Forbidden Rider: A Lost Saxons Novel #5

by Ames, Jessica

  I knew seeing him would be hard. I didn’t think it would be this hard, though. How can I walk away from him when he looks like this? Everything about him makes my body sit up and take notice. He’s sinfully good-looking and tonight he looks amazing. Heat pools between my legs as his lips lift in a lazy smirk, one that promises so much. I need to get out of here. Now. Before I run over there and drag him in a side room.

  I drain my glass and slide it onto the bar. “I need to use the ladies’ room.”

  I excuse myself and leave the common room. I don’t head to the bathroom, however. Instead, I find myself outside the clubhouse. There’s a couple of people milling around, but I head to a quiet corner. The cool night air clears my head instantly and I take a deep breath, letting it blow away the cobwebs even further.

  No one has ever stood up for me before—at least not outside of Cami, so I adore Josh for defending me, for having my back, but his words hit me square in the gut.

  I slept with Jem, and whether I want to believe it, it will change things between us.

  Having a big brother who cares is going to take some getting used to. I almost wish he didn’t. It would make me feel less of a bitch for what I’ve done. He clearly doesn’t want his brothers near me.

  Or maybe it’s me he doesn’t want near his brothers...

  “Should you be out here alone?”

  Chapter Sixteen

  I freeze at the familiar voice, my eyes closing of their own volition. His gruff, deep timbre shouldn’t soothe me, but it does. It’s like a balm to my soul.

  God, why did he follow me out here? Being with him is dangerous, especially when my defences are low.

  “Why shouldn’t I be out here alone, Jem? Am I not safe?”

  I’m not safe alone with him. He makes me feel things I shouldn’t, want things I can’t have. He’s the ultimate illicit desire. Having him is perfection, but keeping him is treacherous—because of who he is. His links to the Club make him dangerous. Look what happened to my brother. He was pulled into this world and he nearly died as a result. Look at Beth—she wore bruises around her neck for weeks because of her dealings with the Club. Jamie lost her father. Do I want to put myself in a situation where I could risk everything, lose everything because of who I share a bed with?

  Logically, my brain says no, but then Jem steps out of the shadows of the loading bay to the side of the doors and into the lights and rational thought goes by the wayside.

  He’s such an attractive man, and as always, I’m taken aback by his size. He’s around six-foot-three, but he seems so much larger. In the dark, illuminated by the spotlights hanging on the external walls of the clubhouse, he looks enormous as he steps towards me—a blond giant.

  I want to move away, put distance between us, but I don’t want to wound him either. Such an obvious gesture clearly will send a message I don’t want to give him.

  “You’re always safe with the Club, angel, and with me, but it doesn’t hurt to be cautious when we’re dealing with precious things.”

  “If we’re playing it safe, should you be out here then?” I quip back. I can’t resist it, although I shouldn’t joke with him. I should get myself back inside and put a room full of people between us. I can’t seem to make my feet work, though.

  He laughs and I want to hear him laugh more. It sounds amazing.

  “I can handle myself, but thanks for that stunning emasculation.”

  “I didn’t mean to emasculate you, although I imagine there’s very little that can anyway. You’re hardly unsure of yourself on that front.”

  His eyes take me in, and I feel like he’s undressing me with that one look. I meet his heated gaze with one equally as scorching. I need him, I burn for him.

  “You’d be surprised.”

  He steps closer to me, and my mind blanks for a moment. I can smell his aftershave, the leather of his kutte, the booze on his breath and a scent that is uniquely Jem. I can feel the warmth radiating off him as he circles me before he closes in behind me, his hands spanning my hips. Air catches in my throat at the touch and I dip my head to my chest. I should move away from him. Having his fingers graze my sides like this does funny things to my belly.

  I’ve thought all week about how I would handle seeing him. No scenario ended with me leaning back into him, tilting my head to the side and granting him access to my throat, but this is precisely what I do.

  He gently scrapes my hair from off my neck and my lids flutter, my lips trembling with anticipation. I need him, and it scares me how much after such a short time. His touch ignites a fire inside me. Maybe it is the forbidden element that fans those flames higher than they would usually flare, but when I sag against him, I can feel his hardness pressing against my bum, so I know it’s not just me that is affected.

  I want to get lost in him. I want to lose myself in him and forget about my brother, the crap with my parents, about everything.

  But reality is cruel. You can’t run from it or hide from it. No matter how much you wish you could.

  Laughter from nearby brings me crashing back to earth with a bump.

  We can’t…

  Not here. Not with my brother just inside the building. Not with eyes around us. We’re in a quiet area, but that doesn’t mean we don’t risk being seen, and these people, I’ve learnt in my time here, gossip.

  With Herculean effort, I pull free of him and step out of his grasp. This seems to amuse him, but he doesn’t call me on it. Instead, he moves to the wall of the clubhouse and leans against it.

  I watch him, unsure what he’s going to do next or say. Anxiety stalks my heels, nipping at my feet as I wait for him to speak. I don’t know if I want him to walk away or stay.

  He scrunches his eyes, glancing over the lit car park, filled with bikes and vehicles, before bringing his gaze back to me.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t come back after we slept together,” he says finally. “I acted like an idiot. It’s a rare occurrence, but it has been known to happen from time to time. I should have come back. I shouldn’t have listened to you. Fuck the consequences.”

  His response is not what I expect, so I stare dumbly at him for a moment. I thought he would tell me I was right to walk away, that we should continue to avoid each other. Maybe that we should take what we did to our graves.

  “You did the right thing,” I finally manage to get out.

  He pushes off the wall and paces slightly, dragging his fingers through his hair.

  “The fuck I did. Walking out of that flat was the stupidest decision I’ve ever made. Not coming back, acting like you don’t exist all week was the second stupidest. I thought it would get easier with time, but it hasn’t.”

  I don’t know why, but hearing him apologise loosens the heaviness that has settled in my chest. Despite my words to him, I didn’t want him to leave, and not just because he was the best sex I’ve had in, well, maybe ever. Jem’s become someone I rely on, a friend, even. Dare I say it, but I’ve missed him.

  But it was the right thing to do. We can’t have a relationship, particularly not in light of what Josh just threatened to do to Weed.

  “You don’t have to apologise, Jem. All you did was what I asked.”

  “Yeah, well, I should have ignored you.”

  “No, you shouldn’t have. What we did was wrong. You have to know that.”

  He eyes me, his tone a little sharp when he asks, “Are you saying you regret it?”

  I should say yes, but I can’t lie to him. I won’t. “I regret the act because it will hurt Josh, but I don’t regret sleeping with you. Not at all.”

  His lips kick up. “Well, that’s reassuring. I can work with that.”

  I roll my eyes at him. “That doesn’t mean you’re in with a second chance. Even if Josh wasn’t a factor, it’s not happening again, understand?”

  Even as I say this, I know it’s not true. If he touches me again, I’m lost to him.

  Jem brushes his hair back from his face and he fixes me
with a resolute glare. “No.”

  “No?”

  “No, I don’t understand. I don’t know about you, but this week has been utter fucking hell for me.”

  The way he says this makes my heart clench in pain. I don’t like hearing he’s suffered. In truth, it hasn’t been easy for me either. He’s been in my thoughts more than I care to admit.

  “I tried to respect your wishes, Pip. I really have, but it’s been horrible. I thought distance would make it easier, but it hasn’t. If anything, it’s made it worse. I like you. You like me. Why can’t we shag our little brains out until we have our fill?”

  I blink at him. I’ve never met a man with such a lack of filter before. It throws me off balance even as it sends a thrill racing through me. I never know what I’m going to get with him.

  “Because I live in Manchester. You live here. I have a completely different life to you—one that doesn’t involve motorcycles and denim. My life is made up of galas and black-tie events. And there’s not just us in this equation, Jem. What about Josh? I’m just getting to a good place with him. I don’t want to ruin that progress.”

  Jem lets out a low breath. “I get that, but it won’t. Josh’ll rant and probably throw a tantrum, but he’ll come around. You’ll see.”

  He’s full of it. I fold my arms over my chest.

  “Would you be so understanding if Josh was sleeping with Sofia or Mackenzie?”

  I watch as his jaw tightens.

  “I thought as much,” I say.

  “I didn’t say anything,” he counters.

  “You didn’t have to. Your face did all the talking, Jem.”

  “My face didn’t do anything.”

  “You nearly broke your jaw.”

  “Okay, so I’d be a little upset for half a second, and then I’d be fine because Wade is a good bloke and I know he’d look after my sister.”

  I roll my eyes at him. “You’d beat him senseless.”

  He huffs out a breath. “I’d beat him senseless, then I’d be fine.”

  I can’t stop the small victorious smirk that plays across my lips. I’m surprised I got him to admit to this.

  “Josh was just in the common room threatening to chop Weed’s penis off if he touches me. Given how attached you are to your cock, I think you’d be wise to abort this crazy mission, don’t you?”

  He smiles. “You’re worried about me.”

  “I couldn’t care less about you,” I lie.

  “Angel, you don’t have to worry. I can handle your brother.”

  “Well, I can’t. I already lost him once. I can’t go through that again.”

  “He’s not going to stop talking to you because of what is going on between us.”

  He can’t promise this. Jem doesn’t know what Josh is capable of. He walked away last time without a second thought. I have no doubt he could cut me out of his life again in the same manner. And this time, it would destroy me. I’m getting attached. Despite my intentions to keep my distance, I’ve failed. I’m in deep with my brother. Taking care of him these past few weeks has forced us together.

  “No, because nothing is going on between us.”

  “Yet,” he says.

  “Ever, Jem. This can’t be. It was fun while it lasted, but face it, we’re not meant to be.”

  He rubs his thumb over his bottom lip, perusing me. “You look amazing.”

  I blink at the change of direction.

  “What?”

  “You look amazing. I really love this naughty skirt, angel. Did you wear it to drive me crazy?”

  I glance down at my attire. I’m wearing a hounds-tooth mini with a black long sleeve top and a pair of ankle boots I picked up from one of the boutiques in town. It’s not biker attire, not by any stretch, but it is me. I’m not sure why he’s complimenting my outfit, however.

  “Uh… no. I just… this is what I usually wear.”

  “It’s sexy as fuck.” He growls low in his throat, his eyes heavy and Lordy, if my pussy doesn’t clench at the look he’s giving me.

  “Really? I don’t think I fit the mould,” I say, my voice catching as he rounds me, studying me like an artefact in a museum.

  “The mould?”

  I twist to glance over my shoulder to look at him. I’m not keen about him being behind me at all. I’m edgy, in fact.

  “Well, I’m not wearing leather or denim.”

  He laughs, stepping close to my back and wrapping his arms around my hips. I jolt, stiffening as he nuzzles against my neck and I can’t stop the pant that escapes my mouth.

  “Who gives a shit about moulds? We’re all here because none of us fit.”

  “You fit. I don’t.”

  “You fit right here in my arms.”

  This is sweet.

  “Jem…”

  “Your brother is going to have to get over whatever hang-up he has because now that I’ve had you, Pip, I’m sorry, but I can’t let you go. I thought I could, but I can’t.”

  Jem releases me and grabs my hand, tugging me around the corner of the building. Surprised, I trail after him like a leashed puppy. There are lights illuminating the way, but he finds a shadowy area and pushes me up against the corrugated wall. Then he steps in behind me, turning me away from him so my back is to his chest, my front facing the wall.

  My heart starts to race as his hands snake around my waist. What is he doing? His big body shields me and there’s no one around this side of the building, but if someone walks down this end we will be seen.

  I try to pull away, but he doesn’t let me.

  “Jem, not here.”

  “Why not?” His nose goes to the crook of my neck and I forget to breathe.

  I hope the shadows keep what he’s doing hidden, but I also find I don’t care as he peppers kisses down the length of my throat, trying not to groan.

  “Someone might see.”

  “No one’s here,” he assures me, but I’m not feeling reassured.

  “But—”

  “Angel, I’ll take care of you always. Trust me, okay?”

  I want to deny him, but I don’t. On some level, I do trust him. I probably trust him more than my brother, which is ludicrous. I relax against him and give a small nod.

  One of his arms wraps around my hips like a steel band while the other rubs at my breast through my top. I draw in air through my teeth. I rub my thighs together, trying to gain friction to ease the growing ache.

  The arm around my hips slides down and moves over my thighs. He reaches the hem of my skirt and slips under it. All the air in my lungs freezes as his fingers find the edge of my thong.

  Is he going to… is he…?

  Here…?

  He removes all doubt as he pushes the material aside and slips a finger through my wetness and inside me. I gasp. Not at the intrusion, but at the sheer shock of the situation.

  Exhibitionism is not something I’ve ever thought about, but my pulse is through the roof, excitement pushing my orgasm closer before he’s even got his second finger inside me. The thought we could get caught is heady, and I can hardly catch my breath.

  I press both palms to the wall, trying to keep my balance as he pumps his fingers into me hard, and I know it’s not going to be enough. I need him.

  But that’s a risk too far.

  Josh is inside.

  His brothers are inside.

  So are a dozen women who gossip worse than the average glossy magazine.

  We can’t get caught.

  But the excitement…

  I want him.

  I shouldn’t.

  God, I shouldn’t.

  He’s not for me. He’s not. But right now, he’s mine and all I’m focused on is what he’s doing to me. It feels so wrong, so dirty, and this makes my orgasm race faster.

  I grit my teeth and squeeze my eyes shut as my climax builds. I can’t scream out. It’ll bring people, so I have to swallow my moans as I go over the edge. I dig my teeth into my bottom lip to stifle the sounds bui
lding in my throat.

  Good lord.

  Boneless, my legs give out and I sink back against Jem. His strong arms encircle me, holding me tightly as I fight to catch oxygen from the heavy atmosphere.

  “You okay?” His breath is hot against the side of my neck.

  “No,” I murmur.

  He chuckles as he nuzzles me. “You need a minute?”

  “I need several.”

  “You don’t have several,” he says softly in my ear. “I’m going to fuck you now.”

  No.

  It sits on the tip of my tongue. I nearly let it fall from my lips, but I mash my teeth together to stop it. My pussy is pulsing as my orgasm rolls through me, and my legs are shaking, but I need more from him. I want him inside me, and my heart and head are on different pages. His filthy words are reverberating through my brain.

  He’s going to fuck me, and I’m going to let him.

  In the dark, against the wall, my skirt hoisted over my hips, my bum exposed, my thong pulled down my thighs, I’m going to let him take me outside like some back-alley tramp. I should feel disgusted, but my clit throbs with the need to have him touch me. I hate myself for how much I crave him, how much I want him. What is wrong with me? I’m going to let him take me where anyone can see, where my brother could see. This isn’t me. At least, this isn’t the Piper Ellis of six weeks ago. I have no idea who I am now.

  When I make no protestation, I hear the jangle of his belt and the rustle of denim as he frees himself from his clothes. I feel him moving behind me, and shiver as his hand presses against the curve of my bottom. His cock swipes through my folds and without any hesitation he pushes inside me.

  I try not to make a sound as I stretch around him, feeling the pinch of pain before it settles to a fullness. I can’t stop the groan that leaves my mouth as he pulls back out to the tip and slams back into me.

  My palms flatten against the wall, trying to get purchase as my entire body rocks. Oh, God, that feels good. His hands curl around my hips, holding me steady as he repeats the motion, back and forth, dragging his cock in and out of me. I widen my stance as much as I can, my underwear a clamp around my thighs, stopping me from moving too far, but it gives him the space to do what he needs.