by Anne Mercier
"Ectopic," the woman with the ultrasound machine announces.
The doctor nods. "Let’s go people." They wheel her out of the room, leaving behind a chaotic mess and a pool of Sera’s blood.
A hand touches my shoulder and I look up to find a nurse speaking to me.
"Sir. Are you alright?" she asks.
"Cage Nichols," I tell her. "But yeah, yeah. It’s not my blood."
"That’s not what I meant, but that’s good to know. It’s going to be a while for Serafina’s surgery. What do you say we find you a pair of scrubs and you can use the staff showers, Mr. Nichols."
I nod. "Thanks."
"I’ll be back with the scrubs. Serafina’s sister is asking for you."
I look down at myself. Good God. Is this what I want Lucy to see when she’s already fragile with those babies? I sigh. I have no choice. She deserves answers.
"I’ll at least wash my hands first." I head to the sink and watch as the clear water pours from the faucet but swirls down the drain a dark pinkish-red. My Fee’s blood. Her blood on my hands. This was something I couldn’t protect her from and I feel so fucking helpless. She needs me to be strong. So does Lucy and the rest of them. I need to call Giovanni. He’s going to lose his shit even worse than I am.
I dry my hands and walk out the doors of the restricted area of the ER. Lucy gasps so loudly it’s nearly a scream.
"Fuck," Jesse mutters.
I shake my head. "She lost a lot of blood. A lot of blood. They took her up to surgery and said something about an ectopic pregnancy. I have no idea what that means but the nurse went to get me some scrubs so I can shower and I’ll get more information from her."
Lucy nods as she sobs. "Is she going to make it?"
I just look at Lucy. In truth, I don’t know. But this is one of those times when I think it’s okay to lie—even though it goes against everything I know.
"She will. It’s Sera. She’s strong and a fighter."
Lucy nods and Jesse pulls her close.
"Where are the rest?" I ask, looking for the other band members—family members. They’re family.
"They’re in the waiting room just past the desk," Jesse tells me.
I nod. The nurse walks up carrying the scrubs.
"I think these should fit, Mr. Nichols. Are you ready?"
"One moment. Lucy, has anyone called—"
"Already done," Jesse interrupts.
I nod. "Good. I’ll just get cleaned up."
"Okay," Lucy cries softly. "Thank you, Cage."
"I didn’t do anything, Lucy."
"You did. You held her and loved her when she needed you to. She won’t forget that," Lucy says with a sniffle.
I nod and swallow hard. I can’t and won’t lose the tight restraint I’ve practiced for so long. I need to shower and center myself. I won’t lose control. It took me too many years to find it.
Sera
Wait For Me by Theory of a Deadman
"Serafina."
I sit upright in a flash. "Mommy?"
"Shh, Sera. You’ve had quite a time of it the last few weeks, haven’t you?" my mom asks as she presses my head to her shoulder and strokes my hair.
"Am I in my dream again? Or am I dead this time?"
A deep chuckle behind me makes me smile. "You ask the same question every time we visit you," daddy teases.
I turn and hug him tightly.
"Well, I never know. One of these times I will be dead and knowing me, it’ll be the one time I don’t ask and won’t be able to go back—oh no." Panic sets in. "I have to get back. Cage. The baby."
"Sera, calm down," mommy tells me. "You need to stay here for a few minutes. Your body’s struggling right now and the last thing it needs is to deal with you fighting your way out."
Tears well and I whisper, "Out of what?"
"My baby girl," my dad begins and I know it’s bad.
"I lost the baby, didn’t I?" I don’t know why I’m asking. Confirmation? Glutton? I need to hear it to make it real?
"Yes, baby, you did," he tells me. A sob bursts out of me so unexpectedly it rattles my entire body. My dad just pulls me into his embrace, onto his lap, and rocks me like he did when I was little. My mom cries silently next to us, rubbing my back.
It feels like I’ve been sobbing for hours and I’m a snotty mess. My mom hands me some tissue and I sit up to blow my nose. I have never blown my nose in a ladylike manner. When I blow my nose it’s a full-power blow to get every bit of snot out that I can. Why try to be dainty and waste time while doing so? Just freaking blow and move on. Granted, it’s loud and can be annoying, but it’s how I roll.
"Can I see?" I ask, not knowing what I’ll be seeing if they’re able to show me.
My mom looks to my dad, who lets out a sigh.
"You have to stay here for now, no matter what you see. No fighting me on this, Serafina," my dad tells me.
I swallow hard and nod, knowing it’s going to be bad—very bad.
They lead me to the edge of the floor but what looks like a hologram from Star Trek or something forms.
I see Cage run his hands through his hair as he sits in the waiting room, Lucy curled into Jesse, quietly crying. Everyone sitting there together, praying.
"It’s odd seeing a bunch of rockstars pray," I murmur absently.
"Why? You’re a rockstar, aren’t you?" my mom asks.
"I guess, in a way."
"And you pray, do you not?"
I nod at her. "I do. I prayed so hard when it was Lucy fighting for her life. She told me she was here with you."
"Yes. We’re only allowed contact when we’re needed. This was—unexpected," she tells me, rubbing my back.
I nod. "Where am I? What are they doing to me?"
My dad steps closer. "You’re in surgery."
"What? Why? Why do I need surgery?" I begin to panic and now I understand the panic, frustration, and fear I see on Cage’s face.
"We don’t know that and won’t until we know if you make it out. It’s not your time yet, Serafina, which is why we needed to bring you here to keep you calm. You need to remain calm so your body rests while the doctors do whatever it is they need to do to help you," my mom tells me in such an anguished tone, tears begin to fall steadily down my cheeks.
I nod. "I need to make it out. Cage—"
My dad touches my cheek. "He knew."
My gaze snaps to his. "What?"
"He knew."
"But I thought he only suspected."
"The man is intelligent, Serafina. It’s why you fell in love with him," my dad tells me. "You’d never have the tolerance for someone who didn’t match your intelligence or strength."
"Daddy," I cry, "I’m not strong. I fake my way through. Every single day since you were—" I trail off, then swallow. "Every single day since then, I put on this false bravado and fake my way through everything. I’m scared of everything. I’m a coward," I admit.
My mom smiles softly. "Sera. Whether you fake your way through, as you say, or not, you make your way through each and every day no matter what life throws your way. That, my lovely girl, is courage."
I shake my head.
"It is. Trust in yourself, Serafina."
A bright light flickers in the distance.
"Trust in Cage," my dad tells me, watching me closely. "He loves you, Sera. He would never betray you."
I frown. "Why are you telling me this?"
"It’s time for you to go back. I told you once and I’ll tell you again my darling girl," my mother begins, "always trust your heart. It will never betray you."
"I love you."
"And we love you," my dad tells me, pulling me into a three-way hug.
Then it’s dark. I hurt. I’m back but my body, I groan, my baby. Our baby. I’m so sorry keeps repeating in my mind and I’m not sure which part I’m sorriest for most.
Cage
Come Wake Me Up by Rascal Flatts
I GET TO THE WAITING ROOM and everyone�
�s sitting in silence. Regina and Anthony make their way across the room.
"Oh, Cage," Regina cries softly, reaching up and cupping my cheeks. "What did they say about our girl?"
I run my hands through my hair when she pulls back and leans into Anthony.
"It was organized chaos so I didn’t catch too much of what was said. Just that she lost a lot of blood and something about an ectopic pregnancy."
Regina gasps and Lucy sobs. I know it’s not good. The nurse told me a little about ectopic pregnancies on the way to the showers. From what she described and the fact that Sera was hemorrhaging, I’m expecting the worst.
"Cage, dude, how did you get them to tell you anything?" Xander asks.
"He’s Cage Nichols, that’s how," Meggie tells him.
"No, it wasn’t quite that easy." My gaze cuts to Regina and Anthony. "I may have implied I was Sera’s husband."
Xander lets out a laugh. "Not a far stretch there."
I nod. True enough. Just a few words and a piece of paper. That’s the difference between marriage and what Sera and I have. Granted those words are important ones, but it’s all the same.
"Did they say how long it would take?" Lucy asks.
I just shake my head and head to a chair. It’s been a long fucking day already and I’m exhausted and wired at the same time. My phone alert goes off and I ignore it.
"Is Giovanni on his way?" I ask as I sink into the soft chair, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees.
"Yes. He’ll be here any minute," Anthony answers.
I nod and look around the room and notice Meggie staring at me. I raise a brow and she raises hers in return. I look down at myself and realize my arms are exposed and I’m sure they haven’t ever been when she’s been around. I shrug. I haven’t had the best life and the tattoos symbolize each part of my struggle in some form or another. They reveal everything I don’t want people to know about me, but unless you know the meaning, one will never know that—unless you’ve been through something similar.
"Nice ink," Meggie says.
I nod and run my fingers through my still-damp hair.
"Are you alright?" Jace asks.
I just meet his gaze and stare blankly for a while, unsure how to answer that. Am I alright?
"No."
Jace nods.
I won’t be alright until I know—something, anything. Shit. I get up and start pacing. Being helpless is the one thing I hate most. I spent too many years of my life that way.
I head to the nurse’s station and am greeted by the same nurse who took care of me before. Toni. Toni’s her name. A light bulb goes on. Why am I not surprised? She’s one of the staff who took care of Lucy in Denver. I think when this young nurse is recognized, Regina and Anthony are going find themselves in hot water.
"Any word?" I ask.
"I just got back from up there. The bleeding is under control and—" she breaks off as Giovanni steps up beside me.
"Please, continue," he requests.
She nods. "The bleeding is under control and while she’s—well, I wouldn’t call it stable, but... it’s better than it was earlier but she’s still critical. She flat-lined once already. They’re doing everything they can to expedite the surgery but because she was hemorrhaging, they had to do an open procedure versus the keyhole procedure."
I swallow. Hard. "Why was she bleeding so much?"
"Why don’t we go to the waiting room so I can explain this to the entire family?" Toni suggests.
I turn and see everyone looking out the door. I nod and we head into the room.
"Hello everyone. I’m Toni. I just checked in on Serafina’s status and surgery. They’ve found that she has an ectopic pregnancy. Basically an ectopic pregnancy is when the fertilized egg attaches itself to the fallopian tube, and rarely in the ovary or stomach. In Serafina’s case it was in her left fallopian tube. She should have been experiencing some pain to that side, gradually worsening, or it may have come on suddenly."
Jace frowns. "She said she’d been having some pain but she thought it was from the intense vomiting she’d been doing."
I nod. "It got violent at times."
Toni nods. "I see. With women who can withstand large amounts of pain, they often ignore the earlier symptoms and write them off as something minor—like muscle pain or strain. At any length, what happened was the fertilized egg got too big for Sera’s tube and the tube ruptured, causing massive vaginal and internal bleeding."
"Oh my God," Regina cries. "What does this mean?"
"I don’t have all the details but I do know they’d already begun to remove that fallopian tube once the bleeding was under control. I’m so sorry but there was no way for the fetus to survive," Toni says, laying a hand on my forearm.
Jesus. I’m not sure how I feel about that, how Fee will feel about that, but what I need to know now is, "Will Sera survive?"
Toni nods. "With the bleeding under control, I’d have to say yes."
"This surgery..." Xander begins, "...it saved her life?"
Toni nods again. "Yes. It did."
Xander swallows hard and nods, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears.
"I’ll keep you all posted and let you know as soon as she’s out of surgery. And before you say it, I know what you’d like for accommodations and they are already being made available," Toni tells us with a smile.
"Thank you," Giovanni says to the thin nurse as she leaves the room. "She’s strong, our Serafina."
"That she is," Anthony agrees.
Celeste stands from a chair in the corner. "I’m going to get some refreshments. Does anyone want anything?"
I request coffee and others let their wants known.
"I’ll go with you," Damian announces.
Giovanni gives me a look, one that tells me he has business to discuss, but I just shake my head. I can’t. Not now. My head isn’t in the game. Just thinking about Sera’s blood covering my hands... Sera’s blood on my hands. I pull in an unsteady breath as I rest my hands and forehead onto the cold wall. I’m not a man to show weakness but knowing I nearly lost her—hell, I did lose her even for a short while on that operating table... I focus—breathe and focus, strengthening my resolve, then pull away from the wall.
I turn to Giovanni who’s watching me closely. I nod slightly and he nods in return and we walk out of the waiting room. He leads me to a private office.
"Tell me straight," is how he begins.
So I tell him. All of it. "Gio, there was so much fucking blood I don’t know how she had any left in her body." I pace back and forth. "This Toni, she’s one of ours. What is it exactly she does?"
"She’s a nurse," Giovanni explains. "One who is working her way through medical school so her knowledge is well-rounded, though she’s going to specialize in the OB/GYN field, at least that’s what she told me last time we spoke. She has much more schooling to go before she decides."
I nod and continue pacing, my mind on Sera.
"She’s alive, Cage."
I nod. Thank God. The darkness is already blurring at the edges at just the possibility of not having her in my life. I imagine it’d surround and envelop me in its gloominess, transporting me back to who I was before her.
"I can’t go back there. Without her, I will," I admit to one of the three people I trust.
Giovanni clamps a hand over my shoulder and squeezes slightly. "You won’t have to worry about that."
I nod. "We need to get this shit with Carina handled. I know she’s a threat to Sera and I don’t like it. I don’t know who she’s paid off or fucked into betraying us."
His mouth flattens. "She will be dealt with. Those we trust are going over security of your home as we speak. Then we will decide the next step."
I nod. "I’m going to marry her, Giovanni."
He smiles. "And you have my blessing. You’ve had it for a very long time."
I raise a brow in question.
The old man chuckles. I call him old, but in truth, Gi
ovanni Russo is only in his early sixties but looks as if he were in his forties. The Russo family all seem to age well. That’s a secret I’d like to be privy to.
"I knew from the moment you set eyes on our Serafina she was the one for you and you for her. Both so stubborn, strong, and determined. I saw the look you gave her, and when she finally met you, I saw hers. It was as if you both discovered the part of you that was missing."
I grunt. That’s the truth. That’s exactly what it felt like, what it still feels like. And when that part of me is hurt, bleeding, and fighting for life, I want more than anything to breathe my life into her and make her whole again.
"Now," Giovanni says with a laugh, "all you have to do is convince Serafina."
"Laugh it up, Gio," I tell him with a smirk.
"I am and I will. I’m not so sure that our Serafina won’t surrender herself so easily. Think of the struggle it’s been to get this far," he finishes with a snicker.
"No shit," I smirk. "I think that’s part of why I love her."
"It’s exactly why you love each other."
"YOU TWO CAN GO FIRST," Toni tells me and Giovanni while the rest of the family are still making their way to the room. "She’s still asleep but she’s stable. She should wake up any time now."
"Thanks," I murmur and make my way into the room. Giovanni curses under his breath as I take Sera’s hand in mine.
"I’m spending too much time in the hospital due to my granddaughters, Serafina," he scolds softly. "I’m thankful you will be okay."
I lean forward and run my nose along Sera’s cheek. "Fee," I breathe into her ear, my breath shuddering out, as my heart and soul settle back into place with each beat of her heart, each breath she takes. "I love you, Fee. I know I haven’t told you that yet, and I should have. A long time ago. But I do. I love you and," I pause, swallowing hard, "I won’t make it a day without you. So, you rest easy now and heal. Take your time and know I’ll be here waiting for you. I’ll always be here waiting for you."
I kiss her cheek softly, the tip of her nose, then her lips. My heart aches at the sight of the woman I love so pale and fragile in the hospital bed. Serafina is normally neither of those things and I think that’s why this is so hard. Maybe it’s just hard because... it is.