by Joy Carlson
“Kathy’s life had been such that her life had not been valued, and so I understand that it would be hard for her to value someone else’s life. However, that does not excuse her for taking someone else’s life, namely Doug’s life. (The lawyer raised his voice for these next questions to the jury.) What if she had determined that it was your son or daughter, or even yourself, who had no value? Would you excuse her killing of the one you love as she killed Doug? I think not. (Here the lawyer lowered his voice.) So we ask you to look into your heart, determine what is right in this case. Thank you!”
Sam breathed a sigh and then rose to deliver his closing argument.
“We agree that everyone has value. We believe that even from the point of conception there is life. When the sperm enters the egg, neither the sperm nor egg die. They create a new entity that is alive. There is no point in time where that new being dies. Yes, if it was taken from the womb at that time or at a time too early in its development, it would not survive. That does not mean that it is not alive or does not have value. If you would take any baby after birth from its mother and the environment that is meant to continue to nourish him or her during development, that one would die. People with medical or mental conditions, which before were deemed as not able to contribute to society, are showing that they can and do when given the chance. Everyone has value and should be allowed to live.
“Yet our beliefs are not what are being called on to determine this case. The laws which have continued to develop since Roe versus Wade are what are to be used to determine this case. Yes, Kathy at the time of the demise of Doug was a different person than she is now. At that time, she saw people as abortionists see people. People, embryos, had to show the potential for value in the eyes of a woman who was in some type of relationship with them. If a person or embryo was determined by that woman would detract from her life, the woman could choose to end the further development of that one, terminate its existence. Kathy, according to the law, made such a choice.
“If you do not believe that the law is correct, this is not the place to change the law. Changing of the law would have to be done through legislation. This is the place to judge according to the current laws. You have heard Kathy’s testimony and the testimony of those who have tried to help you understand the current laws. We ask you to carefully consider these as you make your decision. Thank you!”
The judge gave his last instructions to the jurors and they were dismissed to deliberate.
Sam and Kathy walked out. Kathy’s mom and dad and Robby joined them. They stood in silence for a while. Then Robby prayed, asking God to give the jurors wisdom and to give Kathy the peace that only he would be able to give. They hugged each other and parted.
Kathy took some time and went to a favorite lookout, a place to look out over the water. She did not want to think, just be.
She eventually got up and went to get Annie. It was good to see her smiling face. They went to the playground for a while and Kathy swung her on a swing. Her phone rang. It was Pastor Ann asking if she wanted to meet somewhere for supper. It sounded good to get together with someone and Pastor Ann was definitely a safe person. She had helped Kathy so much to get healed from her past. She was still on the journey of healing. Her life was so different now.
They met at a local café. It was the type of atmosphere she needed. It was not too busy to be distracting. The staff was friendly. They had a good conversation about the future. Kathy had hope.
Kathy went home and put Annie to bed, lay in bed, and read awhile before turning off the light and going to sleep.
THE JUDGMENT
Kathy got a call from Sam a little after ten in the morning that the jury had reached its verdict. She called her mom and Robby. They all met outside the courtroom. Robby had called Pastor Ann so she was there too. Kathy’s mom and Robby gave her a final hug before they entered.
They took their seats and waited. The jury entered. Kathy was trying to tell from their faces what they were thinking, what they had decided. Her thoughts were interrupted as they all rose for the judge to enter.
The moment had arrived for Kathy to find out her fate.
The judge asked the chair of the jury to rise, then said:
“Chair of the jury, do you have a verdict?’
“Yes, we do, Your Honor.”
“What is the verdict of the jury?”
“Not guilty, Your Honor.”
The judge lowered his gavel and declared the case to be over. He told Kathy she was free to go.
All arose and the judge departed. The jury headed back into the jurors’ room.
Kathy sat back down. Shock seemed to set in. She sat there for a while, not really thinking. She finally came to and looked around. Her mom, Robby, and Pastor Ann were sitting there waiting for her. Sam was gathering his stuff. He congratulated her. Then said, “Your family is waiting.”
Kathy gathered her things and headed out. Her mom, Robby, and Pastor Ann followed her out. They stopped outside the door and looked at each other, not knowing exactly what to say. They headed out of the courthouse together. Kathy was not ready for all the reporters waiting to ask her questions. Sam and Robby shielded her from them as they headed for their cars. She got into Robby’s car and they left. She figured she could come back to get her car later.
They headed over to the church as it would be a quiet place to meet. They talked for a while and cried and prayed. Pastor Ann ordered out for lunch. It was good to have the trial over.
Eventually Robby took her to get her car. She went and picked up Annie. She wondered when she would tell her of all that had happened, how she would tell her about her father, what would she say?
KATHY’S DAD
Seeing Kathy up on that witness stand was hard. It woke me up, and that was hard. At first I still did not want to admit to what I had done to her. I listened to the testimonies. I knew. I had taught my baby girl how to be used by men.
It starts with the thought that I am just teaching her about her body; she is learning what she needs to do to have a happy marriage. My dad did that with my sister and me. What a joke. It was never about her. It was always about me and my need for pleasure. I used her to teach her brothers about sex too, but it was really teaching them that girls, then women, are just objects to be used. I taught them to pretend to care about their feelings, pretend to care about them so they will meet your needs.
I see that she reached a point where she knew I really did not care about her, that I only loved myself. She wanted my love so much she was willing to put up with my abuse of who she is as a person, seeking her daddy’s love.
What a hoax.
She would put on that smile and act like she liked it when on the inside she was crying out for love, for being accepted for who she was, not an object of love but worthy of love.
Hearing how she was used by boys in high school and young men in college was hard. The fact that she was willing to sell her body as if it was just a piece of property rather than her own being. I am not sure at what point she died, at what point she became numb to emotions to who she really is. No wonder she lost any aspiration to be someone, to do something with her life.
I want to change how men look at women and girls. So, how do I change this? How do I get society to change, to stop looking at women and girls as objects to meet their needs? I know there are men who have not looked at women and girls that way. Is there some way that they can help stand up for women? Would they be willing to fight for their wives and daughters?
I found a place which prayed for me to be free, to be healed. It is like alcohol, it becomes a part of the DNA and has to be healed.
I choose to forgive my dad for teaching me to devalue people and repented from devaluing people and seeking my own pleasure. I also chose as an act of my will to loose from my soul: pornography, selfishness, seeing others as objects to be used, making others responsible for meeting my needs, meeting my desires and pleasures. I choose as an act of my will to loose from my
soul: low self-esteem, feelings of low value, feelings of inferiority, feelings of doubt, feelings of fear of man, fear, and feelings that I am superior. I choose as an act of my will to loose from my soul: any offense, words spoken against me, lies about who I am and who she/they are. I choose as an act of my will to loose from my soul: judgment and criticism, gossip and belittling of others.
I choose as an act of my will to bind to my soul: compassion, love, fun, happiness, concern for others, and strength by joining with others for good. I choose as an act of my will to bind to my soul: seeing the good in others, seeing their value, being encouraging and complimentary.
I do not know why this principle of loosing and binding to one’s soul works. I just have experienced that it does. I want to have a full life and I can only do that if those around me have a fulfilled life as well.
I wish my life had been different. I cannot change that. I can change how I am from this time forward.
KATHY’S MOM
Kathy and I never really did develop a relationship. I was always busy with my job and being a mom. I realize now I was more of a mom, spent more time with the boys than with Kathy. I did not realize how Dylan had actually separated me from Kathy. It was all so subtlety done. We did some mother-daughter things, mainly around Mother’s Day. She never seemed to be interested in shopping, yet she always seemed to have new clothes when she needed them. She liked going to her friend Ellen’s house. I interacted with Ellen’s mom sometimes. We did not have a lot in common. She did seem a little strange to me.
As I look back on how she was, she seemed like a typical teenage girl. Sometimes something would rise in me saying I should be concerned. Yet I would look around at other girls her age and she did not seem that different. Sure there were those girls who were obviously different. Sometimes I would be jealous when I saw mothers with their daughters having fun together. I did not realize how prevalent incest was in families. That is why Kathy did not seem different to me.
In college and as a young woman, she did not let me hear her cries for help. She wanted so much to be valued, to feel like she mattered to someone. By then, I was so used to her not being a part of my life I did not notice or take the time to care.
The shooting changed all that. It woke me up. How could I have been so deaf and blind to my own little girl? As I look at society, at our culture now, I see it all around. My heart cries out to so many girls and young women. I am trying to find ways to help, to make a difference.
My first priority right now is Kathy. I am spending time with her, listening to her. I have walked her journey with her since the shooting. It has not been easy. I have had to face my own issues of feeling undervalued, not seen, or heard. Dylan and I have had our issues to deal with as well. How do I love a man who did this to my daughter? How can I blame him for it all when I did not do my part in the family relationship? We have decided to stay together and work it out. We are getting help.
I have also been able to reach out to Ellen and learn more of her story. Together the three of us are searching for ways to reach out to others. We have a great support network at our church now. Thanks to Robby and Maria for getting us involved there.
Although there is still pain and trying times, I have hope.
ROE VERSUS WADE APPLIED ANEW: WHERE WILL IT END?
By Bob Evanston
Kathy Smith was declared not guilty of the murder of Doug Stone. Kathy and Doug had been living together for three years.
She had already obtained a gun shortly after she lived on her own after college. It was a matter of deciding the day and then going through with her decision. Shortly after entering the apartment, Kathy shot Doug. She called 911 so they would come and get the body. She was charged with murder.
Doug was the second man who shacked up with her. The first left when she became pregnant. She had an abortion. She claimed Doug said he wanted children so she became pregnant. She said that Doug then changed his mind.
Since the application of Roe vs. Wade had expanded, Kathy looked at how it would apply in her situation. A young mother had used it to kill her child of three months, stating that it was affecting her health and her mental being. No charges were ever filed.
Kathy decided that Roe vs. Wade would apply in her situation as well with the aspect that Doug was in his first trimester of life. He was a person who just sucked life from others and so was not fit to live. Talking with other women who had had abortions and about her options, Kathy decided to terminate the relationship.
The trial lasted one week. The jury, made up of four men and eight women, deliberated for two days returning a verdict of not guilty.
Kathy, like many girls, had been raised by her dad to have sex. She continued throughout high school and college offering her body to be used. She had already had two abortions.
How far will Roe vs. Wade expand? What other cases will be tried before a boundary is set? Society will decide. Where will you stand as it does?
CONTINUING WITH LIFE
Kathy had taken some time off for the trial but eventually returned to work. Her life took on some of a routine with work, taking care of Annie, and normal everyday life happenings: grocery shopping, going to the park, meal prep, and eating. Yet it was different, for life seemed to have more meaning. She did not take so much for granted. Her relationship with her mom had changed. She had become closer to Robby and Maria. She was becoming closer to her dad and other two brothers, yet still proceeded with caution with them.
The area of life that changed the most was her relationship with God. Dealing with the feelings that come from remembering different times in her life, things she had done, decisions she had made, took time to process. Yet God’s forgiveness and love were always there. Sometimes it was harder than other times for it to break through into various areas of her life. She was beginning to learn to trust him. She realized she had put up barriers of protection that gradually were dismantled or destroyed.
She had gotten involved with a small group at her church. That was helpful. Pastor Ann continued to walk her journey with her. Pastor Ann began connecting her to other women who had had abortions, dealt with abuse, or relationship problems. Sharing and helping each other brought healing and growth.
Would she get into another relationship one day? Perhaps. For now, though, she wanted to strengthen her relationship with God because it would affect the next relationship and would even affect the choosing who that would be. Her relationship with God was affecting how she took care of Annie. She wanted Annie to have a lot better chance in life than she did.
Through healing ministries, she began to see how God had been active throughout her life. A lot of people would not understand that as they could only see the outward appearances of the abuse. She hoped that by connecting with God and seeing who he really is, others would come to realize his desire to be involved in their lives in a more positive, helpful way, like he had in her life.
Kathy prays that the abortion laws will change. She wants people who have been affected by abortion and abuse to receive the healing similar to what she has experienced. She prays that people will find a church that represents God well, helps them know of his tremendous love, and helps them discover who they are and be able to live that out.
ADDENDUM
For those who are looking for healing from having an abortion, or those who would like to connect with the Loving God.
PapaGod forgives all ways that people have tried to make their lives better, all ways that people have learned in order to try to cope with life, whether by their own choice or because of the choice or influence of someone else, ways that do not bring about the abundant life promised by Him. Just say:
PapaGod, forgive me for the ways I have chosen to make my life better that do not follow the way you have provided for me to have the fullness of life you desire for me to have. Forgive me for putting up walls or barriers that have kept me from you. Forgive me for seeking love, joy, peace, and an abundant, good life in other ways
than the way that you know to be best. I send away from my soul all the consequences and ramifications that these choices have made.
The way that you have provided for me to have a full, abundant life is to ask your Son into my life. Therefore, Jesus, would you come into my life and show me how to live? Thank you for giving your life in order for me to have life.
I also ask The Holy Spirit into my life to teach, guide, and comfort me. Thank you for the power of love, the gift of peace, and the infusion of joy into my life. Amen.
Connect with a church that honors the Word of God, the Bible, and honors The Holy Spirit. Many have received healing from the pain of life that have influenced their choices that resulted in dishonor to them and their life. You may receive healing as well. You may connect with the author’s website: Joyful-Co.com. Another great source is Bethel.com/Sozo. (Sozo is a Greek word that means healed, saved, made whole.)