Forbidden Rider: A Lost Saxons Novel #5

by Ames, Jessica

  We walk through the city centre, looking at the shops, but not really paying attention, just happy to be in each other’s company. Even without his kutte, Jem draws attention because of his size and his appearance. The man is intimidating and attractive to boot. He also oozes a confidence that naturally draws attention. He keeps his hand locked in mine, though, and his focus completely on me, which reassures me.

  “Have I told you how beautiful you look today?” he says out of the blue.

  Considering I’m wearing a dark plum skirt and cream sweater with boots, I don’t think I’m particularly dressed to impress, but I still flush pleasantly at the compliment.

  “Flattery will get you everywhere.”

  “I’m not flattering you. I’m telling you the truth. You’re beautiful.”

  I duck my head slightly, letting my hair curtain my face. “You’re crazy.”

  “For you, yes.” He lifts our joined hands, kissing mine. “Once my brother’s wedding is done, we’re telling Wade about us. I can’t keep this secret anymore, Pip. I want you and not in private. I want you in my life, in my bed, in my world.”

  His words aren’t new; he’s been saying these to me for weeks now, but they still hit me squarely in the chest, as they do every time. Mainly because the wedding is in just a few days’ time and I’m not sure I’m ready to go public yet. It’s a mixed feeling—one of elation followed by fear. I’m happy he wants this because I want it too, but I’m terrified of letting him in as well, of allowing my walls down completely.

  But I want to be happy, and I think I can have that with him, if I allow myself the chance. I just have to overcome one big obstacle first—Josh, and keeping him from murdering the only man I’ve ever cared about. The only man I’m certain I’ve ever loved.

  “You’re sure about this, Jem? Doing this is going to open up a lot of wounds. Josh is going to flip.”

  “With the greatest respect, I don’t give a shit about Wade. He’s not my concern. You’re my concern.”

  “I love my brother. I care about him, and you should too. God, this isn’t just something we can do without hurting him.”

  He stops walking, tugging me to a stop with him, and a group of pedestrians have to sidestep around us. They mutter angrily under their breath, but Jem doesn’t notice or care. He places his hands on my shoulders before bringing them up to cup my face.

  “Babe, I’ve said it before—I care about Wade, but I won’t sacrifice my happiness nor yours for him throwing a fit over us being together. He doesn’t get a say. You’re his sister, not his kid. And even if you were his kid, he still wouldn’t get a say. I want to be with you. You want to be with me. That’s what matters. Wade’s going to have to suck it up. I’ve only been so patient out of respect for you.”

  He draws my face to his and brings his mouth down over mine. His kiss is warm, wet and filled with promise. I cling to his jacket, needing to ground myself as the world disappears around us and all that exists is him and me and this kiss.

  He’s right. Josh will have to suck it up. I love my brother, I do. But I’m coming to love Jem as well and I need him in my life more. I won’t let him walk away.

  I don’t know who breaks it—him or me—but when we part, we barely move an inch apart. Jem’s breath is warm against my face as it rips out of him in little pants.

  “Why not just tell him now then?” I say.

  “Because your brother’s an arse and I don’t want him to ruin Lo and Beth’s big day. They’ve waited a decade to reconcile. They deserve to have the bells and whistles shit.”

  While I’m not exactly happy he’s calling Josh an arse, I’m not sure I can disagree. Josh will lose his shit.

  “Okay, after the wedding,” I agree.

  He kisses me again.

  “Thank you, angel.”

  “What happens then?” I ask.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, short term travelling back and forth is fine, but long-term it’s not ideal. I mean, do we have a plan here, Jem? I don’t want to presume things but—”

  “I’d prefer to stay in Kingsley, given my whole family’s there and the Club, but if you’re set on staying in Manchester, we’ll make it work somehow.”

  Considering I have no roots in Manchester at all, other than Cami, it would make sense for me to move to him—and I can’t believe I’m even considering this, given how short a time we’ve been together.

  “I wouldn’t ask you to leave your family, Jem.”

  He squeezes my neck, the gesture reassuring. “I know you wouldn’t, but I wouldn’t ask you to give up your life either.”

  He is asking, though. He has far more ties to where he lives than I do. I have my job and Cami. That’s it. I’m done with my parents and the toxicity they bring into my life. But Jem… He has the Club and his family, which is huge.

  And it’s not like I don’t have ties to Kingsley as well. There’s Josh, Paige, and I have friends there now. At least I think so. I like Beth and Liv, even his sisters and Jamie.

  I blow out a breath. “It’s a big change. What if we don’t work out?”

  “Then move back to Manchester and pretend I never existed.”

  “I doubt I could ever pretend that. You’d never allow it.”

  He smirks. “No probably not. But angel, what if we don’t try? What if we don’t give it our all and we spend the next forty years wondering if we could have done better? Life is too short for regrets and speculating.”

  His words unlock something in me. “You’re kind of poetic when you want to be.”

  “I’m just misunderstood.”

  I draw my brows together.

  “Moving’s a big thing. A scary thing. What if you get bored of me after a week?”

  He frowns at me. “Pip, I’m not sure you’re understanding me when I’m saying I’m in this for the long haul. Those words aren’t empty, angel. I mean it. You’re mine.”

  What…

  My brain must short circuit because words and thoughts disappear.

  “Piper, say something.”

  “I’m… I’m yours?”

  “Babe…” he scratches at his head, one eye closing as if he has a tension headache coming. “This isn’t a game for me.”

  “It’s not for me either.”

  “So, let’s throw caution to the wind, go nuts, live on the edge.” He presses his lips to my forehead. “Don’t let fear hold you back now. Be brave with me.”

  “Let’s just get telling Josh out of the way first. He’s already going to have a fit when we drop this bomb on him. Let’s give him time to deal with this before we start moving in with each other, okay?”

  Jem sighs dramatically. “You’re such a spoilsport.”

  I laugh.

  “Come on, let’s go find somewhere to eat. I’m starving.”

  “You’re always hungry,” I point out.

  He releases me from his arms and I move back to his side to take his hand. As I do, something catches my eye. Watching me from further up the street is the man from the restaurant—the same man who was watching me with Cami. It could be coincidence, except Manchester isn’t that small a city and the guy has been in two places I’ve been now. Plus, he’s staring right at me.

  I must stiffen, because Jem stops and glances down at me.

  “You okay?”

  “What?”

  “Angel… are you okay?”

  Tell him. I should tell him, but that would mean divulging everything and honestly, I don’t even know if I’m being ridiculous. Grant is probably just trying to scare me into doing what he wants, which is to be his lapdog, and I won’t do that. I won’t. I’m tired of playing his and Mum’s games, of going to his photo shoots and acting the dutiful daughter, of being grateful for his input into my life, as if he’s some saint for what he’s done. I know this is just an attempt to manipulate me again and I’m not falling for it.

  So, I smile at his dumb lackey and then turn my attention to Jem.


  “I’m perfect. Let’s feed you before you waste away.”

  I take Jem to a small American style diner in Spinningfields and get some sustenance into him, but I do decide I need to be at least semi-honest with him about my parents. If we’re going to be in a relationship, he’s going to want to meet them at some point and I need him to know why that can’t happen.

  “I’m not speaking to my parents,” I tell him as he’s finishing off his dessert.

  He glances up, mid spoonful.

  “Why not?”

  “Grant hit my mother.”

  He blinks slowly, then puts his spoon back in the bowl, his jaw tightening. I watch in fascination as his knuckles whiten as he curls his hands into fists on top of the table before he seems to get control of himself enough to speak.

  “Do we need to go in and get her out?”

  My heart warms at this. No questions asked, just do we need to rescue her.

  “No, Jem. My mother’s perfectly content where she is.”

  I watch the confusion play across his handsome face as he tries and fails to make sense of my words. I don’t blame him. My words are confusing.

  “You’re going to have to give me a little more to go on here, Pip.”

  “Farrah likes the lifestyle she has. Even living with a man who hits her isn’t enough to give that up.”

  I watch as he works through this in his head. “You had to go home for a family crisis when you were staying with Wade. Was that to do with your mum being hurt?”

  I glance down at the table and my hands folded on top of it. Shit. He remembers that? Then again why wouldn’t he? He came barging over to Josh’s flat that night like a bear with a sore head, ranting about me missing the Club’s monthly family party. He thought I was still slighting the Saxons. In reality, I’d been lured home under false pretences and got between my parents’ spat. Grant hurt me that day, too, but I’m not telling Jem that.

  “It doesn’t matter, Jem. She’s made it clear where she stands, and not because she’s scared to leave him. She’ll never leave him because she likes what she has.”

  Jem stares at me and his entire face darkens in a way I’ve never seen before as his voice drops low. “Has he ever touched you?”

  Oh, bugger.

  I should have pre-empted this question. I should have, and yet, I didn’t.

  “Jem—”

  “Has he? And no lies, Piper. I want the truth. Has he ever laid a finger on you?”

  “It’s done with.”

  His entire face contorts as an ugly rage rolls through him. I’m both disturbed and fascinated by it as I watch him get angry on my behalf. I’ve never had anyone but Cami defend me before, so having someone in my corner feels righteous even though it scares me to see his reaction, because he’s unravelling in front of my eyes. It’s like watching a volcano readying to erupt—beautiful in its natural ferocity but terrifying in its power.

  “I’m going to kill him,” he growls out.

  “You’re not going to do anything,” I tell him. “It happened twice and it wasn’t even that bad, Jem.”

  “Twice is too much. Once is too much.” He grinds his jaw. “When?”

  “What does it matter?”

  “Was this while we’ve been together? Before? When?”

  I freeze.

  “When, Piper?”

  “While we’ve been together,” I admit on a hushed groan. “Really, it’s not that big a deal. As soon as it happened, I cut contact with him—”

  “What did he do?”

  “Jem, honestly, what does it matter?”

  “Just answer the question.”

  “The first time he grabbed my arm, the second time he slapped my face.”

  He stares at me in stunned silence. “A man puts his hands on you, and you don’t think this matters?”

  I feel all the fight leave me at the fury radiating from him. I’ve seen him annoyed before, but this is something else.

  “No, I don’t. I handled it. It’s over with. I didn’t want to cause trouble.”

  Jem leans over the table towards me. “The only trouble would have been the trouble visiting him.”

  “Exactly,” I hiss at him. “Between you and Josh, things would have got messy and I didn’t want to spend the next decade visiting you both in jail. I handled it. I’m not completely useless. I can take care of my own business, Jem. God knows, I’ve been doing it for years.”

  “Yeah, well, you don’t have to take care of shit on your own now because you’re not on your own. You’ve got family, and I know that’s a foreign concept to you. I’m starting to understand a lot more about why that’s hard for you to grasp, now I’m getting an insight into the pieces of shit who raised you, but you’ve got real family who care about you.”

  I glance down at my empty plate and let out a breath.

  “Jem, let’s get real here. The moment we tell Josh we’ve been sneaking around together for pretty much the past three and a half, nearly four months, my family disappears. He’s going to drop me faster than a rock. And you can sit there and say he won’t, but he’s going to. He’s going to lose his mind when he realises I’ve lied to him, especially in the light of recent events.”

  He nearly died at the hands of two people he trusted—two people who lied to him, and the Club, for months. At least that is what I understand from what I’ve heard through the grapevine from the girls and Jem. I don’t get a lot of news in Manchester, but I get bits and pieces.

  “What Tap and Dylan did isn’t even comparable.”

  “They betrayed him, just as we have, and that’s all Josh will see—betrayal. It’s coming at him from all directions and he’s not going to care whether it’s on a sliding scale of how bad.”

  Jem stares at me. “You’re doing your brother a disservice by thinking he would be that way with you.”

  “Maybe, but I’ve been here before with Josh. I’ve had him walk away from me. I know what’s on the horizon.” I steel myself for what I’m about to say next. “And you’ll have to make a choice too, Jem. Your brother—your Club—or me.” I laugh a little, but there’s no humour in my voice. “Either way, I lose in this scenario.”

  “I’m not picking sides.”

  “You say this now, but that’s how it works. Josh’ll be angry and push me out. You’ll have no choice but to choose.”

  “You’re talking about shit that hasn’t even happened.”

  “No, but it will. Maybe we should just head it off before it does.”

  “No fucking way. I get you’re scared, I do, but I’m not giving you up. Josh doesn’t like us being together, he can suck it. I’m happy. For the first time in my fucking life, angel, I’m actually fucking happy. And I think you’re happy too. You are happy, right? I mean, I know I’m a delight to be around.”

  I giggle. I can’t help it. “Yes, Jem. I’m happy and you’re definitely a delight to be around.”

  “Thank fuck for that. I was getting worried.” He signals to me. “Come sit over here. You’re too fucking far away over there.”

  Considering we’re in a restaurant, I’m not sure it’s entirely appropriate, but I scoot my chair around the side of the table, so I’m sitting adjacent to him, rather than opposite. His hand instantly collars the back of my neck.

  “I’m not choosing anyone over you, you hear me? There’s no choice. You’re it for me.”

  “Jem—”

  “No, Piper. Stop talking, and listen. Wade’s going to spit his dummy and he’s going to have a tantrum. That’s going to happen, but he’ll calm down and when he does, shit will be fine. He loves you. Beneath all that gruff ridiculousness, he loves you.”

  “I thought he loved me last time too, but it didn’t stop him leaving then.”

  “Well, I can’t say what was going through his head last time, angel, but I will say Wade was screwed up when he first joined the Club. His head was a mess, he was reckless, spiralling. It took us a while to straighten him out. I’m not saying him
doing what he did was right, but I’m just saying he was dealing with stuff after getting out of jail and residual shit from his past. I don’t think he had it in him to consider anyone.”

  I let out a breath. I have some inclination of what Curtis did to him from the police reports Cami managed to dig up. They did not make for pleasant reading. I do know the broken nose and scar to his lip are souvenirs left behind from his days with our father.

  “Look, don’t worry about Wade. We’ll get Lo and Beth married. Then we’ll sit down with your brother at the end of the weekend and talk to him about us, okay?”

  I nod slowly. “Okay.”

  He pulls me in for a kiss. “It’ll be all right, angel. I promise. You just have to be strong for a little longer.”

  Be strong.

  I can do that.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  “Oh my God, pastries solve everything,” Cami moans, licking the stray piece of flaky filo pastry from the corner of her mouth as she tries to shovel in, rather indelicately, the cake she’s devouring.

  “Do you need a napkin?” I ask her, tightening my hold on my coffee as I chuckle at her.

  It’s early, barely even seven. I have to catch a train in about thirty minutes. I’m heading to Kingsley for the weekend. It’s Beth and Logan’s wedding, which I’m looking forward to. I get to see Jem in his finery—although he’s told me he’s not wearing a suit as you would expect at a ‘civvy’ wedding, but a shirt with his kutte. I don’t care. He’s going to look bloody fine either way. Too bad I won’t be able to ravish him on the dance floor, since we’re not telling my brother about us until after the wedding. We’ll probably do it Sunday, possibly at Josh’s flat away from prying eyes. I’m terrified, which is why Cami took me for breakfast this morning. It was meant as a sort of send-off. Dutch courage, if you will, minus the booze.

  Unlike my best friend, I wasn’t able to stuff breakfast pastries down my throat. I did manage to throw back a latte, though. Caffeine is all that is keeping me sane right now. Cami bought a second pastry to eat at lunch, but since she’s licking the last of the crumbs from her fingers right now, I think that plan is out the window.