Halfway Perfect

by Julie Cross

  “My mom forced me to for eighteen years,” he says. “Old habits die hard, right?”

  “Eighteen years? I’m sure your infant self didn’t know how to make a bed.”

  “Okay, maybe like thirteen years.” He opens the door to the bathroom, and I’m surprised that he has his own and doesn’t have to share the one I saw in the hallway with his roommates.

  Yes, I could definitely live in here.

  “How did you swing this?” I ask, pointing inside the bathroom.

  “I got it after the last guy moved into his own place. Jason and Landon came after me, so they were stuck with the other rooms. I’m sure there'll be bloodshed over this room if I ever move out.”

  I walk tentatively into the bathroom and put the toilet seat down before sitting on it and beginning the process of removing my soggy shoes and socks. My teeth are chattering so hard now, I probably won’t be able to talk. Still in the bedroom, Alex closes and locks the door, then digs in the laundry basket. His hair looks much darker wet and drops of water keep falling into his eyes while he sifts through clothing. When he enters the bathroom, he hands me what looks like two folded towels and a T-shirt and boxers.

  “You want me to wear your underwear? That seems serious,” I say as I’m pulling the rubber band from my hair and watching the water get squeegeed out of my ponytail and onto the tile floor.

  “You’re more than welcome to hang out naked while we wait for your clothes to dry.” He grins and then reaches into the shower, twisting the metal knob and turning it on. “Give it a good five minutes to warm up, and be careful, because the hot water heater is set at like a thousand degrees.”

  He’s already turned around and is reaching for the doorknob to close the door behind him.

  “Are you leaving?” I blurt out. I’d figured he’d at least try to make the most of this situation.

  He spins slowly to face me again. “I don’t have to.”

  I stare at his feet, feeling warmth return to my face. My heart is now an Olympic sprinter. Six weeks may have passed, but we haven’t had this moment yet. We haven’t ever been alone like this. “Aren’t you going to take off your shoes?”

  His eyes stay on mine as he kicks off one shoe at a time.

  After, he reaches down to pull off his socks.

  Then his shirt.

  My teeth are still chattering, making my move a lot less sexy, not to mention the fact that removing a skintight long-sleeved shirt that’s soaking wet is much harder than it looks. Alex steps closer and takes the hem of my shirt in his hands and slowly raises it over my head. He has that deep look of concentration I’ve seen on him when he tries to flip his skateboard in the air and land on it. His hands skim the length of my sides and then he wiggles my soaking wet sports bra down my body until it lands around my ankles.

  My gaze travels down his body. I’d seen him shirtless so many times during the week of the CK shoot, but the only time I’ve really let myself look is when I’m studying the picture on my wall of him from that first Seventeen shoot.

  And of course that photo is only half of the reality.

  I place my palms flat against his chest and rest them there, feeling the thud of his heart pulsing through my fingers. Then my fingers curl around his sides, my thumbs trailing down his stomach. I could spend hours covering every inch of his skin just like this. I hear his quick intake of air when my thumbs land on the waistband of his shorts.

  Steam rises from over the shower doors. Alex glances at the shower and then quickly slides off his shorts and steps into the shower. I go through the process of tugging the tights off my legs before he reaches a hand out and pulls me under the stream of hot water. My skin is so cold it stings at first, but then Alex kisses me and I don’t feel the sting anymore.

  Chapter 26: Alex

  The water suddenly shifts from lukewarm to icy cold. I have no idea how much time has passed or how many kisses we’ve racked up or whether it all just counts as one long kiss, because that’s what it feels like.

  Eve and I jump apart and I fumble around for the knobs, quickly twisting them, shutting the water off. She’s out of the shower before my eyes open again, a towel wrapped around her body and a folded one in her outstretched hand.

  I take the towel from her, dry my face, wrap it around my waist, and then try to read something in her actions. She’s quickly turned her back to me and is already sliding into the boxers and T-shirt I gave her.

  I’m not sure I had a specific post-shower agenda for us, but I know whatever it was, it didn’t include getting dressed. We were so close, pressed together the whole time in the shower, that I didn’t really get to look at her and now all I want to do is lay her across my bed and study all the parts I have yet to see.

  I stand there like an idiot for several seconds while she towel dries her hair, and then because I don’t know what else to do, I scoop all our wet clothes from the floor and gather them in my arms.

  “I’m gonna toss these in the washer.” After I get the clothes started on their twenty-eight-minute cycle, I return to my room and lock the door again, drop my towel to the floor, and grab a pair of boxers from the basket for myself.

  Maybe I went too fast? But we were just kissing. Naked kissing. Some roaming hands. But still, I’d been ready to walk out of that bathroom before she stopped me. Okay, 90 percent ready.

  I snatch my towel off the floor and walk back into the bathroom to hang it up. Eve stops squeezing water from her long hair and looks at me in the mirror.

  “I’m confusing you, aren’t I?” she says. “Mixed signals or whatever.”

  “A little,” I admit.

  She turns around and I take the towel from her hands and hang it beside mine. She looks embarrassed. “I’m sorry. I think I’ve kinda let myself forget how this all goes. It’s been a while.”

  The giant ball of confusion in my head finally unwinds itself. Eve is nervous. I let out a sigh of relief and lean back against the shower door. “There’s no script to follow here and certainly nothing to apologize for. In fact, I’m starting to wonder how I’ve gone all these years showering solo. Such a mundane activity all alone.”

  She laughs and rests her forehead against my shoulder. Already the dread and panic I had a couple of minutes ago fades.

  “Isn’t there a really nasty word for girls who get naked and then put their clothes on before…before…”

  “Maybe,” I jump in to rescue her from searching for the coolest way to say the word sex. “But I think you’re exempt from that word if you put my clothes on.” I pull her out of the bathroom and toward my bed. “We’ve got seventy-two minutes before your clothes are ready. What do you want to do?”

  It’s not a loaded question. I’m honestly asking her because me setting the pace probably isn’t the best idea right now. If she says she wants to watch CNN, I’ll watch CNN. Whatever keeps the awkward moments away because those don’t really go with us.

  She lifts her eyes to meet mine, but I’m focusing on her teeth sinking into her lower lip. That sense of dread returns. I know I’m going to say or do the wrong thing and send her running out of here in my underwear.

  “I’m not sure I want to…you know…” she says, braving the eye contact but not the use of the word. “But that’s all. Everything else is—”

  More relief washes over me. I lean in to give her a quick kiss on the mouth. “Okay.”

  The confidence we had ten minutes ago under the stream of hot water returns. She lets me pull her down onto the bed and tug the borrowed T-shirt off her and onto the floor. The rain is still hitting the pavement outside, creating this entrancing sound, like we’re on an island with no other humans in sight. Like we have an infinite number of hours, even if we don’t. It makes me want to slow everything down so I can stow it into my memory frame by frame.

  It’s been a while since I’ve done this in-betwe
en stuff.

  Chapter 27: Eve

  The loud buzz of the washer startles both of us. My eyes fly open and I’m suddenly aware of how heavily I’m breathing and how it feels like there're four hands all over me but it’s really only two; they just keep leaving a trail of heat between their previous location and the current one.

  “I’m sorry,” Alex says, his mouth pressed against my neck. “It’ll just keep buzzing like that until I at least open the lid. Something’s wrong with it.”

  He pushes himself up and rolls off the side of the bed, onto his feet. “I’ll be right back.”

  The fog begins to clear from my head and I still can’t believe how easy this has been. For a while there, I thought we were gonna be stuck with all that awkwardness. The shower had been easy because subconsciously, I knew what we wouldn’t be doing in there and I hadn’t really thought about after. I know guys aren’t supposed to make a girl go too far if she doesn’t want to, but I had totally dangled everything in front of him and then slammed the door shut, so it’s not like I expected anything that resembled patience from Alex.

  “Uh-oh,” Alex says after flopping down beside me again. “You look contemplative. Is that a word?”

  I laugh. “I think it is. I’m just wondering…” I roll on my side to face him. “Well, you didn’t ask me why I don’t want to and I thought—”

  “Should I have asked you that?” He places his hand against my stomach and slides it up toward my breasts. “It doesn’t really matter to me why. I mean you can tell me if you want, but I’m not going to talk you out of it, or into it, technically speaking. It’d be like dragging someone to a movie I’ve been dying to see but know they’ll hate. Not really fun for anyone. And I’m kind of having fun right now, aren’t you?”

  “Yes.” I can feel myself smiling as I lean down to kiss him. “That’s actually what I’m worried about. I haven’t really liked it before.”

  “What? Sex?”

  I nod and stay propped up on my elbow, hovering over him. “I didn’t hate it or anything. It was just so-so, you know?”

  “Oh.” His eyebrows shoot upward. “I guess I don’t know personally. I’m a guy so it’s usually not so-so, as you put it, but I’m sure it happens. So what specifically were you disappointed with?”

  How do I put this into words for him? I didn’t feel the connection I thought I’d feel. It didn’t solve my problems with Wes. It didn’t make him want to be with me forever. I’m glad about that last item, but now I’m wondering if my naive girl fantasies ruined the experience. Honestly, I don’t even know what would be considered realistic expectations for this particular experience with Alex. I want to ask him this, but I’m too afraid. Too embarrassed. Those kinds of questions seem like such a buzzkill.

  “I’m sure it’s totally me,” I say in a rush. “I’m probably dysfunctional or something.”

  Now he looks like he’s fighting laughter. He brushes my hair back behind my ears so it doesn’t keep falling into his eyes. “I highly doubt that, Eve.”

  He sits up and then he’s standing on the gray carpet again, reaching down to grab jeans and a T-shirt.

  “See? I’ve already scared you away, haven’t I?” I stretch out on the bed again, pulling two of the pillows under my head. “You’re getting mental images of what dysfunctional Eve looks like, aren’t you?”

  “Not even close.” He grins and squeezes my ankle. “But I promised you breakfast and it’s almost noon. If I starve you, I’m pretty sure you’ll leave before you have to.”

  “When do I have to leave?”

  He opens a desk drawer and tosses a white, folded piece of paper at me. “I’d say we have enough supplies to last at least forty-eight hours, when the roommates return.”

  I hold up the paper. “And Thai delivery until midnight on weekends.”

  “It’s just across the street,” he says. “Tell me what you want and I’ll run and get it.”

  I barely gaze over the menu before pointing to a random item. My appetite seems to have vanished and my head is throbbing. Damn cold.

  As soon as Alex is out the door, I realize how incredibly freezing I am. I peel back the covers on his bed and slide under, curling myself into a ball, waiting for heat to fill the empty space.

  Chapter 28: Alex

  November 28, 4:30 p.m.

  Eve’s been asleep for nearly three hours. I figured she’d wake up when I sat beside her on the bed and opened a carton of very strong-smelling Thai food or even when I turned on the TV after fifteen minutes of being bored with the silence, but she didn’t.

  It wasn’t until she rolled over in her sleep and started coughing that I remembered her coughing earlier and our discussion about the cold she most likely acquired from Professor Larson’s granddaughter two days ago. After moving the hair off her face, I felt her forehead and decided to make a run to the drugstore for some supplies. Other than a giant first aid kit from my mom and a giant box of condoms my dad got me for my birthday (because he’s obviously under the impression that all people do in New York City is have sex), this apartment is pretty devoid of cold and flu season items that are always available in bulk at my house.

  I’ve been back for an hour now and she’s still asleep. I decide to wake her up. She hasn’t had anything to eat or drink today that I’m aware of and that seems like it might override the need for sleep at some point.

  “Eve?” I shake her shoulders gently and wait.

  She sits up, squinting from the bright sunlight that’s decided to emerge right before it’s time to set again. “It’s still Saturday, right?”

  “Yeah.” I laugh. “I’m not that patient.”

  “God, I’m sorry,” she says. “I don’t even remember falling asleep.”

  I give her a weary smile. “I hate to say this, since you’re in denial and all, but I’m pretty sure you have a fever.”

  She slides out of bed and finds the T-shirt I loaned her earlier and pulls it over her head, inside out. “I should go. I’m going to get you sick.”

  “It’s too late to worry about that.” I reach across the bed and tug her back in and toss the covers over her again. “You should have something to drink. Water, orange juice, tea, soda?”

  “Orange juice sounds good,” she mumbles with her face half against the pillow.

  I return five minutes later with a glass of juice, a bottle of water, a bag of drugstore supplies, and reheated chicken soup from the deli across the street. I picked it up on my way back from Rite Aid.

  Eve is sitting up, taking tiny sips of the juice, when I dump the contents of the bag onto the bed. “Okay, you totally didn’t have to go shopping for my cold.”

  I shrug and hold up the box of tissues and the nighttime cold medicine. “I’ve never done this for anyone before, but I highly recommend these two items, and the soup is fantastic. I go there and get it sometimes even when I’m not sick.”

  “Thanks Alex,” she says with a grin, picking up the spoon and soup container.

  I flip through the channels while Eve finishes her soup and her juice and then downs the cold medicine. When I hold up the new toothbrush I bought today, she laughs and says, “You really don’t want me to leave, do you?”

  “Keeping a sick girl prisoner in my apartment is a longtime fantasy of mine.”

  She smiles at me before getting up to use the bathroom and the new toothbrush. When she comes back, I get under the covers with her and turn on an episode of The Office waiting for me on my DVR.

  I have a feeling that Eve curling up to me in my own bed is going to be a lot like the shower. It won’t ever be the same, lying here by myself. And what if this opportunity doesn’t come again for months? What if Elana and I have to be a couple for two years or longer and this is the only time Eve and I can be alone together? Could I survive the relationship without this now that I’ve had it? Maybe we could both
take a separate flight to some remote tropical island that doesn’t allow people with cameras and we could spend the weekend there every month or so.

  Maybe I should just enjoy this right now and quit obsessing about tomorrow and the next day.

  Chapter 29: Eve

  November 29, 1:00 a.m.

  It’s dark when I wake up again. The cold medicine has kicked in and brought my fever down. I raise my head and glance around the room, my eyes still adjusting to the dark. Alex has cleaned up the dozen wadded-up tissues I tossed on the nightstand and removed the empty soup container and refilled my glass of orange juice. I reach over and snatch the water bottle, taking a big swig and returning it before allowing myself to take in Alex’s sleeping figure.

  A wave of emotion hits me when I finally stare at him. He’s lying on his back, hair messy, his mouth half open and his chest rising and falling slowly. I keep picturing him walking to the drugstore and thinking about me with every one of the dozen items he bought today. There’s so much good in him that I’m desperate to find a way to unzip him and crawl inside and let myself be even closer.

  There’s really no reason for me to not get as close as possible. I may have had some reluctance earlier, but it’s faded little by little throughout the day.

  Maybe that was all part of his plan, but that doesn’t change how I feel.

  I lean closer to Alex and touch my mouth to his. His eyes are still shut but he lifts a hand to my hip, skimming his fingers up my side, under my borrowed T-shirt. I smile against his mouth, my heart speeding up. Is he in the middle of some hot dream and that’s why his hands are in motion while his mind is still asleep? In that case, I might as well lure him awake properly. I sit up and remove my shirt, tossing it onto the floor before hovering over him again.

  When I kiss him this time, there’s a brand-new kind of heat filling the space between us as my bare skin presses against his. This is the first time I’ve ever felt this urgency, this completely self-involved need to have someone inside of me. To be that close for the sake of being that close and no other objective except that it needs to be Alex. Maybe that’s the answer I was looking for earlier about expectations? Maybe I just needed to want it so much that the outcome would be inevitable.