Secrets

by Steel, Danielle

  She threw back her head and laughed. I thought that poor woman was going to pee in her pants. She meant Jane, and Mel understood.

  Sabina, he chided her gently, be nice to her ' she won't do you any harm. You can afford to be generous with her.

  I don't have the patience for people like that.

  She could be any of us. She's unsure of herself, and shy, and desperate to please.

  Sabina tossed her golden mane. I can't even imagine it. I told you, she's a mouse. I eat mice. She kissed him again. Among other things.

  You're a bad girl. But he liked her just the way she was, tantalizing him with her lips, and her body, and her eyes.

  She set down her glass and unbuttoned his evening shirt. I missed you tonight.

  What do you mean?

  I felt silly playing games, pretending I barely know you' . But they both knew it was for the best, as her tongue darted across his bare chest and he closed his eyes, swept up by desire for her. He easily unbuttoned the gray satin dress. It buttoned on her shoulders, and with the release of four buttons, he slid the evening gown down to her thighs, as he opened his eyes to look at her.

  My God, you're beautiful' . He spoke in hushed tones, wondering if he'd ever get used to her, or if he'd ever have the chance. He was hungry for her all the time, and as she stood up and the dress fell to the floor, he saw that she had been wearing nothing underneath. The very thought of how she had been sitting next to him all night suddenly made him feel weak, all that exquisite naked flesh so close to him, and now as she spread her legs to tantalize him, he leaned forward and expertly enchanted her with his tongue. She pressed his face between her legs, and moved rhythmically as she moaned, and he gently caressed her buttocks as he excited her more and more, darting his tongue in and out, making her beg for him, and then as she screamed, he undressed hurriedly, and lay down next to her on the thick fur rug in her living room. They lay there side by side as he excited her again, with his fingers, with his tongue, and then entered her, driving her to new heights until he met her there, and together they sailed into space as she screamed again, seemingly endlessly this time, until finally she lay spent in his arms, and he looked down at her, pleased, running his hands through her long blond hair.

  Her voice was even deeper than usual when she spoke to him tod looked up at him with a limp smile. They're going to ask me to move out, if we don't stop doing this. He smiled.

  You can always move in with me, if they do. He was hoarse with pleasure, and they lay together on the rug for a long time. They were a good match, physically as well in other ways. He wanted nothing from her, and she wanted very little from him. She already had what she wanted, the starring role in the show, and she would have had it anyway. But they enjoyed what they gave each other, and neither of them wanted anything more. No promises, no dreams, nothing to last an eternity. Just right now.

  Will you come to Paris with me, Mel? She rolled over on her side to look at him, and she looked amazingly young.

  I'll try. I can't stay there with you for the whole three weeks though, but I'll do what I can.

  Good. She smiled and closed her eyes. Life was being so good to her these days, and they lay side by side until the dawn, when he drove back to Bel-Air again.

  Chapter 15

  Mel sent her to Paris on the Concorde, and Sabina boarded it in Washington, D.C., with all the fanfare imaginable. Photographers, press, a new mink coat over her arm, a private gift from him. And she was met in Paris by a Rolls-Royce limousine, which drove her to the Plaza Ath+!n+!e on the Avenue Montaigne, where he had rented a suite of rooms for her. There was an international press conference the next day, and then she was whisked away to her first series of fittings with Fran+oois Brac. He was an intense little man with a mustache and gray hair and he had been dressing duchesses and movie stars for thirty years. And the wardrobe he had planned for Sabina was fit for a queen. She was delighted with almost all of it, and what she didn't like, she changed. And Mel arrived the following week, also on the Concorde, and he had rented his own suite of rooms, but he stayed with her every night. And only the chambermaids knew but there was no reason for them to tell anyone, and they were used to such things.

  They had lunch at the Relais-Plaza or Fouquet's, and dinner at Maxim's, and the Tour d'Argent, and two nights in a row, they stayed in bed making love and ordered dinner in their rooms. It was the most fabulous three weeks in her life, and she hated to go back to L.A., but the fittings were done, and Mel insisted he had to get back. He had a lot of work to do, and so did she. Rehearsals were due to begin the following week, and in a month, they were all leaving for New York. Life was very interesting these days. For Sabina anyway.

  For Jane, it was sheer hell, and mostly drudgery. It was difficult to believe that she was going to be one of the stars of biggest show on the air, the following year. Waiting for rehearsals to begin, she had almost nothing to do. Fran+oois Brac's assistant had flown to L.A. to take her measurements, make sketches of her, take photographs, and then had gone back to Paris to create a wardrobe for her. But all of her fittings were scheduled to be in L. A. once rehearsals began, and in the meantime, she had nothing to do, except take care of her house, and attempt to make friends with her daughters again. Which was to no avail. They wanted none of it. They didn't want to hear about the show, and they were threatening to move in with Jack, but Jane wouldn't hear of it. They were her daughters and they belonged with her. She wanted to work things out with them. And she also wanted Jack to calm down. But that was hopeless these days. He had come to the house to see her, and she had been prepared for him. She had found the pistol he had forgotten in his desk. He had always liked to have a gun around just in case and he had forgotten it. But Jane had not. And when he had come after her again, she had pulled the gun on him.

  And if you ever touch me again, I'll kill you. Do you hear that? She had been crying, but calm, gulping sobs with each word, and he was furious, but he hadn't come back again. And after that, she'd changed the locks. The papers had been filed, and she had three months left to stay in the house. She had refused to buy it from him. She didn't want anything from him. She didn't need him anymore, and she was tired of being treated like a tramp. She wasn't a tramp, and never had been, and that was what she steadfastly continued to tell the girls. But he had poisoned their minds, and they didn't believe anything she said. Although she was totally honest with them. And her son wouldn't even talk to her now. She even told them all about the show she had done for almost eleven years. And they were shocked. How could they not have known? How could she have lied to their father that way? She tried to explain that it was because she was afraid of him, because he didn't understand what was important to her. She tried to explain it all to them, but they were determined not to understand and to torture her. They barely spoke to her, and after dinner every night, they went to their rooms. She felt like an outcast in her own home, and it was a huge relief when Zack Taylor called and invited her to lunch one day. It felt like a reprieve, and a reminder of a better life in a different world. He offered to pick her up, but she said she would meet him in town. He suggested La Serre in the Valley for lunch, and Jane was thrilled as she hung up the phone. She bought a new dress, a sexy-looking knit dress in flattering shade of green, and her figure looked remarkable as she put it on with brand-new high heels. She had had her hair cut recently, and she felt like a new woman as she walked into the restaurant, and almost laughed out loud as she saw people stare when he kissed her hello. Everyone knew who he was, and suddenly everyone wanted to know her. Zack introduced her to the headwaiter as his new co-star, and they both ordered white wine instead of drinks, and then they chatted about the show. She made him laugh with tales of Brac's assistant, his accent and his quirks, and his complaints about Americans.

  I wonder how Sabina fared over there with Brac himself. He laughed at the thought and then shook his head. Although I suspect that she can take care of herself. And so could he, he was so smooth that
Jane couldn't believe he had invited her to have lunch with him. He was charming and elegant, and he seemed to know everyone, and everyone knew him. She felt like Cinderella in a fairy tale. One day she was washing the kitchen floor and ironing for the girls, and the next here she was with one of the biggest stars in Hollywood.

  Some days I just can't believe this is happening to me.

  You deserve every bit of it. You know I used to watch that crazy soap opera of yours. I just never realized it was you.

  Her eyes grew wider at what he said. You did? I never would have recognized you without the wig.

  That was the whole point. She told him about Jack, and his refusal to let her work.

  How has he adjusted now? Pretty well?

  Jane hesitated for a moment and then decided to tell him the truth. He walked out on me when I took the part.

  Are you serious? Zack looked shocked.

  Yes. She looked chagrined, but she was no longer as upset as she had been at first. It was beginning to dawn on her that she might be well rid of him. After twenty years. Maybe it's just as well. But it's kind of screwed things up with my kids. They all hold me responsible, and sometimes I feel guilty as hell for doing this, but I couldn't live a lie anymore, for him. And, well ' there were other things'

  There always are, He seemed to understand everything, and she was touched by his gentleness.

  Are you divorced, Zack? Everyone was in Hollywood, at least once if not more. But he shook his head.

  No, I'm not. I've never been married. I'm a forty-six-year-old virgin. He grinned and she laughed. That he clearly was not. He was the most desirable man in town. And she supposed that had made it too easy for him not to get tied down. She couldn't blame him. Why not? How old are your kids?

  Jason is eighteen and at UC Santa Barbara, the girls are fourteen and sixteen she sighed and very difficult these days. Jack has poisoned them against me.

  They'll get over it. Wait till their mom is the hottest thing on TV. Their friends will be crawling all over them, and you'll start looking pretty good to them again. Kids are very vulnerable to that. She wondered how he knew, and hoped he was right. It was unbearable living with them the way things were. But she refused to give them up.

  He asked if she had seen the rest of cast since their dinner at Me's, and she said she had not. When Zack said he'd had lunch with Gabby the week before, Jane was disappointed. She realized that he was only trying to make friends with the rest of them, and probably not attracted to her. It had been foolish to hope that he was, a man like him after all. But he invited her to lunch again the following week, and asked where she was staying in New York. They had given him a choice between the Carlyle and the Pierre, and he thought he might prefer being uptown, and wanted to know what she thought.

  She laughed. It all sounds good to me. She told him she was going to have the girls meet her over the holidays, although her son refused to come. He was going skiing with his father. But she had insisted about the girls.

  Then stay at the Carlyle?

  Will you be staying for Christmas too? They were getting four days off, and she had no reason to come back, but he was vague and said he probably thought he would come home. She watched him carefully as they had lunch, he was incredibly good-looking and she wasn't sure why he had asked her out, to make friends, or for something more. But he didn't invite her out at night, and she was just grateful to have lunch with him. As she waited for rehearsals, life continued to be pretty bleak. And then suddenly, everything started to happen all at once. She was packing for New York. Her wardrobe arrived from Brac, Mel and Sabina came home, although separately. And the girls went to stay with Jack for the duration of her trip.

  And the next thing she knew, she was on the plane with the rest of them and they were flying to New York and shooting was about to begin. There were sixty of them flying east, on a chartered flight, production assistants, technicians, actors, cameramen. There would be additional crew hired on in New York, but this was approximately half of them. They drank gallons of wine, and people sang and talked and began making friends, as Sabina chatted with Mel and Zack, ignoring the rest of them, while Jane talked to Bill. Gabby sat by herself despite Jane's attempts to draw her into their conversation. Bill was almost rude to Gabrielle as they flew east, and eventually Sabina borrowed someone's guitar and began singing filthy songs that made everyone laugh. This was a side of her they had never seen before. And when they landed they were all a little drunk. There were two buses for the crew, and three limousines for the rest of them. And Jane was pleased to discover that she and Zack and Gabby and Bill were all staying at the Carlyle, while Mel and Sabina had opted for the Pierre.

  Zack had dinner with Gabby and Jane in the hotel dining room but Bill preferred room service. He said he was tired and everyone forgot about him. After dinner they went to the Bemelmans Bar and chatted until almost one o'clock and then Zack urged them to get to bed. They had to be on location the next morning at six fifteen.

  Gabby said she needed some air, and insisted on walking around the block alone. She said she knew New York, and finally Zack let her go, rode up in the elevator with Jane.

  Tired? He looked solicitous and she smiled. She was crazy about him. As a friend. She no longer hoped for anything more than that from him. He obviously had other women in his life, and she liked just being his pal. He was someone who cared about what she thought, what she felt. For the first time in twenty years, she was with a man who cared about her, even if he was only a friend. He made her feel good anyway.

  She smiled up at him. I'm too excited to be tired. I'm not even sure I can go to sleep. For them it was only ten o'clock, but she knew she'd regret it when she got up the next morning, if she didn't go to bed soon.

  The call sheets had been distributed that day on the plane, telling them what scenes they'd be shooting the next day, and which actors were playing in what order. It was all new and exciting to Jane. She'd never been on location before.

  I think we're on first, he reminded her. But they'd rehearsed the scene several times in L.A., and they were both comfortable about it.

  Yeah, then you and Bill, Sabina, me and Gabby' She had memorized it all and he smiled down at her and gently touched her cheek.

  You can relax ' it's not going to go away ' probably not for a very long time, knowing Mel. He only knows how to make hits.

  I hope you're right.

  You know I am. The elevator stopped on her floor and he got out with her and walked her to her door. This is just the beginning for you, Jane. Of a whole new life you deserve more than anyone I know. She stopped outside her room and looked seriously up at him.

  You're the nicest man I know, Zachary.

  No, I'm not. He looked sad, and she was troubled by the look in his eyes, wondering what could cause him to look as unhappy as that. It was the first time she had seen him that way.

  Yes, you are. You've been there for me, when I needed a friend desperately.

  I'm glad. He looked gently down at her, then opened the door for her with her key. Now get some sleep, beautiful, or the Dragon Lady will eat you up tomorrow. He laughed and Jane groaned. Sabina still scared the hell out of her.

  Don't say that. She'll hear you all the way down at the Pierre.

  Never fear. She's got bigger fish to fry. He had long since figured out that she was having an affair with Mel, but he wasn't one to talk. He had his own problems to worry about. And why not? If that was what she wanted, why the hell not? Good night, sweet girl. Zack kissed Jane's cheek and a moment later he was back in the elevator again thinking of people far away, and a distant time when choices had been made. But Jane kept coming to his mind again, and again, and when he got to his room, he called room service, and ordered a drink.

  Chapter 16

  The first day of shooting was fraught with activity and everyone's nerves were taut. Horoscopes had been read. Superstitions were being catered to. Sabina had refused to make love with Mel the night before, for
fear that it would leave her looking tired. Everyone had done all the quirky little things actors did when they first began shooting. In time they'd all relax, but not for a while yet.

  The call sheets had been distributed the day before, showing that only four scenes were being shot, although some days there would be six, or even seven, or eight. But they had to get started. They were shooting at headquarters for IBM, in the lobby and on the twenty-seventh floor, and the view of New York stretched out behind them from upstairs was incredible. The first scene was to be shot in the lobby, between Zack and Jane, and she was terrified as she rehearsed her lines with him again. She had been over them a hundred times the night before, and she and Zack had rehearsed plenty of times in L.A., but she was afraid she would freeze and forget everything.

  Relax, he whispered, on his way to one of the trailers outside to have his makeup done. It was just after six thirty, and they had all arrived on time in three limousines. Even Sabina had come looking very professional in a black sweater and jeans. All the clothes for her scenes were hung in a separate trailer. She had her own wardrobe room, unlike Jane, whose clothes were hung from a pole that stretched between two windows in her trailer dressing room. Jane was wearing a white dress in her first scene, her hair had already been done, and she was wearing a huge plastic smock to protect her dress as the makeup woman finished her face. Zack had stopped in just for a minute to drop her a word of encouragement, and it cheered her just seeing him. He was always there when she needed him. He seemed to be there for everyone, which was rare for a star. Always friendly, always polite, never complaining, and yet somehow keeping his distance from everyone. Even after their lunches in L.A., Jane felt as though she barely knew him, yet she liked him very much. And he was always so kind to her.

  More coffee, Miss Adams? A production assistant came through to make sure everything was all right, and Jane could almost feel a hum in the air. She had caught a glimpse of Gabby and Bill. Gabrielle looked serious, and Bill, as usual, looked handsome but surly. She wondered what his problem was. It was obvious to everyone that he had one. He was getting to be known as the loner in their midst.