Bring Me Back

by Jessie Gussman

  Ben knocked on the door and pushed it open.

  Tough sat behind a computer screen, typing away.

  He really did have a column. Must be a mechanic advice column or something.

  Tough looked up.

  “Mind if I come in?” Ben asked.

  Tough waved with his hand. Ben stepped in and closed the door. He didn’t have anything in mind to talk about, but the arguing could drive him bonkers.

  “I didn’t get to talk to you much at the hospital, and I’m off today.” He’d decided to take it off. He wasn’t scheduled to work, but he would have anyway. After yesterday, Riley could save her dad’s company on her own today. He’d start again on Monday.

  “Figured I’d come over and see if I could give you a hand. I could change a tire or something.” He grinned.

  Tough returned his smile with a knowing one of his own, and Ben’s heart warmed at sharing a mechanic joke with his brother. Their skills went much deeper. Anyone could change a tire.

  “What kind of column do you have?” Ben asked.

  Tough got a thoughtful look on his face before he answered seriously. “A relationship advice column.”

  Ben blinked. Either Tough had the best poker face he’d ever seen, or he was dead serious. He looked dead serious.

  Tough indicated the chair across from him. “Sit.”

  Ben sat.

  Turbo was the jokester. Ben had Tough pegged as a straight shooter, and his gut instinct was hardly ever wrong. He made the decision to go with it.

  “On the internet?”

  “I’m syndicated.”

  That was big-time. Hard to believe. Tough would be...rich. Ben glanced around the small, nondescript office. “So, you have the repair shop on the side?” He nodded out the door.

  Tough shrugged. “The column makes a lot of money, and my wife finds ways to use it to help people. The shop supports us.”

  “You really do have a column.” Ben grunted a laugh. His brother was a romantic advice columnist.

  “Try me,” Tough said, his own lips tilting up. “Warning ya, I’m gonna write your answer.”

  Ben narrowed his eyes. He’d heard of that. People who didn’t talk much but who painted or played an instrument or, in Tough’s case, wrote and could express themselves much better.

  “Fair enough.”

  “Give me a problem,” Tough demanded. “In a relationship.”

  Ben stared at Tough, tempted. Tempted to ask what he needed to do to...what? Make Riley fall in love with him? Make her choose him over her dad? Make their fake marriage real? He didn’t want any of that. Did he?

  He didn’t know what he wanted, but he also wasn’t sure what to do.

  “Make something up,” Tough suggested.

  Yeah. Because Tough thought he was happily married just like Tough was.

  “Okay. How about this...” How to phrase it? He rolled it over in his mind before saying, “Instead of getting married for love, a woman marries a man because the man can do something the woman needs done, and she can’t do it herself. She wants to impress someone else.”

  Tough leaned back on his office chair, his arms crossed over his chest. “Keep going.”

  Right. Ben leaned his forearms on his legs and clasped his hands together. “So, the man agrees if the woman will do something he needs done and can’t do himself. They enter their bargain, and both of them keep their ends of the deal.”

  Tough waited.

  Ben stared at his hands. “But one of them decides they want more. What should they do?”

  “More what?”

  Ben studied his fingers like he’d never seen them before. Finally, he said softly, “More than a fake relationship.” There. He’d admitted it. He didn’t want a fake relationship with Riley, he wanted the real thing. That’s why he was so upset that she wouldn’t even acknowledge him in front of her dad. He wanted to be more than just a mechanic in her family’s shop. He wanted to be her everything.

  “This is hypothetical?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yes,” Ben said firmly. For some reason, he trusted Tough. But the feelings he had for Riley had burned him badly once. It wasn’t easy to put them out there, even in a hypothetical situation.

  Tough linked his hands together behind his head and thought for a while. Ben tried not to squirm. This was his little brother. He shouldn’t feel like a schoolkid waiting for the principal to announce how many days of detention he had. But the same crampy feeling in his stomach combined with sweaty palms and the intense desire to run away was a good imitation.

  Finally Tough started writing. It didn’t take long. He didn’t say anything, just clicked, and the printer started spitting out a paper. He pulled it off the printer and folded it.

  “It makes me nervous when people read my advice in front of me. Don’t read it until after you leave.” Tough stood. “You still helping?”

  Ben stood with him. “Said I would.”

  Tough handed him the paper, and Ben folded it again and put it in his back pocket.

  “That’s great, ’cause I have a car on the lift with a knocking in the motor, and it’s not the normal stuff.”

  Ben stopped with his hand on the door. “Those guys stay here all day?”

  “Yeah. You get used to them.”

  Ben grunted. “If you say so.”

  Chapter 16

  Riley shuffled down the stairs still wearing her pajama pants. She’d been up earlier, but as she suspected, Ben hadn’t been on the porch this morning, so she’d gone back to bed. After leaving the office at nine last night, she’d gone home alone—the first time since they’d been “married.”

  Eve had informed her that Ben texted the twins and let them know he was going to be late—like midnight. Apparently, that was his standard operating procedure—texting his sisters when his schedule was interrupted.

  After the way she’d treated him, she didn’t blame him for not texting her. And for not answering the single text she’d sent him.

  But she’d waited up for Ben to come home. She didn’t really intend to, but she was too restless to sleep, so she tried to read in bed. It wasn’t until she heard his pickup that she was able to relax. She listened to his deep voice as he spoke with Eden, who had waited up for him, then she listened to him move in the room across the hall and heard the water in the pipes as he showered.

  She’d finally felt like she could relax. But she hadn’t felt like she could face him.

  Her words and her actions had hurt him, and they left a bitter taste in her mouth, but she didn’t know what to do about it. She did know that she didn’t like herself very much. But she wasn’t entirely wrong. Their deal had said nothing about her telling her dad, and Ben wasn’t planning on staying once his part was over. She was under no obligation to screw up her life any more than necessary, because she was going to be dealing with the fallout when he left. Alone.

  Was there another way?

  ~~~

  Gram got to go home from the hospital that evening, and Riley volunteered to take her since Ben’s brothers had spent more time than they had at the hospital that week. She texted Ben, letting him know she was heading into the hospital at three and waiting for the discharge.

  She was surprised when he texted back, I’ll be there.

  He didn’t say any more. She left the house before he got home and figured he’d show up at some point. She didn’t expect him to be waiting by the main entrance.

  Her heart skipped several beats as her eyes landed on him. He’d either not been working or had gotten cleaned up, since his jeans were clean and there was no grease or dirt on his arms which were folded across his chest.

  When she saw him, his eyes were already fixed on her. It was amazing how that look from him could make her feel like the only woman in the world. He looked at her like there was no one else he’d rather be watching. It sent warmth down the back of her neck, and her stride quickened automatically.

&
nbsp; She was still more than five feet away from him when she blurted out, “I’m sorry.”

  His arms came down, and he straightened from leaning against the front pillar.

  She stopped when she was directly in front of him and had to crane her neck to look into his eyes. “I really am sorry. As soon as we get your gram settled at home, I’ll tell my dad.” She hadn’t realized those words were going to come out until they did, but after she said them, it felt like a dark shroud had lifted from her soul. Ben deserved to be with a woman who was proud to be beside him. She might not be his forever girl, but that didn’t give her the right to give him less than he deserved.

  He shook his head. “You don’t need to. And I’m the one that needs to apologize. It was never part of our bargain for you to tell anyone that we were married. It was wrong of me to expect it.”

  They had never signed anything when they got married. She could trust Ben to do what was right. Apparently he felt the same about her. But to hear him say it here—that he wasn’t going to let his feelings get in the way of what they’d verbally agreed on—meant so much. Especially when she knew her words and actions had really hurt him.

  “Are we good?” he asked, his brows scrunched together, his hands in his pockets.

  “Yes.” She jerked her head down.

  “I’ll try to do better.” He pulled a hand out of his pocket and offered it to her.

  She took it, unwilling to get into an argument about whose fault it was that they were arguing to begin with.

  As always, feeling her hand sliding across his callouses, being enfolded in his dry warmth, having that protection and comfort sent a thrill up her arm and straight to her heart. They turned together and stepped into the hospital.

  ~~~

  Ben gave his gram her nine p.m. pills along with a glass of water. “You sure you don’t want some pudding or applesauce to eat along with this? Kelly left plenty.”

  Kelly, Tough’s wife, had been shopping while he was at Tough’s garage today. She’d stocked the fridge with more food than a classroom full of junior high boys could possibly eat, let alone one frail old woman.

  “No. I’ve had enough pudding to last me a year. I want steak.”

  Ben looked over the bed at Riley on the other side. He appreciated having her today. Not only had she convinced Gram she was doing her a favor by letting Ben wheel her out of the hospital, but she’d been able to get Gram to take it easy in bed rather than clean her already spotless trailer.

  He supposed it was his turn to try to deal with an unreasonable request. Steak? Seriously?

  “Maybe tomorrow.” That answer had always worked with the twins. Riley’s mouth twitched.

  His gram’s lips turned down. “I’m not three. I’m a grown woman who’s more than capable of deciding for herself what she wants to eat, and I want steak.”

  Riley took his gram’s hand. “I’m sorry, Gram. But Kelly didn’t bring steak. I actually checked the fridge because I was going to cook myself a big juicy rib eye.” She gave Gram a conspiratorial look. “Something about being in the hospital makes me crave bloody meat.”

  “It’s those skinny nurses.” Gram wrinkled her nose, but she took the pudding Riley offered and shoveled a bite into her mouth.

  Man, how much easier it would have been to raise the twins if he’d had Riley tag-teaming him. He’d missed a wife to handle the girl problems; he’d done the best he could. It would have been easier—Riley winked at him as Gram handed back the empty pudding container—and more fun, too.

  He shoved those thoughts aside. That’s what had gotten him into trouble yesterday. Mistaking the “fake” marriage for a real relationship. In a fake marriage, Riley got to choose whether or not her dad knew about them. In a real relationship, he had the right to insist she tell.

  He handed Gram her book. “I’ll be in in a bit to check on you.”

  “I want bacon for breakfast,” Gram said as she turned the book toward her and opened to her bookmark.

  “I’ll keep that in mind,” Ben said with another exasperated glance at Riley.

  She grinned and walked out ahead of him.

  They headed back down the trailer hallway, past the bathroom. “If I remember right, there’s two bedrooms here.” He opened the first door and switched the light on.

  A shelf full of toys sat directly inside. There were a ton of stuffed animals on the bed but no sheets and blankets.

  “I bet Cassidy took the blankets to wash them and didn’t bring them back,” Riley said. “Kelly told me one of her twins threw up the last time she stayed.”

  “With Gram in the hospital, they might have thought there was no rush.” He shrugged, but he suddenly became very aware of the woman beside him, the dark and her scent, her smile and her softness. His heart thumped.

  “Let’s try this one.” He moved down the hall a couple of paces. No toys, but the bed in it was stripped, too.

  He shut the light off and closed the door. A streetlight from outside shone in through the window and glowed in her hair. Her upturned face held a question, and he read something more in the parting of her lips and her quick breaths.

  He schooled his own features and willed his breathing to deepen and slow. He wanted to touch her cheek, slide his hand through her hair, but he hooked it around his neck instead. “I guess I’ll stay here on the couch tonight, and you can head to the farmhouse.”

  “I guess,” she said softly.

  Her scent, sweet and sassy, feminine and confident, swept past his nose. She leaned forward; her hand landed on his chest. “Ben...”

  He put his own hand over hers, trying hard to remember it was just yesterday when he wasn’t good enough for her to introduce him to her dad as her man.

  He swallowed, and the sound seemed loud in the silence that stretched between them. “I made Eve text me last night when you got home. I wanted to make sure you got there okay.” His voice came out deep and soft, with jagged edges. “Should I have her do it again tonight, or will you let me know?”

  Her fingers curled slightly into his chest, and each pressure point burned like fire and ice. He gritted his teeth against the torture.

  “I’ve been going home by myself for years, and no one has checked up on me.”

  He whispered low, “I want to take care of you.”

  “It scares me that I want to let you.” Her actions belied her words because she leaned even closer. Her tongue came out and touched her lips. He released a harsh breath at the sight.

  Taking his hand from his neck, he slowly slipped it behind her head, into her hair, threading his fingers through the fine strands like he’d wanted to do for days.

  “I can’t remember anyone ever taking care of me.” Her hand slid around his chest to his back.

  “You can make new memories with me.” He put his other hand around her and pulled her closer until their bodies touched. If flames had erupted between them, he wouldn’t have been surprised.

  “I can’t. I’m the only one that’s ever been there for me. I can’t lean on you. You’re not even pretending to plan to stay.”

  “Riley, I’d...” He closed his mouth. It had been on the tip of his tongue to tell her that he wanted to stay. To forget the six-month limit. That he wanted to be with her forever.

  He almost groaned aloud. But she’d made it clear that she was doing what her dad wanted and what was best for the company.

  She doesn’t want you, fool. How many times does she have to say it?

  He closed his eyes for a brief second before stepping back. “Text me, please.”

  “I will.”

  He dropped his hands, and she moved away immediately, out into the dining room and, a few seconds later, out the door. Her car started, and she was gone. He hadn’t moved.

  He could grab a few blankets and pillows and sleep on the couch. It would be comfortable, but he wasn’t going to sleep. Not for a while. Holding Riley had been even better than he’d imagined. And he’d imagined it a lot. His ha
nds fisted, wishing she were still under them.

  Was there anything he could do to change her mind?

  He supposed he could take four years and get a college degree. But he’d still be poor. He needed to be educated and rich.

  Walking outside, he sat on the top step of the little porch, leaning against the side of the trailer with his leg bent and his head tilted back to look at the stars.

  It was then that he remembered the paper Tough had given him early that morning. He’d folded it and stuffed it into his back pocket. He’d shifted it into these jeans when he changed then promptly forgotten about it.

  Did he even want to know?

  A cool breeze blew across the grass, and the scent of a summer evening filled him with nostalgia. His childhood had ended early. And ever since he’d been working to help his mom and raise his sisters. But, he supposed to a man like Mr. Coleman, what Ben had done with his life wasn’t worth much.

  Ben resolved to not be sad for the years that had passed. He’d done his best. And would keep doing his best. Wasn’t that the measure of a man? What he did when no one was watching? When he didn’t expect a reward or accolades. No one was going to thank him for raising his sisters and doing his best for them. He’d known that when he started, and he knew it now.

  He wasn’t going to live for what other people thought. He was going to do right, no matter who saw him and even if no one ever noticed.

  Maybe that meant that Riley would never be with him. As much as that thought pained him, he couldn’t dismiss it. He wasn’t going to quit being the best mechanic he could be, just so he could pay someone to let him spend four years earning a worthless piece of paper to impress Mr. Coleman.

  He reached into his back pocket. Working with Tough today had impressed Ben. He was a good man. Humble. With a discerning eye that didn’t miss much. What would he have to say?

  Ben opened the paper. It crackled as he stretched it out and tilted it toward the streetlight. There wasn’t much on it. Just one line.

  Tell Riley you love her.

  Yeah, well, Tough had seen right through his “made-up” story.

  At least he didn’t have to worry about Tough telling anyone.