Charon's Net

by Gemma Herrero Virto

  “Right, so he needed someone to live out his life when he no longer could.”

  “Exactly. But, once I finished specialising in Madrid, I didn’t go back. I stayed there doing a Masters in Forensic Psychology. He got angry; he threatened me with not giving me any more money, but, instead of hanging my head as always, I began living without his help thanks to the fund that my mother had left me as inheritance. Then my father seemed to calm down, thinking that I would come to see reason.”

  “But you didn’t, right?”

  “No, of course not. The years I spent in Madrid, far away from his tentacles, were the happiest of my life. At last I could be myself and be confident of my own achievements. It even got so that whenever some lecturer asked me whether I was related to the incredibly famous Doctor Egaña, I would reply by saying that the surname was only a coincidence.”

  In that moment they were passing beneath the Deusto Bridge. Natalia stopped speaking and looked at him. She did not feel like walking to the town hall, and she knew that Carlos was freezing cold. She considered inviting him over for breakfast at her flat, but she hesitated. The whole thing was beginning to feel all too much like a date to her. For some stupid reason, the idea of his being in her home without Gus also being present was unsettling to her... A strong gust of cold wind caused her to stop her pondering:

  “Listen, if we go to the Town Hall, and then have to go back to where we left the car, it’s going to take us forever. How do you feel about going back the car now that we’re close, and I’ll invite you in for a coffee at my place?”

  Carlos did not say anything. For a moment, Natalia thought she saw the same doubts in his eyes that she had had seconds earlier.

  “That seems like a good idea, it’s getting very late,” he replied. “Shall we go this way?”

  Natalia nodded. The two of them began ascending some very old and unlit steps to the upper part of the bridge. She had to contain a shiver at the memory of the lighthouse steps that she had gone down barely three hours previously. She was surprised to realize how long she had gone without recalling it, without torturing herself. It was strange how Carlos had made her disengage from all of that pain. She decided to allow herself to be swept along by this sensation of peace, of living in the moment without caring in the slightest about the question of yesterday or tomorrow. There would be time enough later to torment herself, when she was on her own. The simple idea of being in her empty bed, at the mercy of the sadistic thoughts of her brain caused terror within her. She wished for this walk to never end. When she came back out into the illuminated street, she felt relieved.

  “Anyway, we’ve strayed off-topic. What happened when you came back from Madrid?”

  “Well, I realized that my father had not understood a thing. He even already had a place reserved for me as his right-hand assistant. I tried making him understand that that was not what I wanted, but he paid no attention to it. My thoughts and my desires didn’t matter to him. I don’t think he can even conceive of the fact that I have different thoughts from his own. So I left home, for good this time.”

  “And how did you do it? Where did you get the money?”

  “Well, I still had inheritance money left from my mother. And my maternal grandmother, when she died, left me the flat I’m living in now, and a bit of money. I was her only granddaughter. Then I decided to try and join the Ertzaintza. I was certain that he wouldn’t be able to have any influence there, either for good or bad.”

  “So you were finally free.”

  “Well, you could say that...” replied Natalia, doubtfully.

  “How do you mean? You no longer depend on him economically. You have a good job, your own home, your own car... And you don’t owe any of that to him.”

  “Yes, but many times I surprise myself, obsessing over continuing to be number one, over being perfect... I try to fool myself by saying that I’m doing it for myself, but I know that isn’t true. I don’t like being this way; it doesn’t make me happy to behave like an arriviste, and much less so for everyone else to see me that way. But I can’t change.”

  “That’s normal; after so many years of having to behave in a certain way, you can’t expect to change overnight. Give yourself time.”

  Natalia gave a sad smile:

  “I can give myself that time, but can everyone else?”

  “With me, you have all the time you need.”

  Natalia looked at him for a few seconds, and then smiled timidly before continuing walking, a couple of steps ahead of him, trying to hide from him the tears that were glistening in her eyes again. Carlos began walking faster after her, until he drew level with her. They continued walking, as if there was nothing to worry about, as if that night were to last forever. The two of them walking eternally, with the entire city just for them. They had reached the end of the Deusto Bridge. Carlos headed for one of the streets leading towards the Gran Vía. Natalia stopped, and pointed in the direction of the park:

  “Could we cut through there? I think we can get there sooner if we cross the park.”

  “You’re a brave girl. Don’t you know that’s a very dangerous place at night?”

  “I know, but I’m in the company of a tough policeman. I have nothing to fear, right?” she was feeling as though, that night, nobody was going to bother them; as though that place would also be for just the two of them alone, and that nothing else would come and ruin it.

  “Fine, let’s go,” Carlos shrugged his shoulders.

  They entered the park, passing closely by the Bilbao Fine Arts Museum. They went on to one of the paved paths, bordered by tall trees. Carlos entertained himself with kicking at the dry leaves whilst they walked in silence, enjoying the tranquillity of the area, the rustle of the wind between the branches of the trees, of the songs of the first birds... Natalia took a few steps away from him and sat down on a bench. She took out the packet of cigarettes from her jacket pocket, after battling with the enormous coat for a few seconds, and offered him a cigarette. Carlos sat down beside her and lit it. Natalia noticed how the sky was beginning to take on a reddish tone, announcing the imminence of another dawn. She could not help feeling a stab of sorrow on realizing that her prayers had not been heard. Soon the night would end, and the city would go back to being busy again, dispelling all of the magic.

  “You know something? The only memories I have of my mother are in this park. Often, whenever I’m worried about something, I come here and sit down to think, on this very bench we’re sitting on, in front of the fountain. I can spend hours watching the water running, or the children playing, or the people strolling by... And I wonder what might be going through their minds, what problems they might have, what kinds of lives they will lead... By the time I leave, my problems seem much smaller to me,” Natalia was talking distractedly, almost conversing aloud with herself. She looked at him, and smiled in embarrassment. “You must think I’m talking nonsense. What a bore I’ve turned out to be tonight.”

  “No. I like hearing you speak, honestly I do. Besides, I’m the one who said he wanted to know things about you. Honestly, I felt like listening to you.”

  “Thank you. I think you’ve saved me a ton of psychoanalytical sessions. I don’t know how I’m going to pay you.”

  “Well, right now, with the coffee you’d promised me. Dawn is breaking, and it’s starting to get cold.”

  “If you want the coat, I’ll give it back to you.”

  “If you offer it to me one more time, I’ll chuck it into the estuary without taking it off you first. Come on, let’s go.”

  They made their way quickly to the car. Carlos drove to Natalia’s house, hurrying because he did not want to encounter a lot of traffic. Natalia leaned back in the seat and closed her eyes, trying not to see the cars that were beginning to appear on the road, the first people leaving their houses to begin flooding the city. She wished that she could keep maintaining the illusion that they were alone in the world for a few moments longer.

 
***

  Natalia realized that Carlos was stirring the teaspoon inside an empty coffee cup. Time had passed so quickly... She thought about offering him another cup, to prolong the moment a little more, but she did not dare. She knew that he would have to leave, that that night had been a gift, and would very likely never be repeated again, but she was resisting returning back to real life, to the solitude, to the nightmares... She tried to convince herself that she had no reason to feel so sad. After all, it was not a goodbye. They were going to be seeing each other again the following day, which was only a few hours away. As if he had predicted her thoughts, Carlos got up out of the chair:

  “Well, as I’ve seen that you don’t like it, I’ll definitely take it back now,” he said, taking his coat. “I guess it’s not your style. I’ll see you tomorrow, won’t I?”

  “Yes, of course...” Natalia was feeling lost. She remained seated for a few seconds, looking at him in surprise, not resigning herself to the fact that he had to leave.

  He made his way out as he put on the coat. Natalia went ahead of him and opened the door. Carlos stepped out, and turned to say goodbye. She thought about what she could say to him, but nothing came to her. She stood looking at the floor, trying to find something that could wrap up the night, something that was not inappropriate... She looked up, ready to say a simple goodbye to him, and encountered his sad gaze. In only a second, she discovered in his eyes the same fear of being left alone, of having to face one’s own self and one’s memories. Without thinking about what she was doing, she threw herself into his arms and kissed him.

  Initially, he kept still, as if he did not know how to react, but then he held her tightly around her waist and returned the kiss. Natalia noticed that the tears were escaping uncontrollably from her eyes, as if his affection had ended up tearing down all of her barriers. The tears slid down her cheeks until they reached their lips, giving the kiss a sad taste. He moved away from her gently, without completely letting go of her waist, and gave her a soft kiss, barely a brush on the lips, before whispering to her:

  “There’s no need for you to do that to get me to stay, Natalia. You only have to ask me.”

  She opened her eyes and stood looking at him, crying increasingly harder, without being able to say anything. Carlos caressed one of her cheeks and continued speaking in whispers:

  “I don’t want us to do anything that we could regret tomorrow, but I understand you not wanting to be alone tonight. It scares me too. I’ll stay and watch over you while you sleep. Do you want me to?”

  Natalia nodded between sobs. Carlos picked her up in his arms and pressed her against his body. She buried her head in his shoulder and allowed him to carry her to her bedroom. He placed her on the bed and lay down next to her, holding onto her waist from behind.

  “Sleep now, my girl. I’ll be here all night.”

  Natalia’s sobs went along progressively subsiding until, at last, she fell silent. She felt the warmth of Carlos’s body very close to her own, and his arm around her, creating a space in which she was able to imagine that nothing could harm them. Her breathing was calming down now, becoming slower and more regular. She allowed the tiredness to take over, for the tranquillity of sleep to come and take her very far away from that world of nightmares.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Natalia woke up in stages, without yet entirely leaving the haze of sleep. She sat up in bed, and looked at the clock on the bedside table. Quarter past one in the afternoon. What was she doing sleeping in until those hours? In that moment, she remembered what had happened the previous night, and smiled, in spite of feeling a little embarrassed by her behaviour. She sat up on the bed and looked towards the other side. Carlos was not there. She wondered whether he might be having breakfast in the kitchen, or working in the living room. She pushed back the blanket that he must have covered her with while she was sleeping and went in search of him, although she did not know what she would be able to say to him.

  She left the bedroom. On reaching the kitchen, she stood still in the doorway. He was not in the flat. He had not even left her a note. She felt disappointed and stupid, very stupid. She should not have expected more. After all, he had behaved wonderfully well the previous night; he had offered her his friendship, he had allowed her to express her feelings without making her feel uncomfortable at any moment, and he had understood her, and respected her in a moment of weakness that many others would have taken advantage of. But that was where it all ended. They were not boyfriend and girlfriend, or lovers. Just work colleagues and friends.

  She thought that she ought to be feeling happy. Carlos was the first person she had considered a true friend in a long time, perhaps in all her life. So, why was she feeling so disappointed? What was it that she really wanted? Perhaps she had fallen in love with him? She thought that that was impossible. Carlos was the prototypical anti-boyfriend for her, and besides, she did not need any man in her life. They would not work well together; they would end up killing each other within a week. But, if that was how it was, why did it hurt her so much the fact that he had not said goodbye? She convinced herself that those thoughts were just down to the long days at work; to the failure of the previous night; to how vulnerable she was feeling. She would feel better once a few days had gone by and she had got back to focusing on work.

  Convinced of these reasons, she returned to the living room. On the telephone, a red light was flashing, telling her that she had a message. She had slept so deeply that she had not even heard it ring. She lifted the receiver and heard the message:

  “Natalia, it’s Carlos. I had to leave because I had work to do at the station. I’ll be over by two with Gus,” the line fell silent and, after a few seconds, she heard his voice again, hesitant. “I hope you’re all right, I’m sorry to have left like that... I thought it would be better to let you sleep... Anyway, I’ll be with you as soon as I can. Bye.”

  Natalia hung up and smiled. She had felt a knot forming in her stomach just hearing his voice. Maybe she cared about him more than she wanted to admit.

  ***

  Carlos and Gus arrived half an hour later, and they all sat down in the living room, with their papers organised in front of them, and their cigarettes smoking away in their fingers. Natalia and Gus were very serious, as if waiting for Carlos to speak first.

  "Well, we don't know how long it's going to take us to catch Charon,” began Carlos, seriously, "I hope it's not long, but last night’s scene could be repeated many times over. For that reason, if you don't want or can't go through that again, I'll understand."

  "I want to carry on, I think we’ll get him in the end," said Natalia defending herself, worried at having shown herself to be so vulnerable the previous night.

  "Don't get all defensive. I want us to carry on too. The only thing I want to make clear is that if anyone wants to step back, they'll be in their rights to do so.”

  "I don't want to step back. This is a personal matter. I'm going to feel just as badly for the death of each one of his victims whether I am in the investigation or not. But at least I know that right now I'm doing everything I can," replied Natalia in a firm tone.

  "Okay, and what do you think, Gus?" asked Carlos.

  “I think that I haven't read all of that nonsense just to leave now. For me too, it’s a personal matter."

  "Good, thank you, both of you," Carlos smiled, satisfied. "I know what happened last night has affected us, but we ought to have been prepared. This isn't a game; we're pursuing a killer, and killers kill. And this one will try and do it again. That's why, even if at times we may feel furious or frustrated, we need to be certain that we’re doing everything we can to catch him and that, in addition, we're doing it well," he paused in silence, in order to observe them. They both nodded and continued waiting. "Tomorrow I have to question Patricia's parents, and a female friend who was with her shortly before she was killed. I'll try to get all of the information possible, and bring the computer. Natalia, when will you have t
he results of the post-mortem?"

  "I imagine I'll have the preliminary results by Tuesday."

  "Good, I spoke yesterday with Aguirre about the psychiatric reports you asked for. He went through the roof, but you'll have them mid-way through the week. I hope this is of some use to us for something. By the way, they've let Eneko free now; I think it's been proven that he is innocent, unless he’s capable of killing someone from a cell."

  "And what about me, what am I going to do? Carry on reading the web chats?" Gus did not seem prepared to protest again about having to carry out the task, but in his expression one could read his conviction that the whole thing would be fruitless for them.

  “I'm sorry, but you'll have to. We can't risk any piece of information escaping our attention for the sake of not having read the whole thing,” answered Carlos. "In any case, if you have any other ideas, you only have to say. We're open to any suggestion."

  "Well there is one thing I’ve been thinking about, but it could be risky,” replied Gus, indecisively.

  “Say it. Don't worry."

  "Well, I could create an account in ICQ with a girl’s name and send him a message. If I get him to respond to me, I'll be able to trace his message like I did with yours from San Sebastian, and find out his IP. Then you would just need a warrant in order to find out which telephone had been assigned that IP on that day and at that hour.”

  “And where is the risk?” asked Natalia.

  "Well, it might not work. If he's even a little smart, it'll be protected. And it's possible that he could get suspicious if somebody wants to chat with him all of a sudden. If I were a killer, wanted by the police, I wouldn't talk with anybody I hadn't chosen personally. The danger is that, if he gets scared, he could change his account, and we would lose his trace."