by J. L. Beck
The day seems to drag on as I wait for the last meal of the day to be brought. Thanks to the phone I actually know what time it is. I go into the corner of the bathroom where I know no one can see me and check the phone. It’s nearly six and Ivan said food is delivered around six which means I won’t have to wait much longer to see him.
I feel like a little kid waiting impatiently for a toy...the minutes tick by slowly when I’m away from him, but when I’m in his arms it seems like they won’t slow down. When I finally hear the food flap being opened and my tray being pushed through it, I almost tell the guy on the other side thank you. I take the tray and sit down on the mattress, chewing on the stale bread.
Besides what Ivan made me, I’ve only had less than appetizing sandwiches and I’m sure it’s starting to show. As soon as I get out of this place I’m going to have a nice juicy burger. I visualize myself eating the burger and take a sip of water to wash it down.
It doesn't take long until the door opens once more and Ivan’s large frame appears in it. I jump up from the mattress and run straight into his arms. He hugs me briefly but then releases me, and I miss the warmth of his embrace with seconds.
“We can’t linger, just incase someone comes down here for whatever reason...now you know what to do, right?” He gives me a knowing look.
“Keep my eyes closed and my mouth shut,” I confirm. He nods and picks me up, throwing me over his right shoulder. I hold on to the back of his shirt as he hurries up the stairs taking them two at a time. I have no idea how he does this while carrying me on his back let alone, without breaking out into sweat, but somehow he does.
By the time we get to his place, I am dizzy from the fast movement while hanging upside down but I could care less about my journey up here all I care about is being here now… with him. Most of the marks on my back are nearly healed, the belt having not cut into my skin as badly as I thought which means I’m not as hurt as I expected myself to be.
I think back to my thoughts earlier, of how I planned to prove to him how deserving of me he really is. He denied me once before, but I won’t let him deny me this time. If this is the only piece of myself I can give him then I want him to have it.
“Ivan…” I nervously stand in the middle of the living room while he’s in the kitchen getting me something to drink. “I want to… I mean…” I stumble over the words unable to get them out. I’m a nervous wreck, wondering how he’ll respond to my request.
Ivan return from the kitchen and hands me a glass of orange juice. “What is it kitten?”
I take the glass from his hands, suck in a quick breath and try again to get the words out.
“I still want you to be my first. I know you don’t think you deserve me, but you do. I want to have this experience together. I want to give that part of myself to you and not because I feel like I need to repay you, but because I want this. I want the choice… I want this memory.”
Ivan shakes his head taking a step backwards, “You don’t know what you want Violet. You don’t want me to be your first, you have no idea how stupid that sounds.”
I should be angry at how harsh his words are but I’m not.
“We’ve done other things. Why can’t we do this? Why can’t I have this choice. I want you Ivan. I want you and only you. It’s only sex, right?”
He lets out a harsh laugh, “No it’s not just sex. It’s your virginity, your first fucking time. It should mean something. It should be with someone important. Not me. I am not important. I’m part of the reason you’re in this place, the reason you’ve gotten hurt. This entire fucking ordeal leads back to me.”
I place the cup he handed me on the table to my right and cross the space separating us. He wants me to see him as the devil, this evil man, but all he’s doing is his job. Yes, he knows it’s bad and wrong and yeah that makes him fucked up, but it doesn’t make him unworthy...it doesn’t mean I can’t give myself to him. I stand so close to him that I have to crane my neck up to see his face and he has to look down to meet my eyes.
“Don’t try and make me see you as something you aren’t. The real monsters were the three men that attacked me. You saved me Ivan. You cared about me, when no one else did. You show me compassion and yeah you can try and hide it from yourself, but you can’t hide it from me. I know you care about me.”
“Of course I care about you, that’s why I don’t want to take this from you.” His voice cracks and I know he wants this...wants me. He just needs to be pushed, coaxed to the edge.
“You are not taking anything from me I don’t want to give to you. Please… you said yourself that if someone finds out about us, find the phone, or finds Yulie, that we are as good as dead. We don’t know what’s going to happen in the next week, Ivan. I don’t want to have any regrets and I know I will regret it if I never have the chance to give this to you. I want you, Ivan. No one else, regardless of any future. I want you.”
Before he can answer I grab the hem of my shirt and pull it over my head. I swallow nervously watching as he clenches his fists his eyes roaming over my chest. I’m so afraid he’ll reject me that I start to shake and like the knight he is, he’s on me, pressing a hard kiss to my lips, owning every single piece of my heart.
He pulls away, his lips ghost against mine.
“We’ll do this, but only because you want it so badly. I’m not a good man and this part of you shouldn't belong to me but whatever you're giving me I'll take, because it comes from you.”
I get up on my tiptoes so I can press another kiss to his lip. This time he picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist letting him carry me to the bedroom. He doesn't let go of me as he kicks off his shoes and gets on the bed to lay me down as he hovers right above me. I pull on his shirt, urging him to take it off and he does, throwing it down to the floor. He lowers himself again, so that there is only an inch of space between our bodies and I can feel the electric charge between us. Pulling us together like magnets.
He kisses my mouth sweetly before peppering kisses along my jawline, moving down my neck and over my collarbone blazing a fiery path to my breasts.
Once there he sucks the hardened nipple into his mouth and I come unglued.
“Ivan.” I call out his name, not knowing what I need but knowing I need more of it. He kneads my other breast with his huge hand and I arch my back, pushing my breasts into his face.
“Fuck.” He releases my nipple with a loud pop that resonates through the room. “I want you so bad it hurts.” His lips move down my body, while both his hands hold onto my tits.
“Then have me...please have me…” I whimper afraid that he may come to his senses and end this before it even has a chance to begin.
“Oh I will kitten.” He looks up at me just as he reaches my panty line, his eyes are dark and filled with need. My chest heaves and a heat spreads through my center and outward. I'm ready. I want him. I need him, like I need my next breath.
“Patience... I need you nice and wet so when I slip deep inside you all you feel is inch upon glorious inch of pleasure.”
“I'm ready now...” I pant as he releases my breasts and grabs onto the sweatpant and my panties at my hips pulling them down my legs ever so slowly.
“Not ready enough. I need you soaked, drenched kitten. I need your sweet cream coating my hand, and dripping down your thighs.”
His dirty words make me moan, and I can't seem to get enough of him. I know after tonight, after this moment occurs between us, losing him will hurt like hell, but I'll take the pain for a small taste of pleasure. At his words he nudges my legs apart, and sits up, his body looming above mine.
I drink him in, every delicious inch of his muscled torso. I reach up, running my fingers over his slick abs, his muscles ripple beneath my fingers. His bodies beautiful each muscle looking as if its been cut from stone. My gaze drops to his stiffened cock, tenting his boxers.
“Your going to come on my hand before he comes anywhere near you.” His voice is thick with carnal
need well his fingers trail over my mound and down between my wet folds.
“Please…” I look him straight in the eyes, sinking my nails into his flesh leaving little half moons behind. He smirks down at me, his thumb rubbing gently against my clit, teasing me. My eyes drift closed, and then I feel it. One thick digit slips inside. At first he only goes knuckle deep, slowly plunging his finger in and out of my tightness. Coils of pleasure fill my belly and instantly I want more, but of course he is taking his time as if he is savoring every slip inside me.
My body squirms underneath his touch and a soft gasp falls from my lips when he thrust his finger past the knuckle, sinking deeper inside my channel. I claw at his abs, needing more, so much more. I spread my legs wider, and gnaw on my bottom lip, the burning pleasure inside me building with each stroke. An electric current shoots through my veins and I lift my hips, trying to meet the thrust of his finger. I pout, my inexperienced thrust, not helping me get him any deeper. A soft chuckle fills the air and my eyes pop open finding Ivan’s as if we’re two magnets, compley drawn to each other.
We stare at each other for a long moment, the pressure builds deep inside me, and my chest rises and falls like I’m running in a marathon. He adds a second finger, moving the two in a scissoring motion, all while keeping eye contact with me.
I lick my lips, and feel the heat of my orgasm wash over, my insides quiver, and my pussy clenches tightly around his thick fingers.
“Ivan…” I scream his name, bucking my hips, grabbing onto his hand to hold it in my place. The pleasure is blinding overtaking my heart, mind, body, and soul.
Ivan doesn’t let up though, he keeps plunging deep inside me, stroking me until I start to feel a second orgasm build. He stretches my channel, preparing me for his thickness and I watch through hooded eyes as he bites his bottom lip, watching his fingers dip in and out of me furiously.
“Come for me again kitten...make that virgin pussy come all over my hand again.” Ivan’s words are crude, naughty, and down right delicious and I follow his orders, my womb tightening, unraveling at the seams as another orgasm slams into me. My channel gushes and I feel my release do exactly as he asked...come all over my hand.
I’m panting, my entire body shaking, and a liquified mess when he pulls his fingers from my entrance and brings them to his lips. He licks the tips, before plunging them deep inside his mouth.
“Fuck kitten you’re so damn tight, and taste like something I don’t fucking deserve, but damn, am I going to ravage you, like you’re my last damn meal.”
“Please...yes…” I claw at his chest like the kitten he claims me to be. He must enjoy this because he grins, moving from the bed for a moment to dispose of his boxers, and grab a little foil packet from the nearby night stand.
My eyes are glued to his incredibly stiff cock. It’s huge, bigger than I remember it being…and my insides tingle at the thought of his taking me, owning my body like no one else has before.
“It’s now or never kitten. If you don’t want this say it, because once I enter you it’s going to be really fucking hard for me to stop.”
I nibble on my bottom lip, lifting my eyes to his gray ones, not even contemplating my response, “You’re it for me Ivan. You’re what I want.”
“Good, because I want you too.” He murmurs crawling back onto the bed, his huge body looming above mine makes me feel protected, secure, and I know I couldn’t have chosen a better man to give myself too.
“Take me…” I want him so badly I can feel the need in every single pore of my skin. The air is electric between us and when he leans forward and presses his lips to mine, that electric current courses through my body, jolting it, restarting my heart.
He kisses me for a long moment, the sound of the foil packet opening meets my ears and then he pulls away. He places the condom on the head of his swollen cock and rolls it down each glorious inch of stiffness.
“If I hurt you, tell me...I won’t try too, but there’s not helping it on your first time. Your tight as hell, and there’s no changing that, not that I would want too.” He winks at me, and I melt, I actually melt into the sheets beneath me. With my legs spread wide, he centers himself between them, his thickness probing my entrance.
Air stills in my lungs, and then I feel him moving, one of his hands moves to beneath my head, cradling it, while the other grips onto my hip, holding me in place well he moves forward. I nibble on my bottom lip, his body is strung tight, the muscles flex as he moves, and I lift my hands touching every inch of his perfectly chiseled chest.
I hope this moment is as perfect for him as it is me. An unknown emotion flickers in his eyes, and then pain seems to controurt his features, and I don’t understand why. I almost ask him what's wrong but then I feel the head of his cock slip between my wet folds. He teases me, moving his thickness up and down, over my overly sensitive clit.
“Ivan.” I whimper, wanting him deep inside of me.
“Shhh…” He orders, with a pained smile, before bringing himself to my entrance. His hips thrust forward an inch, and the air in my lungs stills when I feel him enter me. I feel stretched and a burning sensation zings across my womb.
Ivan grits his teeth, and flexes his hips forward another inch, slowly gaining entrance inside me. My heart squeezes inside my chest, as he possesses my body with a gentleness that I never would’ve expected. I cling to his chest, wanting more, wanting him to own me completely.
Lifting my hips, even against his paw of a hand, I urge him forward, making him slip deeper into my channel. There’s a sting of pain, but there’s pleasure too and I want that pleasure. I want it so bad I can taste it.
“Slow down kitten.” Ivan growls, and I sink my nails into his chest, lifting my hips again, stealing another greedy inch. A hiss escapes his lips as I do this a couple more times, enjoying the pleasure that courses through my veins, and the rumble in Ivan’s chest as he disapproves.
Once he’s seated deep inside me I moan. I feel impossibly full, my channel stretched, and filled with every inch of Ivan. He stills, leaving me to adjust to his size but I don’t need that. I just need him. Lifting my hips, I urge him forward, and this time he doesn’t fight it as if he too can’t let a single inch of space separate us.
His head falls into the crook of my neck, and I feel his heated breath on my skin. He’s panting, his muscles rippling underneath my hands. I can feel his cock twitch deep inside me, he’s holding back, and I don’t want him too. I want all of him, the dark beast he claims to be, the gentle giant he is. I want to see and feel each part of the man he is.
His fingers tighten in my hair, as he holds my head to his chest, and I can’t take it anymore. I want more. I need more.
“Fuck me Ivan. Take me how you want too. Own me.” I whisper into his ear...I feel the tension in the air snap, and then he’s doing just as I asked him to. He pulls all the way out of me, positioning his hips as he thrust back in. Pain and pleasure consume me, coating me from the inside out.
“Is this what you want kitten?” He thrust into me once more, grinding himself into my center, rubbing against my swollen clit.
The motion knocks the air from my lungs and I sink my nails deeper into his flesh, this time his back. He hisses out in maybe pain, or pleasure I have no clue and pulls out of me completely, slamming into me to the hilt over and over again.
Each thrust breaking away the person I was before I came here, before I found him, before I started to fall in love with him.
“Damnit Kitten, you’re so tight, your pussy is swallowing my cock perfectly. Taking every inch of it like it was made for me.”
“Yes,” I gasp, letting him own me with every thrust. Tears spring from my eyes as he grunts, moving in and out of me at a treacherous pace. My chest expands as I inhale our mingled scents mixed with sex into my lungs. A tightness unravels in my lower belly, and I feel my orgasm building. I’m climbing higher and higher with every powerful stroke he gives me, his body moving against mine in a feverish
way. I feel nothing but him in this moment. There’s no one else but Ivan and I.
There’s no bad, no good. No right or wrong. Just us, finding a means to an end. Seeking out what we both desperately want and need.
“I can’t last much longer kitten. I need you to come…” Ivan’s voice is rough, gravely and it makes me shiver, my hardened nipples rubbing against his muscled chest.
“I’m close.” I whimper, and with uncanny strength he holds himself up on one arm and maneuvers the other between our bodies, his fingers rubbing against my clit. That coupled with the deep thrust of his cock send me flying over the edge, like a rocket soaring into the sky.
Every muscle inside my body tightens, and my my head spins. I can’t tell what’s up or down and frankly I couldn’t care either way. My pussy strangles his length, quivering with aftershocks of pleasure. A few strokes later I feel his body tense, his cock throbbing deep inside me, a roar of unbridled pleasure escaping his lips and filling my ears.
My whole body feels like air, as if I’m just floating into nothingness. My body and mind are sated and my heart feels full, brimming with an emotion I can’t explain.
Thoughts swirl inside my head about Ivan, about all he’s done for me, about what he continues to do, and when I feel the tears slipping down my cheeks I know I’m screwed. Before I can think about what I’m going to say the words are coming out.
”I love you.” They hang in the air between us, and for a moment I don't think that he’s even heard them until I fell his body tense above mine. A coldness sweeps through me, and I wince as he pulls out, pushing off the bed and away from me.
“This is exactly why I didn’t want to do this.” I blink the euphoric pleasure easing from my veins, anger, and sadness replacing it. His body is turned away from me but I can still feel the anger and resentment radiating from him just because I said those three little world.
“It’s not like I meant it. People say things in the moment all the time.” I lie and he turns on me, his face is a mask of anger now, and I see the guilt in his eyes.