Bette Midler

by Mark Bego

  As the Disney Corporation’s favorite leading lady, in 1999 Bette made yet another appearance in one of the company’s films. This time around, it was in the long-awaited sequel to the company’s most famous experimental classic, Fantasia (1940).

  The original and renown eight-segment film had teamed state-of-the-art animation with classical music to create a timeless gem. With Leopold Stokowski and the Philadelphia Orchestra providing the soundtrack, in 1940 the Disney animators pulled out all the stops to bring them to life with imaginative hand-illustrated screen images. “Dance of the Hours” was presented with hippos and alligators doing a ballet, “Night on Bald Mountain” presented a confrontation between good and evil, and “Tocotta and Fugue” became an abstract visual montage of colors and shapes. However, the best-known segment found Disney’s leading man, Mickey Mouse, mixing with magic on “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.” As the hapless apprentice, the heroic rodent battles against endless buckets of water that enchanted brooms carry—causing a massive flood. The original Fantasia film had a single narrator, Deems Taylor, who introduced the individual segments.

  It took nearly fifty years to mount a sequel, but the new film is a cinematic masterpiece worthy of bearing the name Fantasia 2000. In this fresh version, several of the stars, including Steve Martin, Quincy Jones, Penn & Teller, James Earl Jones, Angela Lansbury, and Bette Midler, are on hand to play host to the new classical segments.

  Fantasia 2000 includes several classic pieces and some modern masterpieces as well. George Gershwin’s “Rhapsody in Blue” here gets a Manhattanite scenario, artistically inspired by famed caricature artist Al Hirschfeld. And the original centerpiece of the original film, “Sorcerer’s Apprentice” is again presented here, immaculately restored with eye-popping colors—starring Mickey Mouse, who looks less grainy and more dazzlingly bright than ever before. Although Donald Duck was missing from the 1940 film, he makes a star turn here on the Sir Edward Elgar march: “Pomp & Circumstance—Marches 1, 2, 3 and 4.”

  Bette is on hand to introduce “The Steadfast Tin Soldier” by Hans Christian Anderson, set to Dmitri Shostakovich’s “Piano Concerto No. 2, Allegro Opus 102.” In her brief segment, she looks strikingly glamorous in a black dress and a gold lamé shawl. Her hair is still champagne blonde, but she has an orange spotlight on her, so she is photographed in a warm glow on camera.

  Standing on a soundstage against a turquoise blue backdrop, she explains on camera about all of the original Fantasia ideas that were scrapped along the way to completing this new animated masterpiece. According to Bette, these included Salvador Dali wanting to do a metaphor of life, comparing it to a baseball game; a darkly illustrated version of Wagner’s “Ride of the Valkyries”; a bug ballet; a baby ballet; and even a polka.

  In this particular Miss M-introduced segment, it is midnight and all of the toys are coming to life. The whirling music box ballerina and one of the small tin soldiers flirt with one another, while the evil jack-in-the-box jealously looks on and plots to get the soldier out of the picture—and right out of the moonlit room’s window. The action that unfolds, traces the soldier’s daunting path back to defend the ballerina from jack’s advances.

  Well, Bette had joked for the last fifteen years that she had been primarily working for Mickey Mouse. Now, at long last, here is Bette—literally starring with Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck!

  The next film Bette was seen in was a satirical comedy called Jackie’s Back. It was produced for broadcast on the Lifetime Cable Network and it originally aired June 14, 1999.

  Jackie’s Back is a mock documentary along the lines of comedy classics Spinal Tap and The Rutles. However, the act that is getting the whole Behind-the-Music routine, in this case, is the fictional Jackie Washington. In this full-length film we meet the host of the show-within-a-show: Portrait of a Diva, Edward Whatsett St. John (Tim Curry). He proceeds to present Jackie and several of the people from her eventful career and her colorful past.

  Jackie is portrayed by one of Bette’s former Harlettes, Jenifer Lewis. As another Harlette to find stardom, Lewis has since been one of the stars of such films as Corrina Corrina, The Preacher’s Wife, and What’s Love Got to Do with It? Her Jackie is a diva-out-of-control, and she clearly has a ball with this role.

  The over-the-top script presents Washington as something of a walking tabloid headline waiting to happen. Among the skeletons from the closet is an examination of Jackie being accused of stabbing her husband in the head with an “Afro pick” haircomb. When the cameras catch up with the ex-husband, his forehead still has the comb’s tooth scars in it. The documentary follows Jackie in her path toward a big comeback performance. Some claim she is a legend, others claim she is little more than a “boozing has-been.”

  A who’s who of Hollywood and the music business are featured in the documentary. Either playing roles or playing themselves, celebrities show up discussing Jackie—mostly in a scandalous way. Ricki Lake, Jackie Collins, Grace Slick, Liza Minnelli, and Taylor Dane were among the dozens of cameo appearances in Jackie’s Back. Mary Wilson of the Supremes is in the film as Jackie’s third-grade teacher, Vesta Crotchley. Said Wilson of Jackie: “She had the largest boobs—breasts, I have ever seen on an eight-year-old child.”

  Her bitter older sister Ethyl (Whoopi Goldberg) complains loudly about how Jackie’s career should have been hers. Julie Haggerty, of Airplane! fame, plays Pammy Dunbar, a ditzy pitchwoman, selling “Essence of Jackie” hair relaxer with Washington on a TV infomercial gone bad. It is directly followed by country star Dolly Parton complaining on camera that it was “Essence of Jackie” that nearly killed her dog.

  And, amidst it all, along comes Bette. Playing herself, she is interviewed on camera and doesn’t miss a chance to “dish” legendary soul singer Jackie. She relates a story about how she had to share a dressing room with Jackie at an industry event. Jackie supposedly recoiled at being hugged by Bette. Midler called her a “racist,” who thinks that white people all smell like white potato chips. “A fucking nightmare,” is how Miss M describes the dressing room debacle. “I was devastated!” she claimed, “I don’t smell like white potato chips. I have always prided myself on, on, on, on smelling flowery.” According to Bette, the revenge came when she next ran into Jackie. This time it was Washington who was stinking—drunk, that is—“She was reeking of gin!” proclaimed a gloating Midler.

  Jackie’s Back was directed by Robert Townsend (The Five Heartbeats, B.A.P.S.), and the musical director was Marc Shaiman. It was a funny and amusing film, enlivened by Miss M’s presence. Jackie’s Back originally ran on USA Cable network and was later released on DVD (2002).

  In her third 1999 big screen appearance, Bette was one of the stars to be interviewed for the real-life video documentary Get Bruce. The film was produced and directed by Andrew J. Kuehn; the subject of the 73-minute video portrait was Bette Midler’s long-time joke writer Bruce Vilanch. In the two decades since he first worked with Miss M, he had moved from Chicago to Hollywood, where he wrote scripts for Donny & Marie Osmond’s 1970s TV series, The Brady Bunch’s musical TV specials, and a host of stars in need of carefully tailored jokes for their live acts, movies, or TV show appearances.

  Several of the media stars whom Vilanch has closely worked with appear on camera, chatting, reminiscing, and making jokes to and about Vilanch. In addition to Bette Midler, Get Bruce also features a glittering cast of subjects, including Raquel Welch, Nathan Lane, Lily Tomlin, Billy Crystal, Whoopi Goldberg, Rosanne, Shirley MacLaine, and Paul Reiser. Even Ann Margaret gets into the act, as she sings the film’s theme song, “Get Bruce.”

  The premise of the movie is that whenever they are invited to say something witty in public, they all come to the same solution: “Get Bruce!”—he’ll write the jokes.

  An unlikely star, thanks to his frequent TV appearances on the twenty-first-century version of Hollywood Squares (produced by Whoopi Goldberg), Vilanch has become a nationally noted media star. For the most part, Bruce loo
ks like a rotund, gay teddy bear with a beard, who has what looks like unkempt and curly mop-like blonde “Tina Turner” hair plopped on his head. In this documentary portrait, he proves to be as good a stand-up comic as he is a writer. Bruce always seems poised and ready to deliver his stream-of-consciousness schtick.

  Bette played a raving harpy of a wife in the 1986 comedy hit Ruthless People. She played Barbara Stone, a woman who is kidnapped. However, her husband doesn’t want her back, and she is such a terror that her kidnappers have to keep lowering the ransom. (Courtesy of Laurel Moore for Touchstone Pictures / MJB Photo Archives)

  When a captive Midler is locked in a basement with gym equipment, she puts herself on an exercise regime, and turns the table on her captors in Ruthless People. The 1986 film was part of a cinematic winning streak for the actress. (Courtesy of Laurel Moore for Touchstone Pictures / MJB Photo Archives)

  Lily Tomlin and Bette Midler teamed up to play two sets of mismatched twins in the 1987 comedy Big Business. Two Midlers and two Tomlins spelled double trouble and double laughs for the pair. (Courtesy of Laurel Moore for Touchstone Pictures / MJB Photo Archives)

  Midler and Woody Allen played a battling husband and wife in the 1991 film Scenes from a Mall. While shopping for their anniversary party, they each learn that the other is having an extramarital affair. (Courtesy of Brian Hamill for Touchstone Pictures / MJB Photo Archives)

  The film For the Boys was a dream project for Bette. Starring with James Caan, she was also the producer of the film. Although the role gained her a second Academy Award nomination, the movie was a huge box-office disappointment. (Courtesy of Francois Duhamel for Twentieth Century Fox / MJB Photo Archives)

  Playing USO entertainer Dixie Leonard in For the Boys, Bette really threw herself into the role. It was the perfect movie to let her sing several classic Johnny Mercer songs from the 1940s. She won a Golden Globe for her starring role in the film. (Courtesy of Francois Duhamel for Twentieth Century Fox / MJB Photo Archives)

  Goldie Hawn, Diane Keaton, and Bette Midler play three women out for revenge when they are each dumped by their husbands in the 1996 comedy hit The First Wives Club. (Courtesy of Andy Schwartz for Paramount Pictures / MJB Photo Archives)

  By the end of First Wives Club, the trio of Diane, Goldie, and Bette are triumphant in their plot for revenge against their ex-husbands. All dressed in white, the trio erupts into a self-empowering version of the song “You Don’t Own Me.” The First Wives Club was the biggest hit film in Bette’s entire film career, grossing more than $100 million dollars at the box office. When she staged a concert called Diva Las Vegas the following year, Midler sang of her screen success in this movie “I’m in a hit, a big fucking hit BABY!” (Courtesy of Andy Schwartz for Paramount Pictures / MJB Photo Archives)

  Dennis Farina plays Bette’s ex-husband in That Old Feeling. When they meet again at the wedding of their daughter, they begin arguing, but their altercation somehow rekindles their once-hot lust for each other. (Courtesy of Takashi Seida for Universal Pictures / MJB Photo Archives)

  In the 2000 film Isn’t She Great, Bette Midler played Valley of the Dolls author Jacqueline Susann, with Nathan Lane as her husband Irving Mansfield. (Courtesy of Photofest)

  Miss M took a big gamble in 2000 when she starred in her own network TV series, Bette—and lost. Milder and her co-stars (left to right): James Dreyfus, Joanna Gleason, Lindsay Lohan, and Kevin Dunn. (Courtesy of Photofest)

  In the year 2000 Midler was the star of her own weekly television series, starred in two films (Drowning Mona and Isn’t She Great), and released her eighteenth album, entitled Bette. To quote the multi-million-selling, award-winning diva herself: “I’m beautiful—DAMN IT!” (Courtesy of Greg Gorman for Warner Brothers Records / MJB Photo Archives)

  While most of his famous clients have their own trademark “look,” Bruce has his own as well. He is never seen in public without being dressed in a T-shirt—one tackier than the next. For formal occasions, Vilanch simply puts a sport coat on over the tacky T-shirt. This amusing documentary is loosely in the vein of “a day in the live of . . .” and it follows Vilanch from his abode, and his wall of T-shirts, to on-camera encounters with his famed clients.

  “For years, I never said a word that Bruce didn’t charge me for,” claims Midler (171). As she explains the evolution of her work with him, “Bruce hitched himself to my wagon.” According to her, she met him when she was at Mr. Kelly’s in Chicago and instantly said to him, “You got any lines?” He has been writing gag lines for her ever since. It was Bruce who originally introduced Bette to the “blue” comedy of Sophie Tucker and Belle Barth. Tucker and Barth were both grand dames who would tell a filthy joke on stage with flair. Thanks to Vilanch, her “Soph” character was a fusion of these ladies’ scandalous acts.

  Apparently, Vilanch has been putting words in Midler’s mouth ever since. She says on camera here: “Bruce was the first man to put something in my mouth that actually made us both money!”

  Explaining the key to Vilanch’s talent, Bette says, “He has a great sense of who people are, what their images are in the public.”

  To demonstrate the point, Bette is seen in various film clips, reciting Vilanch-written gags. From Diva Las Vegas, she is seen telling jokes onstage that Vilanch penned for her. She was shown on the final episode of The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, making jokes about people watching the program while having sex in front of the TV. She is also seen singing “Dear Mr. Carson” to Johnny to the tune of “Dear Mr. Gable.”

  There is some great old footage included in Get Bruce, which shows Bette in a grainy black and white film at Mr. Kelly’s in Chicago, where she first encountered Vilanch in the early ’70s.

  In addition to Midler’s appearance, her musical director Marc Shaiman is also a part of the documentary, shown working with Bruce on a special musical number. Finally, Bette is seen and heard serenading Vilanch with the song “I Could Write a Book.”

  Get Bruce, in its limited theatrical run, received great reviews from media insiders. “Fascinating . . . As much an insight into the celebs as it is into this funnyman himself!” said Entertainment Weekly. “Some choice scenes . . . how can the movie miss?” wrote Movieline. “[A] likable documentary . . . Mr. Vilanch effuses the good-natured canniness of an all-knowing cherub” was the New York Times’ assessment. And USA Today found it “Engagingly funny!” (98).

  During 1999, one of Bette’s most publicized projects had nothing to do with movies or music. It had to do with trash: the kind that once choked the streets and parks of New York City. Ever since moving back to Manhattan in 1994, Midler had been working with the New York Restoration Project to clean up America’s greatest city.

  According to her, when she first moved back to New York, she couldn’t believe the mess she witnessed there. All of her memories of the city seemed to be littered with trash, strewn about like confetti. “Oh, my God! Look what’s on the side of the road! Did a garbage truck explode?!” she exclaimed (1).

  Cleaning up a couple of miles of freeway in Los Angeles was one thing, but cleaning up New York City was quite another. However, she felt that she was up for the challenge. “Garbage is my field of expertise. It’s shallow, but I’m more interested than most,” she says. “I do love the planet. When I look around, and I see all the things that have managed to begin and end their lives on this planet, I just know there’s a God. There has to be. It couldn’t be this beautiful without one” (1).

  According to her, one of Bette’s main inspirations in the realm of charity workwas Eugene Lang, a successful businessman. In 1981, when he went to see his old East Harlem elementary school, he pledged a college scholarship to any student who was there that day and who successfully graduated from high school.

  According to Bette, “It made me think, ‘Wow, one person can make a difference. Here was a guy who didn’t just give money. He established a whole network of people to help people” (172).

  Bette took to the phones. O
ne of the first people she called was Jan Wenner, the publisher of Rolling Stone magazine and a long-time friend. He volunteered office space to Bette for her clean up New York campaign. From there, she started calling more of her friends and acquaintances. She recalls, “It would take a whole day working myself up to make these phone calls. A lot of times, I’d end up talking to their secretaries. They’d say, ‘Is that really you?’ But then their bosses wouldn’t call me back” (172).

  Suddenly, abandoned cars, hypodermic-needle-filled parks, and garbage-littered streets became Midler’s cause. When she successfully helped to raise money to purchase abandoned lots of property and subsequently turned them into clean and refurbished city parks and gardens, the ball slowly began to roll.

  Says Midler, “None of us expected the outpouring of love and gratitude over this gesture. I didn’t realize how much emotion had been invested in these gardens. It made me think there’s more to be done. I’d like to do more. We would like to begin a community garden movement. We’re not exactly sure how” (172). After years of talking trash on stage, Bette Midler was now cleaning up New York City trash as her newfound charitable cause.

  According to the diva, in the 1990s she made a switch in causes, from AIDS charities to her famed clean-up campaigns. With regard to her switch in focus, she explained, “All my friends died. I did my part and then I moved on. I wanted to get into an area where there was absolutely nobody” (173). That opened the door to her now famous work with the New York City Preservation Society.

  What a divine century the 1900s had been for Bette Midler. And the 1990s had been a great decade for her—more awards, more musical hits, the biggest across-the-board hit film of her career. What was she going to do for an encore? Well, if anyone could come up with one, it was Bette. She was about to blast herself into the 2000s the only way she knew how: explosively divine!