by Kol Anderson
“That’s not true.”
Jackie slammed her drink on the counter and stood. “You know what, I’ve had it with you.”
“Jackie, come on. Sit. You know I have terrible bedside manner. Don’t go.”
“You’re an asshole!” she cursed at me as she sat back down. “You know that, right?”
I smirked. “Well aware.”
“No, I mean it, Weldon you rub people the wrong way!” she said. “How long do you think you can keep going like that?”
“As long as people keep giving me what I need regardless.”
She glanced at my phone. “Your phone’s blinking, I think you have call.”
The noise in the bar made it impossible to hear but I answered it anyway. “What is it, Mace?”
Mace said something I couldn’t understand so I had to keep shouting at him to repeat it. I couldn’t decipher much of what he said but what I got was alarming enough. Jackie must have noticed and she nudged me. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
“I don’t know. But I have to head back.”
“Let me guess,” she said. “Something related to Jake?”
Okay, I almost laughed because she had no clue what was the real story. She was simply going by whatever I tell her over our lengthy phone conversations. Lies, mostly. “You remember him?”
“Of course, I remember him.”
“We barely talked about him. Once.”
“It was enough to understand how you feel about him.”
“You’re so clueless, Jackie!”
“You wish I was clueless, but I’m not. I know this Jake guy is special. I know you feel things for him but I know you’re not going to admit it. Not even if he’s on his deathbed and calling for you.”
“Passive aggressive much?”
“Listen to me,” she said. “You’re not a kid anymore. You’re not fifteen, the world isn’t your fucking oyster! Everyone will find someone they love and settle down and you’ll be wasting your life trying to find something that feels like love. But that isn’t going to happen if every guy you meet you end up hurting. Or worse, not even giving them a chance. Weldon, what’re you afraid of?”
I wanted to come up with a response. “I would love to stay and chat,” I said, putting down money for the bill and kissing Jackie’s cheek. “But I have something I need to take care of. If you need anything, you know what to do.”
“Call Mace. I know.”
“Thank you.”
I walked outside the bar and called Stoll who was supposed to be driving me tonight. He picked up on the second ring and I instructed him to come over. But all the time I stood there, Jackie’s words wouldn’t leave my mind.
WELDON
I went back to find Jake sitting on the bathroom floor completely zoned out and holding a large piece of glass from a broken bottle that lay next to him in pieces. I gestured for Mace to leave and walked up to Jake. “Hey.”
He laughed. “I think I’ve gone nuts. I mean this is nuts, right?”
“What happened, Jake?”
“I can’t get over it,” he cried. “I try, everyday… fuck… all I want to do is forget but I can’t! I feel dead inside… so I thought why not match the outside to the inside!”
His hand was bleeding.
He was in tears.
In pain.
I didn’t know what to do, I’d never been so completely clueless.
Or so afraid.
“Let’s talk about it inside,” I said. “Just get up and come with me.”
“No!”
I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping it was a nightmare but it wasn’t. I opened my eyes and found him still there, on the stupid floor and ready to kill himself. The scary part was that for once I had no idea what to do.
I guess I was just going to wing it. I started walking up to him stepping on the shards with my boots. The glass crunched under my feet. Jake lifted the glass shard but before he could place it on his other wrist to cut himself, I grabbed a hold of him and pulled him up from the floor. My grip on his shirt was tight, and he stared at me with those eyes, looking more lost than ever. But the shard was still in his hand. “You can’t stop me.”
I pushed him back into the wall and grabbed his arm so he couldn’t lift it. Then, I used my other hand to pry his fingers from the shard buried in his palm.
“Fuck you!” Jake screamed, but he was weak and his resistance didn’t hold out longer than my strength. The minute the shard fell from his hand I kicked it away. He started lashing out at me, kicking and flailing his limbs and I had to restrain him. I pushed him against the wall and grabbed his arms behind his back so he would stay still.
“Go ahead!” he screamed. “Hurt me! Shove something else up me this time just make sure I don’t come back!”
I turned him around so that he would face me. I stayed calm. And I wasn’t known for my patience. To be honest it was tempting to hurt him again. To watch him in that state, all fucked up. Instead, I overcame my instinct for once and ran a hand over his head. I kissed his forehead. He wasn’t expecting that. “Don’t.”
But I didn’t stop.
I pushed him against that wall and I grabbed his shirt with two hands and I kissed him. Forcefully at first until he gave in. Fuck, it felt like what magic must feel like. The more I did it the more I wanted it. I couldn’t explain it but he unlocked a barrage of emotions that I thought I could never feel again.
I hated feeling that way because it made me feel vulnerable. And vulnerable was for others, people who I called victims. Because vulnerability was weakness. And weakness always came at a price. But at the same time, I couldn’t stop. When he finally broke away because he was short of breathing, I had to pull away.
We stood there, two stupid people, helpless. Fucked.
What the fuck had I gotten myself into?
This was supposed to be a game, so why wasn’t I playing it anymore? This was becoming stupider and crazier, and nothing good could come of it. My cock was so hard I could barely contain it in my pants. And that was the problem. Maybe he brought up something inside me that excited me in ways I couldn’t comprehend.
He was still breathless. “You’re hurt.”
It was the first time I noticed my bleeding hand. Must have happened when I was prying the glass from his hand. “It’s nothing.”
“It’s bleeding.”
“Let’s go back inside and figure this out,” I suggested. He didn’t leave right away. I could see the telltale bulge in the front of his pants so it couldn’t have been just me.
“There’s glass all over…”
“I’ll get someone to take care of it.”
He gingerly stepped ahead but I noticed his feet were bare. “Wait!” But before I could do anything he had already stepped on them and I thought he might have done it on purpose, but he was breathing really fast again, just like that other night. I could see the fear in his eyes even though I knew he was safe, I had a feeling it was all a bit much. All the drinking couldn’t have helped either. “Jake…” I was about to say something when he started to close his eyes and I thought maybe he was doing it to deal with the panic attack, but instead he went slack and his body landed on my shoulder. “Jake, hey!”
No response from his end.
I stood there for a long time just holding him.
I’m not the sort of person who cries, but if I did that would have been the day. Instead, I decided to be strong, the one thing I was good at. “It’s okay,” I said, as I gathered him into my arms and carried him to the bed. “I’ve got you.”
TREY
The silence was enough to give me rising panic.
“What’s wrong?” I asked but was afraid to hear the answer.
“I don’t know,” Weldon said. “But I have a feeling the entire bottle of vodka he finished off in the last two hours, might have something to do with it.”
I sat on the bed and proceeded to check his pulse. Slow but nothing alarming. That’s when I noticed the blood.
“He tried to kill himself,” Weldon said as though in response to all my unanswered questions.
“Not surprisingly,” I said. “After what he’s been through.”
“If you have something to say to me Trey, I suggest you come out and say it, instead of taking out your aggression passively.”
I checked Jake’s wounds. Some tiny cuts and a big one but nothing alarming. “He looks fine,” Trey said. “For now.”
I stood and faced Weldon. “You didn’t bring him here to love him unconditionally and take care of him,” I said. “You brought him here to fuck with his head and use his body.”
Weldon seemed like it didn’t bother him. I had no idea if it was an act. “Does it bother you, Trey? That he’s mine?”
The words alone made me angry. I hoped Weldon couldn’t see it. “He’s not yours,” I said. “His body’s been sold to you, but his soul is still intact and it doesn’t come free with the purchase.”
Weldon was grinning. Not the response that I was hoping to get from him. “Soul, huh?” He went over to where Jake was sleeping on the bed, their bed, and ran a hand all over Jake’s abdomen. He slowed at the groin, and didn’t stop there. The movements of his hand on Jake started to work and Jake started to move in his sleep. He was responding to Weldon’s touch. The whole display sickened me.
“I think people place a lot of emphasis on soul,” he said, pulling his hand away. “Maybe they need to understand just how important the body can be.” And then, he stood and faced me. “If I break both his legs,” he said. “Do you think his soul would be able to walk?”
I was close to losing it. I don’t know how I hadn’t. But anything I did might mean I’d lose the ability to help myself or Jake. “Weldon, I don’t mean to cause trouble. I’m just concerned for his well-being as I’m sure you are.” I figured working for the devil had some rewards. One of these was knowing how to lie through your teeth apparently. “I guess I saw all that blood and freaked out.”
Weldon patted my shoulder with a heavy hand. “I like you, Doc. Let’s keep it that way, shall we?”
I grabbed my case and the rest of my things. Then, I watched Weldon get in bed right next to Jake and sitting close to him. Weldon was rubbing Jake’s arm. If someone was unaware of their story they might think they looked good together. I don’t know why it was bothering me.
I mean, I guess I knew why, but I hated it. “I have an idea,” I said. “Why don’t you take him somewhere?”
“Like… out?”
“It might make him feel better. Keep him away from suicidal thoughts. He needs distraction.”
Weldon gave it some thought. “I’ll see what I can do.”
I was at the door when he called for me. “Trey?”
I turned around. “Yeah?”
Weldon had the front of his shirt open, lying freely on his chest. When he lifted his arms to the back of his head, and stretched, the shirt covered even less of his gorgeous body. “I won’t force him,” he said, gesturing to Jake. “He will come to me.” He paused and placed one leg on top of the other. “Thought I’d let you know, so you have less things to worry about.”
WELDON
I stopped the car in the restaurant parking. It was time for breakfast and the place was packed but I had a standing reservation on account of being friends with the owners.
Jake stared at me. “You’re not worried I’ll run?”
“You’re not going to get far. I run faster than you.”
“You know that’s not funny, right?”
“It’s not?” I returned. “Ouch. That really hurts my feelings.”
He was quiet. No sign of a smile or any relief for being outside. If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought maybe he wasn’t happy to be outside. “We should probably go in,” I said.
“I’m not going to fuck you.”
“I… don’t usually fuck people in restaurants, unless that’s your thing.”
“You know what I mean.”
“We’re here to get pancakes, Jake. Maybe some bacon.”
“I mean it!” Jake reiterated. “Whatever it is you’re trying to do it’s not going to work on me. I’m not going to fall for your bullshit.”
Suddenly, I wanted to crack some eggs. Or heads. Yes. Probably just the heads. “Did Trey put this in your head?”
“Why would Trey put anything in my head?”
“Oh please, it’s obvious the two of you have something going on.”
Jake looked genuinely disturbed. “There’s nothing going on.”
I was fuming. “You know what, I’ve lost my appetite.”
“Weldon, you never lose your appetite.” I turned to the woman who spoke this right in my ear. “Jackie! What’re you doing here?”
“What am I doing here?” she said. “This is our family’s favorite place. We and the kids we come here all the time. What’s your excuse?”
I hated the fact that she was so smug about the whole thing. Without warning, she stuck her hand out for Jake. “I’m Jackie, Weldon’s sister.”
Jake shook her hand and smiled. “Jake.”
“Hello, Jake. Why don’t come inside, you look like you could use a little break from my annoyingly handsome brother.”
I was seriously freaking out. One wrong word from Jake and I could be sitting in a jail cell. Even if I did get out, it still meant a lot of unnecessary problems. Especially my family finding out. But my sister was adamant and then Jake got out of the car and joined her. I watched them both go in and got out myself.
I followed them inside to the counter, where the waitress saw me and waved. My usual table was ready and waiting.
“So, Jake. What do you do?” My sister asked. I wanted to laugh at the prospect of her knowing he amused his father’s clients for a living.
“I’m kind of in between jobs.”
“Oh. So, who takes care of you? How do you pay the rent?”
“Jackie!” I scolded her but she didn’t budge.
Jake looked at me. “I’m so sorry,” Jackie had a massive grin on her face. “You two are living together, aren’t you?” She turned to Jake. “You’ll have to excuse me, Jake, my brother never tells me anything! I always have to find out this way. Don’t you think that’s mean? Of course, he doesn’t think so!”
No amount of rolling my eyes at her made any difference. She continued being nosy. “Jake, my family is going to love you. Trust me. In fact, why don’t we go see our father? He’s in the hospital. Lung cancer. He would love visitors. I know he will like you, Jake.”
“I don’t see why,” I interrupted her. “He doesn’t even like his own son.”
“Weldon, he’s changed. He’s not the same person anymore. But how would you know, you haven’t visited him in seven years.”
“And I’m not about to now.”
Jackie was clearly hurt. But she recovered soon enough. “Maybe Jake would still like to go.”
I laughed. “I doubt it,” I turned to Jake. “Coming here was a bad idea. Let’s go home.”
But Jake didn’t move. “Actually, I wouldn’t mind at all,” he said, smiling at my sister. Jackie was happy of course. “Well, then. I’ll drive you to the hospital. Weldon can go home.”
Jake looked at me and I put on a fake smile. “You know what,” I said. “If he wants to go, I’ll go.”
Jackie basically stared at me for the next fifteen minutes. “You’re really coming?”
I glared at Jake. “I guess I am.”
“Oh!” My sister said excitedly. She stood and took out her phone. “I’ll tell them we’re coming. Oh Jake, you made this family really happy!” She kissed Jake and left.
I grabbed Jake’s hand under the table. “You like to play games?”
“What’re you talking about?”
I gently pushed his wrist and twisted it, so it would hurt. “Ow!” Jake cried. “What’s wrong with you!”
“One wrong word from you, Jake and I’ll break your bones. Don’t give me r
eason to hurt you.” I was barely done giving him that warning when my sister came back. She looked at Jake nursing his wrist and got concerned. “What happened, Jake?”
“I think I might have hurt it earlier,” Jake replied.
“Jake’s real clumsy,” I said. “He’s always getting himself hurt. I was just telling him he needs to be more careful.”
“Do you need Tylenol or something?”
Jake stood. “I’ll be fine.”
“Are you sure?” Jackie asked when he walked up to her.
Jake nodded with a smile that was as much on the surface as his happiness.
And just like that, we were heading off to my worst nightmare.
WELDON
We watched Jake playing with my sister’s kids in the waiting room. Jackie had two children, a girl aged six and a boy who was about ten. I could never understand kids but Jake seemed to be at ease with them. “You really hit the jackpot this time, didn’t you?” My sister said in a low voice.
“What’re you talking about?”
“You’re kidding, right? This guy is perfect for you!”
“Stop it, Jackie.”
The nurse came and told us we could see Dad. Great. We took Jake and left the kids with the nanny and went up to his room.
It seemed like a long way from where we were. But maybe that’s because I hadn’t gotten used to the idea of seeing him yet. Jackie showed us the room and the man I saw on that bed was familiar but I couldn’t recognize him. He could have been anyone. If it wasn’t for Jackie, I would have worried we were in the wrong room. But the minute he saw me, his eyes lit up. “Weldon…” he could barely speak through the coughing fit. I went to him and sat next to him on the bed.
“Dad…” I couldn’t help that my eyes were damp.
“I’m so glad you’re here, Weldon. I told them you’d come. They didn’t believe me, none of them did, but I knew. I knew you wouldn’t break my heart.”
If only he knew how close I’d come to doing it. He probably would have some different emotions on his face.
“Daddy, this is Jake.” My sister pushed Jake forward. My father had to squint a little to see but then he smiled. “Is that the boyfriend?”