Normal

by Jason Conley

  “Thank you, Daddy,” Carissa offered, not knowing what else to say. Carissa heard his footsteps echo down the hall. She heard the front door open then close. She was not sure if he had left or was just stepping outside, but she was sure she did not care.

  Carissa knelt down to get the blown dryer from underneath the sink. It was not there, among most of the other hair gadgets. So, she massaged the water from her hair the best she could with the towel. Grabbed a brush, which there were plenty of, and raked it through her hair. While not strong, she pulled hard to release the tangles. Now, her hair looked like a stringy but an attempted mess. She put on her shirt, pulled her hair through the collar, and wrapped a pony tail tight.

  Carissa peeked into the hall. There was no one home. Randy had left. Maybe he had somewhere he needed to be or he was leaving so Carissa could not see the bruises under his eyes, but Carissa realized it again, she did not care. She crossed the hall and closed her bedroom door.

  Carissa saw the white paper resting on her bed. She looked at the letterhead with its pressed seal making it an “Official Millard Johnston High School Notice”. The font was large and black. The emblem had some gold-looking leaf to ensure the yellowed glare imposed a certain amount of intimidation with the right amount of severity. She read through the letter. It was addressed to both her and April. It began professionally:

  Dear aforementioned students,

  Investigation has revealed that you have both been involved in an altercation resulting in physical violence and the discovery of illegal narcotics. Although, authorities will not be pursuing legal actions in either matter, it is still the duty of this office to ensure the safety of all students. You are hereby suspended from school for no less than 3 class days. Any questions can be forwarded to the schools office of attendance.

  Sincerely,

  Ronald Greenville

  Principal

  25

  Carissa looked at the burgundy door. The knocker was a cold dark thing but ornate with elegant curves colliding at the center. It can came to a point with a large half ball striker that met perfect to the center of brass plate she figured was glued to the door seeing as there were no nails or screws visibly holding it in place. The handle, in the same ornate style, curved down and then out with a small thumb press at the top.

  Carissa waited. For what, she did not know. She may have been hoping that the door would swing open and he would be standing there, happy to see her. Or, she might knock and no one would answer and the anxious wrench she was feeling would subside and all been for not. Maybe, she would turn to leave without knocking and none of this would have happened. She would cross him again soon by chance and pick up where they had left off. None of these scenarios happened.

  Carissa clasped the knocker, lifted, and held it for a moment. She still had the chance to turn away or go home or run or anything else but knock on the door. She could just lay the knocker down and walk to April’s and maybe she would see him later. But, she knocked.

  Carissa heard rapid footsteps then the door flew open. “Hey,” she said rubbing her hands together, her face turning a lite shade of pink.

  “Hey,” Rob said. He stood in the threshold for a moment. He looked surprised to see Carissa. He was in fact already wearing a jacket and shoes, both which he never wore unless he was already going out.

  They both stood there looking at each other. It had been a little over a week since he had asked Carissa to the movies. Since then, they had only seen each other in passing. They had said pretty much nothing to each other. Carissa, of course, had been preoccupied with David. Rob, on the other hand, had been angry. He was hurt and he was mad about that. He had not wanted to see Carissa let alone talk to her. However, she was standing on his front porch, on Sunday, visibly shaken. No matter what the distance was between them now, in that moment, Rob was still her friend. He was still the boy that beat the shit out of a guy for bothering her. He was the guy that watched as she fell for some boy that she hardly knew. He was who she came to, right now, in this moment, on this morning. He could tell by the look on her face that she needed him.

  “Give me minute,” Rob said stepping back into the house, leaving the door open. He walked over to the table next the couch and picked up the phone. He held the receiver to his ear and dialed the numbers then waited. “Good, you haven’t left yet. Something came up.” He paused. “I know. Find someone else.” Another pause. “No, I’m not.” Another pause. “Okay. Bye.” The phone beeped as he hit the call end button. He placed the receiver back onto its charging port.

  Rob stepped back through the door, closing it behind him. Carissa stood in the same spot not wanting to move. She looked into his eyes and waited for him to start the conversation. It was not that she did not want to talk to him; she would not be here if she had not, but she did not know how to start. She knew the moment was fragile and she needed her friend.

  This fight had been the first time they had gone without talking since they were in junior high. Rob had decided to join the football team in seventh grade. He was not very popular back then. April, Scott, and Carissa had been his only friends, much like now. He wanted more though. While not as accepted, the football clique in junior was the early development platform for the popular kids in high school. The middle years of school were the launching grounds for the popular kids to develop a well-rounded air of dehumanization that allowed them to freely harass and deject others while learning to ward off inconvenient bouts of conscience pity. After two weeks of practice and one afternoon listening to the other players and the cheerleaders talking about Carissa, Rob decided football players were ass holes and the bitches on the cheer squad were just not for him. But really, he liked the guys but Carissa was what he wanted and if they did not like her, he did not like them. They were not worth his effort.

  “So, I haven’t seen you in while.” Rob said to break the silence.

  “Yeah,” Carissa said.

  “Where’s David?”

  “I don’t know. At home, I guess. I don’t want to see him, now.”

  “You have fight?”

  “No,” Carissa said defensively.

  Rob laughed, “Sorry. I was just asking. You haven’t been around and now you’re here. I just assumed you had a fight. So, what are you doing here?”

  “This was a mistake.” Carissa said, running her fingers through her hair. She turned. She did not know where she was going but she was leaving. This was a stupid fucking mistake.

  “Carissa, wait!” Rob put his hand on her shoulder. She turned back to him burying her face in chest and wrapping her arms around him. She cried. She cried in a way he had never heard her cry. Everything was coming out, but she said nothing. He put his arms around her. They stood on Rob’s porch, in that spot, on that day, saying nothing else until Carissa had no more tears to cry.

  Carissa and Rob walked slowly alongside the idle street. The occasional car would pass but the two were almost eerily alone. People were not mowing their yards. Children were not playing. Even the breeze that accompanied the crisp morning had calmed to a still. The birds were not singing. The stray cats lay still in the sun. Everything was calm.

  “Rob, I’m sorry,” Carissa’s said, almost whispered.

  “For what?” Rob just wanted to her say it.

  “For not,” Carissa’s courage was running on empty. “For not, not looking at you like that.” The words hurt but Rob wanted to hear them. He needed to hear them. He wanted to be Carissa’s friend without all of the awkwardness and the pining and the jealously. He wanted to be simply Carissa’s friend. He loved her and not just romantically. He loved her for everything. She was beautiful, yes, but he loved her. With all his being, he loved her.

  “I know.” He said.

  “I love you, though. And, yes, it is the way a sister loves her brother.” Even though Rob had his crush, well, crushed, he laughed which made Carissa laugh.

  “Friend-zoned!” Rob said making them both laugh harder.


  “I know,” She said in between chuckles.

  “You,” Rob said changing the subject, “really beat the shit out of Destiny.”

  “Yeah, I sure did. I broke her fucking nose. At least, that’s what my dad told.”

  “Oh, you broke it. There was blood everywhere. I went to the office and she was sitting in the waiting area. Like, four people were all around her like, ‘Oh, you’re going to be okay.’ She was screaming like she was dying. ‘Why?’ She was trying to get as much sympathy as possible. I heard one the secretaries say that she was surprised this was the first time. It’s pretty funny that everyone knows she’s a bitch. I heard her ‘girls’ rolled over on her, told everyone she started it. I think they were mad because April beat the shit out of them, too. You two are pretty bad ass bitches.”

  “Yeah, well, we won’t be taking our prizes anytime soon. Suspended,” Carissa said pointing at her smiling facing. “April too. We got three days.”

  “Nice.” Rob laughed.

  They strolled down the road talking as if no more distance between them. Even though Rob had pined for her for so long, he was almost relieved that she did not want to be with him. He had always been himself around her just with far more effort than he would have liked. This afternoon felt natural, unforced. He was just Rob and she was just Carissa. It was simple and nothing more. There was no need to impress. There was just the two of them.

  “So, Rob.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Have you ever looked at the trophy case in front of the school?”

  “Yeah, that’s my brother.” Carissa was surprised by the answer. Apparently, she was not the first to ask. “He was way older than me. I don’t even remember him. He was actually a pretty good football player from what I gather from my dad. People loved him. He was pretty outgoing, I guess.”

  “So what happened to him?”

  Rob told her how his brother Steven had gone out with some friends. They had been drinking and driving the back roads and found a shape turn on a dirt road. They had gone around the corner several times, going faster each time. The last time, the driver lost control and slid into the bar ditch. The car flipped several times and Steve was not wearing a seat belt. He went halfway out the window and was crushed. The others survived. They had told his dad that Stephen cried for about forty-five minutes before the life drained from his body. A tear ran down Carissa’s face as Rob recounted the horrible details of the night. Rob was only two when the accident happened so his recounting for more like news than loss.

  26

  Carissa decided not to leave her house during her three day “vacation”, as Randy called it. She spent most of her time in her room reading and writing, taking the occasional break to pee and shower. In the afternoons, she would clean the living room, hall, kitchen, and bathroom. By the time Randy had gotten home from work, she was back into her room.

  Carissa and Randy had barely talked since Saturday. They spoke the normal good mornings but they had not said a word to each other in the evenings. Carissa would come out of her room long enough to grab something to eat or a drink and went back, but that did not matter. Randy spent every minute, when he was at home, in his room. Carissa was not sure what he was doing but she did hear the sporadic arguments assuming he was talking to Casey.

  Carissa did call April at least once a day. They did not talk about anything. They just chit chatted and proudly relived the fight in every gory detail. April did hear that Destiny was not at school and there was a rumor that she had swapped to Bartlett but there was no confirmation of that on the student level except for Destiny’s absence. For Carissa, life seemed to be straightening itself out.

  Carissa had not seen nor attempted to talk to David. She was not sure why. She missed him deeply. It had only been a few days since they last parted ways but she thought maybe he would call her or try to stop by her house. Maybe he just hasn’t had a chance.

  On the last night of Carissa’s suspension, she sat in her room thinking about all that had happened since meeting this boy. She had found strength in herself she never knew existed. Sure, she was strong but she never would have thought that in her short life that she would ever start to think things were looking up. Friday, she found out she was pregnant. Saturday, she was raped by her father. Sunday, she mended her relationship with her best friend. Now, on Wednesday night, she was…Optimistic? She was beginning to confuse herself.

  Carissa decided the best idea she could possibly have is to assess the situation. She was sure she had had miscarriage on Saturday. Well, pretty sure. She hated herself for knowing losing the child would be for best. However, everything else seemed to be looking up for her. Carissa’s hope made her uneasy, though. I am a seventeen year-old girl who may or may not be having my father’s baby. I have to go back to school tomorrow and face everyone. I have not seen David in days. My little sister is gone. My mother is dead. My alcoholic stepmom knows I’m pregnant. What the fuck am I so happy about? Maybe, it was the fact that Randy was leaving her alone. There is that.

  When the morning light broke through Carissa’s curtain, the beam fell on an empty pillow. Carissa had been up since 5:00 am partly due to too much sleep over that past three days and a little excitement. It was strange for a high school student to be excited about going back to school but she was. She was going to be with her friends, she wanted to see if the rumors about Destiny were true, and she wanted to see David.

  By 7:00 am, Carissa had already taken a shower, dressed, and was heading down to the bus stop. She was not surprised to be the only one waiting seeing as she was there twenty minutes before the bus was going to arrive. She leaned against a pole, then started walking around in circles. With all that she was anticipating with the end of her suspension, a clear thought was hard for her to separate. So she kicked rocks, spun around a sign post, kicked at a telephone pole, and stepped on an ant hill belonging to what she was sure was the last above ground colony till summer.

  “Hey, freak,” Scott’s voice called from behind. Carissa was actually excited about seeing him. He had kept his distance since the whole unrequited Carissa and Rob love paradigm.

  “Hey,” Carissa said hiding the excitement in her voice but when she hugged him he knew she missed him.

  “Hey, guys,” Rob said jogging from the other direction. She reached out and hugged him too. It was strange to Carissa how much she missed them. “And…for lunch,” Rob fished around in the pocket of his backpack and pulled out a tiny plastic bag with a little pot in it. Carissa smiled, trying her best to be excited, but she knew she was not going to smoke…just in case.

  “So, Destiny hasn’t been at school since you beat her ass. I heard she left!” Scott said with the usual low dose of couth.

  “April told me that, too. How is the D-squad taking it?” Carissa smiled wanting Rob and Scott to definitely apply the double meanings.

  “From behind!” Scott said. They laughed…hard. Carissa loved that Rob was not trying to be calm or controlled. He was not trying to portray some image of some guy she may or may not want him to be. She could see he was not trying to…well, whatever the hell he was trying to do before. He was just being her friend again. They were all three just being friends. There was no tension or competition or distance. They were all together again, at the bus stop, at least for now.

  The familiar squeal of the brakes rode on the breeze as the bus rounded the corner two blocks down. Carissa was excited but trying to hide her anticipation. The bus seemed to take on a glow as it hit the chilled morning sun. She thought it odd she had never noticed before. However, the bus driver looked the same. The best interpretation, pretty fucking pissed to be driving a fuck load of high school kids this early in the morning.

  The bus stopped, opened the door, and Rob and Scott hurried on. Carissa stood back for a second. She knew David may be in there but she also realized that everyone is seen differently after returning from the “cooldown period” described in the school handbook. She was not sure what to ex
pect. In her best case scenario, Carissa would be greeted by grateful victims of the reign of bitchdom that Destiny and her minions had consumed the school with for the last three years. The worst case, everyone was pissed that Carissa had fucked up the face of the precious Destiny, and that…Carissa knew she could live with.

  Carissa walked to the top step and scanned the people in the seats. Rob and Scott were making their way back to the same empty seats they always sat in. Some of the kids looked at Carissa grinning, others did not want to make eye contact and yet others could not give a shit. However, David was not there. He was not waiting. He was not looking out a window with his back turned to the isle. He was not behind someone with a bigger head or hair. He…just…was not there.

  Rob looked at Carissa with an almost omniscient gaze and shook his head. That was when Carissa realized that Rob had not seen David either. She closed her eyes tight and her lips began to tingle. She took a long deep breathe through her nose and out the same. I hope I am being paranoid.

  As Carissa made her way back to Rob, a girl grabbed Carissa’s hand, squeezing tight. Carissa stopped, looked the girl in the eye, but did not recognize her. It was not that she could not put a name with the face, but she could not remember this girl. She was sure that she had never seen her…well, ever. Maybe, she was new. Maybe the girl thought that Carissa was someone else.

  The girl rose. She was several inches shorter than Carissa but their eyes never faltered. Carissa watched the girl’s tears welled. The girl’s mouth began to shake. Her big eyes blinked, a drop followed. She pulled Carissa toward her wrapping her arms around Carissa in one fluid motion. “Thank you,” the girl whispered. “Thank you so much.” Carissa did not have to ask.