The Makeover

by Vacirca Vaughn

  “Yes, that’s what I’m saying,” Cara laughed as she squeezed back. “What are you? About a sixteen…fourteen sometimes? I get samples in all sizes. I like to feature fashion for various sizes and shapes of plus-sized women—pear-shaped like me, apple-shaped, triangular-shaped—all types! I have a bunch of clothes I can’t fit into that I usually give away to friends or donate to our church. They are samples for photographs, so the designers don’t ask for them back because they are getting free advertising. I have a trusty sewing machine, so anything that needs to be altered, I can do it right there—”

  “Are you serious?” Phoenix repeated, louder this time.

  “Oh yeah! Of course I am. Why do you keep asking me that?”

  Phoenix was overcome. “First Paulo, now you? It’s like God is answering my prayers left and right…at least most of them. I just can’t believe you would offer me your help.” Phoenix looked down. “But the thing is, paying my way through grad school, I am not sure how much I can pay you for—”

  Cara placed one hand on a round, thick hip and let her neck do the talking. “Uh, excuse me, Chica. Did I offer you services or did I offer you help? I ain’t ask you for no money! I said I got clothes I can give you that I have lying around my house. These are clothes designers and stores sent me for free that I am willing to freely pass on to you. Who said anything about money?”

  “Now I am sorry I offended you,” Phoenix said with a grin.

  “Yeah, well don’t let it happen again. I am a Christian, not a door mat. Anyway, I want you to meet my friend, too,” Cara continued, with a slowly remerging grin. “She is this Dominican girl I know. She works for my mom at her salon. She does weaves, braids, and also regular styles and cuts. For a small amount of cash, she could hook you up!”

  “Really?”

  “She did my hair cut for like thirty dollars. Because of my mom, she didn’t want to charge, but the Lord wanted me to pay her what I owed, so I paid. Either way, this cut coulda been, like, way more than that somewhere else. I am telling you, she is the bomb!”

  “I would love to get my hair done. I stopped going to my own hair dresser ‘cause she is so expensive and me and my ex were going through a tough time and I couldn’t afford it.”

  “Well I got a solution for you, Girl, but we’ll talk about it later. Can you make it tomorrow?”

  “Of course! I have class but I can skip one for this. What time is good for you and which apartment is it?”

  Cara was already writing her phone numbers and apartment number on a napkin. She handed it to Phoenix. “Girl, be at my house tomorrow around four and you will get all the help you need.”

  Unable to take it any longer, Phoenix threw her arms around Cara’s neck.

  Phoenix couldn’t stop smiling as Paulo walked her home. She was smiling because of the dark woman who called herself beautiful in the Bible. She was smiling because Paulo pointed out that he found dark women, including his own mother, beautiful. She was smiling because she had a new friend who would give her a makeover to help her to feel beautiful. She was smiling because Paulo said her eyes were beautiful.

  She was smiling because she had worked out and would really become beautiful.

  She was smiling because she couldn’t wait for Cedric to find her beautiful and for her to crush him the way he did her.

  And her plan had already fallen into place before she even known she had one.

  Beautiful!

  “What are you thinking about, Hun?” Paulo said, as they reached her stoop.

  “Had a great time. I love, love, love Cara. I can’t believe she and I have been living in the same building for, like, six years. I found out we even moved in the same year as each other. Yet, I’ve never met her. Wow. Everyone was really cool at your study. You were cool.”

  Paulo grinned as he wiped off the steps and gestured for her to sit, promptly sliding in next to her, close enough for their shoulders to rub. “Thanks. Hey, you and Cara seemed to be having a really long conversation.”

  “Yeah,” Phoenix sighed. “God is listening, I’ll admit that. She is a fashion expert for big girls and I need help with that as well. She offered to help me.” Glancing at Paulo, then back out onto the darkening street, she continued. “How did you guys meet?”

  “Her husband and I met through his coworker who came to see me. His business partner came to my church about five years ago. I had just started the Lord’s Table and was actively seeking clients. Anyway, he came to church and had heard me share my testimony during our evening evangelical service. Afterwards, he approached me about becoming a client and—”

  “Did you help him?” Phoenix interrupted.

  “Um, I was just getting to that. But to answer your question, yes. He came to see me the very next day. We worked together about six months. He shed fifty pounds and was able to begin maintaining his weight on his own. Although he doesn’t need the counseling and training anymore, he still uses our gym daily. Clive is away on business which is why you didn’t meet him tonight. Anyway, we became good friends and one day, he invited me to James and Cara’s dinner party because they were also from our church. I met them and we also became good friends. I’ve been trying to help James and Cara, but they claim they are too busy to work out,” Paulo finished with a fond smile, shaking his head.

  “I know. Cara said as much. I guess it has to happen when it’s time, right?”

  “Yeah, but see, both Cara and James are thirty-five, and they both have hypertension. Cara continues to make fried food every chance she gets and James loves his pork and red meat. I just worry for their health.”

  Phoenix lifted her hand, hesitated, before she stroked his arm with a feather-light touch. “Don’t you pray for them?”

  “Of course. I don’t hound them…at least not like how I used to,” Paulo gave Phoenix a sheepish look, secretly pleased that she had been bold enough to touch him. He covered her hand with his. “I’ve come a long way from trying to bully people into either Christianity or weight loss. Now, I just pray for them and wait on the Lord.”

  “I guess you’ve done your best. I wish I’d had friends like you.”

  “You do,” Paulo said, placing his arm around Phoenix and kissing her hand.

  Phoenix melted into Paulo’s side…somewhat. She felt great but she was afraid. She was getting used to his hugs, his cuddles, his help, his kindness…his self, very, very quickly. She didn’t want to get used to something that wasn’t hers to begin with.

  “So Cara is going to help you with fashion?” Paulo laughed. “That girl is forever trying to give someone a makeover. Speaking of bullying someone into accepting their help! It’s hilarious.”

  “Well I do need one,” Phoenix murmured. “Look at how sloppy I dress. No matter what I put on, I always look a hot mess. I bet she can’t do much with me, as messed up as I am, but it’s worth a shot.”

  “Phoenix, stop that!” Paulo snapped. “Seriously.”

  “Stop what?” Phoenix implored, with eyebrows raised.

  “Phoenix, if you want to play dress up with Cara, and enjoy girl things like trading fashion tips, that’s fine. But stop putting yourself down! And stop thinking that all the work has to be done on your outside. Remember, the work has to be done through Jesus Christ in here,” Paulo said, thumping on the spot over her heart. “If that is a mess, no matter how you dress it up, it will only end up looking like a well-dressed mess.”

  “Why are you saying my heart’s a mess?” Phoenix said standing up.

  Paulo pulled her back down. “Listen I said if your heart is a mess, and secondly, why do I have to constantly keep fighting to keep you next to me, when I am trying to be next to you?”

  “Because you say stupid things like, ‘stop putting yourself down,’” Phoenix countered, crossing her arms.

  “Because you say stupid things like, ‘I am ugly’ or ‘I can’t dress’ or ‘I can’t accept love because my skin is too dark.’” Paulo rubbed a hand down his face. “It’s just g
etting to be too much. You already are a beautiful woman in your own way. You are going to shed these pounds, and you are going to get a makeover. Fine, there is nothing wrong with improving your outer appearance. I just want you to remember that all of that will mean nothing if you do not get the real makeover.”

  “Oh yeah? And what type of makeover is that, Paulo?” Phoenix sneered.

  Paulo stood up, hating her sneer and returning it with a grimace. “A makeover of the heart. And the only heart…stylist—he made finger quotations—I know that can give you one is Jesus Christ. See you tomorrow.”

  He gave her a hard kiss on her forehead.

  And Phoenix watched Paulo walk away, wondering why he had gone.

  Chapter 17

  When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death (James 1:13-15).

  Phoenix tried not to let it bother her.

  So what if he had acted strange?

  She had not said anything wrong.

  But you couldn’t tell Paulo that.

  He had met her at five with a nod. They had walked together to the fitness center in silence. Well, except for when Paulo asked in a low tone, “Sleep well?”

  “Yeah,” Phoenix answered, giving him a wobbly look and an uncertain smile.

  As he had done the day before, he had prayed for their session, finishing with a pointed, “God, I ask that you keep Phoenix’s mind on You and not the foolish things of this world. I ask You now to lead her to salvation and grant her peace in who You are, so she can finally have peace about who she is, and who You created her to be.”

  They had done a cardio routine for a half hour, the bike for ten minutes, and were supposed to do the stair master for ten minutes. Paulo did not even check on her when she hurriedly climbed off the stair master after three minutes, clutching her side.

  She could barely catch her breath when she breathed, “My side hurts. I need a break.”

  “Just drink some water and stop complaining. You’ll be alright,” Paulo snapped, as he continued to climb his own machine.

  Her jaw dropping made a way for her to gulp in more air, at least.

  She had gotten dressed for work at the center and looked forward to having breakfast with Paulo, hoping they could talk. She pushed past her anxiety, relishing in having another one of their breakfast dates, which have become the highlight of each weekday morning. She waited by the elevators a good ten minutes before heading to the second floor. She found Paulo at his office, dressed and working at his desk. She knocked and he looked up.

  “Yes?” he asked with eyebrows raised.

  It’s like that? Phoenix cleared her throat. “I guess I’m leaving.”

  “Yeah, okay. Have a blessed day, Phoenix.” He casually saluted her before picking up the phone.

  “Paulo—”

  “I’ll see you tomorrow, Phoenix,” he said through thinned lips. “I have an appointment and you don’t want to be late for work, do you? Have a blessed day.”

  She had no choice but to leave when he dialed a number, placed the phone to his ear, swiveled his office chair in the opposite direction, and gave her his back.

  “Alright then, Paulo” Phoenix snapped, as she stomped out.

  Paulo waited to hear the ding of the elevator before he glanced over his shoulder to make sure Phoenix was gone. When he saw that she was, he breathed and turned back around to place the phone on its cradle. “What am I, a teenager? I actually pretended to make a call so I wouldn’t have to face her? Wow. And yes I have an appointment, but not for another two hours.” He felt a pang because he knew Phoenix had been waiting for him to have breakfast. He loved those times he spent with her, just gazing into her eyes and watching her look adoringly into his. But on this day, he just couldn’t talk to her, let alone eat with her.

  Of course his stomach had been churning since he first walked up to her building and refused to greet her. The Holy Spirit wasn’t pleased with him, but he wasn’t pleased with Phoenix. Yes, he was exasperated by their conversation the night before, but why was he being so mean? He had no idea. He knew he owed God an explanation, a confession, and a plea for forgiveness, but he didn’t want to deal with the simmering frustration that had taken place in his heart since the night before. It was strange that it had happened after such a lovely time at his Bible study. And he really didn’t know what it was all about anyway.

  He had barely slept, for all his tossing and turning. He had known then that he should have prayed about his exasperation, would have talked it through with the Lord, and could have searched the scriptures until he was edified.

  But shoulda, woulda, coulda couldn’t change the fact that he was sick of having to defend his feelings for the girl simply because she didn’t love herself.

  Still his stomach churned and burned.

  “Well, you know what? You said we shouldn’t be unequally yoked anyway, God. It was You who said that darkness has no place with light. I think I have to let this whole thing with Phoenix go and just release her into Your hands. I’m sorry, but it is what it is,” Paulo whispered defiantly.

  And Paulo was merely repeating the words that Satan had placed right into his mind.

  “You don’t need to deal with this mess. The girl is too much to handle. She’s got too many issues. Why is it your job to help her through all that? Didn’t you go through this before? You need to let this go,” Satan said, cackling as he walked a circle around Paulo.

  “And God, I don’t need to deal with this mess. That girl is too much to handle. Why is it my job to help her through all that? Didn’t I go through this before? I need to let this go,” Paulo repeated, full of ire.

  Pray now, my Son, the Spirit of God spoke quietly under the loud voice controlling Paulo’s mind. You are to cast down every high thought that exalts itself against the Word of God. Pray now. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

  “Maybe I am sick of praying about this, God!” Paulo countered.

  Satan had not known that God was already battling for space in Paulo’s mind. He counterattacked. “You don’t have to obey Him. What are you getting out of all of this anyway? Why do you always have to save everybody else?”

  Paulo cast off the first thought but spoke the second, “What am I getting out of all of this anyway, God? Why do I always have to save everybody else?”

  God did not speak. But He answered. The churning in Paulo’s stomach became a tingle that spread throughout his limbs, climbed his back, and finally reached the top of his head. It was the feeling of when someone’s leg fell asleep, but it had covered his entire body. Chills were climbing his neck. Paulo felt eyes on him, as though he were being watched very, very closely.

  Paulo was now in the full presence of the Lord and there was no running away.

  When the tingling intensified, Paulo flung his hands up in surrender and fell off his chair to his knees, lowering his chin to his chest. The electric charge in the room was overwhelming, almost suffocating, but strangely comforting at the same time. Still, the presence that was looming over every pore of his skin, every fiber of his being, was almost too much to bear.

  But he deserved it. He had grieved the Holy Spirit and he was being commanded to pray.

  His heart resisted, but his mouth submitted. It opened and Paulo began a prayer in God’s unknown tongues.

  Letting out a powerful roar, Satan disappeared from the presence of the Lord.

  The strange sounds and groaning tumbling from his lips were led by the Spirit of God, and Paulo was the vessel through which the Spirit was interceding. Paulo did not know if the Spirit was praying to the Father for Phoenix or for himself. All he knew was that he could not move under the weight of God’s Holy Fire. He could only allow God to have control.

  And he
prayed for more than half an hour, right there on his office floor. He called out to the Throne of Grace, by the power of the Spirit, until something inside of him began to rattle and shake. Images began to fill his head. In his own mind, Paulo could see that the Lord was dealing with his anger, and remnants of bitterness about losing his wife that still lingered in the roots of Paulo’s soul. Paulo could see himself trying to help his wife as she battled for years against a crushing, annihilating manic depression before her sudden death.

  Paulo had been quietly raging about not being able to help his wife for almost ten years. Only Paulo had not realized it until right then, as the Lord was interceding on his behalf. Paulo had once believed he could help God save his wife. And he had tried. It was her illness that had led them both to seek God in the first place, leading to their accepting Christ the year before her death. Paulo had believed that the Lord would supernaturally heal his wife once they had accepted salvation, but when it did not happen right away, Paulo took matters into his own hands.

  And Paulo, for the past nine years, had always felt as though he had failed.

  The Spirit allowed Paulo to revisit memories, while He interceded. Paulo remembered how he had been just as impatient with his wife when she used to share her own insecurities and self-loathing, whenever her grandiose manic episodes would flip into devastating depression. Instead of comforting her, or listening, Paulo would try to fix it by giving her a pep talk, getting her to exercise, or throwing scripture at Elizabeth. God also allowed Paulo to comprehend that Phoenix’s thoughts and comments about herself was reminding Paulo of his wife.

  Only Paulo didn’t know it until right then.

  And he was pushing Phoenix away because deep down, he was starting to feel strongly about her. Although it may not have been based on the physical, he had felt a strong attraction for Phoenix from the very first day he had seen her, when the Lord caused him to begin praying on her behalf. Paulo had decided to focus on the spiritual issues at hand, rather than exploring his feelings because they didn’t make much sense. Even right then, as the feelings began to take shape, he felt strongly that he could deal with her imperfections and he could deal with the weight. But he couldn’t bear the thought of loving another woman who was too weak to love herself.