The side door opened and I didn't have to look to know it was her. Her perfume, however lightly it had been applied, filled the air and moved towards me. I also always seemed to know it was her with or without her perfume, the energy around me and in me would change whenever she was near me. Normally I welcomed it, right now, I wished I could walk away from it.
"Kit."
I held up my hand, turning to look at her. Hating that even in a dirty side alley on a cold, snowy night, she still looked impossibly gorgeous. My body reacting when my mind was far from wanting that in this instant. "Claire, I know. I can't help it. Frenchy all over you, not taking no for an answer." I looked up in her sea green eyes, "It pissed me off and it pissed me off more that you catered to him, led him on right in front of me." I rubbed my temple, a headache starting to ask to join the party, "I understand we are in public and I understand that we are nothing more than sleeping buddies who have deep feelings for one another, but what the fuck, Claire?" I met her eyes again, "One minute you are verbally ball punching my shitty ex-coworkers in my honor, the next you are half agreeing to a lunch date with a douchebag." I held up my hand again as she opened her mouth to speak, "I don't care that he is the French Ambassador, he's a piece of shit that needs to be punched." I folded my arms, the cold air finally taking hold, "I am jealous, yes. You don't even have to say it Claire, but I feel out of place here. In this dress, at that table, being around the Heather Deveraux’s of the world. Then I have to sit and pretend to be the good little assistant and not touch you like I want to every second I am around you, touch you like I need to because you calm me, make me feel like I belong somewhere. Instead I have to watch him as he gets to hold your hand and kiss your cheek."
I looked away from Claire, getting angrier as my jealousy spoke for me. Angry at myself for letting it have such a grip on me, "Maybe I'll go sit with Sheehnan in the lounge until you are ready." I glanced at her, "Because I will punch someone, the next someone who touches you and I don't care if it's the damn president." I let out a heavy breath, moving to open the door.
Claire's hand grabbed my wrist, "I entertain Jean-Luc because his father-in-law is one of the scientists in Beekeeper. I give him an inch here and there and the pig spills information like a broken faucet." Claire looked at me, her eyes soft and full of honesty, "I string him along in public, boost his ego, and yes it is difficult. Difficult to push him away in public. He's an Ambassador and I don't want to create a scene."
I held her eyes, my temper fading into embarrassment. Of course Claire would have a reason and be three steps ahead of everyone. I broke from her eyes as she stepped closer, "I'm sorry Kit. It's a game, a game I have played with for years and I have let him think he's winning."
I cringed, "Yeah, but it's a game that bothers me." I looked at her hand, "It all bothers me. Everyone looking at you like they are a moment away from hitting on you or asking you on a date. I don't..." I stopped myself, shaking my head. "Let's go back inside, you're getting cold." I reached for the door again.
"Kit. The last five years have been a game, a game of hide and seek. I have had no reason to stop it. Rebecca played along because it did keep me ahead of everyone. Never letting on if it bothered her." Her voice was soft, but the explanation was weak in my eyes. I was realizing I was so invested in her, to keep the lines of professional and personal separate.
I held up my hand, stopping her again as the frustration bubbled back up, "I am not Rebecca. I won't sit by and suck it up when people are coming at the woman I am in love with. Whether it’s silly flirting or physical harm. I don't play games." I closed my eyes, "I will go back in with you. After you get seated I'm going to find Sheehnan and sit with him." I pulled the door open, motioning for her to enter first. The air was thick between us, my jealousy and irritation still present after I saw Claire was at a loss to explain away Frenchy or anything else at the expense of my feelings.
I pushed a few pieces of hair behind my ear after we were back in the warmth of the hotel. "I have some information about an Edward Deveraux and his recent contract bid meeting with Beekeeper."
Claire raised an eyebrow, "Edward Deveraux? He is Criterions main medical supplier."
I nodded, "I know, but we can talk about it later." My tone told her this was not the time or place to delve into Beekeeper.
I walked with Claire to the entrance of the ballroom, "I will be in the lounge if you need me." I took a deep breath, my mood had reached a level of just going through the motions at this point. "I can't go back in there. The smell of whiskey and scotch is driving me crazy in this state." I looked at Claire, "And I don't want to slip." I held my arms tight against my chest, moving to turn and look for the lounge.
Claire grabbed my upper arm, "Wait a minute."
I shrugged that I would wait, allowing her to disappear back into the ballroom and be swallowed up by the masses of people milling around. I lost sight of her and turned to look at some of the wait staff huddled in a side hallway, texting and gossiping about the tables.
I ached to ditch this dress for sweats, curl up in bed with Norbert and the TV. Try to sleep off this bowl full of unwanted emotions and tension between Claire and I.
I was thinking about what I could find on the movie channels, when Claire's hand met the small of my back, "We can go. I have said my goodbyes with the excuse I'm coming down with a cold."
I sighed, "You don't have to, you should stay."
Claire smirked at me, walking us to the coat check, "It's almost time for the second part of the evening and I think we both could use the change of scenery."
She once again helped me into my coat, the tension still there between us. Even though she was smiling, her eyes told me she was worried, nervous. She handed me my small purse and nodded towards the exit, "Danny has the car out front."
I took the lead, one step ahead of Claire and I began to feel horrible about losing my cool, letting my emotions tumble out of me. It was something I never allowed to happen in my life or in relationships, but with Claire, it seemed there was a lot of things I allowed to happen with her.
Sheehnan grinned when he saw us, holding the door open and first helping me in, then Claire. When he was in the driver's seat, he looked back at us, "On to the next stop, Claire?"
"Yes, Danny. I am done being the Senator for tonight." She looked at me, "The rest of tonight, it's just you and I, Kit." Her tone was soft and hesitant, and I smiled tightly for her benefit, still fighting my emotions and the need to have a drink.
I set my gaze to the city outside my window, getting my mind to replay the conversation Heather and I shared. How I could dig further in to the little facts she handed over to me. I figured I had already ruined the evening with my outburst, I might as well worry about something else.
The tension was heavy, palpable. Kit was staring out the window, had been since we drove away from the Ritz. I had expected her jealousy to show when Jean-Luc got a little too close for her comfort. I didn't know why I didn't keep him at bay more, he was a slimy pig and had been a persistent pig for years. I honestly only indulged him because he did drunkenly tell his father-in-law’s connection to Beekeeper and a load more of classified information that had helped me revamp my security systems at Criterion. But that information was tapering off in the last few months as my attacks increased and Jean-Luc informed me his father-in-law stopped speaking to him after the divorce proceedings began.
Looking in Kit's eyes in the alley as she tried her best to control the emotions she held from rushing out hard and biting, I felt guilty. I felt horrible.
Kit was not Rebecca, and I had no idea why I tried to compare them. Maybe it was because I never had to explain why I let certain people manhandle me in trade for information, or treat me less than a lady. Now I had Kit, Kit who treated me like a lady and was fiercely protective of what was hers. I loved Kit more than anyone or anything, and yet I fell into the same bad habits I did with Rebecca with events. Sacrifice personal relationships for fake ones f
ull of information.
Yes, it was a public arena and overt public displays of affection would cause more gossip, but Kit was right. The struggle to not touch her openly as often as I wanted to, or did at home, have her by my side as my equal and not introduce her as an assistant or other, was a struggle that I didn't want to put her through anymore. More as she poured more of her heart out in the alleyway. The hurt in her eyes as she told me she didn't belong, made my heart hurt. She did belong, she belonged to me and my heart, and she belonged to stand by my side and have better than what I was giving her in that room.
That’s why I hurried through my quick goodbyes in the ballroom and returned to Kit. To take her to the rest of the evening I had planned, show her that she was much more to me than she thought in the few minutes in the cold air.
I hoped I wasn't too late to reverse the evening and chase away the tension riding between us.
I bent my head down, catching the building of our final destination out the front windshield, smiling as I spoke, "Look out the window, Kit."
She turned to me, with a blank, tired face, "I have been." Kit's voice was monotone, clear she had checked out of the rest of the evening.
I shook my head, picking up her hand to pull her closer to me so she would look out the front windshield, I pointed, "This window."
Kit sighed, leaning to look where I pointed, "Yeah, it's the Kennedy Center. I've driven by it a hundred times." She returned to her spot in the leather seat, head against the window, plucking at the clasp on her purse.
I sighed, the redhead was stubborn and was making it painfully clear. I let silence return to the backseat, Kit would change her opinion in a minute as Danny pulled the car into the valet lane.
Kit stood next to me as Danny closed the door behind us, still not paying much attention or caring about why we were standing in front of the Kennedy Center. I watched as she scanned the crowd out of instinct whenever we entered a crowd. This crowd was similar to the one we just left at the hotel, so I could understand why she still gave off the air of having checked out of the rest of the evening.
Danny walked up, holding out the Navigator keys. "I parked it over by the valet booth. Gave the kid a twenty to let me keep the keys." He dropped the black fob in my palm, "My ride is here." He grinned, looking between Kit and I, "Call if you need me. Otherwise, goodnight you two."
I thanked Danny as he trotted away. Kit was angled off to my left side, her arms wrapped up in her coat as she watched valets run back and forth from cars waiting to be parked and parked cars needing to be picked up. I put the fob in my clutch and walked to stand a bit behind the redhead, "Have you figured it out yet?"
Kit dropped the fold in her arms, shaking her head with a small scowl on her face, "Another charity event?" She looked over my shoulder, "Why is Sheehnan leaving?" I turned in the same direction. Danny was climbing into a white police cruiser, throwing out one last wave our way. I returned to Kit, my hand sliding into hers as it hung down at her side. Kit gave me a confused look when I lifted her hand, holding it in mine, "Because the rest of the night is just you and I. As promised." I held her hand tightly, "And this isn't another charity event." I wiggled her hand taking steps towards the entrance. "Let's get rid of these coats."
Kit lingered behind until our arms were stretched to their length, forcing her to walk with me. "Claire what are we doing." It wasn't a question, she was done questioning me for the night.
I didn't look back, "Keep walking Witmer." It was a firm request with a smile. Kit's face shifted into suspicion and she hurried to stand next to me, "Claire, I'm serious. What are we doing here?"
Entering the lobby of the center, we both were greeted by an older gentleman usher wearing a perfectly pressed suit. The older man smiled, handing me a program book, "Welcome to the National Symphony Orchestra's winter concert ladies. You may check your coats off to the right."
Kit's hand clenched like a vice grip around mine, holding me back from going any further. She yanked my arm gently to turn me to face her, hazel eyes wide and starting to glass over. "Claire."
Her bottom lip trembled as no other words followed my name.
I moved to her side, linking my arm into hers, escorting her over to the coat check, were there was a little more privacy. Kit was speechless as she removed her coat and numbly handed it over. The poor woman appeared to be in a state of shock. I passed off our coats and took Kit by the hand. She was still blinking back tears, visibly trying to wrap her mind around where we were.
In an empty hallway behind the coat check, I faced her, she stared in my eyes, swallowing back tears. Tears that now had me worried, worried I may have overstepped with her by doing this. I kept a firm hold on her hand, signaling to her that if she tried to walk away or run, it would be difficult. "Yes Kit, this is the National Symphony Orchestra and tonight is their winter concert. I have a private balcony box seat waiting for us." There was no immediate response from Kit, just more absent stares, making me uncomfortable. I swallowed in a deep breath, "My prize is I want to see you happy and free. For one night to have something you can call yours and let go. Enjoy the one thing you have always wanted and not worry about anything or anyone."
I had to look at her hand, and only her hand, panicking I had misunderstood so much by the way her silence was deafening. "When you told me the story about when you were eight and discovering the orchestra practicing and how the one thing you always wanted was to come to the symphony. I knew I had to make it happen for you." I felt the lump in my throat grow, "You give me everything you have, your life, and you've made me happier in ways I can't quite explain." I went to release her hand, step away. Rethink this situation and how to reroute it.
A forceful hand dragged me quickly before it dropped free from mine and latched onto the side of my face with another. I barely had enough time to look up before Kit kissed me.
Colliding into her body into mine with such force, my back fell against the wall behind us with a loud thud. It was a kiss that went no further than her lips pressed hard against mine, but my hands couldn’t resist and found purchase on her shoulder blades, fingertips holding onto the soft edges as she parted from me. Leaning her forehead against mine as tears tracked paths down her cheeks.
They were tears of complete happiness, Kit was grinning so hard her dimples were endless. Her thumb drew small circles against my cheek. "Claire, I don't know what to say. This." She looked around her, sniffling. The sounds of the symphony warming began to fill the space around us. "This is incredible, amazing and." She breathed out a small laugh, "I'm literally at a loss for words." She bit her lip as the grin grew impossibly larger. Kit wrapped her arms around me, her face nuzzling into my shoulder. I felt her smile against the bare skin available to her, she tilted her head closer to my ear, "To simply say I love you will never be enough, Claire." I felt her soft lips brush against the sensitive skin of my neck, making me shiver and hold her tighter.
"You belong here, Kit. Here in my arms and here in this building with me. Never let anyone make you doubt that." I leaned in her arms so I could wipe away the tears and grinned back at the redhead, "This is the second time I have seen you this happy." I pushed a few loose strands of hair behind her ear and slowly drew my hand down her neck, loving the sigh I encouraged from her. I reached down, removing her hand from my waist, winding our fingers together.
I walked her out of the hallway and towards the balcony entrance. The tension that was between us a few minutes ago evaporated, replaced by a comfortable silence. Silence of enjoying one another's company and knowing that both of us were savoring this moment.
I felt like I was in a dream. Cliché thought, but I truly did feel like I could wake up and find my legs tangled up in blankets, Norbert staring at me from his pillow perch. I kept squeezing Claire's hand to reassure myself that this was real, that I really was at the symphony. I faded out, zoned out, when the program was set in my hand by the older usher. Bold white letters across a glossy color photograph of the
musicians, telling me the National Symphony Orchestra was welcoming me to listen in on their winter concert.
Then the shock hit. The kind of shock that follows opening your college admission letter to find you were accepted to your first pick, or the shock when the one you love falls to one bended knee with a ring. All of that was rolled into one and hit me. I could not stop grinning after I kissed Claire. The things she told me meant she actually listened to me.
No one really ever listened to the little things I said or the stories I rarely shared from my childhood or my private life. I was only paid attention to when a first date was asked for or on the job when I was a tough bitch trying to get things done. I glanced at the blonde, leading me up the deep red carpeted stairs, past the matching red velvet curtains revealing the gold and silver balcony seats with plush chairs for two.
Claire listened. Listened to every little thing I said or did. Then stored it in her big beautiful brain and found the perfect time to use the information.
She didn't let go of my hand until she held my chair for me, waiting for me to sit first before taking her seat. When she quickly found my hand again, I couldn't stop staring at her. All of the tension and negative emotions melted away. I felt nothing but the perfect emptiness in my chest. The emptiness that came when you were with someone you had nothing to hide or hold back with. Claire was utterly selfless, I saw it now. Even when she was pretending, it was for a reason that served others and not her.
Claire flipped through the program, not noticing I was still staring at her, even her justified win over me at the shooting range, she had chosen to give me the prize. Give me the one thing I had dreamed about my entire life and recently gave up on ever happening. How could I ever think this woman would dare treat me anywhere close to being less than equal to her?
She turned to me, showing me the open pages of the program. "They are performing an array of pieces from Brahm to Mozart." She caught my eyes, raising her eyebrows in concern. "Everything okay?" It was a soft question, a genuine question.
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