for her to bring the woman down to her level instead of rising to hers.
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