by Joy Carlson
Pastor Ann kept checking in with Kathy each Sunday. She was not pushy, but actually seemed to care. She talked about some of the ministries they had at the church. She thought that the Sozo Ministry would be helpful for Kathy. It would get at the source of some of her issues and root them out through forgiveness. It also would close some doors where problems came into her life. Kathy signed up for a session. It was very helpful. Kathy realized that forgiveness was a powerful weapon to overcome the pain of her life and a powerful tool for breakthrough to freedom. She knew something had definitely changed in her life. They could not get through every aspect, so after a month of letting the first changes settle in, she signed up for another session. Kathy was beginning to see that God loved her, cried over what had taken place in her life, had been trying to help her all along, and Kathy was just now responding. It was definitely life-changing.
She would meet with Sam the lawyer on occasion as he was formulating her defense. As a research librarian, she was able to find a lot of information, finding articles about other cases and situations. She did not understand them all. Sam was very patient in discussing them and how they may impact her case.
Seven months into the waiting process, Annie was born. Kathy named her after Pastor Ann, as she had been the most helpful person she had ever met. Kathy took a six-week maternity leave. She found a great support group for young moms in the church. It took a little bit more to take care of Annie as a single mom. She knew she was happier than when she had aborted before.
Robby and Maria were a big help and her new relationship with her mom was growing in new and fun ways as her mom took on the role of a grandma to Annie. As her mom found out about her story, she had to deal with her issues of not being able to connect well with others. Kathy recommended the Sozo Ministry and her mom found it very helpful as well.
Kathy was able to find a good babysitter, a woman who worked out of her home with one assistant. She knew that Annie was getting good attention. It gave her peace while she was at work.
Kathy knew that she would be able to make it as a single mom. She was not desperate for a relationship, like in the past. She also realized she was not vulnerable to men who preyed on women and used them for their pleasure and needs. She would wait for a better man to come along.
THE TRIAL
The trial date arrived. Kathy opted for time off without pay so she could take vacation later with Annie. Her mom took time off from work to be there throughout the whole trial. Her dad even came to support her. Her relationship with him had changed as she dealt with her past and he realized he needed to deal with his past, too.
Kathy was fascinated with the jury selection process. She was surprised and yet not surprised about how many people were affected by abortion. So many of the jurors and potential jurors knew someone who had had an abortion. The lawyers could not ask who had actually had an abortion, as that was protected information. A number of the potential jurors were dismissed as their biases about abortion became obvious. Eventually the twelve jurors and one alternate were selected.
Sam had a great opening argument talking about how it did not matter if people thought abortion was right or wrong, for the interpretation of the law and history allowed abortions to take place in this country. He emphasized that the jurors needed to put their feelings or beliefs aside and judge the situation according to the interpretation of the law. He mentioned that this case may stretch their understanding of abortion and invited them to listen carefully to the facts and reasons given before coming to any conclusions.
The defense lawyer laid out a case that Kathy had grown up in an abusive home and was not able to have a correct sense of right or wrong in areas of sex and the treatment of people in such relationships. His statements hurt Kathy. She was glad that she was able to meet with Pastor Ann to process the accusations that evening before the rest of the trial proceeded.
The next day, the prosecution team started their case to prove that Kathy had murdered Doug. They brought in the two police officers who had come to Kathy’s townhome. They proceeded to describe what they had found. Doug was on the floor in front of the closet. The gun was submitted as evidence. It had been found on the table. Kathy seemed calm, not distraught. When Sam cross-examined them, he asked more questions of how Kathy appeared. They said she was cooperative. She did not seem to be hardened to what she had done. They said it was more like women whom they knew who had had abortions. They said that women they knew whom had abortions reacted differently. Kathy was in the group who had made a decision to abort and proceeded with getting it done. The prosecuting attorney then tried to clarify that they were not psychologists during the redirect examination. They were just giving their opinions as to how Kathy was reacting.
Then some witnesses were called to the stand to testify about murder and what caused people to murder. The prosecuting attorney called an acquaintance of Doug to the stand and he testified that Doug had been a good person.
Kathy was called up to the witness stand next. After the swearing in and identifying herself, the prosecuting attorney started the questioning.
“Where did you and Doug first meet?” he asked.
“He came to me in order to get some material in our vault at the library,” Kathy replied.
“Did you start your relationship at that time? Was it love at first sight?” he inquired.
“No, that day I basically got him his material. I had been having a rough day, so he offered to have dinner with me,” Kathy answered.
“So it was your first date, then, just after meeting him that afternoon?” he asked.
“It wasn’t really a date. It was just someone who noticed one person was down. He seemed very caring,” Kathy replied.
“How soon did you date again?” he asked.
“Because of Doug’s work, he would come in to get material from me often. We would have coffee or something at times. Other times we would meet to eat,” Kathy replied. “It did not seem like formal dating, like other men I dated, at least. It seemed like a casual process of becoming friends.”
“When did the relationship develop into more than just friendship? When was it decided he would move in with you?” he inquired.
“I am not sure, maybe six months. He was fun to be with, to hang out with. Doug seemed to be in no hurry. It may have been a year or so later. The dates do not stick with me as it seemed like a natural progression and not some big decision. It just happened,” Kathy was looking up as if she was trying to remember.
“Did you talk about having children?” the attorney asked.
“Yes, we did. Doug said that he wanted to have children. That is when I stopped using birth control,” Kathy answered.
“Was Doug aware that you had stopped using birth control?” he asked.
“Actually, I am not sure as it was not something we ever discussed,” Kathy said as she continued to ponder whether Doug knew or not.
The attorney moved a bit away from the witness stand. “So you became pregnant then?”
“Yes, I did,” Kathy said.
“How did Doug respond when you told him the news? I assume you told him,” he asked as he turned back around to the witness stand.
“Well, at first he was silent. Then he said that he was not ready to have children,” Kathy answered.
“I thought you said that he said he wanted children. Did he want children or not?” he inquired.
Kathy responded, “Yes, he had said that he wanted children. But now he was saying he did not want children yet. He told me I would have to have an abortion,” Kathy said as she lowered her head.
“What was your response? Were you angry at him? Did you feel like he had lied to you?” the prosecutor asked.
“I was taken aback. No, I was not angry. I do not feel that he had lied to me about having children. I think that we had not discussed it far enough. I knew that I did not want to have an abortion. I told him I would have to think about it,” Kathy replied.
“So did you?
” he asked.
“Yes. I went to a friend’s house for the weekend. We talked about it. They said that they were looking to adopt, but I said that if I had the baby, I would want to keep it,” Kathy admitted.
“So you returned to him, ready to kill him!” he stated.
Kathy looked at the lawyer and said, “No. I returned and talked to him one more time. He still held to the stance that I needed to have an abortion.”
“Did you feel threatened by him? Did he seem angry about it?” he pushed for more information.
“No, Doug was not angry. He seemed to be young and it struck me at that time that he was not ready for life yet, for that type of responsibility. It seemed like he was not going to go anywhere. He just did not want a baby yet, even though I did. He insisted again that I get an abortion. I said okay,” Kathy explained.
“So did you kill him right then and there?” the lawyer vehemently asked, trying to get Kathy to get emotional and defensive.
“No,” Kathy replied. “I waited until the next day. I came home from work, got my gun, and then waited. When Doug came home and put his jacket in the closet, I aborted Doug. I shot the gun three times.”
“You murdered him in cold blood,” the lawyer accused.
“I aborted Doug. He asked me to get an abortion and I did. I aborted Doug,” she answered.
The lawyer saw that he would not get any further. “Your witness,” he said to Sam.
Sam came up and gently asked, “Kathy, have you had any other abortions?”
“Yes—two,” Kathy responded as she lowered her head.
“When did you have the first abortion?” Sam asked.
Kathy looked at her parents and responded, “I had it in high school after three boys raped me.”
“Why did you decide to get the abortion then? Did you try to bring charges against the boys?” Sam asked.
“I did not know the boys. They got me alone on my way home from work. I did not know how to go about pressing charges. I had heard enough girls talk about getting abortions, I just did it. I knew I would not be able to keep the baby. It seemed best at the time to let it go and put it behind me,” Kathy responded. Kathy’s parents looked at her in disbelief. Robby hung his head. He took out a handkerchief and blew his nose.
“And what about the second abortion? Was that a result of a rape, too?” Sam quietly asked.
“No. That abortion was the result of a relationship with another man. When he found out I was pregnant, he left me. Since I had had the first abortion, it seemed like a logical choice to have another one,” Kathy responded and looked away.
“How was the second abortion different from the first abortion?” Sam asked.
“I saw the results. The nurse had been called out of the office as the doctor was finishing up. I was sitting up when I saw the parts of my baby in the bucket. I threw up. The nurse came in and got me to lie down. She put herself in between me and the bucket so I could not see it anymore. She said to rest and they would get the mess cleaned up. She gave me a pill to take when I got home. She said it would help me to sleep that night. I didn’t take the pill. I was too numb,” Kathy quietly said.
“How did that affect your decision in this abortion?” Sam asked.
“After seeing my baby in pieces, I knew I could not do that again. Shooting Doug, he did not end up in pieces,” Kathy said.
“But he was alive. He was a living being,” Sam stated.
“So is a fetus,” Kathy responded. “I am a research librarian. I help people find the material they need at the library to get their research done. After my second abortion, I did some research. The egg and the sperm from the man and the woman are alive at the time of conception. There is no time that they die in the process to come back alive again later. They are living and that gives them the ability to grow, to divide, and multiply. Even though the interpretation of the law says that they are not alive, they are, and the decision can be made to abort for various reasons. I decided to abort Doug because I was not in a position to take care of him with another one coming along. I knew the interpretation of the law would support me in that decision.”
“So you thought this through carefully? This was not a rash decision then?” Sam asked.
“Correct. I thought this through. It was an informed decision from the information I had at the time,” Kathy answered.
“Thank you,” Sam said to Kathy. Then he turned to the judge and said, “No further questions, Your Honor.”
Sam had an expert witness called to the stand to testify to the history of the laws affecting abortion and how they had changed so that the jury would be informed of what the laws actually were regarding abortion.
After the last of the witnesses, the judge called a recess and said they would return the next morning for the closing arguments.
Robby met her as she was out in the lobby. He came up to her and gave her a hug. He whispered in her ear, “I am so sorry. Will you forgive me?”
“For what?” Kathy asked.
“I didn’t know about the rape and abortions. I am sorry I was not a better big brother,” he replied.
“You are now,” Kathy stated. “You are forgiven.”
CALM BEFORE THE STORM?
Kathy left the courthouse. She stopped and picked up Annie on her way home. It was good to be in a quiet place with only Annie. She wanted to pay attention to Annie, but her thoughts kept going off to the trial. Could she have answered a question better? What did the jurists think of her? What was her life going to be like now? Which direction would it go?
Just then, there was a knock at the door. She opened it up to see her mother. She was holding up some Chinese food.
“Thought you might not want to prepare anything for supper,” Kathy’s mom said. She set the food on the table and turned her attention to Annie. “How’s Grandma’s little girl?”
It was good having her mom there. She could help pay attention to Annie. They ate their supper. Susan had fun feeding Annie.
When supper was over and Annie had gone back to playing on the floor, Susan looked at Kathy and said, “I am sorry I did not know about the rape and the first abortion. Why didn’t you tell me about that when you told me your story?”
“I was still too ashamed and I did not know how to tell you that you weren’t there for such a hard time in my life,” Kathy responded. “Even though we are closer now, our relationship still has to develop. Besides, how do I really tell anyone about what it was like growing up? I have found out that there are a lot of women out there who have had similar yet different life experiences. Some better, some a whole lot worse. How does one tell it all?”
Susan looked at Annie playing on the floor. “This is not an easy time. What are your plans for Annie in case the verdict goes against you?” Susan asked.
“Robby and Maria will take her and raise her while I am in jail, if I end up in jail,” Kathy replied. “I sure I am like a lot of other girls and women who have abortions. Thoughts are just about the immediate situation, the immediate circumstances. There may be advice from others that life will be better. No one knows, though, how it will continue to live out throughout the rest of your life. I have talked to women who think they have dealt with it until they see a little boy or girl who is the age their child would be at the time. Then they lose it. Others think they are making it, while those around them wonder why they always come up short. There seems to be a line they are unwilling to cross and advise others not to cross as well. They are limited in their freedom. I think they are in the category of those who are afraid someone will find out what they did and judge them for it. I find it amazing the women who have never had an abortion say it was the right thing to do, the right action to take. They say I am better off for doing it. They have no idea; they only know what the propaganda out there selling the abortion industry says.”
There was a time of silence as they both watched Annie play.
Finally Susan broke the silence, “I’m sorry.”
They both instinctively stood up and hugged.
Then Kathy turned to Annie, “It’s your bedtime, big girl.” She picked Annie up and brought her into her bedroom and got her ready for bed. Susan came in to say good night as well.
As they came out of the bedroom, Susan gathered up her things and gave Kathy another hug. “See you tomorrow,” she said.
Kathy responded, “Yes, the closing arguments.”
Susan left and Kathy got ready for bed. It was still a bit early, but the tiredness from the day’s stress came over her. She handed the situation over to God in prayer then fell asleep.
CLOSING ARGUMENTS
Kathy met Sam outside the courtroom. They entered together. Kathy tried to look straight ahead as they walked to their seats. The other attorneys entered and took their seats. It all of sudden dawned on Kathy that none of Doug’s family were even present. It showed the disconnect that Doug had with his family. It seemed they did not even care that their son, brother, was dead. They did not seem to care if justice was done for him.
The jurors entered. Kathy wondered how their evening had gone. Did they have children to take care of last night? Did they sleep well? Her thoughts were interrupted as everyone stood for the judge to enter. She stood and waited. The judge entered and all sat down.
The prosecuting attorney gave his closing remarks first.
“You have heard the reasoning of the defense. They say that this is not murder for Doug was not a life yet. He had not come into his own, had not really discovered who he was, what his future would be. Yet you need to give everyone a chance to come into their own. Every life has value, even if it has not been discovered yet. It is our responsibility to help these people to be and not let people like Kathy here to take their life before it is lived, not to murder them in cold blood.