The Makeover

by Vacirca Vaughn

  “He help you lose all this weight?”

  Phoenix nodded. “Just like he said he would. Paulo always does what he says he’s going to do.”

  Cedric smirked. “I guess he’s better than me.”

  “No argument there.”

  “So why you not with him right now?”

  “I was on my way to him when you showed up. I actually thought you were him.”

  “I guess I surprised you huh?”

  “More than you know,” Phoenix sighed. “Okay, so you’ve been thinking about me. Now what? What is it you want, Cedric?”

  “I want you back,” Cedric answered, looking down into his lap again.

  Phoenix waited for him to look into her eyes. Paulo never looked away when he shared his feelings for her.

  “Why?” This is almost too easy, Phoenix thought. This is what she had always wanted him to say, had always longed for him to ask. And there he was, right there, asking.

  But a small part of her, the part not drenched in alcohol or soaked in bitterness, the part that still had a tiny shred of discernment forced her to ask herself why it was so easy.

  And why all of a sudden?

  Pray and I will reveal the truth.

  Again she ignored the voice as she struggled to make sense of the situation with her own analytical devices. She looked at Cedric’s smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes. “Why would you want me back? I thought you were happy with your new Asian sensation.”

  “Because you’re good for me. You were always good to me. I shouldn’t have walked out on you over a few pounds. But ain’t you glad I did? If I hadn’t, you wouldn’t be looking as fine as you are now, Beautiful.”

  Phoenix sneered. “I guess I owe you, huh?” That’s right, Ced, keep digging a hole for yourself. And they expected me not to get back at this jerk?

  “I like to think so.”

  “Hmmmm.”

  “What, you don’t think my leaving when I did helped you?”

  “It certainly gave me the fuel to light my fire, that’s for sure,” Phoenix deadpanned.

  “Either way, I know I helped you out,” Cedric retorted before flashing a smug grin.

  Phoenix wondered what she had seen in this man that sat before her, patting himself on the back for crushing her spirit and ripping her heart into two.

  “I’m saying, you gonna offer me a drink or something? I can tell you already started the party.” He grabbed her mug from the coffee table and sniffed. “I’ll have what you were having.”

  Phoenix stood. “Yeah, a drink sounds great.” She started to walk to the kitchen, before stopping. “Oh, I only have vodka so…”

  “What you got to mix with it?”

  “Nothing.”

  Cedric wrinkled his nose. “I can’t do vodka straight, though. You don’t have soda or Kool-aid? Nothing?”

  Phoenix shook her head. “That’s what I said, Cedric.”

  Cedric let out a heavy sigh. “Lemme go to the store and get some juice…what you want, OJ? Cranberry?”

  Phoenix shrugged. “You pick.”

  “Alright,” he said, putting on his coat. He walked down the hallway in front of Phoenix before he saying, “Yo, I’m a little short so—”

  Phoenix nearly cringed. “What? You don’t have any money? I thought you had this fabulous job?”

  Cedric shrugged. “I don’t have cash on me.”

  “Use your ATM card, Cedric! You can’t buy a bottle of juice?” Phoenix sneered.

  “Look, you got a couple dollars or what?”

  Phoenix stomped away to get her purse, thinking about how Paulo had never even asked her to pay for a pack of gum, not even when she begged to be allowed to treat him to dinner or a movie. Paulo never, ever accepted money from her. Pulling out a five dollar bill she raced back to the front door, before she changed her mind, and slapped it hard into his palm. “Keep the change!”

  Cedric placed a dry kiss on her forehead. “Thanks, Sexy.”

  As she slammed the door behind him, she stared at it for a long while. Collapsing against the nearest wall, she laid her head back on it and sighed, “Jesus Christ, what am I doing here? What is really going on here?”

  And Jesus, as He always does, heard the question.

  “Jesus, help me!” Phoenix shouted as she raged and stomped and cursed around her apartment, drunk, frustrated, confused, and annoyed.

  And in spite of Phoenix’s condition, that prayer was enough.

  The Spirit commanded Paulo, Cara, and James to continue their battle for their sister in Christ. The Spirit led them in tongues to pray for Him take control of Phoenix’s life. They also prayed for the Lord God to turn what was meant for evil around for good. They asked God to bring glory to His own Name in whatever Phoenix was going through.

  And as led by the Holy Spirit of God, they went against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms that were seeking to destroy Phoenix’s life and her very soul.

  Chapter 27

  But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them. They are the kind who work their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth. (2 Timothy 3:1-7).

  Phoenix sat in her apartment struggling against herself.

  Her time alone had given her a moment to think.

  Suddenly, a memory came to mind of a sermon she had heard years before at her own Baptist church. It was a sermon about fighting temptations. The pastor had spoken about Joseph, in the Book of Genesis, who had been tempted to commit adultery with the pharaoh’s wife in Egypt. He spoke about Joseph running away from doing evil. The pastor taught them all that when God’s children are tempted or are about to fall into a trap of the devil, God would always provides a way out of temptation.

  Phoenix wondered if Cedric suddenly going to the store was God’s way of helping her escape? Maybe…

  “No!” Phoenix shouted, casting the thoughts away. She felt on edge, paranoid, and trapped. Every few minutes she was hit with such powerful images of her life with Cedric that she had the urge to duck. Those images would thrash against memories of the life she’d been given with Paulo. She felt like she was in the middle of a war and had no idea why.

  She was drained. She had desired an opportunity for revenge against Cedric for so long, and now that it had been practically laid at her feet, she wasn’t sure she wanted it as much as she originally had.

  She started wishing she could turn away from all of this. She wanted to run back to Paulo and apologize to him and restore their relationship.

  More importantly, she wanted to run back to God and apologize and restore their relationship.

  And she was beginning to want that more than anything.

  “God, I am so stupid. I wish I could ask You to forgive me and move on, but things are such a mess right now…”

  Abruptly, like a light starting to shine in a dark corner in her mind, she started to see. The images were blurry, and it felt like something was trying to block her vision, but she could still see tiny glimpses of light that were shining through the darkness.

  And she began, bit by bit, to see how foolish her plans really were.

  But still, she struggled because the images of catching Cedric with the girl, in her home two months, before their wedding plagued her. They were like poison arrows piercing every part of her and the sting of each arrow was enough to send her into a boiling rage.

  But light was growing, slowly, inch by inch, and fighting to reign in
the darkest corners of her heart.

  She didn’t know what to do.

  She wanted to ask God but she wasn’t sure if it was too late to turn to Him.

  She was sapped. She felt like she needed to fight, but she had no idea what she needed to fight, or how to fight. She didn’t believe she could win even if she did choose to fight.

  “Jesus, I am tired of fighting,” Phoenix murmured without realizing that once again, she was talking to her Lord.

  The battle is not yours, it is God’s.

  The voice in her heart spoke with such quiet authority that it rattled her core.

  “But he came,” she whispered. “This is my chance to have peace. I need to make it right. I need to make him pay—”

  Vengeance is Mine. Come to Me and I will give you rest.

  Phoenix began to cry again. The effects of the alcohol had suddenly disappeared and she knew she was not making the voice up. She knew Whose voice she had been hearing.

  “But it’s too late,” Phoenix cried. “I’ve given up everything to do this. I can’t stop now.”

  Return to Me and I will restore you. He spoke even louder that time.

  “But God—”

  And she struggled because an even louder voice spoke to her mind.

  But God? What is God going to do? It’s too late for you. You’ve already messed things up for yourself. You have no relationship with your family, your friends, or even Paulo. Yes, you have Cara and James, but they have each other. What can God do now?

  “Nothing,” she whispered, defeat crushing her soul. “There’s nothing left for me except my chance for payback. I have to make Cedric pay.”

  And she ignored the churning in her stomach as she waited for the chance for Cedric to return so she could follow through on her plan to seduce him.

  ***

  Paulo walked the perimeter of his home shouting scriptures and praying for the woman he loved. Exhausted, he collapsed on his couch and began to weep as his own stomach began to churn. He sensed in his spirit that something was going to happen to Phoenix, but he was powerless to change it. All he could do was pray. As much as he desperately wanted to, he could not run to her, and try to fix it because he had already turned Phoenix over to God. She was in His hands now.

  God, how he loved that woman. He loved everything about her. He loved the sound of her laugh and the way her almond-shaped eyes crinkled when she smiled. He loved the way her even, brilliant smile could light up a room. He loved the deep molasses color of her skin tone. He loved her thick, wavy hair that she never seemed to know how to manage. He loved her shapely legs. He loved her awkwardness. He loved the way she would try so hard to look nice for him. He loved the way she chewed her bottom lip when she was fighting through a particularly difficult thought or idea. He loved her intelligence and her manners. She loved how she chose a profession that would allow her to spend her days helping others. He loved how she always needed to look at him in awe every few seconds. He loved her quick, sardonic humor. He loved the raspy sound of her voice. He even loved the flaws.

  Her flaws—the pride, the bitterness, the rebellion, the anger—were a part of her. And because they were part of her, as of right then, he loved those too. Yes, he petitioned the Lord to heal those flaws, but he loved them in the meantime because they were just a small fraction of who she was. He believed those flaws would no longer reign in who the Lord led her to become.

  And thinking about her, in all of her sweetness and tartness, her intelligence and foolishness, her shyness and her recent arrogance, Paulo’s love for her flooded his heart.

  And his heart reminded him that he could not give up or give in.

  So with a pounding headache, a churning stomach, a hoarse voice, and tearful eyes, he whispered to the Lord, “Please, Father, lead me in this prayer.” He waited before continuing. “Please, Jesus, give me Your strength because I can’t go through this on my own. I stand again in the gap for Phoenix. She is the woman I am so in love with that I would trade my life for hers. It hasn’t been a long time since I’ve known her and loved her. It certainly hasn’t been easy loving her, Jesus. But it hasn’t been easy for You to love us and yet You died for us. So I take full responsibility for her sin, Lord. And on her behalf I ask that You forgive her and call her to Yourself so she may repent and accept Your gift. I am not asking for her salvation so I can have her become my wife. I am asking You to save her for her sake and for Your glory. Please, Lord, reveal the truth to her. Whatever she is facing right now, show her the truth. Show her what she is about to do, or is doing, is wrong. Stand guard around her mind and heart and rebuke the enemy’s efforts. I stand on Your Word. God, I ask you to keep me in prayer on her behalf…”

  So the Spirit led his son, Paulo, to do for Phoenix what she was unwilling to do for herself—

  Fight.

  ***

  Phoenix paced the apartment, wondering why Cedric was taking so long to return. The more time he took, the harder it was for her to continue convincing herself to go through her plan for revenge. She kept longing to pray, really pray, but was afraid. She knew God had the answers but was not sure she had the right to ask Him for anything.

  The Voice that had been trying to convince her of otherwise was no longer speaking and she felt a sense of loss. She knew, in her heart, that it was the Lord trying to speak to her but she had shut Him out. Now she had lost her chance.

  And all she had left was a chance to hurt Cedric.

  “God,” she whispered, again unaware that speaking the name of God got His attention. “I wish I could know what to do. I want to know why he really showed up here.”

  Again, Phoenix felt an urge to pray. Yes, she had been asking the questions out loud, philosophically, and rhetorically, but she knew she needed to ask God directly.

  She sighed, and paced, and sighed and wondered. But still she did not feel as though she could face God.

  And what if she didn’t like the answers she received?

  As the light got stronger in her dark heart, her resolve began to break. “Maybe I should read the Bible…”

  Walking over to her sofa, she grabbed her Bible on the way. She closed her eyes and whispered, “If You have something to say, God, here I am.”

  After thumbing through the pages, she opened the Bible to II Timothy. Her eyes were drawn to the third chapter. She read aloud, “But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive…” She paused as she continued reading, only to gasp when she reached verse six. In a trembling voice, Phoenix read out loud, “Have nothing to do with such people. They are the kind who work their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth…” She gasped. “Oh my…”

  She dropped the Bible. Her shaking hands covered her mouth as she faced the Word of God coming right from the Throne, through His Bible, into her heart.

  She cried from the depths of her soul.

  Phoenix decided then that she needed to pray.

  Sinking to her knees, weeping, she said, “Father God, I give up. I confess sinning against You deliberately and intentionally. I ask You, Jesus—”

  The doorbell rang.

  She continued urgently “—for forgiveness of all of my sins. Please be my Sa—”

  “Phoenix!” Cedric shouted urgently from the hallway. “Open up! I’m back!”

  Phoenix jumped off the floor, worried that her neighbors would be calling the cops with all the noise at almost eleven at night. She figured she would have to finish praying later. She was dismayed that she had lost her chance. Again.

  Yanking open the front door, she hissed, “Are you crazy? Why are you banging like that? You know how they are about noise next door.”

  Before Phoenix had a chance to stop him, he stormed past her. “My bad. So where the vodka at?”

  Phoeni
x sighed. She felt funny having a drink now that she had started to pray just a few moments ago, but the desire to have a drink to calm her frayed nerves rose within her so strongly that she could physically taste the liquor.

  You know you need a drink to calm down. He’s back. You can’t back out of your plan now. Have another drink. All this stress is getting to you, Satan whispered.

  She rushed into the kitchen to grab the vodka.

  “What took you so long? You’ve been gone for, like, half an hour,” Phoenix asked as she returned to the living room.

  Cedric smiled. “Yeah, I was out there catching up with some of the fellas I ain’t seen in a while since I moved. I lost track of time and something made me glance at my watch and I saw that I had kept you waiting for that long. I couldn’t get back up here to you fast enough. Sorry about that, Sweetie.”

  Hearing Cedric suddenly using of one of Paulo’s pet names for her almost made her gag. Still she poured him a drink, mixing the cranberry juice with vodka. She poured herself one as well and sat down on the arm chair across from him. She held the drink in her hands.

  Cedric downed his drink in one gulp and let out a satisfied, “Ahhhhh,” when he was finished. Of course that was promptly followed by a belch.

  Phoenix rolled her eyes.

  “Excuse me,” Cedric said, winking, before getting up to fix himself another. He looked at the drink that was resting in her hands. “Aren’t you having yours?”

  “I want to have the truth,” Phoenix blurted out, startled at her own words. Uh, that is not what I meant to say. Where did that come from?

  “The truth?” Cedric frowned as he drank another glass in three throaty gulps. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean why you are here? What happened with your new girlfriend?” Phoenix couldn’t stop herself from asking the questions if she tried. This was not part of her plan. She was intent on saying the words that would relax Cedric, allowing her to flirt with him, seduce him. Right then, however, she could think of nothing more than confirming exactly what was going on. She was no longer happy about her plan. Sure, she had been determined to go through with her plan, but at that moment, just felt trapped in it. She was now sorry she had allowed Cedric back inside, grasping that when he first left, that had been her chance to make things right, to avoid going through with what she had been tempted to do.