The Makeover

by Vacirca Vaughn

  Paulo had looked like he really was attracted to her, like he wanted to kiss her, hadn’t he? It wasn’t her imagination, was it? What if Cedric was right? What if Paulo suddenly realized that Phoenix was not on his level physically? She had not missed the rude stares of several women that had watched her with Paulo all evening. What if Paulo came to his senses and found someone as beautiful as he?

  The thought was enough to make her curl into a ball and beg God to take her from her misery.

  She was falling in love with him. No, scratch that. She was in love with him. Not just because he was gorgeous and tall and strong. She loved his voice and his accent that faded in and out like a summer breeze, or a hurricane, according to his mood. She loved how he came from another culture and flavored his English with touches of his language. She loved the way he was so affectionate, filled with so much love for everyone, that he couldn’t contain it with just one touch. She loved his sense of humor. She loved his strength, and the way he took charge. She loved that he was a true gentleman. And although she felt she had no right to even want such a quality in man, she loved how he truly lived out his faith, even in ways that she—a backslidden Christian—had failed to do. Surely a man who loved God that much could love a woman, even a not-so-pretty woman, like her?

  And Phoenix so desperately wanted Paulo’s love.

  So right at the sink, Phoenix did the only thing that felt right.

  Father in Heaven, I am here to pray. I’m sorry it’s been a while since I’ve come to you on my own. Please forgive me for choosing a man over You and then running from You ever since. Forgive me for not going back to church yet. I want to thank You, God, for Paulo and Cara and all of the things You’ve been doing for me. I don’t deserve it ‘cause I messed everything up, but yet, You are answering my prayers. Please, God, help me. I am in love with Paulo already. I know he flirts with me and says nice things, but a part of me believes it’s ‘cause he’s just trying to help me get over my low self-esteem. I mean, why would he want someone like me, when he could have literally anyone he wanted? I know I am working on myself with his help, but why would he love me looking like this? It’s impossible and—

  Nothing is impossible with God, Daughter, the Spirit whispered back.

  Looking right to left, Phoenix trembled. “God?” she said out loud, shocked at the voice she had heard clearly in her mind.

  Nothing is impossible with God, Daughter.

  Phoenix closed her eyes to hold back the tears. She nodded. Okay, Father. I hear You, that is if I am not crazy and talking to myself in my head. I am begging You, God. Please, if there is any chance that You brought Paulo into my life for more than helping me lose weight and influencing me to get back into church, then let me know, okay? I couldn’t take it if this turned out to be some wishful thinking on my part. Please take him away if I am wrong… Not knowing what else to add, Phoenix breathed a quick, “In Jesus Name, Amen.”

  Deciding to use the restroom after all, Phoenix went into the stall.

  Several seconds later, two women came into the restroom.

  “That guy is cute, but what about that sexy piece of man that was sitting close to our table? The one sitting with that dark-skinned, fat girl.” a woman said in a deep, Spanish-accented voice. “Now, he is fine.”

  “I know right,” another woman answered. “She must have money or something ‘cause I was staring at them all night wondering what he sees in her. He was looking at her like she was the light of the world! And she thought she was so cute in her little pink and purple dress. I mean her clothes were nice, but they didn’t suit her. When they walked in, and was at the buffet, she was all stiff and shy-like. It’s like she was playing dress up in somebody else’s clothes.”

  Phoenix tried not to gasp.

  “Maybe,” the first woman said, “But I like her clothes. Still, homeboy could do better.”

  Phoenix’s eyes blurred as she continued to crouch over the toilet. She peeked through the slit in the stall door and watched the two tall, curvaceous women fluffing their hair and applying makeup at the mirror. A part of her wanted to come out of the stall just to let them know she had been listening. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t face them because she knew they were just speaking the truth.

  I guess You answered my question, God. The weight of defeat fell upon Phoenix so heavily that she could barely lift her head. I have to end this now before I make a fool of myself.

  “What gets me,” began the woman with the thick accent, “is how when the girl went wherever she went, when we were passing his table and tried to say hello, he just waved and looked away.”

  What? Phoenix’s head snapped up. Hope began to gently tend to the wounds forming on her fledging confidence.

  “I know. How could he ignore us when he was looking at that….that thing all night?” The second woman adjusted her undergarments in the mirror so that her assets showed through her low-cut top, front and center. She smoothed her tight skirt over her wide hips. “So you gonna try to make a play for him, I mean if the other chick ain’t go back to the table?”

  The first woman shrugged and made a face before looking around. “I hope she was not in here the whole time. I hope she went to the meter or outside to make a call or something,” she whispered loudly. The she shrugged again. “Well, at least she knows she got competition.”

  The first girl sucked her teeth. “Girl, I don’t care where she is, or what she got on, she ain’t nowhere near being your competition.”

  They giggled and walked out of the rest room.

  Phoenix left the stall and walked back over to the mirror. Defeat was etched in her eyes, the downturn of her lips, and the crease in her brow. “What am I thinking God? It’s impossible for a man like that to want me. And he shouldn’t, not when he could be with women that look like them.”

  After trying unsuccessfully to compose herself, Phoenix left the restroom. The first things she saw were the two women at the table. Paulo was nodding politely and smiling, even as his eyes kept darting around the room.

  When he spotted Phoenix, he jumped up. Phoenix watched him hold out his hand to politely shake the women’s hands. He walked away from the table, leaving the women behind.

  Phoenix saw the women smirk at each other as Paulo walked over to join her where she stood. The women figured out that she had been in the restroom, listening the whole time. The taller of the two threw Phoenix a look, challenging her. To what, Phoenix did not know.

  Paulo smiled down at Phoenix and she had to force herself to look away from the two women who were still staring at her. He bent to kiss Phoenix’s cheek. “My goodness, I was about to bribe the hostess to come in after you. Are you alright?”

  “Yeah,” Phoenix said, pausing to admire the way Paulo’s eyes lit up with his banter. “I just had to freshen up and have a quick word with God. Besides, I see you were busy.”

  Paulo glanced back at the women who were now seated at their own table. “Who, those girls? They just came over to flirt with me. Can you imagine?”

  “No kidding,” Phoenix snapped, as she pressed her lips into a thin line.

  Paulo shrugged. “That’s why I kept hoping you’d come out to rescue me. I didn’t know how to get them away from my table without being rude. I figured when you came out, they would finally leave, but you took forever.”

  “You didn’t want to speak with either of them?” Phoenix asked, her stomach quivering. “I know you’re a gentleman and wouldn’t want to hurt my feelings, but I would understand—”

  Paulo led Phoenix outside, with a gentle smile on his face. “Understand what? Listen, gentleman or not, I would never speak to women like that, whether I was with you or not. They are not my type. I am not attracted to arrogant women who do not give a man a chance to lead. And those women had a brashness that was really unladylike. What if you were my wife or fiancée? They didn’t even care. They were sneaky, waiting for you to leave the table to make their way over. Women like that are not trustwort
hy. I am not attracted to that.”

  Phoenix accepted the hand that Paulo placed on top of hers as they walked to the car. “What are you attracted to?”

  When they reached the car, Paulo stopped and pulled Phoenix against him. He wrapped an arm around her waist and drew her close. He gazed into her eyes for a moment, then pressed a soft kiss on her forehead and rubbed his nose against hers. Phoenix became a pool of chocolate that would have melted into the Manhattan concrete if Paulo hadn’t been holding her up.

  Paulo traced her cheek with his thumb. “I am not going to lie to you. I used to be shallow. I used to care about looks and weight and style on a woman…even when I knew I wasn’t much of a prize myself. I guess I felt like the more physically attractive my woman, the better I could feel about myself. Then I met my wife, whom I fell in love with, regardless of how large she had gotten. And even with her issues, I still loved her. That experience taught me a lot about love. Jesus is still teaching me the rest…”

  Phoenix bit her lip then said, “That sounds good, Paulo. But it doesn’t really answer my question.”

  Paulo’s eyebrows rose. “Okay, let’s get into the car and I’ll answer your question more fully.” After helping Phoenix and getting in the car, he continued. “I like a woman with a good heart. A caring woman with quiet strength. I love a woman with a smile that lights up the room. A woman with deep, gorgeous eyes I can lose myself into. A woman who is shy and can barely look me in the eye when I tell her how beautiful she is to me. I like a woman who is educated and has goals beyond nabbing the nearest pretty boy or sugar daddy. I love a woman who is giving, willing to share with others, even when they can barely take care of themselves. I especially like a woman with a quick sense of humor…”

  Phoenix flushed because it almost felt as though he was referring to her.

  “Of course, the woman I love has to love Jesus as their Savior and their Lord. When she does that, she will be nearly perfect for me. That, above all, is the most important.”

  “And why is that?”

  “Besides the Bible telling us not to be unequally yoked spiritually, I personally don’t believe a person knows truly how to love unless they learn by loving God. When we allow God to teach us how to love Him, and allow ourselves to experience the love He has for us, we learn truly what love is. It’s patient, its kind, it is long-suffering. It does not boast or keep records of wrongs. It is not rude or irritable. At least, that’s what He says on the subject.”

  Phoenix nodded. “Yeah, you want the First Corinthians Thirteen kind of love.”

  “Exactly!” Paulo gave Phoenix an excited look. “So you do know that scripture?”

  Phoenix grinned. “Who doesn’t? It’s on tee shirts and greeting cards these days! Besides, I wasn’t always a heathen, you know. Me and Jesus go back a ways. Maybe, one day in the future, I’ll tell you about it.”

  So she is not being called, but called back. “I would love that. And speaking of Jesus. You said you had a word with God in the bathroom?” Paulo asked.

  “Yeah. I had to pray about something that was really stressing me out.”

  “Really?” Paulo’s eyebrows rose again. “Care to share what you spoke to Our Father about?”

  Phoenix smiled back. “Nope.”

  Paulo pulled out of his spot. “I guess I’ll just have to ask Him myself”

  She stared straight ahead as she murmured, “You do that, P., you do that.”

  Paulo and Phoenix drove downtown until they reached the Brooklyn Heights Promenade. Several people were out, enjoying the shops, gorgeous brownstones, and the East River walkway. They managed to get there just in time to watch the sunset over the Manhattan skyline.

  Phoenix had lived in New York City all of her life and had never seen a more beautiful place. “This is so beautiful. How did you find this spot?”

  “My wife and I used to live here in the Heights. When I started working out, I used to walk down here to think, especially when I just needed a little time, to myself, you know, to sort things out.”

  Phoenix was silent but she loved it when Paulo placed an arm around her shoulder. Her heart beat out a new rhythm as she pressed against him. Oh goodness, how she tingled in the area where his thumb lightly stroked her shoulder. After a few minutes, she said, “You don’t have to, of course, but I would be honored if you tell me about her.”

  Paulo’s arm became dead weight around her. “My wife?”

  “Only if you want to,” Phoenix said quickly when he didn’t speak for several minutes. She chewed her lip, afraid to say or do anything further to ruin the evening. “I know she still means a lot to you. I mean, you still refer to her as—you know what? I am sorry, didn’t mean to push. Must be the therapist in me. Forget I said—”

  Paulo cleared his throat. “No, no. It’s okay. I just didn’t want to bring down the mood on our date, but it’s cool. You’ve shared so much with me and it’s only right that I do the same.”

  “But if you feel another time would—”

  “Phoenix,” Paulo interrupted, with a smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes. “It’s okay. Let’s sit.”

  When they reached the bench, Paulo collected a stiff Phoenix back into his arms. She relaxed degree by degree as he placed his chin on her head.

  “My wife and I met while we were attending Brooklyn College. This was years before I went back to school to study nutrition and fitness. Back then, I was earning my bachelor’s degree in business administration, with a concentration on business for health professions. Little did I know God was preparing me to run the business I have now. Elizabeth was studying psychology.”

  “Really?” Phoenix was startled.

  “Yup,” Paulo answered, placing his chin on her shoulder, before delivering a gentle kiss on her cheek. “You’re not the only mental health expert I’ve known.”

  “Huh,” Phoenix said, nodding.

  “Elizabeth and I were in our third year when we met. I have to say I fell in love with her the first day I met her. She was larger than life, you know? Beautiful, funny, with just the right amount of sassiness. She told me it was from her Puerto Rican roots. She always seemed to have everything under control. She was a big girl, I have to tell you, but she seemed to have such confidence. I never was Mister Universe myself, but had only been with petite women until her. Her weight never bothered me at all.”

  “Yeah, you mentioned that before,” Phoenix whispered, and fought hard to beat back her jealousy against a dead woman. Breathe, stupid. He’s only sharing what you’d asked about.

  “We married two months after our graduation. Since we hadn’t lived together until marriage, I had no idea that she used to have these mood swings. During college, she would suddenly get really busy and not see me for days. Being busy with work and school myself, I welcomed being with such an independent woman who didn’t crowd me. I respected the times we spent together and valued our times apart because it gave me a chance to miss her and get things done. I think believing she was independent made me want her more, you know?”

  Phoenix nodded again. “You liked that little bit of mystery, right?”

  “Exactly, especially after being with the pushy, stalker-types I’d dated before her. But when we were married, there was no way she could hide. One day, I came home from my job at Bellevue Hospital and she had written these strange symbols all over the walls in lipstick. I mean, she was just standing in our living room, naked, and writing on the walls. The apartment was a mess because she had taken all of our belongings out of their drawers and closets, saying she was thinking we should give our stuff away. I had no idea what was going on. When I tried to call an ambulance, she convinced me that she was just feeling a lot of energy and that nothing was wrong. She said she was just trying to redecorate the house.” Paulo closed his eyes and shrugged with a sheepish look. “I guess I was a fool to believe that, but I wanted to. I had never experienced such a thing.”

  “So what happened after that day?” Phoenix asked,
placing her palm on his cheek.

  Paulo took a breath. “That episode lasted for several days. She was up for about five days straight, doing crazy stuff like giving away our things, losing things, or rearranging the furniture six different times. She wanted to make love constantly. She would speak a mile a minute and was unable to sit still. She would get really angry and then really calm. It got to a point where I started looking around the house for drugs, diet pills, something. Then I figured she had a nervous breakdown and just needed time. Finally, when she started telling me that she wanted us to leave New York because the mafia wanted to kill her for testifying against them a few weeks prior, I called her parents out in Pennsylvania. Her mother told me that Elizabeth had always had problems. She had been diagnosed with ADHD as a child and later with Bipolar Disorder. She warned me that Liz was having a manic episode and that I should send her to a hospital.”

  “Did you?”

  “Not right away. Why? Because the very next day, she calmed down. It was like night and day. She was calm again. She became calmer and calmer, each day, until one day I realized she was almost too calm. Suddenly she had no energy. She refused to eat. She slept all day and refused to bathe. This went on for another few days. She wouldn’t talk, just stared blankly into space. She would burst into tears and have long crying spells. She would beg me to make love to her then cry through it. I called her parents and they decided to drive up. When they got to our house, her father explained that she had crashed and was severely depressed. Her mother ended up calling 9-1-1 because I felt too guilty about it. See, they had been dealing with her psychiatric issues for years whereas she had never told me. I suddenly understood why she would disappear for several days, saying she was busy with school. She was hiding out until she evened out. I didn’t know that she had stopped her medication—medication she had been taking secretly—several weeks before. She had been on Depakote, Abilify, and Zyprexa. Those pills were the reason she had been so heavy.”