Storm in a Cup of Coffee

by Keren Or

  “What are you telling me, Tomás? What is it that you really feel for me?”

  “I’d rather show you,” Tomás said, coming close to kiss her.

  “But I need to hear it,” insisted Eli, restraining him with one hand.

  Tomás, determined, came close naturally, whispering in her ear once more.

  “I love you, Eli.”

  “How can I believe in you again?” she said instantly, overwhelmed by her fears. “How can I be sure you will not change your mind in a week?”

  “With time, Eli, I’ll show you that my feelings are real. Never before had I fallen in love, but with you... I fell in love.”

  “And when did you finally understand what you felt?” Eli continued asking, as they walked on the wet sand.

  “When you went on vacation... Suddenly I felt all alone. I was surrounded by people, but where I wanted to be was with you. I fully understood my feelings when I finally heard your voice the day you returned. Then everything became clear in an instant... And my heart told me that what I was feeling for you was love.”

  Tomás stopped their steps and stood facing Eli. They had brought some drinks with them, and he held up his can and broke the seal, keeping the ring in his hand.

  “Give me your hand, Eli,” he whispered to her. “I don’t have a real ring, but I hope this is sufficient for now... Will you give me another chance? Would you like to be my girlfriend?”

  Eli nodded, her eyes filling up with tears, leaving fears and dread behind. The doors of her heart opened wide and through it came all the dreams she had ever thought of living.

  “Yes, Tomás, of course I do,” replied Eli, while Tomás put the “ring” on her finger.

  Then, with the waves splashing their feet, Tomás gave Eli a long kiss... with love... for the first time.

  And Eli... knew.

  Her soul felt it...

  That Tomás was the chosen one...

  And that at last... she had found...

  The perfect key…

  9

  I will always love you

  Life with Tomás was all that Eli had dreamed of. Apart from the time dedicated to studies, daily activities and friends, they took advantage of every minute they could to be together and loved each other madly.

  Very soon, Eli stopped being just Eli... and instead became... “Tomás’s Eli”. His family welcomed her as another member, and with his friends she had chemistry from the first moment. They rarely went out alone, since normally they linked up with one couple or another; they made day trips on weekends and, of course… they continued dancing.

  It was then that Eli came to know... the real feeling and meaning of love. Her final year in high school was beginning and, at the same time, Tomás was entering his fourth year at university. They would miss each other and would look forward anxiously to being together. Life was good... and Eli’s grades improved noticeably.

  Without a doubt, Tomás’s influence on her life... was very positive.

  Tomás was a young man from a good family, with good manners and above all... a very good heart. He was the comedian of the clan; and between Eli and Jenny, his younger sister, a beautiful friendship was gradually developing.

  Tomás adored Eli. He would give her simple gifts filled with affection, leave love notes everywhere, look at her as if she was the most beautiful woman in the world and often make sacrifices just to stay a few more minutes with her. For example, returning late at night from any activity, when they would first go back to Tomás’s house, since Eli’s home was like a nest of vultures watching over every move... tired, they would lie on his three-quarter bed (much more comfortable than Eli’s “cradle”) and fall asleep in each other’s arms until they heard the alarm at four in the morning.

  Half an hour later... Eli was back home, to the relief of her parents, who used to sleep with one eye open. Needless to say, “the vultures”... did not have the slightest idea what was going on and naively thought that their younger daughter... had just come home straight from her activity. They had no reason to suspect anything... for Tomás gave the impression of being a trustworthy young man who treated all persons, especially women, with respect and dignity at all times. Eli looked happier than ever and for her parents that... was enough.

  Under these circumstances, to prepare herself emotionally to say goodbye to Tomás so soon after starting to date... was not simple. The need arose when Tomás... had to leave on a study trip that had been planned long before he met Eli. She would be without him for only one month, but Eli could see no way to cope with his absence. No one could assure her that Tomás would still love her upon his return, or that on his trip he would not find some other girl… better than her.

  Would they manage to keep that just-begun love alive from a distance? Could Tomás suppress his needs and be faithful to her... as he had promised her?

  Let something stop him! pleaded Eli silently.

  The night before his departure, disconsolate, she kept hugging him, not letting him go, terrified by her destructive thoughts. Tomás kept trying to cheer her up, assuring her that the time of his absence would pass quickly. And at four in the morning he left her at her door with a long kiss and the promise... that he would not forget her.

  Declaring that he missed her intensely and how much he was looking forward to seeing her again, the postcards in sequence promised a love intact. The phone calls, however, barely sufficed for Eli to express to him her fear of losing him. At night she fell asleep exhausted, after crying into her pillow. In the mornings she woke up and cried again as if nothing was enough...

  Eli’s tears always flowed readily, but this time, with the void... that Tomás left, they set a new record. His absence was simply... unbearable for Eli.

  Luckily... Tomás was not scared nor troubled on hearing again and again the breaking voice of his little crystal. On the contrary... he found her tender and innocent and liked to feel that, for Eli, he was the whole world and among men... the most special.

  And a month... passed by. The hour of the so long-awaited reunion was approaching...

  Accompanied by Jenny, who was already twenty and had the brilliant idea to pick up Eli with more than enough time to go to the station, Eli waited for the train that would bring back her beloved Tomás. The wait... seemed endless and the heat threatened to ruin her recently straightened hair and her recently made-up face.

  “If he doesn’t get off the train now, I’m going to faint!” said Eli, trying to justify her suffering look.

  “Take a deep breath, for God’s sake!” ordered Jenny, already imagining the scene awaiting her... “I’ll kill you both if you embarrass me!” she added, knowing the two.

  “I’m not promising you anything,” replied Eli, knowing herself. “I just want him to get here right now, this very second...”

  And as if God had heard her... magically at that moment Tomás’ face appeared behind the window... beautiful, like never before. In less than a second he got off the train, knocking over everything there was in his way... and threw himself into Eli’s arms...

  So great was their desperation to be together again that, impatient, the passion broke loose in front of everyone... And nothing or no one... could stop them... neither the iron railing that threatened to separate the two attached bodies... nor Jenny’s pleas. It seemed that even on Mars they were being applauded.

  The world around... simply did not exist.

  And the weekend came, opening its doors to the lovers...

  Returning from a romantic dinner, Tomás turned off the engine in a dark corner of an abandoned parking lot. They both knew exactly what was about to happen; although nothing was agreed or planned, insinuations were not lacking...

  “I can’t wait any longer, Eli, I need to have you now...,” implored Tomás, kissing her neck and loosening the button of his pants.

  Everyt
hing was happening fast... Eli wanted to... and did not want to at the same time. She was frightened but euphoric, expectant but tense, feeling that she was still a little girl that was also almost a woman. In the end... she was with the man she loved and wanted, and that at the same time she was so afraid of losing...

  Suddenly she felt a sharp pain...

  Covering her virgin body, Tomás began to kiss her passionately.

  Although he penetrated her gradually and gently, it still... hurt Eli tremendously.

  Swallowing her tears, first she asked him to do it more slowly. Then... to hurry to get it over and done with... And finally... it stopped hurting.

  Tomás hugged her tightly, trying to contain her fragility and her trembling, while Eli silently assimilated the fact that for the first time... she had made love...

  I hope..., she thought, a bit traumatized, that the next time will turn out better...

  Her eyes were following the notes on the blackboard, but her soul was floating in a sea of thoughts and emotions. Eli... was flying through the clouds. At times, her heart pounded at the thought of her new love and how blessed she was with him. At other times... her stomach became twisted on remembering her first time, regretting having done it in a car, in a parking lot, without giving it the importance that the occasion deserved... That unique, special day... that would never return.

  Over the course of the months, however, the relationship grew stronger. The fears, the sorrows and the regrets evaporated into the air, being replaced by a great love.

  To confess to her parents the truth about her sexual relationship with Tomás caused momentary drama at lunchtime, but Eli... had no other choice that day. Because each time she asked them for permission to sleep at Tomás’s house, she received a no for an answer... So, a vacation was out of the question... Eli did not have anything to lose...

  At first she thought of calling an ambulance to get her parents out of the state of shock... or at least, to release the pieces of chicken on which they each had choked. In the end, when the winds calmed down and the truth came to light, they both understood that “the little girl” was seventeen... and the times were different...

  From then on... Tomás and Eli began to lead a near-married life. They loved each other, fought, made love and then loved each other again. They enjoyed being together, even though they had no future prospect... They were fused together between the sheets, listening to music, playing cards and making love again and again. Fortunately, they had to attend to eating, showering and also studying, which forced them to leave the room and get air, showing their faces to the rest of the world.

  Those were magical times, both exciting and sometimes... stressful. For example, the day of the distressing incident—or rather... the accident...

  “Stop… I had enough...,” said Eli, agitated.

  “So little energy... considering that you’re just seventeen!” exclaimed Tomás.

  “Four times in two hours looks like low energy to you? What planet do you live on?”

  They both laughed, proud of their acrobatic abilities.

  Suddenly... a tense silence from Tomás cut the exultant moment.

  “Eli... something terrible happened...,” the look on Tomás’s face became distorted.

  “What happened?”

  “The condom... is broken...”

  “What?... How!?” asked Eli, bursting into tears. “What am I going to do?!”

  “I don’t know,” replied Tomás, dejected and for the first time immobilized, “but I believe the best thing will be to go to a gynecologist first thing in the morning. Let’s try to be calm for now. It’s most likely that everything will be fine... At this point we won’t get anything from suffering in vain... Tomorrow everything will be cleared up...”

  Lacking words and experience in the matter, Eli decided to listen to Tomás; but that night, anyway, she cried until the sun rose to start the next day...

  Very early, at first Tomás refused to tell his sister what had happened for fear that she would go to their mother with the story, but Eli trusted Jenny. Jenny did not let her down.

  Once in the doctor’s office recommended by Jenny, Tomás was nervous, but Eli was even more so, as this would be the first time she would have to undress and show herself in front of a totally unknown man. Luckily, the consultation was quite short and the doctor... sensitive and handsome.

  After examining her and partly reassuring her by calculating the day of her ovulation, he prescribed birth control pills and instructed her to have a blood test done at the end of the month to be completely sure that in fact she was not pregnant.

  The wait was tormenting. Eli spent it crying, imagining the worst that could happen. To have a child at that age meant not being able to graduate or finish high school with the rest of her friends, and most terrible of all... disappointing her parents.

  After the long wait, Eli went to get her blood test. The one-week delay afterwards also did not help to calm her nerves. Even Tomás, the optimist, began to tremble...

  Just a few days after the test, Eli at last got her period. And the next day... the longed-for “negative”.

  The most likely thing, the doctor explained, was that the delay was a consequence of the stressful state in which Eli found herself, but anyway... the scare passed and she, at least, began to protect herself...

  Finally, her last year in school ended. Eli graduated after twelve years, which seemed like an eternity as she looked back on her time in classrooms. The holidays were waiting with their doors open... to receive her the moment she was set free...

  The first few days after graduation, Eli and her friends took over part of a beach, making use of the sun that generously tanned them; but that... ended up boring her. Then she decided to stay at home, consuming too many hours of television and rarely reading a book, but she quickly understood that that... was even worse than the previous activity.

  And so... after a month of doing the same thing every day and nothing in particular, Eli found herself being practically alone, fed up and bored. Tomás had end-of-year exams, so he needed time in seclusion to be able to concentrate. Being with Eli... did not work. Then there were her friends: each of them had her own activities: one had gone on vacation with her father, another was taking care of her siblings and the third would return in a month... Therefore, and after thinking carefully about it, Eli realized that the time had come to seriously plan her future. And what would be better for giving direction to her desire to help others, listen to their sorrows and solve their problems than by becoming a psychologist?

  Goodbye adolescence... Welcome adulthood...

  On her first day of college classes, Eli met Ema, a sweet, gentle young lady of the same age. They immediately felt a strong closeness; they got together on weekends as a pair and from time to time... also to study. Every day people asked them if they were sisters, as they shared similar ideas, finished each other’s sentences and looked like family.

  Eli was happy about her progress in her studies, the people around her, and life in general.

  Tomás, for his part, was still at university. He had started a part-time job at an insurance company, but he still did not miss dance nights. The two had their established routines—which for the moment complemented each other—and the love between them kept growing... every day more and more.

  However, after they had been together for three years... their lives took a turn without anyone being able to avoid it.

  Eli and Tomás, despite having a presentiment about it, repressed the new treacherous feelings, avoiding confrontation and pretending to be overcoming the growing problems, as well as the most likely ending. Perhaps on the outside... everything looked normal, but on the inside... in the depths of their solid relationship, small ruptures began to pop up and to make them pay the price.

  While Eli was evolving rapidly, saying goodbye with
pride to the schoolgirl afraid of her own shadow and gaining confidence, becoming a dynamic person, active and sure of herself, Tomás remained exactly the same... being the same, doing the same, formed and finished and without major changes... Now, with a degree in Business Administration, he decided to stay at the same insurance agency, working full-time and gradually becoming an essential resource for the company. And the comfortable routine... turned into a crack...

  Eli still loved that free spirit that had so characterized Tomás, his insatiable energy and his way of living life; but nonetheless, she also hoped he would mature and even if it were not more than once in a while... show her some seriousness. A quality that disappeared... while she was with him.

  Eli often felt that she was chasing after a spoiled child... searching frustrated for a hand that would be a support and give her security.

  Unfortunately... Eli was walking alone.

  And air was lacking... in that solitude.

  I love you... but I can’t tolerate this damn and invisible distance between you and me any longer.

  I look at you sleeping peacefully, resting by my side… unaware of the feelings that torment me, of the insufficient air, of a stagnated growth. And even so I feel that I love you...

  How I would like to explain to you, and let you understand my sorrowful words.

  That it’s not you; that it’s me... that I don’t know how to go on... how to fly by myself, without your outstretched hand.

  To discover again who I am, where I’m going and what impassions me. To ignite my soul with new dreams and pursue them... sometimes alone...

  I love you, although I may feel far away and although I don’t know how to return... to that day, to that night we knew each other, without having to speak.

  My precious and best friend, my sweet and dear love... how I would like to sleep peacefully like you and sure that with you... I will always be better...