by Redding, Mae
“I know… I’m sorry.” He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. With one knee slightly bent, he rested his arms on the handle of the pitchfork.
Tears flowed down my cheeks but I didn’t care, I couldn’t hold back. I felt suffocated, confined inside for too long. I was so mad! Mad at everything, mad at Kane for being so strict, mad at my mom and dad for dying! Mad at this whole thing!
“Maybe it would have been better for me to get sick, and then at least I wouldn’t be such a problem for you…” My voice caught and I turned away. Kane set the pitchfork against the stall and turned me to face him. His blue eyes looked hurt and stressed the sadness apparent in his voice. It wasn’t his fault that things were the way they were.
“Don’t say that, Jade.” I wiped my tears. My twenty one year old brother, the one who used to chase me around and tease me, forced to take care of Emery and I.
“I’m sorry. If Em and I weren’t here, you and Trey could move on with your lives a lot easier.”
Kane pulled me over to the bench and sat me next to him. “It might have been easier, but since when did I ever do things the easy way. I don’t know how. If you and Emery were gone, what reason would I have to make this place better? It isn’t for me and Trey, it’s for you and Emery! Every man out there, at least every good man out there is trying to make things right again. We all have someone who deserves better. The world around us needs to have order. It needs to be safe and right now, it isn’t. If we can’t agree on how things will be done around here, we will be in a lot of trouble.”
He put his arm around my shoulder and squeezed me as I threaded my arms under his and hugged him back. I looked at him, his blue eyes pleaded with me to understand.
“And don’t you ever think for a second that you are a burden, and that I would be better off with you gone! I know I’m just your brother, but you're the only family I’ve got. We need each other, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Besides, who would I have cook me dinner?” Kane said, lightening the strain in the conversation.
“I’m sure you could find some cute girl to make you dinner,” I teased. His face reddened a bit.
“That’s the last thing I need.”
“I don’t think it’s the last thing you need.”
“Well, maybe not,” Kane sighed. He looked down at the dirt floor of the barn deep in thought for a brief moment. A faintly amused smirk appeared like there was someone specific he had on his mind. “But the last thing I have much time for.”
I looked at Kane thoughtfully. I felt bad. The Kane I knew that chased girls had to take a back seat to unexpectedly having to take care of his two younger sisters. I smiled back, seeing for a brief moment, the kindness and concern that genuinely lied under the surface of his thick tough skin.
“Alright… I’m not going to tell you everything,” Kane said, as we walked to the house, “but our world is going to get worse. A lot worse.”
“I know.”
“Yeah, I guess you do… I need your help prepping the garden.”
“Serious?” I asked, and stopped in my tracks.
“I hope I don’t end up regretting this.”
“Don’t get my hopes up.”
“Come on.” He looked back at me and pulled on my arm. “Serious… we can plant the cool weather crops. I’ve been meaning to start on it, I just haven’t yet. We’ll do it together.”
I smiled. “Anything to be outside again. Can I start riding again, please?” I begged. I knew I was pushing it but I had to ask while Kane’s sympathetic mood remained.
“You need to stay on our property. You have the five acres surrounding our house. I don’t even want you over at the farm. It needs to be this way. You can ride in the arena. Just for now, let’s see how it goes for a couple of weeks. If it goes okay, then I might let you go to Marge’s, that’s it.”
“Thank you, that’s all I need.”
***
My parents’ bed called to me. I crawled next to Emery, already asleep. I stared at the glow of the lantern that danced on the ceiling. Deep in thought about my conversation with Kane, the cleanup and my mom.
Her love of people, her desire to help is what ultimately led to her death. I remembered the gentle healing touch of her hands and the soft soothing sounds of her voice. The last time we talked, she tried to comfort me, to calm me, even with her destined fate viciously staring at her, but all I could do was cry.
***
The phone rang that morning back in September and woke me off the couch. Mom. She said the hospital was busy when she arrived to work the previous day. The ER, bombarded with sick people, became the place to avoid. As the day progressed, more and more people came in.
“The virus spread quickly across the country,” she said, with worry in her voice. “Don’t go anywhere! Do you understand me? You all need to stay inside, okay, and don’t let anyone come in.”
“Just come home,” I cried into the phone, “please!”
“I can’t. It’s too late now…I,” she held back, “I’m contagious now and I can’t bring it home to you kids.”
“What!”
I hadn’t noticed until then, but she sounded weak on the phone.
“I need to stay here. When they figure this out and it’s over I will come home. Take care of each other, Jade. I love you…I’m so sorry.” Her voice wavered as she spoke through tears.
Kane took the phone when the sounds of her tears caused mine.
“What is she saying? I want to talk to her again!”
“Jade, quiet! She can’t!”
“What’s going on?” Emery asked, quietly. I looked over and saw Emery in tears on the couch.
“Mom!”
I had a deep impenetrable fear that I couldn’t shake! I pulled at Kane’s arm, pleading with him. He shot me a menacing look and then at Trey as he held the earpiece to his head.
Trey pulled me from him so he could finish his conversation with mom. They both tried to hide the troubled look they had on their faces. I looked at him for some kind of reassurance. With his eyebrows furrowed, he clenched his jaw tight, I didn’t get one as we waited for Kane to get off the phone.
“She can’t stay there!”
“She doesn’t have a choice now! All we can do is wait and hope they find a cure...” Even though he meant to sound convincing, I heard the uncertainty in Kane's voice.
“We need to go get her!” I pulled myself away from Trey and grabbed onto him. “Please!”
“There is nothing we can do!”
I shoved him out of frustration but he barely budged then wrapped his arms around me, unwilling to let go. Uncontrollable sobs, muffled against his chest.
“Jade, listen to me. If we go out, we will get sick. I want to get her just as much as you do… But we can’t! Mom said to keep us here, and that is what I’m going to do, we aren’t leaving until it’s over.”
“How long?”
“As long as it takes…Work, school, friends, it’s over! We won’t be doing any of that. We aren’t going to the store, we aren’t letting anyone inside, we aren’t going to get mom. We aren’t going anywhere until they find a vaccine or the virus burns itself out, and that could take months!”
“What?”
I pulled away from him as I realized the gravity of the situation.
“I’m sorry… Mom said she talked to dad,” he said, changing the subject. “He said he’d call tonight. He’s still trying to make it home.”
My dad, Richard Kennington, also worked one week a month for the railroad, besides the work he did on the farm. He traveled across the country which meant he was gone anywhere from five to seven days depending on the run he made. He called later that evening just outside of Washington D.C. and as soon as I heard his voice, I started to cry all over again.
“Dad!”
“I know… I’ll be home as soon as I can but the government has stopped all travel,” my dad said, weariness heavy in his voice. “I don’t have muc
h time… Listen to Kane. Take care of each other.”
“Dad… I’m scared.”
“I know sweetie, you have to be strong, Jade. Be brave.”
“Okay.”
***
We haven’t heard from my dad since that night back in September. As the weeks turned into months, my hope faded. I worried I would never see my dad again. From the view of a fifteen-year-old girls’ bedroom window, comprehension of the worldwide devastation, that so many died, it didn’t seem possible. I didn’t want to believe my parents were among them but the reality was that they were. The four of us had to accept the fact that together, we were on our own.
CHAPTER 4
The early morning sun filtered through my parents' bedroom window. I rose slowly, rubbing my eyes. My restless sleep slowed my mind but then I quickly remembered about today and jumped out of bed.
“Come on, Emery.”
“Okay,” she said, sleepily.
Kane and Trey were already in the kitchen. I didn’t waste any time to get outside. My hands methodically took over and moved through the soil. The four of us worked hard together, preparing the ground for seeds.
I stretched to relieve my back from its bent position and turned to the sky for the bright sun to warm my face. Birds chirped, welcoming spring as they perched on the faded white picket fence that bordered the garden. Raspberry and blackberry bushes grew on both sides and grape vines lined the back. Tiny buds formed on the woody vines and on the various fruit trees out in the orchard left of the garden. The earthy smell of dirt and the fragrant flowery scent of blossoms lingered on the breeze.
A knot appeared suddenly, deep in my throat. Contentment swept over me. I blinked tears away and wiped my cheek as one snuck by. It felt good to feel the outside again. The fear in Emery’s face left her, replaced by her contagious, newfound cheeriness. I hadn’t noticed earlier, but she grew an inch or two. It lifted my spirits to see her happy. Kane and Trey joked and teased like my brothers again, the weight of the stress they carried, temporarily extinguished.
The constant hum of the motor relaxed me and I watched Kane run the tiller, turning the hard ground into soft, workable, rich soil. With his strong build and darker complexion, he looked more like my dad every day. I looked over at Trey as he worked the soil and formed rows for Emery and I to plant. He looked older to me now too, and almost caught Kane in height. The motor stopped and realized I wasn’t alone with my thoughts. I stood as Kane came over and curled his arm around my shoulder.
“I’m sorry I missed your birthday… I hope this makes up for it.”
“It does… thank you.”
“Should we let the horses out of that stuffy old barn?” Trey suggested. His boots sank slightly in the freshly overturned soil as he walked towards us.
Emery didn't wait for Kane to respond. She ran to the barn and got there first, letting each horse out of their stall. The horses pranced out into the pasture, their tails flared out and heads high, racing up the fence line to stretch their legs. The wind whipped through their manes as they bucked and kicked at each other in play. They reared up, challenging each other for dominance. The old grey mare took her usual position as herd leader and eventually, they settled down and grazed on yellow grass.
“Did you have a good day?” Trey asked, we sat on the top rung of the fence and watched the horses.
“Yeah, did you?”
“Yep.”
“Thank you for talking to Kane,” I said, nudging him gently in the side.
“I didn’t do anything,” he said, and looked down into his hands, then out across the meadows, to a distant spot in the trees.
“Yeah you did, I heard you… remember.”
“Well, what are big brothers for anyways.” A crooked grin curled at the corner of his lip. “I am older.”
“Only by two minutes… I’m still the same age as you, Trey.” He laughed as I gave him a shove, pushing him off the fence.
“Oh yeah, well you will never be as tall as me,” he said as he looked up at me, “unless you cheat.”
My chin dropped and I gave him a scowl, he laughed.
“Let's go measure our height on the mirror,” I quickly said. His big smile vanished and replaced instantly with a glare, rolling his eyes.
“Oh, come on, Jade. No… aren't we past that yet? It's beyond obvious you will never catch me.”
Ever since I could remember, every year on our birthday my mom would mark our height with permanent marker on the mirror in the hall. About the time we turned eleven I almost caught him in height and we stayed that way for the next two years but once we turned thirteen, Trey shot up while I seemed to stop growing.
“Please,” I begged. Trey turned and pressed his back up against the fence where I still sat and I smiled as he conceded. “Thank you.”
I reached my arms around his neck. His hands looped under my knees and he carried me towards the house on his back. “Only because you said please.”
***
I stretched my back, standing to take a break. A week outside, miniscule compared to how much time I spent inside, yet all I needed to bring me a new surge of energy. I turned my face to the sky and closed my eyes. A smile lit on my cheeks with the warmth of the bright sun that glowed through the backs of pink, translucent eyelids. The garden didn’t feel like work to me.
I heard little squeaks and opened my eyes to see Emery walk towards me. One of the new kittens cuddled securely in her arms, nuzzled in the crook of her neck.
“Kane wants you,” she said, without looking up.
“Why?”
“I don’t know,” she paused, long enough to open the gate to the orchard as she headed for the swing. “He’s in the barn.”
I found Kane where Emery said and overheard him talking. It didn't take me more than a couple seconds to realize he talked to Chale, Raύl’s son, the oldest and a younger version of his dad with his thick black hair and golden-brown skin.
“Someone cut the fence again last night. More of the herd is missing,” Chale said, his hands shoved into his front pockets.
“We’re just going to have to bring them in every night, and a twenty-four hour watch from now on.” Irritation grew on Kane’s face as he tugged his leather gloves off his hands and shoved them into his back pocket. “We can’t lose any more. Did the fence get fixed?”
“Elias helped me with that this morning. He’s riding the fence line now looking for holes.”
I stood next to the two and watched Chale run his hand through his dark hair as they talked.
“Hey Chale, did Isabella come up?”
“She stayed in Mexico, Jade.”
“Oh, Kane did you need something?” I was saddened to hear Isabella wasn’t here but my disappointment was short lived after what Kane said next.
“Yeah, will you run something to Marge’s for me?” Kane asked, as he tightened the cinch on Fire’s saddle.
“Really?”
“Yeah, you go and come right back. I have some saddlebags packed with things she needs,” Kane paused for a moment as if he might reconsider. “Maybe I should send Trey with you.”
“No... I’ll be fine,” I quickly remarked, shocked he wanted to send me by myself but wasn’t going to question him. I wouldn’t want him to change his mind. I needed to get his thinking back on track that I could be trusted. “I’ll be fine. What stuff?”
“Wheat, eggs, some things people need that we have enough of, and tell her I’ve killed another cow and will bring it, along with milk sometime next week.”
“Well if it isn’t my little Jadeite.”
I whirled around on my heels and a big grin surfaced across my face as I watched Hector walk into the barn, his voice echoed through the loft. His weathered face, wrinkled but no worse than last year. His soft brown puppy-dog eyes smiled as he neared and pulled me into a hug.
“Why do you call me that?”
“My little Jadeite? Because you are so strong for such a little thing... Jadeite is
hardy, the strongest kind of jade and very rare. And you girl, are one of a kind. You know… Long ago in Mexico…” I stifled a laugh as his stories began. “Warriors used Jadeite to make swords and armor. It was legend jade had healing powers. Men were protected and battles were fought and won by the Jadeite sword, so choose wisely Kane, mighty warrior, the weapon you use.”
I loved to listen to the way he and his brothers talked, rich and full of his heritage. His strong Hispanic accent lingered in my mind as the words he spoke rolled smoothly off his tongue. I busted up laughing as Kane rolled his eyes at his silly remarks while Chale added, “you are talking in riddles again old man.”
“Yes! Yes I am.” Hector’s infectious hearty laugh brought smiles to the three of us and we couldn’t help but laugh with him. That was something Kane didn’t do much of anymore, laugh, and I was glad to see it, even if it was short lived through stress filled eyes.
“Are you sure you were supposed to be born in this century?” Kane asked, I giggled at Hector.
“Only so I could keep track of you kids… And to sleep in a warm comfortable bed.”
“Get going, Jade,” Kane said, reminding me of my task, “and here’s my list of things I need if Marge can get it.”
“Oh yeah… See you later, Hector,” I paused for a moment. Happy to see friendly, familiar faces. “Say hi to Elias for me, Chale.”
“I will,” Chale called out as I led Fire out of the barn.
***
Marge’s, the small country store converted to a trading station, sat on a two-lane highway that ran along the mountain range. I lived about two miles up the road. With maybe twelve houses scattered along both sides of that stretch of road, ours was somewhere in the middle. My Uncle Raymond’s house and the old farmhouse were the last homes out of town, and then there was nothing but our fields until you reached the highway. However, I never traveled by the road, I always took the trail that ran along the river behind our house when I went to Marge’s.