by J. L. Beck
Once I have him where I want him I move on top of him. Digging my knee between his shoulder blades. I grip the belt tighter watching as the leather digs into his flesh. I lean into him so I can watch his ugly face start to turn blue, he’s gasping for air, and trying to say something, but I don’t give a fuck about his words or excuses. In my eyes he's already dead.
I’ve killed before, many of times, but nothing ever felt this fucking satisfying. I smile watching as his eyes bulge out of his head. I grip onto the belt tightening it, enjoying every second of his feeble attempt to fight for his life. Power surges through my veins, a darkness filling my insides like a venomous bite.
His movements underneath me slow until they stop altogether. With one last pull, I release him, letting his face fall to the cold concrete. I exhale, taking a staggering step backwards. I feel her beautiful blue eyes on me and when I turn to look at them they're full of fright, and terror. I'm afraid that I've put those emotions there.
“Kitten…” I call out to her like I'm trying to corral a scared animal.
She huddles deeper inside herself, and I feel my heart shatter. This is my fault. Had I come sooner maybe he wouldn't have had the chance to hurt her so badly. I stare at her shaking body for a long moment. I've killed for her now… I've betrayed all I've ever known for her. I knew it before, but now I know without a doubt that I will not send her to the auction, shes mine. Mine to protect, mine to keep. I look over at Yulies dead body... once its discovered that I killed him I'm as good as dead.
I need a plan and I need one fast if I want any chance of us coming out of this alive. I glance back at the body, then scan the room trying to figure out what to do with this scumbag’s body. A million scenarios rattle through my mind. Oh how I would love to burn his fucking body, or hang him from the ceiling. But none of those things will work. I continue to let my mind work until I think of something that’s good and wouldn't have me leaving Violet in here the rest of the day. The thought alone is almost unbearable.
I look at her, as she is staring at dead Yulie. I lower myself next to her onto the mattress, holding up my hands to show her that I wont hurt her. She doesn't move at all for a second but then her eyes gaze up to mine and the next moment she is in my arms.
Her small hands grabbing onto my shirt and pulling me as close as she can get me. She buries her face into my chest and starts crying. Her whole body is shaking and I want nothing more than to wrap my arms around her tightly but I’m scared of hurting her back. I take gently cradle the back of her head and let her cry for a minutes. I look past her next to the mattress and spot the pill bottle tugged in between the matress and the wall.
“Kitten…” I whisper in her ear. “Listen, I need to hide the body.”
When she doesn't respond I gently nudge her shoulders, careful not to hurt her I push her away from me so I can take her face in between my hands. I tilt her face up so she has to look into my eyes.
“Listen to me, Violet. I need you to trust me right now. I have a plan to get you out of here, I just need you to trust me… okay?”
“Okay.” Her voice comes out low and raspy from crying.
I reach behind her to grab the pill bottle. “I need you to take one of these. I need you to stay here and go to sleep for a few hours. Kitten, I swear to you when you wake up you will be in my bed and I will be right next to you.”
I can tell she wants to object, and I don’t blame her at all but I can’t take her with me yet, and still I can’t just leave her in here while she is in this state. I feel like a knife is twisting deep inside my chest. Then she nods her head slightly and takes a pill from my hand, and I just want to kiss the fuck out of her. She’s so strong, she doesn’t even see it. I hand her a water bottle off the floor and watch her take the pill. Her throat moves as she swallows it, her eyes remaining on mine.
“I'm scared, Ivan.” Her lips tremble and I vow from this moment on to protect her against everything bad in this world.
“I know…” I pick up the ripped shirt and put it on her. She wraps her arms around herself and lies down on the mattress with her back facing the door. I lean over her shaking body and kiss her hair before getting up. “I’ll be back.” I whisper.
I stick my head out the door and look down both sides of the hallway. When I don’t see or hear anything I go back and grab hold of Yulie’s arm. I pull him into the hallway, and kick the door shut on my way out. I drag his ass all the way into the examining room down the hall. I toss his lifeless body into the corner, wishing he would wake up just so I could kill him again.
No one should come in here anytime soon, since all the checks were done today but just in case I lock the door behind me. I stand there for a long moment, letting myself digest everything that just happened. I squeeze my eyes shut, an image of my sister Mira dead in the road appears in my mind.
I fucking failed her and now I’m failing Violet too.
I might have killed Yulie, but the marks on Violet’s body will take time to heal, reminding me of how I wasn’t there to protect her, how I lied to her. The need to punch something courses through my veins. I want to destroy, rip, tear, kill. I want to feel Yulie’s warm blood coat my hands. I want vengeance for Violet, something that I won’t be able to give her since I had to make the bastards death quick. Escaping this place should be easy, but doing so with Violet, and trying to remain hidden for however long needed, that I’m not sure about. I run a hand through my hair. Is she even going to want to come with me after everything she just witnessed?
I don’t know why I ask myself that. Of course she is. The last place she wants to stay is here. But is she still going to want my hands on her? I’ve grown attached to her, and every single part of my body calls to her. I want her, completely, and enough to give everything up.
Walking back to her cell and look through the one-way mirror. She is right where I left her and I just stand there for a moment looking at her. The only way I’ll get her out of this place is if I let her go to the auction, I’ll just need to find a way to take her before she actually walks on that stage. I start pacing up and down the hallway, there is no way in hell I’m letting her cell door out of my sight. If someone happens to come down here other than Gabe to deliver food, I will not look too suspicious just walking down the hall. Every time I walk by her cell I peak in just to make sure she is still sleeping and every time I see her body still on the mattress I feel a sliver of relieve enter my body.
After what seems like an eternity of pacing up and down the hall, Gabe finally comes around the corner, pushing a cart full of food trays.
When he looks up and spots me heading towards him he flinches.
“Hey Boss... didn’t expect to see you down here.” I just give him a brief nod. I don’t have to explain myself to this guy and he knows that.
I walk past him and around the corner where he can’t see me but I can still hear him. I count him opening and closing six food slots. Four girls were sent out today. I know this because I gave Luca the okay to take them to Rossi and his friends.
When he is done and I hear him walking back down the hall, towards where I am standing. I walk back around the corner as if I’d just returned to speak to him.
“Hey Gabe… tomorrow is my off day so I’m going to take number five upstair to pass my time if you know what I mean. So don’t worry about bringing her food again until Monday.”
“Sure thing boss.” He scurries past me pushing the cart in front of him and I follow him to the elevator pretending I’m taking the stairs back up. When the elevator door close behind him I turn around and head back to her cell.
I unlock it and step inside. She isn’t moving, the pills having knocked her out good just as I had hoped they would. At least if she's knocked out her body can heal and she isn’t in any pain.
I pick her up carefully, cradling her to my chest and make my way up to my apartment. I take the stairs up all four floors. I'm less likely to see someone in the staircase than on the elevator, no
one takes the stairs in this place, they’re all a bunch of lazy fucks.
When I finally make it to my place without running into a single soul I sigh in relief. The less people know about me taking her to my room the better. I walk inside, and close the door behind me. Then I head into the bedroom and gently sit Violet on the bed, rolling her body to the side. I don’t want her lying on her back until I get to check on the marks on her back.
Peeling the shirt off her gently, I inspect her marred skin. I clench my jaw, and force my hands to steady. Her whole back is covered in long, red, and swollen streaks. Some places are turning blue from bruising and in other places the skin has actually broke. Her arms and shoulders are also marred, and there is one angry streak that crosses her beautiful face.
I’ve never felt this overwhelmed with guilt and fury in my life. I’m so fucking angry I want to kill everybody in this building. Everyone who ever touched her, scared her or even looked at her… I want them all dead, every single person. I want to give her the vengeance that I know she deserves.
Pushing my anger aside, I get up and grab my little first aid kit out of the bathroom and start cleaning her broken skin before she wakes up.
Once I’m finished I want nothing more than to get a whiskey from my office, and drown myself in the entire bottle, but I’ve promised her that I’d be here when she wakes up, so instead I lay down next to her and watch her sleep.
I have no idea how much time passes until she wakes. It might have been hours or days I don’t know, nor do I care. All I know that I don’t think I will ever get tired of just looking at her.
Even with her face bruised and swollen she is still the most beautiful person I have ever laid eyes on. Her eyelids blink open slowly and for a moment I have this fear in my chest that she is going to be scared of me… scared of my touch now that she has seen me kill, but then she smiles. It’s a tiny one and it probably hurts like hell to do it but it’s the last thing I was expecting from her.
“You kept your promise.” Her voice cracks.
“Of course I did. I let you down once, and It’s not going to happen again.” The smile wipes from her face, and a frown forms against her full lips.
“You didn’t let me down Ivan.” I clench my jaw, holding back my anger. She has no idea the raging war of insanity that’s taking place inside my head.
“I did let you down. I told you I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you, and I did. I failed you, and that’s not okay with me Violet. It’s just not.”
She looks sad, and I don’t want her to feel bad for me, not at fucking all. She just got whipped with a belt for christ sakes.
“Don’t be sad.” I rub a knuckle across her bruised cheek. “I don’t want you to feel bad. None of this is your fault. You didn’t ask to be brought here. I vowed to protect you until the auction and I failed you. This is on me, and whatever misery I feel for failing you is my own. Let me feel bad, let me hate myself I deserve to feel this way.”
“Ivan.” She whines, and pushes up onto her arms. I can see the pain in her features as she moves closer to me, her body hovering above mine. “I’m just lucky that I found you that night when I got out of my cell. If I didn’t I would already be dead, so while you’re wallowing in your misery, just remember that you saved my life that night, just like you did tonight.”
I know she’s right. I fucking know it, but that doesn't mean I want to admit it. I open my mouth to respond but close it. There was nothing more for me to say. I would just have to keep a better eye on her, watch her cell at all times...unless… an idea enters my mind. I could get her a cell phone. Something she could keep just in case. I bet if I went down to my office I could find a burner in one of my drawers. I usually always used one when contacting Rossi.
“I can’t always be hanging around your cell and I can’t keep you up here with me all the time, even though I want too. I have some burner phones down in my office. I’m going to give you one and have you keep it with you during the day.”
I pause my eyes bleeding into her as I say my next set of words,“Kitten, you have to promise you won’t call anybody but me. You need to trust me on this just like you trusted me earlier to take the pill. I have a plan to get you out of here, but if you do something that could compromise it I don’t know if I will be able to protect you, or get you out alive.”
Her eyes light up, like I’ve never seen them before.
“You can really get me out of here?”
“Yes, and I promise I will, but if someone finds out I gave you a phone we are both as good as dead. This place is a fortress… a well armed fortress. If some would alert the police of this place Rossi would know right away. He is connected, has people everywhere. He would burn this whole place down before the cops could get a strike team together. Do you understand me?” I can’t even begin to explain the importance of this to her.
“Yes I understand, but how are you going to get me out then?” She seems unsure and she should be. I don’t know yet how I’m going to do it, but I’ve already killed for her and once Rossi discovers what I’ve done he’ll have us both killed. There is no way around it.
“There is no way I can just walk you out of here, but the place the auction is at is not this heavily protected. They still have tight security but I know some people there. I can pay some guys off, call in some favors to get you out quietly, and if that doesn't work then I’ll take you out by force. One way or another I’ll get you out of this mess and together we will go into hiding.”
“Together?” She sits up a little straighter, her eyes wide, like she doesn’t believe what I’m saying. “You said…” She stumbles over her words, “Before you said that you wouldn’t want to… keep me, even if you could.”
I clench my fists against the sheets.
“I know I said that...and it’s still true, partially.” She looks sad at my response, and I hate it. But she’s also acting like she expected more, like maybe I’d want her forever...and though the thought is appealing I’m not so sure I could keep her. She deserves better, a life where she doesn’t have to remain in the shadows.
“I can’t keep you Violet, and you wouldn’t want me anyway. There’s things about me that you wouldn’t like, and thing I can’t share. This is temporary. A means to an end. I will save you and then you’ll be rid of me, free of your own will to do as your please.”
“I just…” She starts, and averts her eyes down to the sheets, “Nevermind, you’re right. A means to an end.” There’s a bitterness to her tone but I can’t force myself to think any further into it. I can’t admit to her how I feel, or the things I want to do to her.
“Go take a shower, and I’ll go down stairs to my office and find a phone, okay?” I give her a soft smile, but she doesn’t look at me. She just moves away from the bed and towards the bathroom. All I can think as I watch her walk away is how if I could save her and keep her all to myself I would.
But I won’t subject her to a life on the run.
She’s already broken enough, and the thought of hurting her, or putting her in a position where she could be hurt again isn’t something I will let happen.
Chapter Ten
Violet
I don’t know how to feel about what Ivan told me. Freedom. A life without him. It seems like those things can’t coexist together… not anymore. Not after being locked inside this place for so many weeks. Weeks that feel like years. I try to imagine it. I couldn’t go back to my old life. I couldn’t just go home and put my sister in danger, pretending as if nothing happened. If I regain my freedom I have to live somewhere else, far away from the only family I have left. I won’t be Violet anymore, but a shell of my old self.
I’ll have to remain hidden just like Ivan will.
It should be easy for me to imagine being on my own, knowing Ivan doesn’t want me, not like I want him. I try and analyze the reasons I want him the way I do and none of them make sense. I tell myself it’s because he’s been the only sliver of light in the darkness surr
ounding me that makes me want him, want him in a deeper way but I’m not so sure. I think maybe it’s the fact that deep down I know he too wants me. Though the circumstances of how we’ve come together are fucked up I can see it, feel it in the way he touches me...but if he won’t admit it to himself what can I do?
I shake the thought away. If he didn’t care he wouldn’t have trusted me to have a cell phone, knowing I could call anyone. He wouldn’t have killed that horrible man, and he wouldn’t bring me up to his room every night, holding me close to his body, telling me everything was going to be okay.
It’s not that he doesn’t want me, it’s that he’s afraid to admit it. He’s afraid he’s not good enough, but he has no idea how good he truly is. At least in my eyes and I plan to show that to him, tonight. I know I don’t owe him anything for his kindness, but I do want to give him something, that he’ll always have as a reminder of me.
I sit in the cell alone, bored out of my mind, wondering if Ivan will take me up on my offer and what will happen if I actually do get out of this alive. Two days have passed since the checking and I’m now back in my cell for the first time again. Ivan was able to keep me in his room all day yesterday and it was pure bliss, even after the conversation we had. Thinking back on how he took care of me, making sure I was comfortable, and had everything I needed, how he even cooked for me.
It made coming back down here this morning dreadful. The last thing I want is to spend more time in this room even more so after everything that happened here but he did as he said he would and got me a phone. I keep it hidden in the sweatpants I’m wearing just as he instructed.
It feels heavy in my pocket, giving me a sense of security. If someone comes in here to hurt me I can call him. He set his number on up on speed dial and made me practice calling him, as if I didn’t know how to use a cell phone or something. If I need to I can have the phone unlocked and his number dialed blindly within three seconds while keeping it in my pocket.