Bring Me Back

by Jessie Gussman

  Riley figured she wouldn’t be her favorite person in the world after she confessed what a horrible person she’d been. “It was.” It was so very harsh. “But it worked. Ben is still working for our company.”

  “So when did you tell Ben that your dad made you do it?”

  “I never did.”

  “What?” Eve almost jumped out of her chair.

  “What’s the point?”

  “So that he’d know you didn’t really mean it? That you didn’t think he was worthless? That you did what you did because you truly cared for him?” Eve’s eyes were big, her cheeks red.

  Riley looked away. How could she? So much time had passed. She’d actually thought about it when she first came back from college and they worked here together. But they hardly ever saw one another, and days slipped into weeks and years. She’d been tempted to just confront him, but he was still caring for the twins and she was still trying to please her dad and move up in the company. Whatever they’d had in high school was long over. There’d always been an attraction to Ben, but soon she became his boss, so it didn’t matter anyway. Did it? She couldn’t change it.

  As though Eve realized where her thoughts were headed, she said, “It’s not what you did, it’s that you never told him any different. Once he was no longer in danger of losing his job...”

  “That’s just it. You two just started making your own money and working for yourselves. Up until this very point in time, me being seen with Ben could have caused him to lose everything he’d worked for. It still could.”

  “Do you really think your dad would still fire Ben? Does he really hate him that much?”

  “It’s not about hating him. Dad doesn’t hate him. It’s more about controlling me, I think. Dad wants me to end up with someone who will sit at the head of the corporate meeting table and take over the reins from him. Not someone with grease on his hands and no college diploma in his pocket.”

  “It’s so hard to believe that your dad would be that awful.” Eve leaned back in her chair, rubbing her chin. Finally, she asked hesitantly, “Do you still have feelings for Ben?”

  Riley hesitated. “I like him. Of course I do. I admire him too. Who else would have sacrificed what he has to raise his sisters alone?”

  “I think you deliberately misunderstood me.”

  Riley took a big gulp of her coffee and searched her brain for something to change the subject with.

  But Eve wouldn’t let it go. “There was a spark there once. Do you think you could love my brother?”

  Riley couldn’t be anything but honest. “I think it’d be easy to love your brother.” She would never have agreed to enter into a fake marriage with just anyone. The idea of being “fake” married to any other guy she knew was repulsive. “But I think you can tell from my story that the real question is could your brother possibly love me. Especially after what I’ve done to him. The things I told you that I said and did, I really said and did them. How could he ever forgive or forget?”

  Eve’s lips flattened.

  “And you had a good point. Surely, at some time, I could have, should have, gone to him and admitted what I did. I could have gone behind my dad’s back or even risked getting Ben fired. But even though it was something I wanted to do, I never did. And yes, I didn’t want Ben to lose his job when he was supporting you two, but I know there’s also a part of me that doesn’t want to disappoint my dad.” She felt it long and strong every time her dad wanted her to do something for him. She’d work herself to death to make him happy.

  “I’ve worked hard for what I have, even though my dad is the owner. But also, my whole life has been making choices that make Dad happy.” Riley studied Eden. “You don’t want to disappoint Ben.”

  “No.” A little light dawned in her eyes. “That’s true.”

  “Don’t forget, my mom didn’t want me. She left and didn’t even bother to take her daughter with her. That’s not something a girl forgets. And I’m sure it’s affected how much I crave my dad’s approval, since getting my mom’s love was never an option.” Even as the words left her mouth, she knew they were true. It was why she’d stood on the step all those years ago and did exactly what her dad wanted.

  Eve nodded. “I hate how complicated everything is. Eden and I were holding out hope that you and Ben would fall in love and stay together. You’re great for him, and we’ve always kind of felt like he has feelings for you.”

  Did he? How could she not see that?

  “I don’t know about that, but I do know that he could have feelings and still not trust me. Or even like me.”

  “At the very least, I think you should tell Ben why you dumped him and in such a mean way. It’s only fair that he know it wasn’t him, and it wasn’t because he wasn’t good enough.”

  Eve was right, of course. And she’d tried. It had never worked. Now, it was done and over with, and he wasn’t interested in going back. She had to let it go.

  Chapter 10

  Ben was still somewhat in shock as he drove his pickup to the courthouse. He hadn’t expected Riley to say yes. Not really. He’d made his demands as unreasonable as possible. That she do it today. That they leave for Pennsylvania this afternoon. That he was only in for six months.

  That last didn’t sit well. He didn’t know what kind of vows he’d be saying in a few minutes, but he’d never given his word lightly. It hardly seemed right to start now, entering into the most sacred of God’s covenants with man.

  Unfortunately he’d not thought of that earlier. He’d been too eager to exact his version of revenge.

  He hadn’t been to too many weddings, but he was pretty sure there were some promises to love and cherish for as long as they both lived.

  Man, he hated to say he’d do it and all the while be planning on not.

  Cold feet.

  That’s what his doubts were called. Right?

  Riley sat beside him, her hands in her lap, staring out the window. He could admit that he’d dreamed more than once about Riley being beside him, not just in his pickup but anywhere. But in his dreams, there had never been this strained silence between them. Nor was there this almost animosity. The underlying buzz of attraction, yeah. Definitely that was the same. But in his dreams, she liked him.

  He pulled into the courthouse parking lot. The lowered clouds and dark sky reflected the mood in the truck.

  He wouldn’t want Eve’s or Eden’s wedding day to be like this. Even if it were a fake marriage. His sisters had better not have a fake marriage.

  He pulled into a parking space and turned to Riley. “You know, you don’t have to do this.”

  She turned, her heart-shaped chin lifted in challenge. “Cold feet?”

  Heck, yeah.

  “I don’t want to do this and have you hate me.”

  Her surprise was real. “Why would I hate you? You’re doing me a favor.”

  “You haven’t said a word on the drive here.” With the twins, if they weren’t talking, that meant they were mad. Always his fault.

  “Neither have you.”

  The twins never noticed if he wasn’t talking. Not usually, anyway.

  “I was thinking,” he said, not liking the defensive tone that crept into his voice.

  “Me too.” She lifted a brow in challenge. “Happy thoughts about how we’re going to turn the world upside down in Pennsylvania.”

  “Confident much?”

  “I’ve got you.”

  He caught his breath. His heart stumbled. She was that confident in him? She wanted him to help her so badly she was willing to marry him, when she didn’t even like him, in order to do it? Marry him with only a few hours’ notice and move eight hours away.

  Something in his chest expanded, low and deep. She really believed in him. Once, a long time ago, she might have tossed his love in the trash like yesterday’s leftovers, but she really did believe in him.

  “Don’t worry,” she said. “I’ll make sure your family thinks we’ve been married
for...how long?”

  “Four years.” That would cover the lie he’d told Gram.

  “Four years. And we...don’t want kids?”

  He paused in the act of reaching for the door latch, looking over at Riley. There was no hidden meaning in her words, but they’d struck something inside of him. Would their kids have her hazel eyes that changed with her moods? His dark hair? Her delicate bone structure? Her easy smile? His attention to detail? Her stubborn determination? Oh, God help them if anyone’s children were as stubbornly determined as Riley was to earn her spot at the top of her dad’s company.

  He shrugged, looking away, not wanting to say anything that would make this day any worse than what it already was. “I guess not. We don’t have any.”

  She laughed a little at that. Just something more than a snort, but it froze him again.

  Her laughter. It hit him deep inside, in that spot that felt warm. It pulsed there, spreading quiet joy throughout his whole body. His fingertips tingled. He wanted to hear it again. Wanted to see her smile. For goodness’ sake, it was her wedding day.

  It wasn’t real.

  He turned and yanked the door latch. “Let’s get this over with.”

  ~~~

  Riley walked to the steps of the courthouse, very conscious of the large man beside her. He seemed fine—just another day for him. On the other hand, her internal organs had staged a revolt, and her heart was snapping the whip behind them.

  On the top step, Ben touched her arm. “Hang on.”

  He turned and jogged back down the stairs, crossing the street and getting in the glovebox of his pickup. He held a small package in his hand as he came back up the stairs.

  Her face crinkled.

  “A ring,” he said simply. She nodded.

  She’d been in the courthouse once or twice before for jury duty, so the metal detectors and the serious-faced, uniformed guard at the entrance were not a surprise. Today, though, she didn’t enjoy the ornate molding and the huge, high ceilings. Didn’t admire the intricate carved woodwork of a century past when a man actually made his living making beautiful things out of native lumber for the sole purpose of making the inside of a living area look resplendent and classy. Normally she loved admiring the handiwork of generations ago, even if it had nothing at all to do with her and the job she did.

  But today, as she walked down the expansive hall, every little noise echoing against the walls, she wondered how many other couples had taken this same walk. The courthouse seemed to be the place to go if your marriage wasn’t exactly a love match. Ben and she were not the first to walk these halls, six inches of space between them, not talking, not even planning on taking their vows seriously or keeping them.

  Her hand accidentally brushed his, and he jerked it away. She pretended not to notice even as her heart contracted. What was she getting into? She was marrying a man who, if he didn’t hate her, at least loathed her, and for good reason.

  She felt like she was walking through a cloud as they showed their ID to the bored-looking lady at the desk and signed the proper papers.

  The woman didn’t even look up as she said, “Sit down over there. I’ll call you when the judge can take five minutes.”

  Five minutes.

  An annoyance for the judge.

  A life change for her.

  Blindly she followed Ben to the hard wooden chairs along the wall. These were probably hand-carved, too, and on any other day, she would have admired the workmanship.

  Ben sat with legs apart and leaned his forearms on his knees. She lowered herself primly beside him, crossing her legs and resisting the urge to pull her phone out. She couldn’t handle reading the news headlines right now, but a game where she got to shoot lots of things might be good stress relief.

  Gripping her purse with fingers that wanted to shake, she stared at the wall and concentrated on taking deep, relaxing breaths. Ben might not like her, but he wasn’t a monster. He was a good man, and in return for her suffering through this, he was going to make the shop in Brickley Springs profitable again.

  His hands were folded in front of him, and he looked as relaxed as a man who had nothing more on his mind than thinking about the contents of his toolbox.

  She wished it were that easy for her.

  Finally, the woman at the desk called them and directed them back through big, heavy wooden doors. Ben opened one and held it for her.

  “Thank you,” she murmured.

  He grunted.

  A man with thinning gray hair, apparently the judge, stood behind his desk. He wore a white dress shirt with no tie and a pair of dress pants. No robe.

  He came around the desk with a small book in his hand. He held his other hand out to them. “I’m Judge Croker. You two are here to get married?”

  His smile revealed straight, white teeth.

  “Yes, sir,” Ben answered as Riley nodded. She made sure her handshake was firm and confident, and she reached deep inside for the fake confidence she always used with her dad. Maybe it was a mistake, but she wasn’t going to make herself sick thinking about it. The decision had been made. Now she was going to jump headfirst in.

  The judge looked between the two of them, like he was looking for some sign that showed they actually wanted what they said they wanted. Ben’s expression didn’t change. He stood solid and strong beside her. She lifted her chin a fraction of an inch and met the judge’s eyes with a small smile.

  “Okay, well, we’ll get started then. Face each other and clasp right hands.”

  It took Riley three seconds to figure out which hand was her right. She clasped Ben’s waiting hand.

  A small shock went through her. His hand was rough and hard. Big. Strong. Their eyes met for a fraction of a second as invisible currents of something hot and prickly shot between them. For the first time since he’d made his offer, Ben’s face showed something besides complete control. It was just a widening of his eyes, a twitch of his lips, but she was sure whatever shock she felt, he’d felt it too.

  It wasn’t her imagination, either, that the hold of his hand lightened, and cool air seeped between their hands. He seemed to be holding it with two fingers, like he’d hold a pail of garbage that he didn’t really want to touch. She tried not to be offended.

  The judge’s words flowed past her, and she responded at the proper time, not really paying attention until he asked for a ring.

  Ben reached into his front pocket and pulled out a small package of O-rings. Riley’s eyes widened slightly as he broke the little bag and pulled out one of the rubber rings.

  The judge, who had probably thought he’d seen it all, stood with his mouth slightly open, watching Ben’s hands as he slid the black band onto her left hand.

  Judge Croker shook his head slightly and continued with the vows.

  Riley supposed it was a good thing she hadn’t been able to get a hold of her mother. If her mother asked her anything, anything at all, she’d want to know about the size of her ring.

  She fingered the odd-feeling rubber band as the judge pronounced them man and wife. Rather than telling Ben to kiss his bride, he turned to his desk and pointed to the paper on it. “Sign this.”

  It stated they were married. Until death do them part. She supposed it should have said, Until the Coleman Trucking terminal is running in the black at the top of the company again, but there wasn’t enough room. It didn’t really have a good ring to it anyway.

  She signed and watched as Ben picked up the pen in his capable fingers and drew his bold signature over the correct line.

  And that was it.

  They walked out, married, and she tried not to be upset because it seemed like just another day at the office to everyone else in the courthouse.

  Just because it was special to her...

  She pushed that thought away. It was a fake marriage. It shouldn’t be special.

  They walked out to the pickup. Ben opened her door without saying anything then closed it behind her and got in on his
side.

  They’d already loaded the stuff from her apartment, so they were ready to take off for Brickley Springs.

  “You hungry?” Ben’s voice broke into her thoughts. Deep and clear. Confident. It was a voice that soothed her and gave her courage.

  “Not really.” She hadn’t had an appetite since he’d made his suggestion this morning. At one time, she’d dreamed of marrying him. Never like this.

  “I’m going to stop for fast food then.” He turned toward her. “I’ll take you somewhere nice, though, if you want.” He looked back out the windshield at the town streets. “I know it’s not real, but it was your first marriage, and it’s not every day that a girl gets married. Plus,” his fingers did a slow tap on the steering wheel, “we need to get used to the idea that we have to look real.” He slowed for a red light. “Anyway, I’ll take you out if you want.”

  It was on the tip of her tongue to say that she made more money than he did and if anyone were taking anyone out, it would be her paying for his meal, but she shut her mouth hard. Ben looked confident and almost invincible, but he had a lot of pride, and a man’s pride was easily bruised. She’d taken that pride and smashed it once. She wasn’t making that mistake again. Not if she could help it.

  “Thanks for the offer.” She appreciated the consideration. “I’m really not hungry.”

  His lips flattened, and he pulled toward the nearest drive-thru.

  She looked out the window, unsure what she’d done that had made him look so irritated with her.

  He ordered and ate while he drove. The time and distance slipped by. She allowed herself a little bit of time to adjust, time to be sorry that her “wedding day” hadn’t even come close to what she’d dreamed of.

  But after an hour or so, she’d done enough wallowing. They needed to face the future, and they needed a plan. “I helped raise the twins, right?”

  “For the last four years, I guess you did.”

  She half expected him to not answer, so she was surprised when he shifted in his seat, glancing over, his dark sunglasses and beard stubble making him look rugged and handsome. Her heart swished in her chest. For now, he was hers. The thought made her smile. She liked the idea that this rugged, capable man belonged to her. “I didn’t give you a ring.”