by Kol Anderson
“Dad, we’re not…”
Jackie cut me off. “Yes, Daddy that’s him. Isn’t he cute?”
“What do you do, Jake?” Dad asked and I almost rolled my eyes again. My family could be the lead detectives on a cop show in a heartbeat.
“Dad Jake’s not working at the moment,” Jackie explained. “And why would he, my brother can afford to give him that luxury.”
I felt weird. Numb and a little overwhelmed. I think my brain was having trouble processing it.
We hung out with Dad for a while and then had to leave. My father looked at Jake as we were about to leave. “Jake,” Dad said. “You bring him back here, before I get worse, okay?”
“Okay, sir.”
“Weldon calls me Dad. You should too.”
Of all the things, this was the one that broke Jake’s resolve. “Dad,” it was one word but it took him a huge effort to get it out. The minute he said goodbye, Jake left the room.
I knew it was to hide his tears.
But my sister wasn’t about to leave him. She stood and talked to him, wiped his tears and they hugged for a long time.
It was time to make my own exit.
“I’ll see you soon, Dad.”
***
When we were standing outside the hospital, Jake was saying goodbye to the kids and exchanging high-fives with them.
Jackie turned to me. “Listen to me, Weldon. I looked in his eyes. There’s so much sadness there. He needs someone to take care of him. He needs you. Just as much as you need him. The sooner you realize that the better.”
I watched her kiss Jake’s cheek and Jake waved goodbye to the kids. He was smiling at them when I caught up to him. It felt weird saying the next words and it took me ages to do it. “Thank you for what you did for my family.”
“It’s okay.”
“I’m not used to people doing things for me that I cannot repay.”
“You’re obviously not used to people doing things without needing repayment either.”
The sadness that Jackie had mentioned was back. It was a good distraction but even something like meeting my obnoxious family hadn’t distracted him long enough. “Can we go back now?”
“You could have called the cops on me. You could have done anything. Why didn’t you?”
He was thinking about it for a long time. “I don’t know.”
Everything inside me was screaming to just go and fuck him hard enough that he forgets everything and so do I. I got close to him, and put my hand around his neck. I pulled him in and kissed him. I expected him to protest but instead he let me and kissed me back harder. When our bodies touched, I felt his erection. I could feel him responding to me. He was getting less and less resistant.
I broke off then. “Don’t worry,” I said. “I know you don’t want to fuck me.”
I fished the key fob out of my pants pocket and unlocked the car. I got in and waited. Okay, so I did feel rather smug when it took Jake a while to come to his senses and walk to the passenger side.
When he did, he quickly got in and the bulge was still visible. “Are you okay?”
He looked preoccupied. “Fine.”
No, you’re not.
You’re dying to experience what you got a taste of just now. Accept it so we can both move forward. Accept that you want me.
“Weldon?”
“Yes?”
“That thing we talked about before, the not-fucking thing?”
“What about it?”
He paused. “It’s still on.”
TREY
“Why do you keep staring at the wall?”
I hadn’t realized I had been doing it until someone pointed it out. I had to quit staring at the clock. I smiled at Damien but he had a point. “Just an appointment that I guess someone isn’t keeping,” I explained, taking off the gloves and placing the stethoscope on the desk. “You look fine, Damien.”
“That’s a relief,” Damien said, getting up and putting his shirt back on.
I was writing Damien a prescription for his usual meds when he stopped me. “All work and no play makes Trey a dull boy. You don’t want to be a dull boy, do you?”
“No, Damien it’s nothing like that.”
“So, what’s it like?”
“I’m just busy.”
“Staring at walls?”
I wasn’t sure I wanted to engage in small talk with Damien but he was obviously not interested in that either because he grabbed my coat and pulled me toward him. “Wasn’t it good when we did it the last time?” he wanted to know. “I’ve learned some new moves and I’ve been dying to try them on someone.”
I was horny. It had been a while since I’d jerked off, let alone have sex. That wasn’t like me. I could understand Damien’s frustration. But I couldn’t quite explain to him what was wrong with me. The fact that Weldon agreed to bring Jake for an appointment and never followed through or the fact that I couldn’t stop thinking about Jake.
But Damien was nothing if not persistent. He grabbed my crotch and noticed the erection, he just didn’t know it wasn’t for him. “Hey there!” Damien crooned and kissed my cheek. “You want to play Doctor?”
He grabbed my stethoscope and tried to put it on, but I stopped him. “Damien, please!”
He looked confused. “What’s the matter with you?”
“I’m just not in the mood.”
“Clearly,” he gestured to the bulge in my pants.
“Shut up.”
“Fine,” Damien said, straightening himself up. “A girl can take a hint.”
“Damien, I’m sorry.”
I knew I was supposed to say something nice but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I heard the double doors opening and my instincts were on edge. Damien ran into a confused Jake. “Honey,” Damien said. “He’s been waiting for you.”
Jake greeted Damien with that same puzzled expression. “You can stop staring at walls now!” Damien snickered as he left.
“What’s he talking about?” Jake asked and I hated Damien for putting thoughts in his head.
“Damien’s kind of an idiot,” I told Jake. “He hardly ever makes sense.”
“Is he a friend of yours?”
“You can say that.”
Jake looked up. “Is he more than a friend?”
I knew I had to tell him what was going on, I wanted him to know he could trust me. “We hooked up a few times, it wasn’t serious.”
Jake looked satisfied. “Okay.”
How could he possibly look so good? He took my breath away. I couldn’t help but notice there was some color back in his cheeks. He looked like he was on the mend. That made me extremely happy. “You look… healthy.”
Jake grinned. “Healthy?”
I could have kicked myself. “Well you look healthy too, Doc.”
“You know what I mean.”
He was smiling. Jake was smiling. I couldn’t believe it. But I was going to make the most of it. “Why don’t you get up here and we’ll do a basic checkup,” I patted the exam table.
“Do you want me to strip?”
My brain’s instant reaction was to send more blood toward my dick, and the spilling forth of the words, “Yes.” I said this and then followed with a “Huh?”
In my mind, I pictured Jake removing his clothes one by one to the sound of house music.
“Do you want me to strip or not?”
I was sure my dick was about to explode. “Yes… yes please, that will be… um… yeah that’ll be… thanks.”
Jake gave me that bewildered glance and proceeded to take off his shirt. Everything about him was hot, too much for my mind to bear.
When he placed a hand on his pants to remove them I almost gave up being a doctor. He had a great body. He looked like he had gained some weight and wasn’t as anorexic as before. When he got on the table I realized I would have to get near him and I wasn’t sure how my body might react. I checked for the usual stuff. His vitals were good. Blood pressure was no
rmal. His pulse rate was a little high but that could have been a ton of things. Like wanting you as much as you want him?
The porno clip playing over and over in my imagination consisted of Jake playing a dumb blonde twink and me being the physician who was to give him an important ‘injection.’
Okay, so I had a medical fetish and I was a doctor. So what? Plenty of people had workplace fantasies. I didn’t judge them.
I made him lie down. Poked and prodded his abdomen to make sure there was nothing unusual or strange going on but fortunately everything seemed fine. Now, on to the difficult part.
Even though this was hardly the first time we’d been through this routine, it felt like the first time. I tried to keep talking to him about random stuff just to keep his mind off my prodding fingers. I spread his legs and checked for any remaining lacerations or damage. I used plenty of water based lubricant. The flush on Jake’s skin did nothing to hide his embarrassment about the routine. Finally, I stopped. I took off my gloves and tossed them in the waste basket.
When I saw him lying there I couldn’t help myself. I leaned over and kissed him. He was kissing me back but then he froze and pushed me away.
Jake angrily got off the table and started putting his clothes back on.
“Jake, I’m sorry. I fucked up—”
“You’re the same as them,” he fumed.
“Jake I wasn’t going to do anything, it was just a kiss it doesn’t mean anything.”
He stood there and glared at me at first and then he walked up to me. “Is this true?” he asked. “Would you have stopped if I hadn’t pushed you away? Did that kiss really mean nothing?”
I was capable of a lot of things but I couldn’t lie to his face.
My silence was all the answers he needed. “I figured.”
I was about to say something in my defense when Jake bumped into someone and he stopped. “Hey,” Jake said when he saw it was Weldon. I have never seen Weldon down here so it came as a bit of a shock.
“Did Doc clear you?”
Jake nodded and looked down toward his feet.
Weldon came and looked around, intimidating and tall as always, making his presence known. That was his thing and it worked. Not on me so much but it did work. Me, I could usually see through his bullshit and I think he resented that.
But he needed me just as I needed him. It was a working relationship that swayed a little to his side but still.
“Good to see you again, Trey.”
“Likewise.”
After a few seconds of a useless staring contest Weldon was ready to leave. “Just came to pick up Jake.”
Jake was blushing again. Within moments I understood. “You don’t mind if I talk to Jake alone for a few minutes, do you?”
Weldon wasn’t happy. I was expecting him to make a big deal out of it but instead he let me. Smug bastard. I took Jake aside into the supply room. He looked pissed. “What do you want now?”
“Something happened between you two,” I blurted out.
“What?”
“Don’t lie to me, you have a thing for him!”
“So what?”
I rolled my eyes. “Jake. You do remember what he did to you, right? He tortured you with a baseball bat! I was the one who stitched you up! Have you seriously forgotten?”
“How can I when you keep reminding me!”
I calmed down enough to make him understand. “Jake your brain is still trying to make sense of what happened. This is a coping mechanism. Making something so harsh sound like it’s nothing. Your brain is doing it to protect itself from trauma. This is not the time to be making decisions like whether you feel something for the guy who tortured you!”
Jake was in tears. “Jake he’s using his charm against you, it’s all part of his plan. He’s good at what he does, don’t be a willing victim.”
“Right,” Jake said, “and what does the brilliant doctor suggest I do? Wait for my knight in shining armor?”
I had no response for him. He was right. It wasn’t like I was offering him anything tangible. “Jake I get it. The world failed you. But just because you hate me and the rest of world, doesn’t mean you should walk straight into Weldon’s trap.”
“First, nothing happened. Second, it’s none of your business.”
He started walking past me and I grabbed his arm. “Don’t do it,” I said. “Don’t let him win. I know you. You’re going to hate yourself for it.”
“Let go of my arm.”
“I want to save you. But if you choose him over me, then you’ve lost me forever.”
Jake’s hand trembled but he twisted it out of my grasp.
He walked outside and I followed. “I was starting to think maybe you want to keep Jake for yourself and don’t want to give him to me.” Weldon put his arm around Jake and Jake didn’t even flinch.
“The thought did cross my mind.”
Jake looked at me but said nothing. Weldon kissed him lightly on the lips. “It wouldn’t have bothered me if you did, Doc.” He turned to me and he was grinning. That perfect set of teeth and the designer stubble made me want to stab him in the face with a scalpel. Or maybe I’ll use it to skin him alive. “You don’t know me, but… I like a little challenge.”
He winked.
Smug bastard.
WELDON
If you could, who would you lose yourself in?
Who is the one person you could give up everything for?
Which is the one love you’d give anything to have?
Are you truly lucky if you feel something more than desire?
Love and desire have always been connected. People think they have things sorted but it can’t be true. Fucking is the most intimate, most personal thing you can do.
Fucking changes everything.
The lights in the bedroom are dim. The glow from the bedside lamp falls on Jake at intervals and I think I’ve gotten addicted to watching him sleep in nothing but his shorts. Maybe I’ve gotten addicted to a lot of things I don’t want to think about. Addiction is weakness too. It always comes at a price. The question is would I be I willing to pay it?
I remembered Jake’s last proclamation loud and clear.
He’s reminded me about it for weeks.
I’m not going to fuck you.
But the thing is I’m starting to lose control.
Watching him sleeping so peacefully for once, I can’t but touch my cock because it’s already hard and I can feel blood rushing toward it. I don’t know what I’m doing. He could wake up any second and how would that look? I don’t want to come across as desperate. But I am desperate. I’m starving. It’s pure thirst I feel inside. Fuck. I need to get a hold of myself but instead I keep stroking my cock through my pajama bottoms, the only thing I was wearing.
God, he’s beautiful.
His lips are a bright red, his legs are long and shapely, resting on the bed. He’s right in front of me and so out of my reach, it’s frustrating.
He stirred in his sleep and I still stood there.
I was there when he opened his eyes and tried to make sense of what was happening. “Do you want to fuck me, Jake?”
He was gazing at me, at my body, blatantly at first and then he looked away. “No.”
Maybe if I couldn’t fuck him I could do something else. So, I took off my shirt and climbed the bed, got on top of him. I didn’t go near his lips, just stayed low and nuzzled his neck. “Do you want to fuck me?” I whispered in his ear. It was obvious he was having trouble resisting me. I could tell by the way he was responding to my touch. “No,” he said, so I lowered my mouth to his chest and merely grazed my mouth over his pecs. I kissed his nipple, then kept kissing, going lower towards the lines on his abdomen and I kissed his navel. He was no longer the passive party and I could feel him getting aroused by every place I touched.
“Weldon!”
But instead I went lower and kissed him below the navel, for just a little while before I went back up again. “Do you w
ant to fuck me?” I asked one last time, whispering it in his ear. His chest rose and fell with every shallow breath he took. I hovered near his lips for a few moments. I wanted this to last. I wanted him to feel the full extent of desire that I was feeling. “No,” he repeated. I touched my lips to his and kissed him, soft and slow. We broke off for a second, just to look at each other and then got back into kissing again. I could feel Jake closing his eyes and giving in when I kissed his neck in several places. Our cocks were rubbing against each other and we were both erect. I kept kissing him just like that, increasing the intensity slowly as I slowly caused friction between our cocks, and rubbed them together.
Jake had closed his eyes now, and I couldn’t help but look at him in between the making out. His mouth was open just a little, his full lips reddened from all the kissing and swollen. I reached for his cock and took it out of his shorts. He was drenched in precum. A few strokes of my hand and he was begging for mercy, moving his body while his eyes stayed close. Two more seconds of this and he was grabbing at the sheets and making noises that were evidence of his desire. He was breathing hard and groaning and still moving his body to my rhythm.
“Fuck me.”
Those words were all the encouragement I needed. I grabbed his legs and pulled them up so I could enter him, and I did it slow. Took my time until he adjusted and then I gave a few gentle thrusts. He grunted and groaned in pain and ecstasy, and then it was just the lust as I moved inside him and he raked his fingers into my back, begging for more and pulling me closer. And then he grabbed his cock in his hand and started to stroke it and I started to increase my pace until we were both grunting and groaning and trying to reach the climax.
The sound of his breathing, the way he kept pulling me closer and the way he was still jerking himself off with one hand, it all combined to make me feel pleasure like I had never felt before. These things I had done a hundred times before and yet everything seemed new because it was him. If I was afraid to lose him before I was terrified of it now.
He came first.