The Housewife Assassin's Garden of Deadly Delights

by Josie Brown

  Mary’s smile fades. “I guess we won’t be the Family Stone anymore.”

  Jack shakes his head. “You know, I’d be honored if each and every one of you took my name. But it’s a decision that is yours alone to make. As far as I’m concerned, what you call yourself doesn’t matter—only that, together, we call ourselves ‘family’.”

  Emotions shift through my children like a rising sun on a stained glass window. For a moment, their faces are darkened by their fears of what this change might truly mean in their lives.

  What part of their identities will they be giving up?

  But then, very slowly, their eyes light up with the realization that Jack is, and has always been, what they’ve always wanted:

  The loving father who makes their mother happy.

  Mary thinks for a moment. “Hmmm, ‘Mary Craig.’ I like the ring of that.”

  Mrs. Donna Craig...

  Yep, it works.

  It’s going to be one hell of a wedding.

  Next Up!

  The Housewife Assassin’s

  Tips for Weddings, Weapons, and Warfare

  (Book 11)

  **Coming July 2015**

  It's time for Donna Stone and Jack Craig to tie the knot–hopefully not around each other's necks as they juggle the planning of their wedding with a terrorist's attempt to assassinate the President of the United States. It's a marriage made of murder, mayhem, and missiles, revealing just how far the Quorum will go for world domination. It's not easy exchanging rings while at the same time exchanging gunfire. But if anyone can, it's the housewife assassin and the spy who loves her.

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  I owe a lot to the following people, whose love and support gives me the courage to write, every day:

  Karin Tabke, who first fell in love with this book, and pushed me (quite adamantly; what are friends for?) to make it a priority; Andy Brown, who is a go-to guru for anything technical and metaphysical. Andy, thanks making the virtual a reality; Rita Abrams, Kendra Williams, Pam Welsh, Elisa Turner, Janell Parque, Susan DiMuzio, Dianne Wallace, Jeanette Conkling, Kimberly Turner and Tom Johnson, who have sharper eyes than mine; Austin Brown and Anna Brown, who are my emotional touchstones, in so many ways; Eddie Concha, Andree Belle, Darien and Don Coleman, Linda May and Ben Brown, and Mario Martinez and Patricia Steadman, who are always there to encourage, nurture and feed me.

  And always last but never least, Martin Brown: you complete me.

  Dear readers: If you liked the story and Donna, I’d be honored to get a review from you! We authors live by them, and they are always appreciated.

  Thank you,

  —Josie Brown

  HOW TO REACH JOSIE

  www.JosieBrown.com

  www.AuthorProvocateur.com

  www.HousewifeAssassinsHandbook.com

  www.twitter.com/JosieBrownCA

  www.facebook.com/JosieBrownAuthor

  NOVELS IN THE

  HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN SERIES

  The Housewife Assassin’s Handbook

  (Book 1)

  Every desperate housewife wants an alias. Donna Stone has one … and it happens to be government-sanctioned. But Donna earned it the hard way. Her husband was killed the day she delivered their third child. To avenge her husband's murder, Donna leads a secret life: as an assassin. But espionage makes for strange bedfellows, and brings new meaning to that old adage, "Honey, I'm home..."

  The Housewife Assassin’s

  Guide to Gracious Killing

  (Book 2)

  A nuclear arms summit, hosted by a politically connected billionaire industrialist, provides the perfect opportunity for a rogue operative to assassinate the newly elected Russian president, on American soil. Donna Stone’s mission: seek and exterminate the shooter before all hell–and World War III–breaks out. Also on Donna’s to-do list: file for divorce. Throw in a couple of killer play dates and a few naughty neighbors, and you’ve got a whole lot of fun.

  The Housewife Assassin’s

  Killer Christmas Tips

  (Book 3)

  ’Tis the season for murder, mayhem and mistletoe! There will be no peace on Earth if Donna and Jack don’t find a shipping container filled with heat-seeking missiles. Forget Santa! Terror is coming to town…

  The Housewife Assassin’s

  Relationship Survival Guide

  (Book 4)

  In the fourth full-length novel #4 of Josie Brown's Housewife Assassin series, contract assassin Donna Stone's idea of a perfect relationship? A man she can trust in any situation. Yes, breaking up is hard to do. Then again, so is breaking out of a Mexican prison, and stopping a massacre by an international terrorist cell. So, how do you mend a broken heart? Donna finds out–the hard way. And FYI: falling in love with a married man isn't heart smart. Then again, neither is dating a terrorist. But when an old love gets in the way of Donna's chance for true love, she doesn't cry. She gets even.

  The Housewife Assassin’s

  Vacation to Die For

  (Book 5)

  A nude sunbathing serial killer, a Lord of the Flies 'tween takeover, poison-dart throwing pygmies...

  Talk about a fantasy (nightmare?) island!

  An NSA scientist has disappeared with a deadly plague virus. Donna and Jack must find him before it is unleashed on Fantasy Island, home of three very different resorts:

  Like Kamp KidStuff, where families frolic among dolphins, cartoon characters–and warring gangs of' tweens who believe in the law of the jungle, including human sacrifices;

  And Eden Key, a nude singles sanctuary where tiki-hut treehouses provide the perfect setting for rum-fueled romances and casual hook-ups–not to mention the occasional swinger slashing…

  Finally, there's the Hunt Club, which allows its members to track a very unique, soon-to-be extinct prey.

  And you call this a vacation?

  The Housewife Assassin's

  Recipes for Disaster

  (Book 6)

  Donna’s executive mission is crystal clear: stop the assassinations of both US political parties’ presidential candidates.

  When she discovers she has a long-term vendetta with one of the targets, can she put her animosity aside long enough to save the candidate’s life–and her relationship with Jack?

  The Housewife Assassin's

  Hollywood Scream Play

  (Book 7)

  With foes in high places, what's a girl to do to put food on the table–let alone stay alive? If you're housewife assassin Donna Stone, you accept a Hollywood producer's offer to turn your life into a film.

  Lights, cameras and non-stop action await Donna and Jack as they use the movie's exotic location shoots to track down crucial intel needed to take down the Quorum. There will be plenty of close-ups and too many close calls. But nothing–including a lascivious leading lady, deadly stunt doubles, or an encrypted script–will stand in their way.

  The Housewife Assassin's

  Deadly Dossier

  (The Series Prequel)

  Finally–Donna Stone, as you've never seen her before: through the eyes of those who affected her life the most.

  In this full-length prequel to the Housewife Assassin series, Acme Industries black-ops agent Jack Craig is tasked with investigating the mysterious death of his organization’s most prolific hit man, Carl Stone, only to fall in love with the dead man’s wife, Donna–a woman he must never contact, but who may hold the key to her husband's disappearance.

  When Acme approaches Donna to join their organization as an assassin, Jack’s undercover mission will change both their lives forever.

  The Housewife Assassin's

  Killer App

  (Book 8)

  In order to flush out an internationally renowned hacker who is wreaking havoc with the United States’ Intelligence Community’s secured database, housewife assassin Donna Stone infiltrates three very successful high tech corporations:

  –A company providing smart phones and other wireless devices with an
operating system that contains artificial intelligence designed to meet your every need–even if it kills you;

  –A tech conglomerate CEO who plans to broker the country’s intelligence secrets to the highest bidder, be it a terrorist or enemy state;

  –And an interactive game start-up with an avatar on the deadliest mission of all: kill Donna.

  Can she save the world from terror–and at the same time protect her children from the painful knowledge of the father who deserted them?

  The Housewife Assassin’s

  Hostage Hosting Tips

  (Book 9)

  It's up to Donna Stone to save a hotel filled with international dignitaries from the terrorists whose usual demands are million-dollar ransoms. But this time, the price is much higher, and much more personal for everyone’s favorite housewife assassin.

  The Housewife Assassin’s

  Garden of Deadly Delights

  (Book 10)

  Housewife assassin Donna Stone’s green thumb–and for that matter, her trigger finger–is put to the test when it is discovered that genetically enhanced corn containing a deadly brain-eating virus has been released into America’s food chain.

  OTHER BOOKS BY JOSIE BROWN

  TOTLANDIA – Novel Series

  Totlandia (Series)

  Friendship. Lies. Seduction. Betrayal.

  Welcome to Totlandia.

  "Josie Brown writes Totlandia with her usual storytelling flair. The dialogue is smooth and flowing. The characters are easy to side with or become angry with, depending on each situation. The scenery is easy to visualize. And we mustn't forget all the sex (blushworthy, at that) and scandal that is a staple of a true Josie Brown novel.”

  –Chick Lit Central

  “Totlandia a truly entertaining read and difficult to put down. This book is wonderfully written and has more than just drama. There are touching moments, parts that made me laugh out loud, and as I read the story I felt like I was reading a television show!”

  –Divine Secrets of a Domestic

  “There are some really sweet moments mixed in with the catty wonderfulness that Brown always seems to capture. I just can't believe I have to wait until the installment which will be released soon…”

  –Mary Jacobs, Bookhounds Review

  “Picture Desperate Housewives and Sex and the City. Totlandia would be the baby they created. The first book in this four-part series outlines the quest to become a member of an elite mommy group. It’s by invitation only, and that’s no easy task, with six candidates vying for the last four sots. Not good enough to get the nomination or iding some scandalous secret, the mantra for these mommies is ‘Fake it ‘til you make it.’ The book is a blast, packed with humorous punches between these ladies whose very existence relies on their ability to keep up appearances. This author will have you howling as you devour this most recent work. Yeah, she’s that good. And so are her books

  – Stress-Free, Baby

  “Brown has you rooting for the under-mommy who is halfway normal while gawking at the crazy mommies. These moms are so over the top it’s like peeking into a wild animal exhibit at the zoo. But that’s what makes it fun…Brown does a great job of giving all the moms a real feeling. She shows you their vulnerabilities and does a great job in creating believable characters. You get addicted pretty quickly.”

  –Words by Webb

  “From the first page, Totlandia made me laugh at some of the predicaments that mothers are placed in when they are dealing with a one-year-old. The author did an amazing jo at giving each character a distinct voice and their own trial that they are trying to overcome thoughout the book, and makes each character’s reasoning completely understandable and believable. I found myself cheering them on and hopign they mae the cut even though part ofmy mind was thinking how ridiculous it all was…I look forward to continuing with the drama that is the PHM&T club.”

  –Simply Stacie

  Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives

  Optioned as a dramatic television series,

  produced by Jerry Bruckheimer

  "If you like Desperate Housewives, then you'll fly through this gossipy novel full of Wisteria Lane-esque characters living in a suburban jungle. Brown entertains up to the satisfying ending in this lively novel.”

  – Examiner.com

  "Just in time for summer, Brown's novel offers an enjoyable take on suburban California family life, complete with mommy cliques, rebel teenagers, and, of course lots of adultery....The momentum of Brown's writing and plot keeps the pages turning."

  – Booklist

  "Already touted as the perfect summer beach read, this character driven (sometimes steamy) book can best be described as the offspring of an affair between Desperate Housewives and a Jennifer Weiner novel....A quick look into the sometimes catty world of wealth where priorities get shifted, friendships get broken and marriages, like their mansions, get rearranged. It was light and fluffy (with some excellent dialogue.)...This coven spread gossip like wild fire, fight like verbal wrestlers and plot like army generals to put together the very confused puzzle of Harry's love life."

  – GoodHousekeeping.com

  Hollywood Hunk

  (Formerly published as “True Hollywood Lies”)

  “The writing is laced with venomous humor..." –The Wall Street Journal

  "Brown captures the humor of working for a megalomaniac...[A] well-paced, entertaining story.” –Publishers Weekly

  "A fine piece of literary work." –New York Post, Page Six

  "Josie Brown does an outstanding job capturing the glitz and glamour of Hollywood living yet illuminating the stark loneliness present beneath the façade. Filled with good-natured humor and witty repartee..." –Romance Reader's Connection

  "With tongue-in-cheek dialogue, Hollywood Hunk provides a fascinating look at the jet set lifestyle of the rich and for-the-moment famous.... You will laugh, cry, and wonder if it's worth it to be rich and famous." –Romance Reviews Today

  The Candidate

  A Political Thriller

  Seduction and intrigue are rampant on the campaign trail when a political campaign adviser discovers that Washington's power broker elite have embroiled his presidential candidate in a plot involving an act of terrorism on US soil…

  Democratic political campaign consultant Ben Brinker can’t remember the last time he was excited by a candidate’s vision. He feels he’s lost his way, both emotionally and professionally. Worst yet, his show-me-the-money policy seems to have finally caught up with him. Two of his recent clients have been disgraced in one way or another: a senator is caught in lurid sex scandal, and a congressman is indicted in a kickback scandal. In no time at all the political pundits are calling Ben a "candidate cooler." Now Ben is desperate for any campaign gig he can get.

  As luck would have it, Andrew Harris Mansfield, the charismatic junior senator from North Carolina and former Marine pilot, asks Ben if he wants to run his soon-to-be-announced campaign for president.

  Little does Ben know what's in store for Andrew, or their country–

  Nor does he realize that the key to saving both have been placed in his hands.

  The Baby Planner

  "Brown takes baby mania to its illogical, hysterical extreme in this bubbly romp. . . . But what begins as a light foray into Bugaboo country turns into something bigger than a satire of status-obsessed Bay Area yummy mummies as Brown takes a dark look at the fears of parenthood and family, with Katie's heartbreaking longing for a child unveiling a disturbing reality about her marriage and family. Still, the message from the somber realities is one full of hope: love makes a family, commitment keeps it together."

  –Publishers Weekly

  “A funny, engaging, and often bittersweet tale from the author of Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives."

  –Cincinnati Public Library Spotlight Feature

  PRAISE FOR JOSIE BROWN

  "Hollywood's got nothing on the cast of characters living in the bedroom community
of Paradise Heights, who have the secrets, sex, money and scandal of an OK! Magazine cover story. Josie Brown is a skilled observer whose clever dialogue makes for truly entertaining reading."

  —Jackie Collins, bestselling author of Hollywood Wives and Poor Little Bitch Girl

  "Josie Brown captures the highs and lows of love, lust and marriage with heart wrenching pathos. I'm recommending it to all my friends as the perfect beach read!"