by Kol Anderson
“Mace,” I said with my usual lack of enthusiasm. It no longer bothered him, that was our thing. He would be all “Doc this, Doc that” and I’d be trying to get rid of him.
“The patient's up I see,” Mace said and Jake didn’t say a word. Mace touched Jake’s cheek and Jake flinched away from his touch. Mace grinned. “You’re feisty, I like that!” Mace turned to me. “After all who doesn’t love a challenge, right Doc?”
I took out a form and a pen. “There’s some paperwork I need you to sign.”
Mace ran a finger over Jake’s cheek and Jake looked like he was about to throw up. “I’ll be right back, sweetheart.”
“Is it too much to ask you to be nice to the kid?” I said when Mace started signing. “At least for a while.”
Mace scoffed. “Don’t worry, Doc. I’ll be nice to him. I’m just making jokes. It’s kind of our thing, isn’t it Jake?”
I wished Mace would stop pushing all my buttons. It was getting harder and harder to not speak my mind and let him treat Jake that way.
Finally, though, the paperwork was finished and Jake had to be discharged. Even with Mace’s help, he had trouble getting up. It would be a while before that boy could walk straight. But I had done pretty much everything I could do.
Jake started crying again when I looked at him. Fuck, that hit harder than anything else so far. He wanted me to save him. He deserved it. He deserved to be saved from the monsters. It pained me to watch him leave like that, I wouldn’t know how he was, how was I supposed to live with myself?
The guilt pestered me. Made it impossible to think of anything but Jake. What if those monsters hurt him again? What if the next time around, the damage isn’t something a medical professional can fix?
“Mace, hang on.” I went over to the cart and got the bag. “You forgot his medicine.”
Maybe that gave me two more seconds to look at Jake. Maybe I was going nuts because I’d never felt that way about anyone before.
“See you around, Jake.”
No matter how much I wished he wouldn’t have to leave, he did leave.
He was gone and I stood there like a sad pathetic loser who had just given up on the one thing that he cared about. As much as I wished there was a way I could take away his pain, I knew this was only the beginning of his suffering.
JAKE
We stepped into the room and it was all new to me.
I looked around. The place was lavishly furnished, with pretty much any ornate thing you could think of and the bed in the middle was a deep red that matched the upholstery, set off by a light beige tone on everything else including the walls. Giant paintings on every wall that truly amplified the fact that the room was large. Scented candles on the nightstand and the light from sconces bathed everything in a calm, soothing glow.
“Not bad, huh?” Mace said. “This is the special wing. Weldon said he needs you here. You should be grateful. Not everyone gets to be here. Not even us. This is on a separate floor. The only ones allowed in here are Master’s whores like yourself and whoever else he chooses.”
“I’m not a whore,” I said.
I don’t know why I even bothered. It wasn’t as though Mace would suddenly realize the error of his ways and become a good person.
“You will be,” Mace’s rejoinder pissed me off. I was about to set him straight with another response when I backed up one step and my back hit something sturdy like a wall. But there wasn’t a wall behind me when I had entered, so I turned…
To find a pair of green eyes staring back at me.
He was tall—that was the first thing I noticed besides the eyes. Stubble that matched the brown hair on his head, a face that seemed chiseled out of marble and a body to match. His body was tanned and muscular, athletic. I don’t know why I couldn’t stop staring.
“Sir… I wasn’t expecting you so soon.”
Mace’s words filled me with anger. I knew the only person he could be calling ‘sir’ would have to be…
“Weldon,” the tall, green-eyed man held out his hand for me to shake. “Weldon Cross.”
I realized I had never truly seen the man who’d tortured me all that time. The only time I did see him was back in the dungeon but even then, the dim lights had kept his features hidden in shadows for the most part and I wondered if that was intentional. I wondered if I was having the privilege to see him this way because I was a special whore, like Mace said. Mace nudged me in the back so I had to shake his hand. Weldon must have known this but it didn’t seem to matter. His grip was firm, and his hands were a little rough.
“Sir, would you like me to…” Mace began but Weldon interrupted him. “I’ll take it from here,” he said, and Mace didn’t question it. He simply left the room and now it was just the two of us in there. Awkward didn’t begin to explain what it was like, standing in the same room, the same world that he occupied when I should have been standing at least fifty feet away from him after everything that happened. I couldn’t believe how far my father had sunk this time, how selfish he must have been to make the decision to bring us here. And that brought me to the thoughts of my brother and I was back to wondering if he was even alive and back to hoping that my fears were unnecessary.
Weldon stepped closer to me and I backed away from him purely by reflex. “You should be in bed,” he said, coming forward a couple of steps. “Trey says you need your rest for the next few days.”
“Don’t…” I wanted to get him to stop coming toward me when suddenly the earth started spinning. My heart was racing, beating faster and I could feel the pounding beat in my ears. I started to tremble uncontrollably as a strange feeling of numbness took over and I felt faint. I was certain I was about to die, that my heart would race to the point where it would fry my brain and my body would explode into a million chunks. I felt dread and desperation, and the terrifying feeling of being trapped.
And soon I couldn’t even breathe…
A million centuries later I came back to my senses somewhat but whatever this thing was, some kind of attack, it wasn’t over. I could still feel most of the dread and terror of being close to dying and being trapped.
“You’re shaking,” Weldon said.
It was the first time I realized we were on the bed. How did that happen? Was I out and he brought me here? I couldn’t possibly have done that willingly. But then again, who knew what I might have willingly done for any help from whatever it was that came over me just then. Whatever it was it scared me. I never wanted to feel that way again.
But I was still trembling like Weldon said and cold.
Weldon pulled up the sheets around me and sat next to me on the bed while I continued to shake nonstop, tucked in and barely breathing.
“Jake,” Weldon spoke gently. “Everything’s going to be okay.”
“You’re kidding me, right?” I couldn’t believe I was lashing out at him. But I couldn’t stop for some reason.
I was expecting a violent reaction, but instead he just turned to me. “You’re okay. You’re here, you’re going to be fine. Just try to get some sleep. Everything fucked up is still going to be here tomorrow, you can freak out then.”
I felt like I was losing my mind.
And I couldn’t get rid of that feeling.
And then, for some reason I started to cry and I couldn’t understand that either. What was wrong with me? It felt like I’d lost authority over my own body, my own reactions weren’t in my control. It felt maddening.
“Will you just let me hold you?” Weldon asked.
I wanted to escape somewhere into oblivion where I didn’t have to face the same man who had tortured me and who was still giving me pain, but whatever I was feeling, this new brand of terror, it wouldn’t stop.
And no matter how uncomfortable I was, Weldon took that as a yes and he put an arm around me and for a long time. I felt strangely disconnected from the world. But then, it began to calm down. I was sleepy, and at some point, I let the drowsiness take over.
&
nbsp; WELDON
I know I’m the villain in this story.
Smug.
Control freak.
Bastard.
That and a lot more.
You want to insult me? Call me names?
Have at it.
I will take your insults and raise you Jake’s soul. I will double the stakes. I will win. Every. Single. Time. I’m young enough to be hot and desirable, and old enough to know more than the average twink that I come across. But there comes a point in your life where you desire something that transcends everything you’ve been told, that hits you like the front end of a train going full speed and makes you want to slow down and appreciate life.
Jake made me want to slow down. He made me want to think of a future. I love him and stalk him and I know it’s the only the way for us to be together because villains don’t get to be heroes. Because the bad guy doesn’t get the (good) girl… or in this case, boy.
I’m not stupid.
I never have been. I’m not bothered by the vain idiosyncrasies of normal people and their normal routine lives. Their rules don’t apply to me.
Normal has never been my forte and that’s fine. I’d take crazy and fun over normal and boring any day. Anyway, being sane isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. You know the one thing that is all it’s cracked up to be? Power.
Absolute, insane power. The unadulterated capacity to do anything. The power to be the one that makes the rules. The power to make people follow. The power to be that one fear, the one bad memory that never goes away.
There he is lying on my bed. He’s so tiny and fragile. It might be the first time but it will not be the last. I had him exactly where I wanted him to be and the resistance he was showing me would soon turn to something more, something he won’t understand. The seed is sown. It was time to reap the benefits. I could get what I want, he wouldn’t be able to say no but tonight was not the right time for it.
No.
Tonight, was for being patient.
It is one thing to get someone by going on a million dates with them, and another to get inside their head, to make a place for yourself in their psyche. I can brainwash this kid into oblivion. I can make him think of me as the only one that matters. Instead of bringing him flowers I will fuck with his head. Instead of buying him a dozen roses I will whip his ass bloody and make him cum. I will not be buying any jewelry except for the kind that keeps him chained to me.
Jake was twisting and turning in bed and all I could do was feel that nudge inside my pants that wouldn’t let up ever since I saw him. If I did anything it wouldn’t feel right. The only person I wanted to take care of me was Jake and no one else. Maybe not today, but in the end, he will take care of his master. He will be the slave that I want him to be and he will give me what I need but it will be more than that.
It would be more because he will desire me. He will want me as one wants the person they love and not as captive and captor.
And to the universe I make this vow: I will not force him. He will come to me.
WELDON
I woke up to the sound of someone throwing up in the bathroom.
My senses were on alert when I saw the bathroom door half open and Jake next to the toilet retching violently. “Jake?”
He looked up at me and I could tell he was weaker than last night. What could have gone wrong in the span of a night? He had a panic attack but he hadn’t had any nausea before this. “What’s going on?” I asked when he didn’t reply. Jake pushed the flush and tried to stand but I had to help him. He was in pain. “Come on,” I said, helping him to the door. “Let’s get you your medicine.”
“I already took it,” Jake said.
“You took them without food? That’s not good, you could hurt your stomach lining. Never take medicines on an empty stomach.”
“Yes well, I can’t seem to keep anything down anyway.”
I was aware that severe anxiety sometimes messed up your stomach and made you nauseous. Either that or the infection was making him sick. But Trey had given him something for that, so I wasn’t concerned about the infection lingering. What I was concerned about was to make him feel comfortable enough for his stomach to settle down. So, I helped him to the bed and made him lie down and ordered some breakfast for us both. I made sure he got everything healthy and to build his strength up, I ordered fruits and juices.
“There’s a fridge on this floor,” I told him. “Doesn’t matter if I’m around, you have to feed yourself. I won’t be lenient about that. You should get what you feel like eating.”
“I’m not much of an eater.”
“That needs to change.”
Jake looked at me, trying to understand I supposed. “What’re you doing?”
“What do you mean?”
“This… this good guy act. What’s this all about?”
“It’s not an act.”
“So, I’m supposed to believe that the guy who basically tortured me the other night, raped me with a fucking… fuck I can’t even bring myself to say it! You’re telling me your heart is in the right place? What do you like to torture people occasionally to get your rocks off, is that it?”
“There are rules. Your father knew them before he signed you and Colton off to us. He sold you to us, Jake. You and your brother, he wasn’t concerned about your well-being. Even him trying to get you to leave this place was an act.”
“I can’t believe you’re rationalizing what you did!”
“I have a sickness,” I said, with all the sincerity I could bring into my words. “I’m trying to get a handle on it. I tend to lose control when I’m angry. But I’m not a monster, Jake. I don’t want you to look at me that way. What happened that day was an isolated incident, it won’t happen again.”
He was confused. I didn’t blame him. I had very little clue myself as to what was happening here. “You seriously expect me to believe that?”
I stood and picked up my cell phone from the nightstand, and speed dialed the concierge so I could order breakfast. “I can’t force you to believe me, Jake. I just want you to give me the time to prove it. Actions speak louder than words, right?”
JAKE
Trying to find my way back was exhausting.
Something inside me was dead. All I wanted was for it to go back to what it was before that night but nothing. I was trapped. Not just in this place but in the darkness, that came from within me. I stand in front of the bathroom mirror, for hours and hours, waiting. Needing to see something of my old self. Even the slightest bit of the old me, but there was nothing there. It’s like that guy was dead and in its place, was someone, something that I didn’t recognize.
I picked up the shot glass and filled it with vodka and downed it fast. I winced at the burn for only a second before pouring myself another. Maybe the alcohol will kill me. Maybe it will kill the darkness. Whichever came first, I’d be happy with it. You can’t feel the pain of a brutal torture if your liver is rotting. You can’t feel pain if you’re deteriorating.
Shot after shot after shot, I drank until I felt numb. Until there was no pain. Until there was nothing. And then I dropped to the bathroom floor.
No one was coming for me.
If I died now, no one would know.
Colton was the only person who might feel my loss but maybe he was better off without me. I could even save myself how was I supposed to save him? Nothing was in my control. Not even my own body or my heart or my head.
Fuck I was losing my mind, wasn’t I? I was finally going insane. Right now, being stuck in a mental facility forever sounded like an improvement. If I was mad I didn’t have any responsibility. If I was mad I wouldn’t worry about saving my brother because I would be so out of it. If I was out of it, the pain of not being able to see Colton wouldn’t hurt the way it did.
I glanced at the bottle. It was almost empty so I drank whatever was left and smashed it on the tiles.
The floor was covered in shards.
Shattered.<
br />
Like my world.
WELDON
I saw her, sitting by the bar and her familiar smile greeted me.
“Hey!” she kissed my cheek.
“How’re you, Jackie?”
“How do I look?”
“Sexy as ever,” I said. “You make me believe that forty is the new thirty.”
“You look pretty good yourself,” she winked. “But you already know that.”
“So? What can I do for you babe?”
The look on Jackie’s face went from happy to morose. “Dad’s in the hospital. And he’s not doing so great.”
The news hit me harder than I had expected. But on the surface I tried to keep my composure. “I’m sorry to hear that.”’
Jackie stared at me. “That’s it? You’re sorry? That’s your whole response?”
“I think it’s appropriate. Considering…”
“Considering the man is dying!”
“Stop it, Jackie. I feel what I feel. End of.”
“Not end of! Weldon you’re telling me you won’t miss the guy at some point when he’s not there anymore? You’re going to regret it, and you know that.”
“Do not presume to know me.”
“Listen to me, honey. This tough guy act, I see through it. We grew up together. You forget. I know you better than you know yourself. When Ryan died…”
“Jackie!”
She went quiet for once and didn’t push. Just as well. My sister didn’t know me. She knew nothing about me. She thought knowing someone as kids meant something but she doesn’t know that people change. Victims become monsters and monsters become victims. The world was a different place but Jackie always acted like it was the same as when we were growing up. This is something that I’ve hated about her but I have no choice but to endure it.
“Look, I will send you a check. It should cover all the costs. But I can’t be a part of this, I’m sorry.”
“We don’t need your money.”