by Kar, Alla
“Oh, no,” Cindy whispers from behind me. I don’t ask her what’s she’s talking about, because I see Seth stalking toward them, a baseball bat in his hand. No. No. No! I’m screaming in my head, but my mouth won’t open. Taylor is watching Seth like a fucking lion, his eyes glued to the baseball bat hanging loosely in his hands. I have no idea what they’re saying to each other, but I see their mouths moving rapidly. A loud crack comes from inside of my grandparents’ house, and flames burst from the living room window, sending shards of glass all over the front porch.
“No,” I whisper. I promised Taylor I’d stay here. I’d stay in this room and be safe. I have no weapon, nothing to help. But, my grandparents are in that house, possibly burning to death. I clench the windowsill and press my hand against the cool window when the bat hits Taylor’s leg. I whimper, sending all of my energy to Taylor, who’s still pacing, hitting Seth when he gets the chance. Brett and Damon both square off with the two other men with Seth. They aren’t going to let them get inside to save my grandparents. They plan for them to die. Die. Like I haven’t had enough taken from me already. All the boys are fighting for my grandparents. For me. For my fucked-up life.
There is no rational thought in my mind, memories are surfacing, my grandma, and my grandpa. My dad … then it hits me. All at once. It drags me down with an ounce of hope in my heart.
***
“How long do we have to stay here, Dad?” I whined, looking out of the upstairs window. The summer air was basically begging me to come outside. Asking a six-year-old to stay inside on a perfect day is torture. But, Dad said no going outside. Nothing. I had to stay here with Mom until Dad said we could come back home.
Dad sighed from behind me, and wrapped his arms around my shoulder. “Sweetie, it’s not safe to be at the house right now. You’re safest right here.” He points his finger down on my shoulder. “Come here. I want to show you something, Layla girl.” He picks me up and places me on the bed. “Do you know that I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone in the world?” His big, brown eyes were coated with tears. Sadness was etched into his frown. My little fingers launched out, sliding my hand along his frown.
“Why are you sad?” I asked.
A tear ran down his cheek. “Because, Daddy messes up all of the time. And he hates himself for putting you in danger. I’m through with it.” He stood and stared down at me. “I’m going to keep you so safe, you’ll never have to worry about being safe again.” He tapped the tip of his finger against my nose. “Watch TV for a minute. I need to talk to your mother.”
He kissed the top of my head and walked down the hallway. I tip-toed behind him, and stopped at the spare bedroom. Mom had her head in her hands, crying and sobbing into them. Dad stood in front of her, staring down with his hands clenched.
“Baby,” he cooed but my mom cried harder. Wrapping his arms around my mom, he pulled her onto his lap. “I’m so sorry, baby. I never meant for this to happen. I’ve always wanted to keep you safe. Always wanted to make sure you and Layla were safe. I’m a fucking idiot and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for dragging you two into this.”
Mom hadn’t said a word, but then she looked up at him. Tear stains ran down her flushed face. The blond hair I envied as a child was a mess on her head. Dad frowned and started to smooth down her golden locks. “I’m so scared,” she whispered. “Not for myself but for Layla. I’m scared she’s going to grow up like us. I want her to have a better life. A life full of security and love.”
Dad held her tighter to his chest and nodded. “I know.” Placing a kiss to her forehead, he smiled. “She’ll find him. She’ll find the man that can love her endlessly, baby. She’ll find that person and if he has any sense he’ll never let her go. I know he won’t.”
They laid there in each other’s arms, while I watched from the doorway. Dad pulled back and stared down into her face. “I want to show you something. I’m going to need you to keep Layla safe tonight.” Mom started to shake her head but Dad stopped her with his finger to her lips. “Baby, please. I need you to listen to me. Come here.” I ducked back as they stood. Hiding behind an alcove in the hallway, I waited for them to walk down the stairs.
I waited until I couldn’t hear them anymore before I walked down the hallway. Pictures hung on the walls, staring at me as I walked toward the living room. I peeked around the corner. Dad was standing in front of a chest in the living room, holding a pistol. My mom’s face was blank, but she nodded along with what he was saying.
I watched silently as he hid it in the bottom of the chest, and I ran back toward the bed to dive under the covers.
***
My feet carry me downstairs before I have a chance to think about what I’m doing. Cindy is screaming my name from behind me, following close on my heels, but I don’t stop. I have tunnel vision. I tumble on the stairs but stagger over toward the chest. It smells like mildew and mothballs, but I push back the smell and dig around until my hand closes around the metal.
I freeze. Pulling it out, I stare over at Cindy. She’s pale. Her eyes are wide, and she’s shaking erratically. “Taylor made me promise I’d keep you here, Layla. You can’t go out there. Please. They have it under control. Stay here with me.” She’s right. It’s safe to stay here, but I won’t let the people I love die because of my father. It’s not in me.
Standing on wobbly legs, I hold the gun tightly to my thigh. “Cindy … you don’t understand. You won’t. Because you have both of your parents. You have a family. My family is in a burning house right now and I’m ordered to stay here and watch while they burn to death. I would never forgive myself if I didn’t at least try to save them. You can either grow a pair and come with me or stay here and hide. But, I’m the daughter of a hustler and the fiancée of a fighter. Taylor always says fighting is in his blood. Well, fighting is mine, too. I refuse to lose my grandparents over my father’s sins.” I cock the gun and even though it feels foreign in my hands, I know it’s right. This is right. “Now, you can sit here and hide or get your ass up and follow me.”
Cindy’s mouth parts, and she stares blankly at me. I’m pretty sure she’s scared, and so am I. I’m petrified. But heroes can’t be scared. They have to think of the right thing to do, not for themselves, but for others. “Okay, let’s go.”
The winter air hits my face like a slap. I’m in a thin, white T-shirt and pajama pants. My eyes search the group of guys fighting in our front lawn. I see every possible person but Taylor. A dull ache forms in my gut. Where is he? My hand clenches onto the gun and I take a step forward. Smoke is making it hard for me to breathe, but I hold my breath as I wade toward the house. Cindy’s hand is wrapped around mine, and I know we look ridiculous. I know Taylor asked me to stay in the house, but I can’t. I can’t and I won’t. I won’t have my grandparents’ deaths on my shoulders, because I’m not sure I can handle any more heartbreak. Or guilt.
I can’t see Brett’s face, but his body looks worn. Damon is the only one that’s actually getting the best of his opponent. He gives one last punch and falls onto all fours on top of him.
His green eyes find mine over the distance, and they widen. He’s bleeding profusely from a cut underneath his eye and when he stands up I see blood soaking his shirt. A look of terror is staring back at me, he slowly shakes his head back and forth but I start to run toward him.
He meets me halfway, bringing me close to his chest. “Taylor, where is Taylor?” I ask against his neck. “I have to find him.”
Damon pulls back and moves his eyes toward the house. “Seth chased him into the house. Layla, I don’t think you need to go in there. It’s not safe. I’ve called the fire department, we need to wait on them–,”
“No,” I scream, slapping his hand away. “You help Brett, Damon. I have to save them. I have to.” Sobs are threatening to break from my throat, but I push that large lump back down. I’m not losing Taylor, too! Oh, God. The sickness in my stomach is making its way up. Clawing for a way out.
&n
bsp; Damon and Cindy are both saying something, but I don’t hear them. All I hear is the loud cracking of the fire in the distance, then I feel Brett’s hands come around me from behind. He’s whispering into my ear, something, I can’t tell what it is. It’s supposed to be soothing, but it’s not. “Let me go,” I say, carefully, but no one is listening. They’re frantic, pulling their hair and watching the house. “Let me go,” I say louder, but Brett holds me tighter to his chest. “Let. Me. Fucking. Go!” I scream. My limbs are clawing at the air, Brett is trying to hold me.
Reaching back, I slam my elbow into his Brett’s side, he howls and drops his arms. It’s the only chance I have. The only chance I’m going to get. So I take it. Running full speed toward the house, I hear everyone behind me screaming. I hear everyone behind me crying out my name, but I don’t stop. Two guys are lying on the ground, bleeding by my feet, but I jump over them and slam myself against the front door.
Brett’s footsteps are close, so I sling the door open and run blindly into the smoke filled house. I’m instantly gasping for breath, the smoke heavy in the air. I search in the smoke for the stairs, my hands outstretched, and the gun pointing in front of me. I hear a loud thump from upstairs as I fumble for the railing. Once it’s in my hands, I hear the door swing open. Brett is calling my name but I don’t look back. He can’t see me and I’m hoping he doesn’t. I trip several times trying to get to the top but, once I do, I see a blaze of fire coming from my old bedroom. Anger roars inside of me. They started it in my old bedroom. All my things burning. Not only my childhood with my parents but my grandparents’ too.
Another crash sounds from my grandparents’ bedroom. Racing toward their door, I swing it open and gasp. Taylor is standing in the middle of the room, shirt off, hands clenched. Bruises cover his sides, his arms. He doesn’t look like he should be standing, but lying in a hospital bed.
Across from him Seth is bracing himself against my grandparents’ wall. Blood is dripping from the end of the bat. My chest is heaving dramatically, and then I see my grandmother lying in the bed. She doesn’t look like she’s breathing. God, no.
My throat closes up, the smoke getting heavier in the room as the fire grows down the hallway. Taylor hasn’t seen me yet he’s back is to me. Seth takes a lose swing toward Taylor, and he barely gets out of the way.
Each atom of my body burns. It hurts. My eyes search for my grandpa and I see him in the corner of the room, lying on his stomach. A pool of blood is flowing from his mouth, but I see his hand twitch. No. Please. Please. Racing toward his side, I drop to my knees and cradle his head in my hands. He blinks through those big, blue eyes up at me. The blue eyes I loved to look at growing up. That laughed without saying a word. “Layla,” he whispers, his voice rough. “I love you so much.”
God, no. “No, Grandpa. Don’t say that. Don’t act like you’re not going to make it. The fire department is on their way. We’re going to save you.”
A small chuckle tries to leave his throat, but it comes out in a rough cough. Another crash sounds against the far wall, and I shiver at the cracking sound. “You were right,” he whispers. “You were right.” Another hacking cough. “He is the man you should be with. He is your soul mate.” Tears run down his face, leaving a trail against the ash against his cheeks. “Please, don’t lose him. Keep him close. He’s a great guy,” Grandpa closes his eyes and I start to shake his shoulders.
“NO!” I scream. “Please, I love you!” I’m screaming and crying. Shaking and sobbing.
“I love you,” Grandpa whispers against the air, until his body is limp in my hands. Lost. My entire body is lost. My mind soaring over me, looking down at this pathetic scene. This heartbreak consuming every ounce of my being.
With trembling hands, I grab his hand and kiss it. I place it back on the floor beside him and stand up. Taylor is leaning against the wall, hacking up a lung. His eyes turn to mine and hold. I see the realization in his eyes as he glances at the gun in my hand. “Layla,” he whispers, coughing right after. Glass is shattered along the floor, blood soaking the carpet. “Don’t.”
Swallowing, I make myself look over at Seth. He’s bloody, bruised and beaten. The bat in his hand is loose. If I wanted to I could probably take it away. The sirens are in the distance now. And Seth is smiling at me. Regardless that he’s bleeding and half dead. He’s smiling. “Layla. You’re not going to use that,” he says, tossing his head toward the gun.
The door swings open and Brett comes rushing in. He looks at me and stops cold. I don’t know what they’re seeing on my face right now, but I know how I feel. Empty. Lost. Fuming with rage. “You better start saying your prayers Seth, because I’m not afraid of you, your dad or any other corn-fed friend you have.” I inch closer, my fingers latching around the gun.
His face falls. He knows I’m going to kill him. There isn’t any question anymore. I’m sick of this ruling my life. I’m sick of not having a life because of him. Because of what happened years ago. Seth spits onto the floor and tilts his chin upwards.
“Hustler, put down the gun. You don’t have to have this on your chest anymore. I told you I’d take care of it,” Taylor pleads. Taylor’s eyes beg me to stop.
“No,” I shake my head. “This isn’t your situation to handle. It’s mine. You’re after me, right?” I look over at Seth, who is searching frantically for a way out. “You’re here to kill me. Right!” I scream.
The fear in his eyes makes me smile. “You killed my grandparents, you fucking bastard,” I whisper, looking down at my grandpa’s limp body. My grandmother is breathing, but barely. “You killed them!” I scream louder, my own voice breaking my ears.
Seth’s hand curls around a lamp beside my grandparents’ bed. And before I can think twice he is lifting if above his head, tossing it toward me. That’s when I do it. I point the gun and shoot.
The shot rings through the air, every nerve coming to a complete stop within me. Seth’s body hits the floor with a thud. The sirens are here now, loud against the crackling fire. I feel Taylor’s hands around me, rocking me against his chest, but I’m frozen, looking down at Seth’s lifeless body. The body that has tormented us since we got here. The body that killed my grandparents. The body that I just took from this world. I killed someone. There isn’t a way to explain taking another person from this world. It’s a heaviness weighing in the back of your mind.
Tears fall down my face but I don’t make a sound. I don’t sob. I let Taylor hold me against the firmness of his chest. Lifting me into his arms, he rushes us toward the door, falling against the porch when we make it to fresh air.
He rocks me against his body, the fresh air seeping into my lungs. I’m hurting so badly, but I can’t talk. I can’t scream like I want. The paramedics rush toward us, touching our faces, our wrists. “Upstairs,” is all I can say. Taylor pushes their hands away and directs them upstairs toward my grandparents.
My body feels lifeless. The love in my heart shattering into a million pieces. My grandpa is dead. Gone. He loved me so much. Took care of me for years. Always wanting to protect me. Looking up, I gaze at Taylor. He’s crying, rocking me against him. Blood soaks his face, hair and neck. His bruised body still holding me close to him. He put down his life for my grandparents, like I knew he would do for me. Anytime. Anywhere. Never a second thought. My grandpa was right. There is no one in this fuckup world that can care for me like him. No one that can love me to the moon and back like him.
I don’t know how long he holds me. But when the paramedics come back and confirm my grandpa’s dead, I break. I knew it from the start. As soon as I walked into the room, I felt he wasn’t going to make it. Because of my father’s sins. Because of the mistakes my father couldn’t take back. A loud sob breaks from my lips. I feel Taylor carrying me toward the ambulance but I don’t care to look up. They poke me with needles, and pull on my body. I let them. I don’t look up. I close my eyes and think about every good time that I’ve had with my grandparents. All the love. All
the affection. The money. The food in my belly, the safe place for me to sleep. They didn’t deserve this.
My eyes dry out from tears on the way to the hospital and I dry heave into a bucket they give me. I hear to my grandpa’s last words over and over. Taylor is my soul mate. He gave Taylor and I his blessing and that’s all I could have ever hoped for.
Chapter Twelve
Taylor
The funeral was simple. A few hundred people showed up, paying their respects to Dan. Layla stands next to me. A short, black dress hanging down to her knees. Her hair is pulled back tightly, showing her heart-shaped face and pretty blue eyes. Her grandma sits on the other side of her. Their hands are intertwined. The preacher is talking but I can tell Layla isn’t listening. She’s zoned out. Thinking about the times with him. That’s what she says she’s doing. Every time I ask if she’s okay, she nods. Tells me she is remembering him.
When she was released from the hospital, police officers took her into custody. Seeing her hand-cuffed made my blood boil. I clench my hand around my leg and pull at my black slacks. They released her, of course, it was self-defense. But I never wanted her to have that weight on her shoulders. I wanted to end his life because I know that weight is heavy. I wasn’t sure if Layla could make it with any more trouble. But, she has. I’m not sure how I ever doubted her. She is absolutely the most beautiful and selfless person I’ve ever met. I love her with a fierceness I’ve never had.
The ushers are lining us up now. And as soon as we stand, Layla latches her hand onto mine, like she needs me here to help her. To love her always. I glance down at the engagement ring shining on her finger and squeeze. Her grandfather’s last wishes were for Layla to marry me. He told her I was the man for her. I was her soul mate.