The Secrets She Kept

by Brenda Novak

  “Next time?” she asked as if she wasn’t committing to anything beyond this one encounter, and he recalled her comment when she arrived. What’s one night?

  “I’m hoping there will be a next time.”

  “It’s not entirely up to you.”

  “Which is why I’m going to do everything I can to convince you.”

  She didn’t continue to argue, but he didn’t really give her a chance. He kissed her before they could move away from the table.

  When her lips parted beneath his without resistance or restraint, his heart pounded even harder. This was the woman he knew, the woman who’d saved him from himself at the most critical moment of his life. The familiarity of her kiss, the fact that he’d missed her so badly, swept over him, creating more longing than he’d ever felt. He could hardly breathe as he slipped his hand up her blouse. The smooth texture of her skin had always been unique to her. No other woman had ever felt quite so soft.

  “You’re shaking,” she whispered as she tilted her head back to gaze up at him.

  “Because you taste even better than I remember,” he said and swept her into his arms.

  “Put me down! I’m too heavy,” she cried but he didn’t. Thanks to all the cross-fit training he’d done, he had no problem carrying a 160-pound woman, even up the stairs.

  “Don’t say a word about your weight,” he warned. “Don’t act as if you’re afraid you’re too heavy or that you don’t want me to see your body in the light, like you used to. No more of that bullshit, because you look exactly the way I want you to look—like you.”

  “I’d rather you didn’t hurt your back—at least not before I get what I want,” she joked.

  He laughed as they reached his room and he set her on the bed. “Nothing’s going to stop us now. After five years, this is going to feel so good,” he promised. Then he stripped off his shirt.

  * * *

  Nancy could’ve drowned in Keith’s sexy grin, in the sound of his voice and especially the sound of his laughter. Even his pseudo-harsh admonishments about her insecurity when it came to her body did nothing to diminish the moment. He made her feel beautiful, desired, and she was simply going to enjoy it. Forget five years ago, forget the future. She was throwing all those cares aside to have one magical night with the man she loved, even if she wasn’t wise to love him in the first place.

  He took his time removing her sweater and bra. Then he paused to admire what he’d uncovered. “Look at you!” he breathed.

  He was no longer laughing or teasing. His expression had grown intense, as if he really was stunned by the beauty of what he’d uncovered.

  Nancy felt her nipples tighten.

  “Have I told you that you have the nicest tits I’ve ever seen?” he asked.

  “No.”

  “It’s true.” He lightly caressed her right breast before he climbed onto the bed, held her hands over her head and straddled her hips. Studying her one last time, he lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her so tenderly, so sweetly, that she could only groan from the exquisite pleasure. His tongue met and moved against hers, but also explored the sides and roof of her mouth as if he didn’t want to leave anything untouched.

  “You taste so good, Nance,” he whispered and let go of her wrists to slowly slide her tight-fitting skirt up to her waist.

  Shifting to straddle her knees instead, he smiled at the sight of her lacy black thong. She’d bought those panties, as well as the sheer bra she’d been wearing, when she’d purchased that lingerie from Victoria’s Secret—and was now glad she’d gotten a few more practical things, too. Thank God she was wearing them.

  “You always liked sexy underwear,” he said. “I love that contradiction. You’re so sweet and good no one would expect you to be wearing something naughty like this.”

  The desire she felt had already settled between her legs and throbbed there. Now that he was no longer restraining her hands, she grabbed fistfuls of his comforter so she wouldn’t jump as he ran his finger over the small triangle of fabric that covered her.

  “I think we’ve found a sensitive spot,” he joked and slid her panties aside as he lowered his head.

  Nancy moaned and arched her back when his tongue touched her as gently as his fingers had. She could feel his warm breath on the wetness he created, could feel the scratch of his beard growth on her thighs... “Oh...God,” she gasped as he slid her legs up over his bare shoulders and anchored her hips in place with his hands.

  “See? This isn’t too bad, is it?” he murmured against her.

  She couldn’t help writhing beneath him. The pleasure was intense—and building quickly. But he didn’t let her climax. She was just on the verge when he stopped and lifted himself above her. “Enjoying yourself yet?” he asked as he got rid of her skirt, which was bunched at her waist.

  “I was so close,” she complained with a scowl, but he wasn’t the least repentant.

  “It’ll be stronger if I make you wait,” he said as he nuzzled her neck.

  “Wait for what?”

  “For me. I want to be inside you when you get there.”

  She watched as he removed his pants and kicked them aside. He’d definitely put on some muscle; he wasn’t nearly as skinny as he’d been five years ago. Back then she could almost count his ribs. Now he looked...healthy, strong, fit—and very obviously aroused.

  “I’ll get my revenge,” she promised.

  His smile told her he wasn’t worried about that threat. He understood her frustration and was going to make it pay off. And he did. Once he put on a condom and pressed inside her, she forgot all about revenge.

  “It’s been so long.” She hadn’t realized she’d said that out loud until he paused.

  “Too long,” he agreed as he began to thrust.

  As much as she wanted to draw out their lovemaking, he’d gotten her too excited. She couldn’t take it slow. Insisting he let her get on top, she propped herself up with her hands on his chest and struck the perfect rhythm. He fondled her breasts, clearly enjoying their close proximity to his face, until the pleasure began to get the better of him, too. Then he grabbed for the bedding and muttered a hoarse warning. “Nancy...”

  She didn’t stop. She didn’t need to. The satisfaction he’d made her postpone ripped through her at that very moment. She felt her body clutch him—and saw the satisfaction on his face just before she heard him groan.

  The past fifteen minutes had gone beyond anything Nancy had ever experienced. The fatalism with which she’d approached this particular encounter had allowed her to cut loose with him for probably the first time, at least to that degree. And she’d been well rewarded. But she wasn’t about to admit that he’d given her anything special. It was bad enough that she felt so much more for him than he did for her.

  Unfortunately, her silence didn’t fool him.

  “That was good, right?” he said as she slumped over to catch her breath. “I told you it’d be better if I made you wait.”

  “What are you talking about?” she murmured. “I didn’t like that one bit.” She had her cheek to his chest and licked his nipple.

  He moved a sweaty tendril of hair off her forehead as he laughed at her response. “You sure looked like you were enjoying yourself.”

  She raised her head to give him an exhausted grin. “Looks can be deceiving.” Assuming that he’d want her off him now, she started to slide to one side, but he pulled her back where she was and, using one leg, managed to get the covers over them.

  “You hated it so much, you’re going to be bugging me to do it again in a few hours,” he predicted.

  “That might be true,” she said. “But you’re the one who keeps saying you won’t be here very long.” She had to make up for lost time—as well as the fact that he would soon be gone and she might never get over him
...

  Some loves lasted a lifetime.

  She was afraid this might be one of those.

  * * *

  As it turned out, Keith woke Nancy. She was no longer on top of him, the way they’d fallen asleep. They must’ve shifted afterward, because she was on her side, with his bigger body curled around hers. At first, since it wasn’t dark, she thought she’d slept the whole night away. But then she realized that the light was on because they hadn’t bothered to turn it off. It wasn’t even close to morning when she felt him kissing the nape of her neck.

  As one hand cupped her breast and the other moved lower, she made no effort to return to full awareness. She liked letting him make love to her when she was half asleep, liked the haze of sensation that was beginning to envelop her. But he wasn’t willing to accept passive involvement. She got the impression that he was intent on enticing her to respond to him as she had before, with that same peculiar blend of focus and abandon.

  “Tell me you want me,” he whispered as he slid a finger inside her.

  “No,” she whispered, refusing to comply even as she covered his hand with hers and pressed that finger deeper.

  “Don’t be stubborn,” he said, his voice husky in her ear. “Admit it. No one can make you feel the way I do.”

  She had limited experience, but so far that was true. It frightened her to think how bleak her life was going to be without him. It felt as if the last five years had been spent waiting for this very night. But he was joking, trying to provoke her. So there was no need to inflate his ego—not that she would have, anyway. “You’re okay, I guess. Beggars can’t be choosers,” she teased and gasped as he nipped at her neck.

  “Ouch!” she complained, but he’d given her the kind of love bite that hurt in an exciting way—so exciting that she hoped he’d do it again.

  He rolled her onto her back and braced himself over her. “Tell me you want to fuck me again.”

  That was too close to the truth. “And if I won’t?”

  “You’ll have to be punished.”

  He’d never played with her like this before. “How?”

  He slid his hands underneath her to squeeze her buttocks. “You could be spanked...”

  She touched his face, let her thumb move over his bottom lip. “Do I have any other choices?”

  “I could tie you to the bed.”

  “With...”

  “The sheet.”

  “That wouldn’t be easy.”

  “Because...”

  “Unless you’re going to tear it, which I wouldn’t do with the price of your linens, a sheet’s a bit unwieldy, don’t you think? And I won’t just lie here and let you do it.”

  “I doubt I’d have any problem, even if you decide to make it difficult.”

  She raised her eyebrows. “Feel free to give it your best shot.”

  A wrestling match quickly ensued, which messed up the expensive linens on his bed. She was easily overpowered, was no match for his strength or his size, but she resisted as long as she could. And even after he had her mostly subdued, she wouldn’t lie still long enough for him to tie her to the bed. She was laughing so hard by the time he managed to get one of her hands anchored to the bedpost that she was nearly crying.

  “You are being so stubborn!” He was scowling and laughing.

  “Fine! If it means that much to you, I’ll lie still,” she said.

  But once she gave up the fight he stopped trying to restrain her. He held her face between his hands. Then he kissed her, slowly and so seriously that it surprised her—because that kiss felt...meaningful.

  As she gazed up at him, he pecked her lips. “I’m glad you changed your mind about being with me.”

  Slipping her hand out of the knotted sheet, which hadn’t been tight to begin with, she grabbed fistfuls of his hair to gently draw his face back to hers. “It was worth it,” she said and closed her eyes as he put on a condom and buried himself inside her again.

  This time the passion built slowly. He seemed intent on drawing out the pleasure of every thrust. She could hear the rasp of his breathing, feel the thud of his heart pounding against her chest, and felt utterly lost in her emotions. She was hopelessly in love with him. But there was nothing she could do about it.

  “You ready?” he asked in a low voice.

  “You go.” She wanted to watch him, to experience their lovemaking in a different way than being consumed with achieving orgasm.

  He seemed grateful for the license to be selfish, to just enjoy what he was feeling without having to time it perfectly.

  Just before he climaxed, however, he pulled back to stare down at her—and she told herself she had to be mistaken, but there seemed to be a certain...possessiveness in the way he looked at her.

  24

  AFTER DRIVING THROUGH the swamps for hours, Rocki came back home for the sake of her kids. She wasn’t sure what Landon had told them about where she’d been when he picked them up from his mother’s, who’d made them dinner, according to a text she received, but she hadn’t been able to face returning any sooner. It wasn’t easy even now, after spending most of the day trying to come to terms with what she’d learned. She’d never felt so betrayed, so heartbroken—not since she was six years old and Gretchen told her that her entire family had died in a car accident.

  Was this another of those life-altering events?

  She didn’t want that. Maybe she hadn’t had everything. She and Landon had struggled to get by financially. But she’d been happy.

  She expected to find the house quiet and dark—and it was. So she almost jumped out of her skin when, just after she let herself in, Landon spoke to her from where he sat alone on the couch. “Are you okay?” he asked softly.

  “What’s okay?” she responded.

  “I’ve been so worried about you.”

  The break in his voice made her think he was sincere in his concern, but she rolled her eyes, anyway. “I’m sure you have.”

  He didn’t attempt to convince her. No doubt he’d heard her sarcasm, knew he didn’t have a chance of playing the dutiful husband now. “I told the kids you were helping a sick friend today.”

  “What friend?”

  “I didn’t give them a name.”

  “And they believed that?”

  “Seemed to. If you hadn’t come home, I’m sure they would’ve pushed me harder. But I thought you and I should talk first, decide how we’re going to approach this together before we...before we tell them what’s happened.”

  She’d ignored most calls and texts, couldn’t handle communicating with anyone—especially her children. Although, she had responded to Keith, and she’d sent a reply to Chloe, who’d texted her a message. Hi, Mom. I finished that stained glass window I was making for art. Wanted to show it to you. But I’ll show it to you tomorrow. I’m heading to bed now. Love you.

  “I appreciate the consideration,” she said stiffly.

  “I’m not asking for any credit for...for such a small courtesy,” Landon said. “I just... I wanted to let you know where things stood since...since the kids mean so much to you.”

  “Too bad they don’t mean more to you,” she snapped.

  He winced but didn’t respond.

  “I’m tired. So...are you going to sleep here? Or am I?” she asked so he wouldn’t try to join her.

  He cleared his throat as if he was still struggling to overcome the accusation that he didn’t care about their children. “You can have the bed. I’ll tell the kids I fell asleep watching TV, if they ask.”

  Rocki could hardly breathe for the painful pressure in her chest, but she was all out of tears. She’d cried most of the day. “Good night,” she said.

  “Have you decided anything?” he asked before she could reach the hall.


  “Yes,” she replied.

  There was a long pause. Then he said, “Before you tell me what it is, I want you to know I’ve been doing some thinking, too.”

  “Good. I’m sure we came to the same conclusion. Have you already packed?”

  He bowed his head as if she’d just slapped him across the face.

  “Is that a yes?”

  “No. Not yet. I will, though. I expected as much and I don’t blame you for hating me. I hate myself for what I did. But I’d give anything to be able to go back and...and be less of a fool. I hope you can believe that.”

  “I loved you,” she whispered. “I trusted you more than anyone else in the world. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.”

  It took a moment before he could speak. He cleared his throat again and dashed a hand across his face. “Like I said, I deserve your hatred.”

  “She was my mother!”

  He nodded, then dropped his head in his hands. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m so sorry.”

  She knew their situation wasn’t completely normal. As far as he was concerned, Gretchen had been her mother. Josephine hadn’t come into their lives until five years ago. And she’d certainly never acted very motherly. Not only was she far more beautiful than most mothers—than the average woman, period—she’d had a gift for capturing male attention. A gift and a need.

  In order to be fair, Rocki told herself she should cut Landon a little slack. At least he hadn’t stayed on Fairham when he’d secretly gone there. He could have, if he’d been interested in continuing the affair. It wasn’t as if he’d known his wife was on her way. To this day, Rocki hadn’t told him that she’d followed him there. But even if her head could acknowledge all the circumstances that made it possible to understand how a man could get tripped up by that situation, her heart couldn’t accept it. Because this wasn’t just any man. It was her man. Someone who should’ve been above temptation.

  The betrayal cut too deep.

  “Like you say, it’s too late to take it back now,” she said and left the room.