Redemptio Animae

by Sydney Gibson

  Buttoning up the heavy leather jacket, I took one last look out the window before heading to the first floor where Ivan and Davidek were waiting for me. Halston had escaped and ensured she let me know she was aware I had survived. Sending clear messages at the Malibu home and the townhouse yesterday. She broke into both, leaving her calling card of murals, telling me she would be waiting for me when I was ready. Ivan had been able to detect her moving in and out of the houses, disrupting the motion sensors he had set up years ago. The Malibu police and Secret Service were able to disarm the explosives, while Sheehnan took care of the townhouse.

  Reaching the bottom of the staircase, I looked up to see Ivan smiling at me reaching for my duffel bag. "Dr. Avondale, the car is warmed up."

  I nodded, my face making no move to return the smile or show any emotion. The shock had long worn off, but the numbness lingered. I couldn't feel anything even if I tried. I went through the motions of living because my body wasn't ready to roll over and die.

  My heart still beat, but without a sense of purpose, my lungs took in breaths only because it was involuntary, and I ate only because Davidek would sit in front of me, watching to make sure I ate something before I left to go back upstairs and stare out the window. Life had changed, it felt different, it felt sterile and purposeless. I knew it was because I died with her, but lived to walk aimlessly through the handful of years I had left to live.

  My parents wanted me to come home, fearing I would do something rash, but I told them that I wouldn't do anything selfish, that it was the last thing Kit would ever want me to do. I eventually walked away from the phone, handing it off to Davidek when I no longer wanted to talk anymore as they asked if I would come to the memorial service Kit's parents has planned for the weekend, walking back to the bedroom to curl up under the thick blankets to cry more.

  Davidek had also told them that it was not safe for me to come home for a little while, that he would be taking me to a safe house in Russia until Halston was reigned in or lost interest in me. I knew he had his mafia connections looking for the woman with the clear intent to shoot on sight.

  I handed my duffel bag to Ivan, watching him rush out the door and place it in the trunk of the black BMW, before stepping outside. The cold air nipping at my exposed skin as the sun simultaneously warmed it. I squinted at the sun as I felt a hand fall to the small of my back, "I just got off the phone with Sheehnan, he has collected the things you asked for from the townhouse. It will be at the house when we land."

  I turned to look at Davidek, nodding slowly. "Good." I pulled out a pair of aviators, sliding them on my face, I sucked in a slow breath, "Please ask my parents to go to Pittsburgh for me." I clenched my jaw as my voice wavered, "Tell them, whatever her family needs." I stopped, clearing my throat and walking away from him and towards the car, slipping into the back seat silently.

  Pressing my body against the car door, resting my forehead against the cool glass, I closed my eyes. Never opening them until the car pulled into the airport and Davidek helped me out of the car and onto the small jet, where Sam smiled sympathetically. I just looked at him, moving to my seat and buckling up, saying nothing as the other two climbed aboard and moved to the front. Taking their seats and chatting lightly, every so often looking back at me to check if I was okay.

  As the jet left the ground, tears rolled under the sunglasses and down my cheek as the last pieces of Kit faded with every mile we climbed up into the sky. My life had changed in a blink of an eye. I would never be the same and in strange way I was complacent with it.

  I could feel the shift in me. The shift of shutting down to feeling anything and it's what I wanted. To never feel for a while or ever again.

  ___________________

  The big Russian reeked of mafia. Even with his kind blue eyes, he presented himself in a way I could see him breaking fingers in the same breath he greeted me politely. I only nodded in reply, following him and Davidek to the front door of the massive farmhouse in the Russian countryside on the edge of St. Petersburg. I half paid attention to their conversation, only picking up that the house was exactly as Davidek requested. The security was overt and covert, meaning I had all of the local mafia acting as my personal police force.

  I barely listened to Ivan inquiring about the Wi-Fi connection and the firewall protection, followed by Davidek asking if the security system for the house was exactly like the townhouse with the panic room and other measures. "Yes, Davey, everything is the same. We also have men at the ready twenty four hours a day. Wherever Dr. Avondale goes, she will have a shadow." The man, who I never bothered to remember his name, looked at me with genuine care, "But will not be bothered by our presence, she can move as she like, when she likes."

  Davidek murmured a thank you and took the conversation back to Russian to ask for updated Intel on Halston movements. Walking Ivan and the Russian away from me so I wouldn't be bothered with the conversation.

  I plucked the sunglasses off in the entryway of the house. Marveling at the updated modernistic décor of the house. Outside it looked like a worn down and battered farmhouse from built in the fifties. Inside it reflected the modern conveniences and ease of the home in Malibu. I shuffled to the living room that was also a library with huge wall to wall shelves filled with books, a fireplace in the middle and large leather couches, it felt cozy. There was a large set of French doors in the back of the living room. Glass panes looking out on the expansive back yard that was pure farmland for acres covered in fresh snow, I closed my eyes, remembering the last time I sat with Kit in front of a fireplace.

  The day of our first official date.

  The big Russian came back with Davidek and Ivan, grinning at me and speaking with an iron thick accent, "Dr. Avondale the house is ready for you as requested. Your bedroom is on the second floor towards the east. The basement has everything your lab in your townhouse has, the kitchen is fully stocked and whatever you may need." He turned to Davidek, "Davey will know what to do."

  "Thank you." I turned away from the man, walking to the large wooden staircase that would take me to my bedroom. Ivan calling up after me, "The things from Sheehnan are already in your room, Dr. Avondale." I raised my hand to acknowledge him, taking slow steps up to the bedroom.

  My new bedroom was as large as the one in the townhouse. A big soft bed in the center of the room covered in fluffy white linens. A private bathroom off to the right, a large window to the left covered in lacy and thick pale grey curtains, a dresser, bedside tables and bookshelves made the room comfortable but I didn't care. I shrugged off the leather jacket, dropping it on the large grey chair next to the dresser, and moved to the small black metal crate sitting at the end of the bed.

  I sucked in a slow breath, lifting the weighty metal top, revealing the contents. I had Davidek get in touch with Sheenan after Halston went haywire in the townhouse. Giving him specific instructions on what to get and how to get it.

  I lifted the large, heavy black safe from the crate. Setting it on the fluffy, white comforter, I waved my palm over the top, the keypad lighting up, I punched in the key code. Pressing my palm against the keypad, the top slid away. The twenty four pink vials still lined the walls with the injection gun resting on the bottom. I breathed out slowly, looking over the small glass tubes, the bright pink liquid looking back at me as if to tell me something I wasn't ready to hear. I sighed, securing the safe and lifting it to the floor. I had asked for the vials so I could dive back into work the moment I was settled in the new house, spend the rest of my days searching out where I had failed so miserably with Rebecca and Kit. I bit the inside of my mouth when I felt my eyes begin to well up, moving to focus on digging the rest of the items out from the crate.

  Pulling out some of my clothes, notebooks, books and pictures covered in bubble wrap of my family. I slowly laid them all out on the bed in an organized order. Making it easier to put away after I had emptied the crate.

  I reached in the bottom, wrapping my fingers around a thic
k rolled up sweater, I pulled it out. I unrolled the pale blue sweater, wanting to put it on in place of Ivan's sweatshirt. Shaking it out, something fell to the floor with a soft thump. I tossed the sweater on the bed, and looking at the floor, my heart fell to the bottom of my stomach.

  I let out a soft sob, reaching for Norbert laying on his back staring up at me with his little black glass eyes. My fingers shaking around the soft, squishy body of the stuffed animal, I lifted him up. Clutching him to my chest, I slid to the floor, leaning against the crate. The sobs came heavy and hurt my lungs as I choked out whimpers, the tears hitting my lips as they rolled down my chin. I pulled my knees up to my chest, squeezing the little toy as deep as I could against my chest, burying my face in the top of his little head. Picking up the lightest traces of Kit's scent, her shampoo and the other smells that reminded me of her. I closed my eyes, my body shaking with every hard sob out and every hard breath I dragged in.

  "Claire? Vladimir has left, Ivan and I are going to get the basement set up." Davidek pushed the door open; I looked up at him with bleary eyes. He dropped his head and moved to sit next to me, letting me fall into his arms as I held onto the last piece of Kit I had and cried. He kissed the top of my head, "I wish I could tell you everything will get better, Bits, that one day we will wake up and say, wow, that was one shitty nightmare." He took in a deep breath, "I want to tell you it will be okay, that everything will be fine. But I don't know how when it hurts this much."

  I sniffled, sliding to lay my head in his lap, "It hurts to breathe, Davidek." The words stumbled out in between sobs, "I miss her so much. She was my everything..."

  "I know, I miss her too, Bits. She was something alright. There will never be another Kit Witmer and the world will always lose out because of that." He ran my hand over my back. I could hear the tears in his voice, "We just carry on the best we know how. Live the life she would want us to."

  I looked up in his glassy copper eyes, "But what if I don't know how to live anymore?"

  Davidek stared back at me, sucking in a deep breath before looking away, "We will figure it out, Bits. One way or another."

  I could hear in his voice, he had no idea how to live just as much as I didn’t.

  – Six months later -

  The thick smell of fresh coffee pushed my heavy eyelids open. I had to blink a few times, my eye squinting at the bright light coming from the small window to my left. I swallowed down a dry throat and rolled my head along thick plush pillows.

  I took in deep breaths; my entire body feeling like it had been hit by a freight train. My head felt wobbly, groggy like I had just woken up with the greatest hangover in all of mankind's history. Looking around the room, it slowly processed that this was not a room I had ever been in in my life. The walls were wood paneled. Paintings of landscapes and birds were hung perfectly on every wall. There was a small dresser across from me and a small wooden chair at the foot of the bed. The trunk at the edge had its top covered in files and random medical supplies.

  I looked at the blue patchwork quilt covering my body. This wasn't my bed. I began to panic as my memory was failing me. Failing at putting the pieces together of where I was and how I got there. I tried to sit up, pushing heavy arms and weak hands to the mattress. I was able to shove my body to a sitting position. I glanced out the window, snow falling heavily outside. Telling me that it was at least still winter, since the last thing I could clearly remember was snow falling. I scanned the room, rolling to the edge of the bed, swinging heavy legs out. That's when I noticed I was wearing a large white hospital gown, gathering up to my thighs with every motion I made. I had to be in a hospital or a private medical facility.

  I ran my hands over my hair, feeling that it was clean and soft, I looked over my arms. There was a tiny piece of gauze in the crook of my elbow where an IV had been. There were light pink and red marks down my arms then down my legs were I ran my eyes over the large pink puckered skin covering the sides of my thighs down to my feet. I felt my heart race, desperately trying to pull anything from my mind, my memories.

  Only one struck like lightening, her face staring back at me covered in soot and dirt. I whispered, "Claire." Pushing off the edge of the bed, I tried to stand up.

  My legs gave out the instant my feet touched the floor. I struck the floor hard, my weak arms doing little to help soften the blow. I groaned and rolled to my side as I heard footsteps run towards the bedroom.

  "Caitriona!" The gentle voice with the Austrian accent sounded familiar to me. I felt the owner of the voice kneel next to me, reaching under my arms to lift me back up into the bed. "When did you wake up?"

  I looked up as I was placed back on the edge of the bed, whispering softly, "Dr. Zehren?" He nodded with a small smile as he looked over the side I had fallen on. I stared at him, my mind wanting to tell me something but I was still drawing blanks. I blinked a few times, opening my mouth to speak only to find my voice was lost. I swallowed a few times, forcing a whisper out, "I think right now?" I rubbed at my throat.

  Erich nodded, smiling at me, "It's okay. It will take a day or two for your voice to return." He helped me lean against the headboard, pulling the blanket over my legs. "I will get you some water and we can have a chat."

  I nodded at him, grabbing the top of the blankets. I was confused, but for some reason I felt safe with Erich. He stood up and turned to walk out of the room. That's when I noticed the prosthetic left hand poking out the bottom of his black thermal shirt. He caught me looking at it, and smiled again, "I will be back with some food. It's been a little while since you last ate and I prefer to have lengthy conversations over food." He patted my leg, "Then we can get you started on learning how to walk again."

  Erich turned to leave the room, his words catching me by surprise. I cleared my throat, pushing out another loud whisper, "What do you mean? Walk again?"

  Erich looked over his shoulder, "You've been asleep for six months, Caitriona. Your body healed but it also forgot a few things." I stared at him until he left the room, leaving me to turn back out the window to stare at the thick fat snowflakes. Hoping one of them would spur my memory to come back faster. I couldn't remember anything about how I got to be in this bed and sleep for six months.

  The only thing I could remember was Claire and how I needed to see her as soon as possible. My heart ached in a way that felt like she had forgotten me. I ran my hand over my heart, pressing my palm against it as it beat steadily, but I could feel something wasn't right.

  _______________________

  "You did die, Caitriona, on that table. Your damaged organs dying faster than Claire and I could get the new ones to take." Erich sat across from at a small table in the kitchen of the cabin.

  He had come back to the bedroom and helped me up, bracing me as I forced sleepy legs to move to the bathroom, the change into the large sweatpants and sweater he left out for me after I showered. He helped me down the hall to the small kitchen where he had breakfast waiting. My body was still sluggish, heavy arms and legs that didn't want to move after being immobile for six months. But my sight was clearer than if I was wearing glasses, my hearing was so intense I had to cringe at the sounds of Erich's fork scraping across the plate. I felt completely refreshed even as I felt utterly exhausted.

  I ate slowly as he began to tell me everything that had happened. Jump starting some of my memories like a light switch. I panicked when the last memories of Claire flooded in, I tried to stand up quickly and fell back to the floor. Falling apart and crying as Erich lifted me back up again.

  Calming me down enough to let him finish the rest of his story while I clutched at the blue and white metal coffee cup he set before me. "We didn't have the tools or the time to bring back. The explosions were moving closer and closer with every breath. Davidek made the decision to run, he had to pick up Claire and run. I grabbed you, hoping that if I could at least get your body out. There would be some peace." He paused, "But I was too slow, the last explosion cut off our exit." E
rich kept looking at me like it was a miracle I was alive sitting across from him.

  I clenched my jaw, spinning the mug slowly, "How am I alive? How are you alive?" I could sense in his tone, he was leaving things out in the story he was telling.

  Erich smiled, raising his eyebrow, "A miracle, a guardian angel, I haven't quite figured it out." He waved at the half eaten plate of bacon and eggs, "You should eat a few more bites." I kept staring at his fake hand.

  I shook my head at the plate, "I'm not hungry." I looked up at him, wanting to ask where Claire was and when she would come to the cabin for me.

  "You will be soon, please don't hesitate to ask for anything. I can cook most things." Erich leaned back in his chair, lifting his coffee cup with his fake hand, "As for the how’s, the blast pushed us back into the room, mainly the cooler room where the large steel cabinet fell on us like a tiny bunker. Shielding us from the rest of the aftershocks." He set the coffee down after taking a sip, "My arm had gotten caught when I covered your body with mine as the debris fell. Broken, twisted at odd angle, I was able to pull it out knowing it would have to be removed since infection would set in by the time help arrived." He looked up at the ceiling, guilt washing over his face quickly, "I have to tell you that I was going to leave your body and come back with help." He met my eyes, smiling lightly, "But then the miracle happened. You took a breath, Caitriona."

  I said nothing, only staring at the black coffee in front of me. Struggling to hold my demands to know where Claire was. Erich shifted in his chair, "Your heart started beating again. I lifted you up and saw by some strange occurrence, the concentrated serum needles Claire had in that cooler, fell out of the cooler and into your back. The tumble of me falling to the floor and dropping you, somehow pushed the plungers of three of the needles. Giving your body the boost it needed to give that last needed breath of life to your damaged organs." Erich shrugged, "Pure luck, I guess."