I pulled back when I felt like it had been just enough to make the interest believable. “I really need to go.”
“I’ll talk to you soon?”
“Sure.”
I drove back to the Underground, wishing I’d had a better way of accomplishing that in a timely manner. Either way, it was done.
I strode up to Kane’s office, the door already open, as if he’d known exactly when I would arrive. He didn’t look any happier than I felt as he waited, sitting on his desk.
“He’s going to be innocent.” I dumped the strands in Kane’s waiting hand.
He fisted them. “This was a one-time agreement, so you better not have any more plans. I don’t care how much praying you plan on doing.”
“I don’t.” I stepped in between his legs, resting my hands on his waist. “Any word from Tawny on mine?”
“She’s trying, but nothing yet.”
I nodded as his hand came up, rubbing my back in the most delicious way.
He resisted letting me go when I pulled away.
“Where are you going?”
I moved out of his reach as he watched me go to the knob of his door and turn the lock. “I like to pray in private,” I said, smiling.
Chapter Thirty-Five
I’d waited a few hours for a message that Vincent was exonerated, but no news had come. As I wasn’t familiar with this whole process, maybe it took a while to sort through memories? They probably didn’t come with a Dewey Decimal system.
By the time dinner had come and gone, and there was still no sign of Kane, my linguine felt like a cinder block sitting in my stomach. What had Kane seen? Was it not even Vincent’s memories? Were they mine? Were they so bad that he wasn’t going to speak to me again? Was he having my things packed up right now, about to throw me to the curb?
He protected me and cared for me, but I knew there were certain things you didn’t come back from. Some deeds were too bad to live with, like being the cause of a major city being destroyed by monsters. And I might’ve done that—unknowingly done it, but I didn’t think that mattered much when it was on your résumé. He’d promised to not kill me. He hadn’t promised to never stop wanting me. But he’d never said he loved me or offered any future, either.
By the time Butch and Leon were strolling into the Underground, I was rushing them like a lineman that had gotten recruited in the first round of the draft.
“Where’s Kane?”
Butch and Leon shot looks back and forth.
“For once, can you people just tell me without the damn faces?”
Of course, this elicited new and confused faces. I waited those out without another word, afraid they’d need to look in the mirror next.
Butch scratched his jaw. “He’s with Tawny still, using your old rooms on sixth.”
I didn’t wait for anything else. Whatever had happened, whatever was to come, I wanted to know now. And if it was bad, I’d live with it.
The elevator had never moved so slowly as the floors lit up, one by one, before finally delivering me to the sixth floor. I pushed open the door, not feeling the need to knock when technically it was still my apartment, even if I wasn’t doing much sleeping there.
The witch, Tawny, was wrapped around herself in the armchair, looking as quiet and meek as ever. Kane was seated on the couch in front of the floating image, leaning forward as some random footage of someone driving down the street played.
He didn’t notice me when I walked in the room, which was completely unlike Kane. He noticed everyone, always. His awareness was off the charts, and I’d never seen him lost in thoughts the way he seemed to be right now. My legs felt as wobbly as a new colt’s as I walked closer.
“What’s going on?” I asked, coming to stand beside him, afraid to sit. It would be easier to pretend I wasn’t humiliated at getting thrown out if I wasn’t sitting. Unless I fell. That would definitely be the worst.
“Nothing good,” he said, with a deep sadness that made me want to pull him from the room and ask who’d died.
He didn’t sound angry—or not at me, anyway. So, maybe I hadn’t been caught doing the worst deeds imaginable?
“What did you find?” I asked.
“Tawny, can you replay that last clip we were watching?” he asked, sounding so unlike himself. For a man that had always seemed composed, the strain was startling.
Tawny’s eyes darted from Kane to me and then back again before she nodded. That bad? I did some Lamaze breathing, or what I thought was Lamaze breathing from the stupid stuff I’d seen on TV. If it got women through labor pains, maybe it would get me through this without breaking anyone’s bones or furniture. I gripped the arm of the couch, still afraid to sit.
Tawny chanted under her breath and the air began to shift in front of us, like a kaleidoscope changing colors and patterns. The image grew brighter until it became a new scene, washing out the previous one.
Someone was walking through a hallway. It looked as if the building had been abandoned and had sustained significant damage. The walls were charred.
The person climbed a flight of stairs before making a right turn into a room. The air was sucked from my lungs, and no amount of Lamaze could prepare me for what I saw. My body was slumped on the ground, lifeless at the feet of a man, his upper body completely cast in shadows.
Was I dead? No. That was stupid. I couldn’t have been. I was standing here alive, right now, and I didn’t feel like a zombie. Seconds dragged on as if I’d pressed a slow-motion button on time. The dead me, the one on the floor in the image—her chest finally moved. A sickly wheezing sound escaped her lips.
“What the hell is this? What did you do to her?” It was the voice of the person’s memories we were viewing, the voice I’d just heard earlier today. It was Vincent’s voice.
My fingers dug into the arm of the couch. That was the only thing keeping me standing as I felt the ax-sized knife lodged in my back.
Kane got up and stepped closer, letting me know he was there for me without smothering. It was his style. He’d give as much comfort as I was willing to take. Although, from the looks of him, he needed it more than I did. What was wrong with him?
Vincent shifted, drawing my attention back to the picture. He hadn’t been a part of whatever had just happened to me, but he’d been involved somehow. He knew a lot, from the looks of it. And yet he’d pretended as if he’d never met me until that day in the Underground, when he strode in and introduced himself.
Vincent squatted beside me, checking the strength of my pulse before standing up again. I still couldn’t see who he was with, though.
“Can you get a clearer picture?” I asked Tawny, hoping to identify the other man.
“Dude, I ain’t a 4K TV,” Tawny said.
I reassessed her. Maybe not so meek at all. Or maybe the greyish tone to her skin meant Kane was pushing her too hard.
“She’s been at it for a while.” Kane ran his hand down my back, his signal to not kill the new kid. I was more concerned about him doing her in than me.
“Why are parts so dark?” I asked, not caring who answered.
“Because he wants to forget,” Kane answered. “That’s why the voice of the other person sounds strange. It’s distorted, or I might’ve recognized it.”
I kept my attention on the picture as Vincent stood. “What happened to her?”
“Did you think it was going to be easy?” the shadowy man asked.
Vincent groaned, as if he were remorseful, but it wasn’t enough to take the sting from the burn. He’d known. All along, he’d known.
Shadow Man nudged me forward with the toe of his boot. “You need to dump her close to the Underground. Don’t let her die. If she does, shit could go sideways quick. We already almost lost her, and you don’t want to know what happened then. One of those crawlers nearly lost its shit on us. Her dying isn’t an option. Get her close to the Underground and we’ll make sure she gets found. We can always grab her again when we need her.�
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“What happens when she wakes up and tells him?” Vincent asked.
“She won’t remember anything. The ugly fuck said her mind is going to be fried because of what we did,” Shadow Man said.
“How bad will it be?” Vincent asked. “Is she going to be a vegetable?”
A fucking vegetable? I heard a crack, and then Tawny shrieked. Oops, there went the end table.
“Nah, just a memory gap. She’s lucky. If we’d used her any more, it might’ve wiped out years, and that’s if she made it.”
“You never said—”
“Your boss knew everything. Now hurry up and get rid of her.” Shadow Man walked away.
It hadn’t been a spell after all. And “boss”? It had to be Frederickson. Who else?
“Those damn vampires,” I said.
Vincent picked me up, and I felt violated and weak. Vulnerable. I rubbed my hands over my arms, disgusted.
“That’s why the potions didn’t work and you were coming up clean,” Kane said. “It was magic that screwed up your memory, but not a spell.”
“At least I know.” That was the best I could come up with at the moment. The only bright spot. I knew I’d been betrayed. Yippee.
I was sure I’d be hearing an “I told you” so any second. Kane had been right. He deserved it.
But he wasn’t saying much of anything and he didn’t look happy. He looked resigned and maybe a little tired—or sad, even. It was as if he’d taken this well-worn path enough to remember how bad it felt. It made me wonder who’d been smart enough to con him.
“How did you know not to trust him?” I asked, giving him his due.
“You learn the signs after a while,” he said, not even a hair of gloating.
“And what were the signs with Vincent?” What had I missed that he’d read so clearly?
“He’s ambitious. Never trust anyone who is more concerned about where they are in life than who they are. They never seem to mind stepping over a couple of bodies on their climb up.”
They were fitting words, as I was one of the bodies Vincent had just stepped over.
“This isn’t the worst of it,” Kane said, and I knew that other shoe I’d been sensing was about to drop. “Tawny was able to pick up a little from your memory as well.”
I shuddered, but got control of myself quick enough. What had I done that Kane was acting so weird? As I waited for Tawny to do her thing, I could swear my heart stopped a handful of times. My fingers grew ice cold where they hugged my arms.
The image shifted again, but this time it was all blurry, just blobs of shapes, like a camera out of focus. I could hear speaking, but it was garbled.
Until my voice broke out clearly: “Please, you don’t want me to do this. You don’t know what you’re asking for.”
Tawny started explaining. “Because your memory is a mess, it’s just a hazy clump of nothing. It’s amazing I can even get this. But that’s about all I can pick up.”
I watched the blurs, trying to find something clear as the picture continued. The garbled voices filled in until I spoke again.
“No. I won’t—” My words were cut off as a sob came out. I could hear the swish of something but not make out what I was being hit with. If I had to guess from the sound, it was something significant.
The attack sounded vicious, and I heard groaning. More garbled words and me refusing. Both the refusals and the groans grew weaker and weaker.
That was where those bruises had come from. I’d been tortured. I should be devastated, and maybe I would be at some point. But at that moment, all I wanted to do was sag in relief. I hadn’t let them through willingly. I’d been tortured, and I might not have even been conscious.
I wanted to celebrate, but I was the only one. Tawny looked as if she’d been through it herself and was ready to cry.
I turned to Kane, hoping to see the same expression on his face that I was feeling. I’d been forced, and it looked as if I’d gone down swinging. So why did he look haunted?
“Did you have bruises?” Kane asked, not a drop of joy on his face.
“I had some faded ones.” I’d never been so eager to provide information as I was right now, knowing it vindicated me.
“Someone probably healed you as best they could before they dropped you off. Most likely Vincent.” Kane turned toward Tawny. “Keep trying to get it clearer.”
Tawny waited until he turned his back before she rolled her eyes, making it obvious this wasn’t the first time he’d said that.
He turned toward me, with a hand at my back ushered me out of the room and into his apartment, and shut the door.
Why wasn’t he as happy as I was? I hadn’t done it on purpose. I might not have done it at all. Maybe they’d figured out a way to use my mind somehow without me doing anything? Did he not realize how great this was? How I’d agonized over this day after day?
He stopped right inside the hall and boxed me in with his frame, still not remotely as happy as I felt.
His head dropped, his cheek grazing mine. The tension was rolling off him, and I didn’t know what to do but stay still and wait it out. Why was he acting so crazy?
“Kane? This is good. Even if I was involved, I didn’t do it on purpose. Now you know for sure.”
“I should’ve known for sure anyway.” He pushed off the wall, his palms flat on the surface as he finally met my eyes. “I let this happen. You were mine, and you got hurt. Nothing about this feels good.”
I cupped his face. “But we can at least move on from it now.”
“I don’t know if we can.”
“Why?”
“Before, I was forgiving you for something you didn’t even do. Once you remember, I don’t know if you’ll forgive me.”
“Forgive you for what?”
“For thinking you could be that person.”
“But I’m not—”
He cut me short before I could tell him I wasn’t mad. Not even a little.
“You don’t understand yet. We weren’t just a fling, some casual hookup. I loved you. I never said it, but I should’ve, and so many times you were sick of hearing me.”
Was he trying to take my legs out from underneath me? Was that the plan? Because if the wall hadn’t been at my back, I would’ve hit the floor. This man, this arrogant bastard who protected me, carried me to bed and pulled off my shoes for me, held my hair back when I got sick—this godlike man was telling me he loved me.
And instead of kissing me, he walked away.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Butch was eating a bagel while Leon had his phone out, snapping pics of his bacon and pancakes. I couldn’t eat a bite as I sat in the booth with them.
I hadn’t seen Kane since he’d left his apartment last night. I’d waited in his place, jumping at every creak I heard, but he hadn’t come back. Even if he needed some space to think about us, what about the vampires? We had work to do and he took off? Or was that where he was right now? And he went off without me?
I pushed a barely touched bowl of fruit away. “Did Kane say anything to either of you last night?”
“We already told you, no.” Butch turned back to Leon. “Who eats bacon and pancakes? It should be bacon and eggs.”
“See? That’s your problem. You’re too rigid. You need to embrace new things,” Leon said.
“Are you two worried at all?” I asked, interrupting their little tiff.
They both turned to me and said, “No,” at the same time, as if I were the crazy one.
Butch pointed at Leon’s plate. “I embrace things that work. Bacon and pancakes don’t. Look at them. Those strips are getting soggy with syrup.”
“You’re getting very uptight, do you know that?” Leon asked, more serious about this than Kane missing.
“Look at that soggy mess. That should be a crime to do to crisp bacon. I’m going to have a word with the gargoyles—”
“You need to move on from this,” Leon said.
I stood. “I
f either of you hear from him, call me, okay?”
“Yeah, sure.” Butch waved his hand and they went back to their argument.
I stopped by Jerry, who was manning the door, and pried his attention away from the newest blonde walking past. “Have you seen Kane?”
“Huh?” His eyes were focused on the blonde’s cleavage.
“Jerry!” I put myself in between him and the blonde. “Have you seen Kane?”
“No. Been gone since last night.” He only looked at me for a second before he stared over my head.
He was useless. I had one last person to turn to for information. I walked into the hall, where it was quieter.
“Zee?”
“Yeah?” She popped up almost immediately.
“Have you seen Kane?”
“No. Hang on.” She lifted her ear to the air and then looked back at me. “He’s off the grid.”
“What’s that mean?”
“Means no one has a location.”
“Let me know if you pick up something?” I asked.
“You got it.”
I turned toward the elevators but then went back to the Underground. I’d go wait in his office. It had the best view of the place, and I’d know the second he walked in.
I made my way toward the stairs but froze. The crawler that had been at the cemetery the last time I saw Harg, the little deer without the charm, was standing beside the exit door, watching me. I watched back. It took a step closer to the exit. It wasn’t watching. It was waiting.
Did I go to it? I glanced at Kane’s empty office and then back at the creature. What if it knew something about Kane? Sometimes the best you could do was go with your gut. My gut was telling me to follow the creature.
I walked toward it and watched as it disappeared through the closed door. As I neared, Jerry turned toward the blonde, as if he didn’t notice me. It was a bit suspicious. These crawlers might’ve had more influence in this world than any of us had imagined.
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