by Kar, Alla
“What are we going to do?” she asks, breaking the silence.
Turning her toward me, I lift her chin to meet my eyes. Those blue eyes will be my undoing. “We will not worry about him. Or Seth. Or anything else tonight. Tonight we’re going to love each other. In every way possible. I’m going to make you know how much I love you.” I turn and dig through my jeans pockets. Pulling out a box, I tap the lid before handing it to her.
“You already gave me my gift, which I love by the way.” She smiles over at me.
I nudge her side. “Just open it, please.”
She grips the box with one hand and uses the other to open it. My heart jackhammers in my chest. Looking up at me, tears spill from her eyes. “My mother’s locket,” she whispers. Biting my lip, I try to decipher her look. She said she didn’t want to take anything form her parents’ house, but I knew she would regret it one day. I bought a new chain for it, and had it cleaned. I swear I feel like a nervous fifteen-year-old boy about to go in for my first kiss.
“Taylor,” she whispers. “Thank you.” Her hands fly up around my neck, and she pushes us to the bottom of the boat. She is pressing kisses all over my face, my neck. Her hands tugging on my hair and skin. Like she can’t get enough of me. I wrap her in my arms and rock us as she cries, and kisses me. Telling her over and over how much I love and cherish her.
She is sobbing in my ear. “I love you,” she whispers.
Smiling, I grab her face in my palms to calm her down. I lean toward her lips. “Always,” I whisper against her mouth, before taking those pouty lips in my own.
Chapter Ten
Layla
The water rippling in the breeze wakes me. We rock back and forth with the movement of the water. Opening my eyes, I sit straight up. The blanket falls from my shoulders, revealing my bare chest. I ache inside knowing how much Taylor loved me last night. Almost all night. The blissful ache only grows, consuming me with everything Taylor. It was perfect. His lips. His touch. His body on mine. Heaven.
He is lying against me, one hand still wrapped around my lower waist. My hand automatically wraps around my mother’s necklace. I was angry at first, knowing he took my mother’s necklace. But, he’s right. Why would I let those things sit there and rot? Why not take what I want. Remember my parents the best way I can.
I’m slipping my shirt back on when I hear a four-wheeler. My nerves shoot everywhere, thinking it’s my grandpa. When I look up Damon is riding up, standing up as he flies toward us. What in the hell? He slams on his breaks, making mud splatter against the water.
Taylor growls and sits straight up in the boat, his messy hair in a devilishly charming tangle. “What the hell?”
Damon stalks toward us, and stops at the water. A tranquil stare is on his face. He’s in a T-shirt and jeans. I’m sure he’s freezing cold, each puff of breath sends a fog in front of his mouth. Taylor groans when he sees Damon. I’m told they resolved their feud, but I’ll believe it when I see it. I still haven’t talked to Damon about the night at the table or the barn. I’m not sure I want to ever think about it again. I love Damon. He grew up with me, took care of me, and went well out of his way to make sure I was safe. But, he isn’t what I want. What I crave. I crave the fighter pulling on his clothes now. I crave the lion next to me.
“What do you want, Damon?” I blurt out.
He swallows, his head shaking back and forth. He looks sick to his stomach and a little pale. “Are you sick?” I ask, pulling on my jeans under the blanket. Taylor is dressed now, rowing us back to shore. I watch as his muscles tighten with each stroke. Those arms held me all last night. So tight to his hard body. I want this every night.
“Are you going to answer her, Damon?” Taylor asks, helping me out of the boat. Bending down, he takes my face in his hands and kisses me.
Pulling back, I glance over at Damon. Taylor bends down to gather our blankets. “What’s wrong?” I ask, stepping toward him.
His mouth opens and then shuts. Tears are streaming down his face now. Everything is starting to darken on the edges of my vision. Did someone die? Grandpa? Grandma? Who? I want to shake him until he says it, but I can’t move from this place in the mud. I feel it seeping against my bare feet but I don’t move.
“Layla,” he whispers, his hand outstretched toward mine. I shake my head. I can’t touch him right now. I can’t move.
“Tell me!” I scream into the air.
Taylor steps beside me, rubbing his thumb up and down my spine. “What is it Damon?” he asks, the same fear lacing his voice.
“Layla,” he chokes out. He bends to his knees, spit dripping from his mouth. Tears pour from his eyes. “Someone burned down your parents’ house. Someone burned it all down.”
Silence. That’s what I hear. I see Damon’s mouth moving quickly, hands in his hair. I stare at him in a daze. My body frozen with shock. Burned down? There isn’t anything left? My fingers latch onto my necklace and everything comes out of me at once. An ear-rattling scream leaves my throat. Taylor’s arms catch me as I fall toward the muddy ground. Pulling me into his lap, he strokes my hair, my neck. Kisses my head, my cheeks. Wipes and kisses my tears away. I’m empty. Every piece of me burns on the inside. Damon is in front of me now, rubbing his hands over my arms. He’s crying like me. He loves my family, and it hurts him, too. I know it does.
Both men hold me tight. My body quivering with sobs. My heart breaking all over again. I don’t ask who did it, because we all know who did it. We all know Seth burned down my parents’ house out of anger. Out of pure evilness. With shaky legs, I push myself off the ground and stand. Taylor strokes his fingers across my bottom lip. Anger flashes in his eyes. A fucking demon is looking back at me. “I’m going to kill him,” he says matter-of-factly.
I shake my head, my body jerking from the sobs. Before I can say anything, black invades my eyes. Then I’m falling into darkness.
***
Everything feels puffy when I open my eyes. My lips, my eyes, my face. The heat is still riding along my skin, begging for some way out. Stretching my fingers, I feel a blanket over me. I’m warmer than I need to be. I push the covers off and sigh at the rush of cold air.
“You awake, hustler?”
Nodding, I open both eyes. Taylor is sitting on the bed in front of me. His hands are wrapped around my ankles, squeezing lightly. His face is red, tear stains running down his face. I want to reach up and hold him. Hold him to my chest, to feel him breathe on me. “It’s gone,” I whisper.
Taylor frowns, crawling up the bed, he takes my body and holds me close. “It’s gone, baby. I’m so sorry they did this. I’m so sorry.” He rocks me back and forth in a steady motion. His soap floods my noise, giving me the only relief I’ve felt today.
“How long have I been asleep?”
He leans in and smells me, like it intoxicates him. “All day. It’s eight. I brought you some dinner. It’s in the refrigerator.”
“Where is everyone else?” I ask, feeling a fuzzy paw touch my foot. I glance up and spot Mittens making herself at home in-between my ankles.
“They went to the trailer, to see if they could salvage anything from the fire.”
I screw my eyes shut, as tears fall down my cheeks. “Shh, baby. Shh,” Taylor coos into my ear. “We’re going to be fine. I’m going to take care of it, I promise.”
“No!” I sit up and yell. Taylor’s arms fall from around me to his sides. “I won’t have you fighting for me. Not because of this. I want to go back home. I want to leave Dallas and never fucking come back.” I shoot up out of my bed and head toward our closet. I’m throwing things. Everything. I toss all of my clothes onto the bed, and throw each shoe against the far wall. Everything flowing from me in a rush.
Anger rages in me like it never has before. It’s eating me from the inside out. “No! I want to leave!” I scream again. “They’re gone! Never coming back. All of their things demolished. It’s gone!” I hit the bed with a shoe, and Mittens dodges for cover
. Taylor is watching me, his eyes steady. He doesn’t’ frown, he just sits and watches me throw a fit.
“I hate this! I hate everyone,” I scream. “I just want to be normal. A normal family. A fucking normal mind. I want to feel my parents’ arms around me. I want to take all of their things.” I slam my head against the wall. “Why didn’t I bring some of their stuff?” Kicking the wall, I beat my hands along the closet door. “Why do I keep getting punished? Why me! Haven’t I had enough?” I’m swinging my arms wildly when Taylor grabs me from behind. “Let go of me!” I scream. “Let go!”
Taylor doesn’t. He holds me tight to his chest and lets me kick and scream until I’m so tired I can’t move. My body slumps against Taylor’s chest, and he carries me back to my bed. Back underneath the warm covers. Except this time, he leaves me alone.
***
Taylor
Cindy and Brett find a slightly burnt photo Layla and her parents’, a red dress and a stack of cards. The items are sitting on the coffee table covered in ash, along with Cindy and Brett who are sitting on the couch.
Cindy jumps to her feet, ash smeared beneath her tearstained eyes. “Is she okay? We heard … ” she trails off.
Pressing my lips into a line, I run my fingers through my hair. Cindy watches my face and then throws her arms around me. “We need to leave,” she says. “We need to leave and never come back.” Her tears are soaking my shirt, but I don’t care. I bury my head into her shoulder and squeeze her tight.
“Not yet. Not until we finish this. This won’t end until Seth is dead.”
Cindy pulls back and Brett tucks her underneath his arm. “What does that mean?” he asks.
The lump in my throat grows to three times its normal size. “I think you know exactly what it means. He did this to warn me. To lure me out of the house to fight. He wants blood and I’m going to give it to him.”
Brett shakes his head and puts his stocky arm on my shoulder. “You know I have your back,” he says.
“I know, but I need to do this alone. He wants Layla and I promise he won’t get her unless he goes through. We all know he isn’t going to get through me. I will beat the goddamn brains out of his fucked-up head.”
“What are you going to do?” Cindy whimpers.
I stare at them with perfect seriousness, the rage building in my chest. “I’m going to kill him.”
***
It’s Christmas Eve and we should be on the road, but we’re not. We should be getting close to Ohio right now. Today shocked the fuck out of all of us. Out of all the things he could have done he tore Layla to pieces. I’m sitting on the back porch of Layla’s grandparents’ house, my hands resting in my lap. I have no idea where to go to find this guy. And I’m not sure I’ll make it out alive if I go. He could have ten guys around him like last time, but a part of me doesn’t give a shit. I want to feel his blood on my hands. To see the life drain from the piece of shit.
Dan doesn’t say anything, but I hear him sit down quietly beside me. The crickets sing in the background. Dan flicks a cigarette toward me. I glance over and take it as he lights it for me. Taking a long drag, I close my eyes.
“I can’t believe they did this to her,” I whisper. My voice sounds fragile. Like it did when I was little. I haven’t heard this hurt in a long time. “I can’t believe they burned down the house. You should have seen her face,” I say. Tears run down my cheeks, but I don’t wipe them away. I don’t move. I watch the horses roam in the field.
“They have no heart,” Dan says, flicking his cigarette to the ground. “I’ve known those boys my entire life. Country. Simple. Don’t give a damn about anyone but themselves. It doesn’t surprise me they did this. It truly doesn’t. What does surprise me is that you haven’t found them and killed them yet.” I wait for him to laugh, but he doesn’t.
“I’ve gotten into my truck four times but got back out. I want to hunt them down and kill all of them. But, I know that will only land me in jail. It will only make our situation worse. Layla needs me now more than ever,” I say, taking another drag and pressing my eyes closed.
Dan stares out in front of him, hands splayed onto his knees. “You see the white one?” he asks. I furrow my brow, and look out onto the field. A white horse is raring his hooves to a black one. They dance around for a few minutes, before the white one jumps at him again.
“Yes.”
Dan stands and leans against the railing of the porch. “The white one is bluffing.” He stomps his cigarette out underneath his boot. “The black one takes his time, not backing down but not making a move yet. Like in a fight,” he says.
I watch as the white one jumps several times, only to back away.
“The black one is smart. Taking his time. He knows exactly when to strike.” I’m on the edge of my seat watching. Finally, after three minutes of calling bullshit, the black horse jumps, high, his hooves crashing down onto the other’s back. The white horse falls, staggering away, while the black one stands and watches. This is seriously some intense shit.
I turn to look over at Dan, but he isn’t standing there anymore. He’s gone.
***
Layla is standing in the bathroom, staring at the shower when I walk in. She doesn’t move when I close the door. She’s completely still. I watch as she slowly slips her clothes over her head then pushes her pants and underwear down her leg. Taking her hair down, her other hand seems to curl around her necklace. A soft cry trembles from her throat.
“What’s going to happen to me?” she whispers.
Taking a cautious step, I reach out and stroke my fingers down her naked back. “What do you mean, hustler?” I whisper against the back of her ear.
“What is going to happen to all of this hurt inside of me? I feel like it’s going to bust from body. I pray that it’ll just seep through my pores one day. Just leave me alone. For good. I’m tired of hurting,” she whispers helplessly.
God. My heart fucking hurts hearing her like this. And I know there isn’t anything I can say to make that pain go away. She’ll have to grow. Let herself heal. Let herself love endlessly. She’ll realize all of this has made her a better person. Grow inside. Heal nicely.
“Baby,” I whisper, trailing my fingers over her shoulder blades. “There isn’t one thing I can say to take that pain away from you. Not one damn thing and, believe me, I wish there were. I wish I could take all of your pain and put it inside me. I’d suffer all of your misery, to make sure you don’t have to endure it any longer. No more pain for my little hustler. But, it’s not that simple. You have to grow, and you’ll become better each day. Slowly. It’s agonizingly slow. But, it’ll fade. And that beautiful person that I love so much will be whole again.”
Layla’s shoulders slump and she presses herself against me. All those tears from earlier have regenerated, and are being let lose. I don’t mind. I bring her to the floor, holding her head against my chest. I’m sure I’ll have to do this so many nights. And there isn’t one place I’d rather be.
Chapter Eleven
Layla
My heart aches. My insides burn. The only relief I’ve had is when Taylor held me. It takes that hurt away. That agonizing burn dulls when he touches me. He is like a cool shower, cooling the ache. The water from the bathtub feels great. Taylor’s hands are wrapped around my waist from behind me. The coiled muscles in his arms are tightly around me. Like he is trying to hold me together. He is whispering into my ear, telling me how strong I am. And how much he loves me. I can’t even tell if I’m crying anymore. The water is running with the tears down my cheeks, so they’ll wash away down the drain.
Taylor holds me like this for so long. I’m not sure what time it is, but the water is freezing now against me. Taylor coasts me out of the shower and then he helps me dry off and get into my clothes. The warmth from the covers soothes me. I rest my head back, and stare at the ceiling. Taylor runs his fingers over me, my lips, my eyes. Everywhere he touches his touch feels like relief. Feels like an es
cape. I fall asleep with Taylor’s hands rubbing me. Everywhere. Not in a sexual way but to soothe me. To take away some of that pain he knows I’m suffering from.
I’m asleep when I smell it. It’s so funny how smell is so sensitive. So important. The smell is familiar. I smelled it when Cindy took me to see my parents’ house. I begged her. At first she said no. Then she finally drove me over there, and held me in the parked car, while I bawled my eyes out. Taylor had been at my grandparents’ house and I didn’t want him to take me. I know it hurts him to see me hurt, so I begged Cindy. We didn’t get out of the car. She just held me as I cried. They found a few things for me. A dress, my dad’s stack of cards and a torn picture. I’m thankful for it.
Opening my eyes, I crawl up to a sitting position. Something is burning. My hands feel clammy as I shake Taylor awake. My fingers are hot and I’m only touching his skin. The hotness is in the air. It’s far away but steamy. He groans, but sits up toward me. “What is it … ” he stops, and I know he smells it too.
Swallowing hard, Taylor licks his lips before pressing a kiss to my lips. It’s desperate. Demanding. It’s like he doesn’t think he’ll see me again. Then he abruptly stops. “Stay here until I come back for you. Do you hear me, Layla? I’m sending Cindy up here too. Stay.” He presses his thumb against my bottom lip before shooting up and down the hallway.
Running toward the window, my throat closes in on itself. It’s not our house that’s on fire. It’s the main house. A scream rides on my tongue, but I’m too stunned to make my mouth work.
Cindy’s hands come around me from behind and she holds me tight. “Everyone is going to be okay, Layla.” I’m too shocked to speak. I stare out of the upstairs windows as my grandparents’ house is engulfed in flames. Taylor, Brett and Damon shoot out of the door downstairs, and rush toward the flaming house. I see Damon on his phone, I pray he’s calling the fire department. But, I know it’ll take them twenty to thirty minutes to get out here to the boondocks. Black is swarming my eyes, and it feels like someone is sitting on my chest. I can’t breathe.