Good Time Bad Boy

by Sonya Clark

  Understanding dawned on Wade and it soured the lump of food in his stomach. “You...you think I’m just playing games with her? That I’m not serious? You think I’d bring somebody to meet the family if she was just a...a bed buddy?” He’d almost slipped and said something else.

  Marlene rested her hands on the edge of the sink, squared her shoulders, and faced her son. “No. I don’t think you’re playing with her. But after your divorce and the way you’ve been living, can you really say you’re capable of an adult relationship?”

  It wasn’t Daisy his mother didn’t think was good enough, it was him. Hot, sickening shame traveled from his gut to every part of his body.

  “I love you, Wade,” Marlene said. “You’re my son and I’ll always love you. But you weren’t there for Kristin when she needed you the most. You weren’t there for your father when his father died. You can’t be bothered with us and you act like being around us is a chore. And I’m so sick of you and Chris fighting, I could scream. I’d like to knock both your heads together.” She snatched a hand towel from a ring on the cabinet over the sink and used wiping her hands as an excuse to attack it. “If you want something real with this girl, you need to grow up.” She tossed the towel onto the counter and hurried from the kitchen.

  Wade clenched his hands into fists, the urge to hit something nearly overwhelming. He forced himself to breathe normally, in and out, in and out.

  Daisy had a child somewhere out in the world, a child she gave up for adoption. With only her best friend for support, had she felt too alone in the world to feel like she could keep the baby? He couldn’t imagine anything sadder.

  He shook his head. Whatever the reason, it wasn’t his business. It wasn’t his place to ask for reasons, to expect justification. It was in the past, it was her life.

  A thought came out of nowhere, so unexpected it took the strength from his legs and had him clutching the counter for support. Did her decision mean she never wanted any kids? Even in the future?

  And why did that thought send pain twisting through his heart?

  In all the years since the miscarriage and the dissolution of his marriage, he’d never once thought of having another child. Not even in a vague maybe someday way. Much like he’d never considered remarrying. He’d screwed it up so badly the first time, what business did he have trying again?

  Despite what his mother said and everyone believed, Wade wasn’t the only one responsible for the wreck of that marriage. After the miscarriage, Kristin crawled into herself and never let him back in. It wasn’t their pain, it was hers and his, and they were never able to help each other. He fled to the road and endless touring. She went home to Knoxville and never came back.

  She’d been the one to try again. Now she was married again, with two kids, and finally happy. Wade had never even asked himself what would make him happy, he’d just stayed on the road. Played music and partied and traded writing his own songs for bad movies on motel room TVs and tattered volumes from used books stores. He knew he wanted to write again, and the existence of several new songs filled him with a sense of triumph. He knew he wanted to call a halt to the endless touring, and turning down the Branson gig sure helped with that.

  But what else did he want? Because having a pretty girlfriend was a boy’s dream. He’d done plenty of growing up, even if his family didn’t see it. How could they? He didn’t let them see it, didn’t let them see him. The disappointment in their eyes had kept him on the road as much as anything else, until eventually it never occurred to him they could feel any other way about him. That he could ever feel any other way about himself.

  And that was the crux of it, right there. He didn’t know if he could be a good enough man for Daisy.

  The walls closed in, the air in the room heavy and hard to breathe. He had to get out. No matter what, he couldn’t spend another minute in this house. He hurried into the living room, every bad decision, every bottle, every time he walked away from someone chasing his heels.

  Daisy sat on the loveseat next to Lori, the two deep in conversation. Wade halted for a moment, letting the sight of her fill him with peace. But did he deserve that peace? If he couldn’t be the kind of solid, reliable man she needed, did he deserve her?

  He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms then strode to the loveseat. “Lori, would you mind driving Daisy home?”

  Daisy drew her brows together in alarm. “What’s wrong?”

  He couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact. “Lori?”

  His niece nodded. “Yeah, no problem.”

  Daisy stood. “Wade?”

  Eyes on the carpet, he ran his fingertips down her arm. “I’ll call you later.” He headed for the door, trying not to run.

  “Wade, why are you leaving?” Her voice broke and he wanted to turn around, take her in his arms, but he had to run. Run away, run out, just run.

  By the time he made it to the porch, he was running. He didn’t realize he was being followed until Chris climbed into the passenger seat and slammed the door.

  Wade said, “Either get out or keep your mouth shut.”

  “I’ll be quiet,” Chris said. “For now. You just drive.”

  Wade slid his sunglasses on then put the key in the ignition. He drove with no thought to a destination, the radio silent for once. Neither brother spoke. Wade tried not to think, staring out at the road. An hour and a half later he pulled the truck into a Dickson gas station. Chris went inside while Wade filled the tank. Briefly, he gave serious thought to leaving without his brother. It wasn’t far to Nashville. He could give Becky a call and beg for a gig.

  Wade didn’t want to be that guy anymore. The one who slipped away without a confrontation because it was easier. Disappearing had been the easy way out for him for so fucking long, and he was tired of it.

  Chris came out of the gas station, his hands full of drinks and candy bars. Wade finished with the gas tank and got back in the truck. Chris handed him a bar then held up two drinks. “Water or Coke?”

  Wade sighed. “Water.” He tore the wrapper on the candy bar and took a bite. Chris stashed the water bottle in a cup holder and dug into his own snack.

  Chris said, “You finally want to tell me what this was all about?”

  Not really, but maybe if he talked to his brother instead of snarked at him constantly, it might repair at least a tiny bit of damage. “I thought Momma didn’t like Daisy. Didn’t think she was good enough. Turns out, it was me she doesn’t think is good enough.” Wade got the truck back on the highway, headed back to Brittain.

  “That’s not what she thinks,” Chris said.

  “She doesn’t think I can handle an adult relationship.”

  “I think it’s more like, do you even want to try? I mean, you and Daisy seem pretty good together. It’s obvious you’re crazy about her. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll stick around.”

  “I don’t want to tour anymore.”

  “There’s no way you could give up performing.”

  “I didn’t say I would. Weekends at Rocky Top are working out real nice.”

  Chris opened his soda and took a long drink. “That new song you did at the benefit, that was good. You working on more?”

  “Yeah.” God, this was almost like a real conversation. Wade didn’t know whether to feel glad about that or freaked out. “I haven’t decided yet what to do with them.”

  “What about Daisy? You decided what you want with her?”

  The answer to that was complicated. He knew what he wanted, he just didn’t know if he could handle it. Or if she would even want him. “I want...I want.” He flexed his hands on the steering wheel. “I want her. Permanently. It’s just been so long since I stayed around for the hard stuff, the real stuff, I don’t know if I can. If I can be what she needs.” Saying those words out loud hurt so fucking much, but he had to be honest with himself because when he saw Daisy again, he was going to have to be honest with her. If she would even speak to him.

&nb
sp; Chris said, “I think that when you love someone, really love them, what they need becomes more important than what you need. So you stand by them during the hard stuff, the boring stuff. You be a friend if that’s all they want. You just...put them first.”

  You be a friend if that’s all they want. Jesus. Wade glanced at his brother. “You’re killing me here, junior.”

  Chris turned on the radio. Top Forty country blared out. That would never be Wade again. He’d known that for a long time now, but for the first time, the knowledge didn’t sting. He’d been down that path. Now it was time for a new one.

  “She’s gonna be mad about the way I left,” he said.

  “That was pretty fucked up. I’d say, skip the flowers and go straight to jewelry.”

  Wade said nothing.

  “Don’t be afraid to beg. Like a dog.”

  “I think we’ve had enough getting along for one day.”

  Chris snickered.

  Chapter 33

  Daisy checked her phone for the umpteenth time. No messages. It had been well over four hours since Lori had dropped her off at home. Mrs. Sheppard had refused to offer any explanation for Wade leaving so suddenly, even though she was the last one to talk to him before he took off. Something was said in that conversation to set him off, presumably something bad. Other than some kind of generic that girl’s not good enough for you, Daisy couldn’t imagine what Mrs. Sheppard could have said to Wade. Surely that wouldn’t have been enough to make him run away and leave her.

  But the more time passed with no word from him, the worse her imaginings became. She busied herself with housework at first, then tried to read. Nothing could stop her brain from coming up with increasingly worse scenarios. Finally she sat at the kitchen table, hands wrapped around a lukewarm cup of coffee, and tried to think of exactly who all knew about the adoption.

  Megan and her father, neither of whom would betray her confidence.

  Her sister Deanna, who also would not discuss it with anyone.

  Her brother Donny, who frankly didn’t care enough to talk about it with anyone.

  Her mother, who hated her for it.

  Would Alice tell Mrs. Sheppard to cause trouble between Wade and Daisy? To break them up? Did she hate her own daughter enough to do something like that?

  As tangled and messy as her feelings for her mother were, Daisy could only imagine one circumstance that would lead Alice to do something like that: if she fell off the wagon again and ran into Marlene Sheppard while drunk. It was possible, but Daisy was pretty sure that Deanna was keeping close tabs on Alice right now. If her sister had any indication that Alice had done something like that, Dee would call.

  Brian’s parents knew, but they’d spent the last eight years avoiding her like the plague. He didn’t live in town anymore, and he’d never shown the slightest interest in the baby he’d fathered.

  There could be others, though. People she didn’t know about. Other members of Brian’s family. Maybe he even told people. She’d stayed with the Hollisters after dropping out of high school, studying for her GED with Mr. Hollister. Occasionally people had stopped by. Megan’s older brothers all left for college and only came back for holiday visits, except for the youngest of the brothers, Cade. He’d visited once while she was living there and obviously pregnant, but he wouldn’t talk about her private life and besides, he was in Dubai working for an oil company right now and lived in Texas most of the time. She tried to think of anyone else who might have visited while she was pregnant but couldn’t remember. Especially in those last six weeks or so, things were kind of a blur. It hadn’t been the easiest pregnancy.

  The people in the OB/GYN office, though she’d deliberately chosen one in the next town over. People at the hospital, the adoption agency. None of those people would talk, or likely even remember her.

  She’d never thought about it before, but truthfully, the adoption wasn’t as secret as she might hope. As private. Those closest to her might not discuss it, but there could be plenty of others out there with just enough knowledge of what happened and not enough caring for her that Mrs. Sheppard could have found out without too much trouble. And if that’s what she’d told Wade, if that’s why he’d left in such a hurry, abandoning her at his parents’ house...

  Daisy had never expected things to last with Wade. Those new songs he was writing were too good. He might say he didn’t want to tour anymore, but if had a shot at another record deal and a revitalized career, how could he say no to that? Nobody could.

  So she was prepared to have to give him up. What she didn’t want, what she couldn’t stand, was the thought that he might hate her.

  She didn’t realize she was crying until tears slid from her cheeks to land on her hands, still tight around the chipped coffee cup. Maybe leaving her without a word, running as fast as he could, was a kindness. It damn sure beat the hell out of all the scorn and judgment heaped on her by Alice over the years.

  Tires crunched on the gravel drive outside. Daisy stayed in her seat. There was nobody she wanted to talk to right now. She wiped her face with her hands. It was too early to go to bed but she might do it anyway. If she could get to sleep, at least time would pass without her having to think about all this.

  A knock on the door shattered the quiet and made her jump. She willed whoever it was to go away, but they knocked again.

  “Daisy. Please talk to me, sweetheart.”

  Wade. And he didn’t sound angry or hateful or disappointed or any of the other things she expected. He sounded...scared.

  “I know you’re home, Daisy. I can see the light on in the living room. Please let me in.”

  She hadn’t thought he would show up, but now here he was. What could he possibly have to say to her? God damn paper thin walls of this trailer, making it so she could hear him.

  “Daisy?” He knocked again. “Okay, I can say this through the door if I have to.” There was a brief pause, and she heard the outer screen door being opened. “I don’t know if I’m going to be any good at this. I screwed it up the first time, so bad. So fucking bad. But I want to try again. With you.”

  Daisy held her breath until her lungs ached, too scared to believe him.

  “I’m sorry I left you like that earlier. I panicked. That’s no excuse, but it is what happened. Nobody thinks I’m worth a damn anymore, not even my own mother.” He let out a choked laugh. “Hell, not even me. You’re the first person in a long time, the first thing in my life in years, that’s made me want to do better. To be better. I know that was a crappy thing I did today, and I am so sorry. Please give me a chance to make it up to you. Please, Daisy.”

  So his mother said something about him, not her. That was a shock. It was tempting to open the door, step into his arms and forget her fears. Even if they were only together for a short time. But a realization hit her, so hard it almost brought her to tears again.

  She’d been telling her mother for years that she didn’t deserve scorn for her decision to give her baby up for adoption. That it was an act of love. But had Daisy ever really internalized that? She’d achieved a measure of peace about the decision, but she still didn’t believe she’d ever find a man who could love her after knowing the truth. Intellectually, she knew that was because of how Alice treated her. What her head knew and what her heart knew weren’t always the same thing.

  But the knowledge pierced her heart now, sudden and sharp with a cleansing pain. Wade needed to know who she was, because she deserved a man who accepted her. If that wasn’t him, then so be it. No more hiding behind fear while using her mother as an excuse. This is who I am, this is what I live with inside, this is a thing that shaped me. She owed that honesty to herself even more than she owed it to him.

  Daisy scrubbed her face with her hands, stood up and carried the mug to the sink. Wade knocked again and she strode to the door, feeling oddly light. When she opened the door, his mouth was open as if about to speak, but no words came out. He searched her face with his gaze. She h
ad no idea what he might find there, other than the evidence of her tears.

  “Daisy.” He swallowed then ran a hand through his hair. “I’m so sorry. It was wrong of me to run out like that.”

  She took his hand. “Come inside. Let’s talk.”

  “Thank you.” He entered the trailer, closing the door behind him.

  She drew him along with her to the couch. She sat with her back to the arm of the couch, knees pulled up and facing him. “There’s some stuff you ought to know about me if you want to be with me.”

  “None of that matters.”

  “You know I grew up pretty rough. My mother drank and did drugs. She bounced around from one man to another, only occasionally had a job. We never lived in a nice place.”

  “Daisy, none─”

  “No, let me get this out. My sister had a baby when she was sixteen. And at first, she was just like our mother. She was on all kinds of aid. Sometimes in the summer when I wasn’t in school, I’d go to the health department with her and Hayley for the WIC visits. Hayley’s dad didn’t want anything to do with them. It just...it wasn’t good. It’s not like that for her now, she’s got a good job and Hayley’s a good kid. She might know your niece, I don’t know. But back then, it wasn’t good.” She took a deep, fortifying breath. “So when I got pregnant at seventeen, I knew what I was looking at.”

  Wade took both her hands in his, rubbing his thumbs over her knuckles in a soothing motion.

  Daisy continued. “The baby’s father didn’t want anything to do with me as soon as he found out. I thought about having an abortion but I didn’t have enough money. The father, he gave me some cash and said to get rid of it.” She shrugged. “Then I had an ultrasound. Her heart beat so fast.” She had to pause for a moment. Memories rushed over her like a tidal wave. “I made up my mind pretty quick. I found an adoption agency in Nashville by asking the doctor. My mother was horrified. She still is, and it’s been eight years. She thinks I threw my baby away like trash but that’s not true. That couldn’t be further from the truth.”